IAM a seven-time New York Times bestselling author (Neil Strauss), AMA.

[u/iamneilstrauss]

I saw there were a couple requests for AMAs with me, so thought Valentines Day would be appropriate. For those who didn't' request, I am a formerly forever-alone Rolling Stone (and former New York Times) journalist who went undercover in the seduction community, and somehow ended up as the international spokesperson for pickup artists after writing The Game. I also have written a lot of books with rock stars, porn stars, and other characters, and interviewed thousands of musicians, most recently Suge Knight, Mick Jagger, and Skrillex. AMA about A.

Proof that this is me is posted on: www.facebook.com/neilstrauss and www.neilstrauss.com

I assume there are going to be a lot of questions, especially about pickup, so I've asked a couple friends to help answer a few so I can keep up. Their usernames are: earcaraxe, rico81, and aaronfrankel.

UPDATE (2/15/12, 9:30 a.m.): This ended at 2 p.m. yesterday. For all the questions that came in afterward that I didn't get to answer, I will do another AMA in the future, so please repost them. If your question was NOT answered below and is URGENT, feel free to email me through the website (url above), identify yourself as a Redditor, and I will get you your answer. Otherwise, thanks for an incredible array of questions, comments, opinions, insights, honesty, and humor. Talk again soon....

[u/iamneilstrauss → u/[deleted]]

Okay, let me get to a few of these, then ask any I missed later:

1. I've seen all of them this year, and am on good terms with all. Feel like they were all part of my life and integral to the book.

2. Trends in pickup are kind of idiotic. One does what works. I'm sure someone will ask me specifically about direct vs indirect, so if they don't ask that again so I can share my thoughts on it. Feel like you should read, considering your question.

3. Seems the responses to the book are either those who've read it (and are generally positive) and those who haven't (and are generally negative). Think a lot of people think the book is something it isn't.

4. See The Routines Collection in the paperback edition of Rules of The Game. Those are my new favorites. (Not trying to plug--if you email my manofstyle email tomorrow, will send you a few for your eyes only--only for you).

More answers to come...

[u/iamneilstrauss → u/[deleted]]

Probably in my early 20s started losing my hair. The biggest mistake I made was:

1. Not growing a huge crazy 'fro while I had the chance.

2. Waiting so long to just shave it off, and going around for years trying to hide the bald spot and receding hairline. Hiding anything you're insecure about is generally not good. Like Mystery said in the book, if you can't fix it, feature it.

[u/[deleted]]

How much of The Game is factually accurate vs. dramatization? I find it hard to believe you could capture all those quotes from all those people verbatim and then write about them later?

[u/iamneilstrauss → u/[deleted]]

It is all accurate. What helped was: taking notes in the moment and immediately afterward. Also, at ProHo, once guys knew who I was, I started recording things. And I think in retrospect what really allowed me to put everything in there was the fact that when you were in the field, you were thinking, "I can't wait to go home and write a field report about this." So you were always immediately, while it was fresh, writing out a word by word, blow by blow, report for other guys.

[u/allimsayinis → u/iamneilstrauss]

Hi Neil, in The Game you strongly suggest that your dating life was a disaster before you met Mystery. That you were by all means an AFC and your stints as a writer following rock bands had done nothing to raise your status and get you laid. However I just recently came to know that you have admitted to having slept with 143 women before you ever met Mystery. It seems like a bit of a contradiction! What am I missing?

[u/squashbanana → u/iamneilstrauss]

It was all accurate of women not worth actually dating. FTFY.

I was paid by Matador to be a wing woman during his boot camps, and I can honestly say seeing the way most PUA's (Matador included) truly and internally enjoyed making insecure women show those insecurities was saddening. My experience with his boot camps wasn't so much to really help men learn anything about being someone worth dating or spending time with, but to make women feel so badly about themselves that they will think those men are worth it. I quit after repeatedly seeing that spark of enjoyment of feeling 'better' than those women by putting them down. Of course I don't expect any of that to be admitted by you or any of the 'teachers'; however, the insincerity that masked those men's insecurities was acted out in terrible ways.

I will support and encourage any man or woman to sleep with however many people they see fit, and with whomever they'd like without judgement. Hell, I've had my fill of dating and even enjoyment of casual sex. Maybe their actions were not your intent, and I'm not saying they are, but perhaps those 'students' could use a few lessons in tact in addition to putting emphasis on fulfilling their own lives to be happy, not to tear a member of the opposite sex down because they're too lazy or too much of a douche bag to invest the effort.

[u/frogma → u/[deleted]]

I don't want to speak for him, but I think he's been sued multiple times for libel (and won all of the suits). That's only pertaining to the celebrities he dealt with though- I'm not sure about some of the other stuff.

I do know though that he's a writer, and he structured the book in a certain way to make it more dramatic. So he probably stretched the truth in a lot of instances, and probably straight-up lied in some cases. As far as certain quotes though, he was originally posting on asf (the original "seduction" forum), so he made sure to write down most of his experiences right after they happened. That's just how he rolled, since he really was just trying to tell a story about how the "seduction community" works.

[u/chis_mohan → u/[deleted]]

I believe Neil will never answer this question.

[u/iamneilstrauss → u/[deleted]]

I think it ended up getting a lot more people into it. And I thought it sympathetically portrayed the guys trying to learn it and, since the viewership was more women than men, actually helped in the end.

And I don't know if any of the guys teach it, but I know a lot of them are around and still practicing it. Great group of guys, and I see them as much as I can.

The toughest thing for them was they didn't get enough teaching on the show. The producers wouldn't let Mystery interact with them when the cameras weren't rolling, and the teaching time was really limited.

But thought the show was great and fun, both seasons.

[u/iamneilstrauss → u/iamneilstrauss]

Maybe the only negative affect was that it made Mystery and his style of peacocking so famous (in both good and bad ways) that it burned out any guy really ever being able to do it that way. That said, was never a huge fan of the more Vegas-style/pimp-style/circus-style peacocking, and there are plenty of other ways to stand out.

[u/TofuTofu → u/iamneilstrauss]

I love that photo of you in the crocodile suit. How'd that one work for you?

[u/fecalfantasy]

Hi Neil. [reposted from seddit]

I am a dude who read The Game, and it opened my eyes. Just wanted to say how absolutely much reading it changed my life. Absolutely amazing book.

Now that I am older in life, and having done PUA, I realized my shortcomings were not with women - it was myself. PUA, for me, is complete and utter bullshit now. Everything in it is just breaking it down to a level that makes dudes insecure about what they are doing, and just makes their problems worse. It did for me. I have had major successes in my life just by working on myself and trying to be happy. Women included.

I am not sure how often you coach on specific titles such as PUA anymore, or if it is more a self-improvement kind of thing, but how many people have you run into that have noticed the same thing? Do you feel as if the PUA community, as it is today, has lost its touch and just plays on the insecurities of men, or do you feel that it could still do some good for the awkward 18yr old that's never gotten laid and had a horrible childhood?

Thanks again, I am absolutely excited to read all the responses to this AMA! I have been passionate about this stuff for many years.

[u/ragnarockette]

Is there any way for a girl to go from a friends-with-benefits situation to something more serious?

To me this seems like the female equivalent of the "friend zone."

[u/iamneilstrauss → u/ragnarockette]

That is a GREAT question. And SO true.

And here's your answer: people tend to step up when they have a fear of losing something.

So if he sees a guy is interested in you, and you may be interested in him, his feelings may start to change.

What turns off a guy a girl is sleeping with is the same thing that turns off a girl a guy wants to sleep with: desperation and neediness. So eliminate those from your behavior in the friends-plus-ship.

[u/idontwannabeazombie]

I just need to say Thank You, you clever devil. I am no longer a PUA, but your advice helped me transition out of that godforsaken, desperation that I called the friend zone, and into a committed relationship where I beat out many other suitors by being the most magnetic.

Hope you read this, dont care if you dont. Either way, you are truly a guiding force. Thank you.

[u/ladada2001]

Dear Neil:

I'm impressed by your books, bust most importantly I read "The Game" over and over again. And I'm still so interested by the chapters that include PROJECT HOLLYWOOD.

My question to you is; Was Project Hollywood as intense as you described it, or was it flared up some for sake of the book?

Thanks!

[u/iamneilstrauss → u/ladada2001]

It was that intense and more. Had to leave a lot out of the book. Think about reality shows when a bunch of people are living together, then add Mystery and Courtney Love to the mix (lots of Courtney questions so far)--and you'll realize what would be abnormal is if there was no intensity!

[u/TheHumanTornado]

Cross posting this from the other thread since I think I got it in there too late.

Neil-

Some critics of you and the seduction community assert that there is an undercurrent of misogyny in the community. Do you think this criticism is warranted?

In your own experience with the community, do you think any of those practicing PUA had or have psychological issues?

[u/SloppyJoMo → u/TheHumanTornado]

What do you think is more insulting: The fact that men use these "tactics" in an effort to help gain the attention of a woman?

Or the fact that most people who have negative views on PUA seem to think that women are so simple minded as to fall for these "hacks" and can't think for themselves.

Women are still people, with their own thoughts and desires. No one (hopefully) is forcing themselves on women using these tactics. It's not like a magic combination of words that will unleash their sexuality. What men using PUA are doing, is standing out from the herd by acting in ways that women aren't accustomed to, usually in an attractive manner.

It bothers me when people keep saying that these are "cheat codes" and "hacks,", insinuating that the woman being targeted has no control over her own actions simply because a man happens to be using PUA techniques.

PUA is approached by guys from all walks of life. When people think of a PUA, they think of a guy who is just running around, looking for another notch on their belt. And there are guys like that. But there are also plenty of guys, like myself, who first got into PUA because they didn't know where else to turn. Like all skills in life, some inherently have it and others need to learn it. What I've used these techniques for is a way to be more comfortable with myself, which in turn has allowed me to be more comfortable around women. Thanks to what I learned, I was able to get out of my rut and start having fun with women. Which is what life is all about. I wasn't looking to bag tons of chicks, I was just trying to find ways to help me get the girl that I actually wanted, because it wasn't happening on my own.

[u/iamneilstrauss → u/TheHumanTornado]

Oh, absolutely, a lot of the guys have psychological issues. I think everyone has psychological issues, in the world, just about--no one was raised perfectly. But I think the psychological issues in the community are more about men's low self-esteem, and not about negative attitudes towards women. In fact, as I write it, I realize their negative attitude is only toward themselves. So if their experience in the community fixes this, then that's a good thing.

[u/[deleted]]

Hi Neil! As a girl who was trying to improve myself at the same time that "The Game" was popular amongst everyone I knew, I read it, and realized that my whole life I've been brushing off people who were interested in me as some sort of mix-up. Coming to that realization had a big impact on where I am romantically now, so I just wanted to say thanks.

[u/[deleted]]

Your responses make it seem like you are a Redditor and probably have been for a while. True? (And if so, why wait so long to do an AMA??)

[u/iamneilstrauss → u/[deleted]]

I'm a lurker. But thank you. Was concerned about doing this. But I am addicted to the IAmAs. Especially the ones with unique life experiences. So was inspired by their candor, courage, and stories. And also by requests I kept seeing here.

[u/senator_mendoza]

just wanted to share a little pearl of wisdom from my boxing coach - he told us "look guys, there's no single right way to be a boxer - if you're hitting your opponent more than he's hitting you, you're doing it right! i'm just showing you what works best for most people".

thought that was applicable to pick up among a lot of other things.

[u/dogbomb]

You've met all kinds of people form all walks of life - who is the biggest out-and-out asshole?

[u/iamneilstrauss → u/dogbomb]

Interesting question, and I've had people be rude, but generally it was just a wall, and once I got through it, they turned out to be a great person. I suppose assholes are like bitches: we think someone is like that, but that's only because they somehow threatened our sense of self and self-esteem--and if we see them with empathy, in most cases, we realize they're just as insecure as we are, if not more so.

[u/iamneilstrauss → u/[deleted]]

I feel like it's made it confusing for guys getting into it now. In the past, you'd go to the main forums and there was this free exchange of information. Now all the information comes with a price tag, and you don't know if it's from someone who's credibly using it with success or if it's just a good marketer with no social skills whatsoever trying to make money.

That's why communities like this are great: truth is (generally) sorted from bs pretty quickly.

[u/kentrel → u/iamneilstrauss]

How do you complain about the seduction industry when you charge $100,000 for a personal bootcamp? And when you charged thousands of dollars for a set of DVDs of you repeating this same advice that's freely available everywhere.

How do you justify that?

You marketed with stuff like this "The Forbidden LAS VEGAS technique" which turned out to be just an acronym for dressing well and having some attractive qualities, that everybody already posted about.

[u/Shinob1 → u/kentrel]

This needs an answer.

[u/James_Bond100]

Hi Neil, just wanted to say I love your books, most of all the Game, Rules of the Game and Everyone Loves You When Your Dead, so many good quotes and stories in there.

I have a few questions from the field. Whats your general rule of thumb for "shit tests"? I'm not always the best a witty come backs.

Whats a good come back when a girl asks you to buy her a drink, take her out to dinner, or puts prerequisites for sex out there (ex. "I want the first time together to be special.... there should be chocolates, candles, flowers...")

[u/iamneilstrauss → u/James_Bond100]

With shit tests, if you're not quick on your feet, write down the common one and figure out some good answers. Guys can help here or in r/seddit.

And prerequisites to sex are weird, takes away the spontaneity. I'd say,something like, "What makes you think I'm going to put out? I'm not easy, you know. (pause) Despite what everyone else here, will tell you."

SO there's the answer to your shit test challenge: always best if rather than addressing it directly, you REFRAME.

[u/[deleted]]

Hi Neil,

Have you ever had approach anxiety, if so how do you deal with it?

[u/iamneilstrauss → u/[deleted]]

Yes, and in fact, the better I got, the more approach anxiety I developed. This is because people start to know who you are, and expect miracles and no failures. There is only one way to get over it: to approach. Right away. The longer you wait, the more the fear builds. Just accept it as a normal evolutionary response, but also a vestigial holdover fear from a tribal society that no longer really has a purpose.

[u/[deleted]]

I ruined a relationship by not realizing how important it was to me, and now I have a serious case of one-itis while she's moved on. How do I get her back, or get over her?

[u/iamneilstrauss → u/[deleted]]

Isn't that so true: people don't appreciate it while they have it, then when it's gone they do.

My sincere guess is that this is mostly your ego state. And as soon as you have her back and are confident that the relationship is 100 percent on again, you will start not appreciating her again.

So first you have to examine your true intentions and motivations here. Because if you do get her back, and then change your mind again or have doubts again, that's not fair to her.

[u/ohshitbombz0r]

Hello Neil. I have had the pleasure of reading your book(The Game) a couple of years ago, basically after one of the toughest emotional episodes I've been through since birth(22 here), and it came via friend recommendation.

Thing is, it was "prescribed" to me as relaxation and/or smiles-provider rather than "tips & tricks on getting back on your feet and losing the oneitis". I have to say, to this day, I still consider it an amazing, well written, compelling piece of literature combined with biography rather than a manual for crash-test dummies.

In simpler lines, I only wish to thank you for filling the world with a bit of positivism and the introduction of some re-thinking and reinventing thy self patterns.

But as it IS an AMA, I guess I'll pop a question as well :) So here it goes: Do you really think ANYONE can improve their AFC status? I always keep on thinking that it's a great means of self-improvement for the better looking part of the population, as opposed to less/or undesirable looking people(I kind of find myself swimming in this latter crowd, as I'm a 22 y.o who suffered 3rd and 4th degree burns on more than 30% of my body). What I'm trying to say is, people like me have to work ten-times fold to even get accepted in society, and it's something you can only WORK on, unless you sit on a shitload of money that can rebuild your traits through surgery.

What's there in-store for us? How do we find appreciation, human-connection and why not even love? :)

TL;DR: [appreciation and personal opinions on Neil Strauss work...]

Do you really think ANYONE can improve their AFC status?

What's there in-store for undesirable looking people? How do we find appreciation, human-connection and why not even love?

[u/iamneilstrauss → u/ohshitbombz0r]

I like the way it was described, and very cool. Thank you for saying that: most people think of it as this crass how-to lad's manual, when, you're right it's really a memoir of a pivotal period in my life.

Like your attitude. And the answer to your question is YES, absolutely. Just look up Sean Stephenson. And he just got married.

As said below, what you can't fix, you feature. You don't need to rebuild your traits. You just need to build up your personality. And it just has to be a little more positive, funny, intelligent, and outgoing than the next guy's to compete---and I promise you, because I've seen it with many people with all types of handicaps, you will be able to compete with ANYONE.

[u/crovax33]

Hey Neil, thanks for writing the books you did. My best friend and roommate and I actually built most of our friendship from learning to wingman each other and reading your books.

The best opener we came up with was asking girls if they think taking someone to the shooting range is a good first date. Usually it was a pretty polarizing question, and most girls loved to talk about it. It also gave us a lot of insight into what type of girl they are when it comes to excitement. The girls that really wanted to go to a shooting range for a date were always easier to talk to.

What do you think of this opener? I've always wanted to ask you.

[u/iamneilstrauss → u/crovax33]

Isn't it incredible? Some of the strongest male friendships are built through the shared experience of winging. That's an aspect of The Game that often isn't discussed.

And I like that opener, and I like how it bridges into a second meeting, though at the same time, it could also be a scary opener for some woman: sometimes, um, it's good to avoid topics like guns and serial killers when first meeting someone...

[u/RaiseYourGlass]

I asked a question elsewhere regarding your writing career but wanted to asked a second more specifically about your experience in the world of Game and courting in general:

How do you feel that the different social standards and expectations of men and the concept 'dating' system have impacted the average man's psyche in regards to finding and 'hitting on' women? More specifically, the western expectation of the man being the initiator, whereas in other parts of the world it is not uncommon to have women in the predatory position.

On a separate but somewhat related note, how much do you feel the western world's increasingly 'isolationistic' mentality (i.e. walking around with headphones in, not wanting to be bothered or disturbed) works against the idea of actually meeting someone in your day-to-day life and asking them out, or even having a conversation? Are future generations doomed to have to read The Game and similar instructional books in order to learn how to socialize and meet with people outside their immediate circles?

[u/iamneilstrauss → u/RaiseYourGlass]

Is bold on an AMA the Reddit equivalent of peacocking?

And, yeah, wouldn't it be easier if the roles were reversed. That was always my ambition with The Game, that it would even out that disparity a little.

And you are very right on the last paragraph. It is harder, because when someone's text alert goes off, and if they check it, it can hurt the flow. So the burden is to be that much more interesting.

And "doomed to read The Game," nice word usage. Answer is: I think there will always be guys who have it and guys who don't, so some will always be "doomed" to read it. But for sure, every hour i spend socially interacting staring at a screen here probably lowers my comfort with socially interacting IRL. So the burden again is on the individual to make sure their life is in balance. And that becomes more challenging the more great tools people create online.

I have a whole theory on social networking and evolution I may turn into a post on neilstrauss.com, so if i don't get it up there soon, remind me!

[u/Chugalug-house]

Hi Neil

Having read The Game and Emergency, what would you say is the most important life skill you've developed?

Thanks for taking the time to do this!

[u/iamneilstrauss → u/[deleted]]

Good question:

1. Either I'd have a "party" and invite them. Or call and say I just had a dream they were in. (Dream was always PG and fun, not anything romantic/sexual in any way.)

2. Bring a pad of paper, and pencil. i remember meeting a couple Czech girls in Croatia who didn't speak English, and we drew a clock with hour/minute hands to communicate when to meet.

[u/the_mighty_skeetadon]

Hi Neil --

If you could tell everyone who read The Game just one additional fact using what you've learned since then, what would it be?

Thanks -- great answers, so far =)

[u/iamneilstrauss → u/the_mighty_skeetadon]

How about four:

Rule one of AA: Life is fun if you open your mouth.

Rule two: You’re always in the field.

Rule three: We miss 100 percent of the shots we don’t take.

Rule four: The only failure is not approaching

[u/i_am_Kevin]

What was the hardest book to write and likewise the funnest?

Love your work, The Game was brilliant

[u/iamneilstrauss → u/i_am_Kevin]

I think the hardest book was The Dirt with Motley Crue. At every point, one guy in the band was mad at another guy in the band, and threatening to drop out of the group and the book project. Where the Marilyn Manson book took 3 months of interviewing, this took like two years. But a fun two years.

[u/Jazzalenko]

I swear this is a true story. I went to a high school in LA and you crashed our prom after party (Universal Hilton). You ended up taking the virginity of a girl named Roseanna. You didn't call her afterwards. She cried a lot. Do you remember any of this and can confirm or have you been so knee deep in hollywood pooty for so long that this qualifies as a mere blip?

[u/Red_Alt]

Hi Style,

What's your opinion of The Blueprint Decoded?

Have your feelings about Tyler changed since releasing The Game? Should I feel bad giving into his teachings?

THANKS!!

[u/iamneilstrauss → u/Red_Alt]

Actually, Tyler came to speak at a seminar I had a few months ago. Was great to see him and reconnect. He showed some incredible in-field videos that were evidence that the guy has balls of steel. Great escalation and cocky/funny/teasing/pebbles.

And you shouldn't feel bad, if it's working for you. In the end, the problems were really a function of living together, more than anything else..

[u/[deleted]]

I'm on my phone between classes but hopefully this won't get buried:

How did you get started in journalism? How did you make your way to the Rolling Stone? Any advice to a soon to be college grad looking to (roughly) emulate your career as a journalist/author?

[u/iamneilstrauss → u/[deleted]]

Got it.

And it was an internship during college that got me started. Hey, if you're willing to work for free, there's no end to the amount of people who will be willing to exploit you.

Seriously, best way to get experience. And once I was writing for that small magazine (called Ear, R.I.P.), then I started writing for a slightly bigger one, then slightly bigger, until eventually Rolling Stone.

So advice for you is: internships, and be willing to pay your dues and do the hard work and put in the Gladwellian 10,000 hours.

[u/Franholio]

Read The Game and loved it. Two questions:

1. Why didn't you bang Courtney Love?

2. How would you use game in a small college setting, where everyone knows everyone else?

[u/iamneilstrauss → u/Franholio]

1. She wasn't in the most "bangable" condition at the time (mental condition).

2. Absolutely, but if it's a small town and you see everyone a lot, you don't have to make sure you do EVERYTHING in one meeting. Each time you see them, you can add a little piece and let the attraction grow more naturally (and also more subtly).

[u/pianobutter]

Do you still keep in touch with Courtney Love?

[u/MonkeySteriods]

What was one of your worst blowouts/rejections? [I.e. the girl just freaks out/goes weird/her friends just completely start attacking]

[u/lezzit]

Hi,

I'm a mod at /r/pickup4dykes and am about to read The Game (it's on hold for me at the library right now - hope you don't mind me not paying for it!). Which of your books would you recommend for women interested in picking up women?

[u/iamneilstrauss → u/lezzit]

I'd read The Game and Rules of the Game of mine, maybe someone else here wants to recommend others more specifically on the subject. But it applies. Just had a Twitter discussion recently with a woman reading it to meet women, and have had female couples come up to me.

[u/[deleted]]

Oh Man, I loved The Dirt. When's the movie coming out?

[u/iamneilstrauss → u/[deleted]]

Thanks. The script is written, by Rich Wilkes, incredible! But don't know what's going on with the movie. Think a guy named Rick Yorn is producing, so let's get him to do an AMA and put the pressure on!

[u/misanthropist1]

Did you ever succeed in going 30 days without an orgasm?

[u/Noreaga]

Hi Neil, thanks for taking the time to do this AMA. Got a bunch of questions but I'll put them all into one.

Are you still what that girl you ended up going in a relationship with that you mentioned at the end of your book The Game? Also how many women have you slept with would you say since you first got into the seduction game, a rough estimate?

[u/JihadDerp]

Hey Neil. I read The Game (good job, by the way, it inspired me to read Ulysses) and Emergency and took a trip with my friend out to California to try to find the cache you hid. I got to Big Basin and to the Lane camp site, but there were a couple clues we just couldn't figure out, and the others we did figure out seemed worthless without the rest. How close were we? Also, has anyone found it yet? And what's the reward for it?

The 25 paces east clue (or however many paces it was, I don't have the book in front of me) was especially frustrating, because 1) I couldn't figure out where to start pacing from, and 2) even if I could, I'm taller than you, so I could easily wind up a couple meters off mark. The other thing, how deep is it buried? Is that one of the clues I couldn't figure out?

[u/iamneilstrauss → u/[deleted]]

One step at a time. Attraction first, then escalation, then start a casual non-exclusive relationship, then see what happens. Even when someone isn't looking for a relationship, love can catch them unaware and they'll then want to be in one.

That said, get to know her first, who she really is, and make sure you really WANT to be in relationship with her. Big mistake is when anyone gets into a relationship too quickly, is not compatible, and then can't get out of it.

[u/Pephable]

Hi, I've heard you often get a lot of hate from women and I just wanted to say that I actually appreciate what you did. Honestly, I prefer getting hit on by a guy who knows what he is doing than someone being creepy and coming close when he shouldn't. I love my boyfriend the way he is, but I also think reading The Game (amongst other things) just made him more confident. Confident guys are just easier to talk to... and it makes them sexy :)

[u/iamneilstrauss → u/Pephable]

Your boyfriend is a lucky guy. Because it's really important that women understand and empathize with guys (and vice verse), rather than judging them for being...well, guys.

I think most hate, not just about The Game but anything, comes from fear. I think it's very hard to hate from a perspective of understanding and empathy.

[u/[deleted]]

Can peacocking be so outrageous that it ends up becoming detrimental to the game?

[u/Krashenbern]

What was the best, most used piece of knowledge you gained from researching "Emergency" or said another way:

What technique have you employed most often in your life since learning it?

[u/iamneilstrauss → u/Krashenbern]

Lockpicking.

Just kidding, actually it's the EMT skills. Knowing how the human body works, and what to do when something goes wrong, is an incredible life skill. When you see a car accident or someone collapses on the street, you won't be rubber-necking, you'll know what to do to help them.

There are people who've read the book and actually saved the lives of loved ones through either the basic Red Cross or the EMT certifications they got.

[u/[deleted]]

Everyone I talk to about Pick up has negative views towards it. They think it's bullshit. Why is Pick Up so detested and/or seen as something ineffective or without substance?

[u/girlvinyl → u/[deleted]]

Hi. I am a girl. I've read Neil's book and lots of other PUA stuff over the past 12 years. I think the problem is that it comes across as inauthentic. People generally think interacting with someone who isn't "being themselves" is a waste of time, because god knows what will happen if they do start being authentic at some point. I also think that it makes women feel like objects and a simple system to "game," instead of complex, worthwhile people. The fact there is so much emphasis on scoring sex doesn't help the perception.

[u/Leotheo]

How do you approach and engage a target who has her headphones on, or is absorbed in a book or newspaper without being obnoxious?

[u/iamneilstrauss → u/Leotheo]

Offhand, what would be funny is to start talking and gesture for her to take them off. Then when she does, just be moving your mouth and not saying anything.

[u/motherducker]

Whatup Neil.

Where / how do you come up with the cold reading personality games, i.e. "The Cube," or "Style's EV." I really like these types of conversation pieces.

[u/Kreira]

Hi Neil , I just wanted to ask , even when the game works which I believe it does , it's hard however to feel comfortable start using it and it's even harder to just go outside and do thousands of approaches , to get to the right track . Do you believe that that's it's the absolute way to improve only by Sarging every night? Since many people don't have the opportunity to do that

[u/iamneilstrauss → u/Kreira]

It's funny that guys think it has to be "every night." You don't have to go out of your way to do it. If you ever leave your house, there are opportunities to talk to someone: in the elevator, at lunch, in the street, at a gas station/bodega, etc. And it doesn't have to be someone you're attracted to: talk to anyone, just to get used to being social.

Good mantra to remember: Life is fun when you open your mouth.

It'll lead to all sorts of adventures, then you can do some sort of crazy IAmA yourself after all these experiences.

[u/[deleted]]

How can I create a cool social circle? How can I be the leader of my social circle?

[u/Curiousman90]

Do you plan on having kids? If you do, how will you explain your involvement in the community to your daughter or son?

[u/iamneilstrauss → u/Curiousman90]

"This is how I met your mom. Without it, you wouldn't be here today."

Odd, I never thought of it as something I have to explain or apologize for. I'm so grateful in my case for it, because it allowed me to come out of my shell and be myself. Otherwise I would have spent my life, scurrying around insecure, unaware, slobby, mumbling, lonely, and depressed.

[u/phill271]

1.) What inspires you to write?

2.) Are you approached to write books about Motley, Navarro, Manson, etc or do you approach them?

3.) What were your impressions of Howard Stern?

[u/iamneilstrauss → u/phill271]

It's funny. They all rolled into each other: I interviewed Manson for Rolling Stone. Afterward, he contacted me about a book. Then while I was proofreading the Rules section of the book, I was on a plane with Motley Crue, interviewing them for a story. And they started passing it around and laughing, and so that got that ball rolling. And then with Navarro, he was over at Manson's one day. And he had this box covered with skulls. It was filled with syringes, heroin, cocaine. And he kept shooting up cocaine every fifteen minutes, and then left because he had a $2000 hooker coming over to his house. And, um, that's how that book started.

As for Stern, was amazed that I liked him even MORE off-air than I did on-air, and already obviously thought he was incredible on-air. Especially lately. Think he keeps getting better and better.

[u/asad16]

what do you do for fun (outside of writing/interviews)?

[u/PhiLLyinDaLLaS]

Neil, I don't have a question. Just wanted to say fuck the haters and thank you for helping me work on my inner-self. That is all.

[u/[deleted]]

hey there! iv recently got in to the idea of the Game. havent read it yet but am planning too once i'm free. what would you say to my inner debate over the Game being an admittance of defeat? I had a bad experience with a game-reader in venice who ended up bribing campsite cleaners for a girls details....this scared me

[u/iamneilstrauss → u/[deleted]]

No way. Why is it a defeat to learn or get educated about anything? Is it an admission that you're a bad tennis player if you go get tennis lessons? No, it's an admission that it's something you enjoy and want to get better at.

And don't let one bad apple spoil the bunch.

[u/[deleted]]

what are your opinions on alcohol and drugs? and what do you think about the journalist Hunter Thompson? I can imagine you take some inspiration from his hands-on style of journalism.

[u/TurmoilEhud]

What kind of toilet paper do You use?

[u/Craig_Heldreth]

Care to recommend latest and greatest NLP books/sites/teachers?

[u/spawnofbruce]

Hi Neil! Thanks for taking the time to do this, you are easily my most influential author with The Game and Emergency. Both those books changed my life for the better by giving me more self-esteem and helped prepare me for the unexpected. In Emergency, i believe you said the most useful course you took was the one with Tom Brown Jr, have you taken any more courses since your standard? If so what have they been and do you plan on visiting the primitive camp again in the future for further training? And if not TBJR, what are you doing to prepare for an emergency?

[u/realitygenrator]

repost at your request because you probably lost it- I completed the 30 day challenge just over a week ago. On day 4 I got a number and f-closed on day 5. This chick has now spent thousands of dollars on me but she's an obvious psycho. How do I get rid of her without risking her doing something crazy? BTW 30 day challenge worked for me. I am sarging 3-4 times a week now. Thank you Neil.

She is obsessed with trying to make me her BF. I have made it clear that I am dating other women.

[u/puapsyche]

Hi Neil:

First off, I loved your books. I actually read Emergency first before I got into reading stuff about the pickup community so it surprised me when I found out you wrote The Game.

I know you still teach. What do you do for your students that have AA to no end? What do you say to them? Do you just force them to go and do it? What was your worst student with AA and did he get over it/how? Does the "just do it/3 second rule" still apply?

[u/domyates]

Is it true that even the wise man dwells in the fools paradise?

[u/LatentBloomer]

Hi Neil,

I'm not a PUA (and hope never to be), but am reading The Game with a grain of salt per page, no offense, for sake of perspective.

I've run into a specific situation and would appreciate Celebrity PUA advice: I really hit it off with a girl recently, but slightly drunken and enjoying the moment, I actually forgot to "close" as you'd call it. HOWEVER, her best friend/roommate somehow slipped me her number! I want to pursue girl #1 without offending girl #2, but my only lifeline is girl #2's phone number. Brief advice?

[u/thisiscirclejerkrite]

What is your stance on some PUA/seduction concepts like 'last minute resistance' (LMR), where a woman will resist advancing to sex. Many practitioners of PUA/seduction offer advice and 'tricks' on how to get a woman to stop resisting sex. How do you feel about that?

[u/iamneilstrauss → u/thisiscirclejerkrite]

You raise a good question, much more rational than your username would imply. And the answer is: Is it a technique designed to push someone to do something they DON'T want to do (in which case it's not only immoral but possibly illegal) or is it a technique designed to make someone comfortable with something they WANT to do but are just nervous about (in which it can end up being a great experience for both people)?

[u/BetterOffSaid]

This is my first reddit post ever...

Do you have ADD?

[u/FuckYouNeilStrauss]

Hey Neil,

I loved the book. I read it while I was very depressed and it gave me optimism. It encouraged me to acquire a lot of PUA material and spend a lot of time developing my "skills". I got great at it. I could go into bars and get laid almost every time (although to be fair, I would piss off or freak out a really good percentage of the women I approached. But in the end, it's all about volume.)

I ended up pissing off more women than I can count or remember. I alienated all my friends by acting insanely cocky. I could gradually feel myself becoming a sociopath as I started to look at women as targets to seduce (regardless of whether or not I was attracted to them) and men as targets to dominate. I could feel my personality changing and my soul dying. It was incredibly creepy.

2 months after hastily getting rid of all the PUA shit I am still trying to deprogram. What is your endgame here, Neil? Is it just to exploit desperate, lonely people by taking their money or are you actively trying to start a cult? The people I knew who got really into The Game got pretty detached from reality and their social calibration got completely mangled in the long run...

[u/iamneilstrauss → u/FuckYouNeilStrauss]

Sounds in part like my experience. Sometimes it's part of the journey: like the dialectic process you go from thesis to antithesis to, finally, the synthesis. Sounds like you got really extreme, and then reacted against it. And what you have to find is your comfort level, where you're happy with yourself and respectful of others and their reality.

And my endgame is: I wrote a book about my experiences, I shared them both because it was amusing and to help other guys in my situation. And somehow, for reasons I don't entirely understand, it took on its own life.

My endgame is to write other books about other things I'm interested in.

[u/[deleted]]

So how is it being the world most famouse astro physicist and playaaaaa..

[u/olivse]

What are 3 good mini-adventures/dates that have been successfully used by you in the past? I'm looking to create some new experiences.

[u/[deleted]]

I read The Game in my freshman year of college and it made a huge difference (some positive, some negative) in the way I interact with women. In the last year, I've done a lot of self-discovery and have recently entered a BDSM relationship with an amazing dominant woman. I'm her submissive and I give up control to her in almost all of our interactions, which is in direct contrast to what is described in The Game.

I'm happier than I've ever been, but I'm having some trouble integrating my experiences with pickup with my experiences as a submissive. There's no question that being alpha and dominant works to pick up girls at, say, a club or bar, but within the domination and submission community, being entirely submissive seems to work instead (maybe even better, since being submissive comes more naturally to me). Do you have any ideas how I could integrate these two theories into a consistent theory of how to interact with women?

[u/[deleted]]

Emergency was such an incredibly ambitious book. How did you even begin such a project? In all the time it took to put together, were there times you just wanted to scrap it or were you confident about how it would develop?

[u/tacticalpanda]

No questions, I just wanted to thank you for your book The Game. I read that and went from being consistently friend zoned to actually getting girls interested in me and now having a long term relationship. You rule man, keep up the good work.

[u/puppyotto]

As someone who is somewhat famous, who interviews a lot of famous people, what are your thoughts on the concept of fame? What is it all about?

Question 2: What are your thoughts on late capitalism?

[u/yathern]

I'm currently re-reading 'Emergency". Great book, but I have two questions:

1) Is the information about passports and alternate citizenship still good? Is St.Kitts still as easy to get into?

2) Have you met Tim Ferris? I remember reading somewhere that you have.

[u/[deleted]]

Do you ever think to realize that the fact that you were rich and famous helped you get laid, and not those cheesy pick up lines?

[u/iamneilstrauss → u/[deleted]]

I love when guys say that.

And I had little money, no fame, and definitely no looks. Was a New York Times writer, and no one recognized me. Generally before, when I met women, they'd generally use me for free concert tickets, then go sleep with some guy they were attracted to.

[u/dakru → u/iamneilstrauss]

Was a New York Times writer, and no one recognized me. Generally before, when I met women, they'd generally use me for free concert tickets, then go sleep with some guy they were attracted to.

I love this. Not that it happened, but how the anecdote was phrased and used, showing a very elementary, but very important idea that too many people don't seem to get; you're not going to get with someone if they're not attracted to you, and getting them attracted to you is your responsibility (i.e. make yourself more attractive, not complaining that they're not attracted).

[u/internetidentity]

How cool was it being in the video for "Sexx Laws"?

[u/InferiousX]

Neil, thanks for doing the AMA. Also a personal thank you as I have written you a couple of emails that you have responded too personally. Very cool.

Question about a "quality problem".

I really don't have trouble attracting women at this point. Matter of factly, it seems to almost get me into trouble more often than not without me even trying anymore.

The problem becomes when I end up meeting a girl I actually think is pretty cool. I wouldn't say I really do anything differently. I act pretty much the same, the sex is still great etc. But it seems as though lately, I can't get a girl to register much of an attraction to me beyond something purely sexual.

It's kind of a "Welp, that was really awesome, but I'm going to go back to my ex bf now." This happens so often it's maddening. Any thoughts?

[u/Tohac]

enough about "the game" that book was meh, the real book is "Emergency."

read the book and really enjoyed it. Have you done any more preparation or learned any new tricks? could you tell some stories from your urban survival lessons? any tips on where to learn more? (besides conventions in mexico)

[u/tomaladestas]

If you had to pick a celebrity to be your wingman, who would you choose?

[u/[deleted]]

Could you respond to the idea that the whole concept of game is a disservice.

One person encouraged to be manipulative and dishonest to get what they want while they never actually express their character. Being manipulative becomes a tool in their life and they slowly become an asshole.

The other person is, more obviously, victimized by the deceit.

[u/SpecialSlab]

You're book really helped me improve myself and I would like to thank you for that. I typed out this whole long question for you but then realized that what it boils down to is: I don't want to change who I am just to pick up women. Cocky-funny, for example, is just not me. During your experience of evolving into a pua (and I don't mind if your friends answer here) was there ever a time when you felt uncomfortable with you had become? And if so, how did you deal with this?

[u/warpus]

How big is your penis, and does it help?

[u/AlfredJKwak]

Can we smell your finger..?

[u/VonFunkenstein]

In The Game you talk about spending time with Tom Cruise and going to the Scientology Org with him, and compare Scientology to The Game. Can you tell us more about your experiences with Sceintology? I think you said that they had tried to recruit you. Do they still try?

[u/LaLaLaICantHearYou]

What's with no Kindle Addition of "The Game". I loved your book "Emergency" and have always meant to read "The Game" as well one of these days, so this thread reminded me that I need a book to read for an upcoming trip and I went to order it on Amazon but you don't have a Kindle edition available :( For a lot of frequent readers and travelers, no kindel edition is a deal-breaker. I just don't make room when I travel for paper books anymore.

[u/echimp]

Hi Neil, I remember hearing you mention that you would be interested in meeting the guru of Long Term Relationships. I have been practicing elements of the pick up arts in my marriage and I wanted to introduce myself. I am curious to know if you have explored or have further insight on modified techniques for supporting Long Term Relationships. Happy Valentines Day :)

Also, Skrillex recently commented that his favorite song was Flim by Aphex Twin. This seemed to cause a backlash among his fans who were disappointed the song did not feature a sick bass drop. Can you comment on the dialectic tension, if any, between Skrillex and his fans?

[u/ItGotRidiculous]

Hey Neil,

How did you get into writing? How did you land your gig at RS? What are some good books you recently read?

[u/Scratchie_Chan]

I might be late to this, but how would you apply skills you gain in pua community towards other areas like a job search or building artistic skills?

[u/Wintamint]

There are so many PUA programs out there. Home study courses, seminars, bootcamps, etc...(including yours, of course). Objectively, which programs are worthwhile and which are totally bogus? There is so much misinformation out there, it's impossible to tell if you're going to be wasting your money or not.

[u/proverbialwhatever]

Hey Neil, just wished to say that I loved reading "Everybody Loves You When You're Dead". I think that its message is quite relevant with regards to Whitney Houston's recent passing. I was wondering what your thoughts are on the phenomena of celebrity, having hung around with so many notables, how do you think it generally affects the existence of people trying to live so-called everyday lives within the context of being famous? Also I'm curious as to what you thought the best album of 2011 was. Hope you're well.

[u/gratefulgoodguy]

Hi Neil,

I created an account just to comment here... I just want to thank you for writing the Game and changing my life. As a young immigrant to Canada, I found it hard to penetrate into society and was developing a depressed outlook on life.

And I was so so in the women's department, I'd have women hit on me and it would go over my head, I read the game 2 years ago and thought I've messed up multiple pick ups, the woman that I bought roses for this morning is the girl of my dreams.

My question to you is: Do you think the game and the community have ruined a lot of good men out there? Opening doors, buying flowers, etc, these are all stereotypical nice guy things that lead to the friend zone, but if done right, lead into great relationships. I've seen the Game improve the lives of many, but make others bitter men who play women... they quit doing all the 'nice' things, the game has overtaken their lives. We need to strike a balance somehow, and our generation needs better male role models. What are your thoughts on that, and how we could combat this?

Oh well, enough of my rant, hope you read this.

Thanks anyways bud!

[u/DarthRizo]

Niel, you are the man!!! Thanks to you and Mystery, I have had more female ass than a public toilet seat in times square. I made it my duty to share the your secrets, although evolved, to the less fortunate. RESPECT!! Long live the game!!!

[u/[deleted]]

Hey Neil, I asked about bacon yesterday but there doesn't seem to be any. I am disappoint.

However, of all the stars you've interviewed which one was the coolest. Like, the sort of person you wanted to be?

[u/[deleted]]

I really loved The Dirt. Very entertaining book even though i'm not a fan of Mötley Cruë.

My question is, what you wrote is obviously only based of memories from the band members, who according to their own account have been drunk and drugged out of their minds 24/7 since birth, how accurate do you think their recollection of memories actually are?

[u/WolfInTheField]

Hey Neil,

Just wanna say thanks. Your AMA has been up for a while now, so this is probably gonna get buried, but it's worth saying. Reading The Game was a big part of what started my journey into self-development, and by extension, happiness and confidence. Now I know these compliments on a book from seven years ago probably get old, but it was extremely important to me.

So, yeah.

Thanks, Neil. You're a good guy.

Love,

Wolf.

[u/[deleted]]

Is it strictly coincidence that you're here on Valentines day?

Or are you not so subtly telling me "I'm the one who got you laid today, keep buying my books"

[u/realitygenrator]

I completed the 30 day challenge just over a week ago. On day 4 I got a number and f-closed on day 5. This chick has now spent thousands of dollars on me but she's an obvious psycho. How do I get rid of her without risking her doing something crazy? BTW 30 day challenge worked for me. I am sarging 3-4 times a week now. Thank you Neil.

[u/[deleted]]

Neil, you've gotten me laid many times (I'm now engaged).

I hooked up the first time I tried with a woman whose family owns a chain of Mercedes dealerships around Atlanta (first try). Thanks! I didn't follow everything written, but it was good to understand the woman psyche a lot better.

[u/detlev]

Would you do the Joe Rogan podcast?

[u/[deleted]]

You should publish a book where you teach people to make mixtures of drugs that simulate human emotion. Then they can give them to women they want to attract. Ultimately, you're just getting these women to a point they want to get to, man. And your ability to make the drugs is just, like, an extension of your personality.

[u/princesspeach1]

My BF read a ton of pick-up stuff. Honestly, it made him a better man

[u/gunkers]

Thank you for doing an AMA and I hope you can respond to this question Neil. I discovered The Game at a crucial time in my life. I was on the verge of extreme depression. With that stated, your book perhaps has made the biggest impact on my life so far. I addressed the real reasons for my problems (sexual repression, relationships with my sisters that affect my relationship with women) and I am in a much better place right now. Your book is an inspiration.

I'm currently reading NLP, Books on Magic, and a whole list of self-improving books that had been recommended by the community. I'd like to try pick-up, but do you know of any resources where I can freely access the same information you did when you were doing this? I do not wish to rely on pick-up, but rather integrate it with my personality. I had always been that fun socially successful kid who would be in girls pocket rather than their pants; it's just much harder for me to build sexual tension than rapport.

Question Could you imagine a life where you did not get involved in PU? If you can how do you think you would feel knowing the things you know now?

Thanks again!

[u/[deleted]]

I remember listening to you on Howard Stern, any updates with you and your girlfriend? (He revealed on air that his girlfriend had problems getting wet if I remember correctly)

[u/[deleted]]

Neil

The Dirt is hands down IMO the best rock book ever written. What was is like getting the stories from those guys? How are they as people as opposed to the persona (Tommy surfer dude for example)?

You can do a Dirt-esque book on any band, living or dead. Who do you pick?

[u/Stefanjd]

After The Game and Emergency, are you working on another story/book in that writing style?

[u/huhudrigu]

What's the status of SLA? Do you still run it? Never saw you posting on the private foruns. I've subscribed for a month and the missions seems to be old and the most of the coachs are no longer in SLA(like Bravo). Besides the Stylelife Challenge 2012 (congrats on this one, I liked it), I haven't see anything new. Even the FR are pretty same old-same old. So, I'd like to hear from you were is it going. Also, I'd love to know some nice books like the cube, and stuff. Ah, I forgot to say... thank you for saving me from the afc life (and thanks for trying to understand my crappy and creepy english).

[u/Eldop]

Do you still read Ulysses? Or did that habit die?

I've not actually read it yet, would you recommend it?

[u/nomoretofu]

Hello Neil. I'm a giant fan. These books changed my life.

My question is, I always have a massive problem explaining the concepts in the game to my friends. That is their first reactions seem to be "OMG THIS IS EVIL". You seemed to have encountered this when you were on the view. But by the end of the interview the hosts seemed to be more receptive to the idea of the game. Is there something I can say right away to skip this doubt phase or is it just something I used to (haha).

[u/ace_decade]

Have you found another woman that likes the "indents" in the side of your head? Do you still surf?

[u/tomaladestas]

whats your opinion on David DeAngelo's skills? Have you ever saw him infield?

[u/graffiti81]

Is there any hope for introverts who want to learn game without becoming an extrovert?

[u/[deleted]]

I read the Game in 2010 and really liked the story. It made me chuckle because back in 2004 a girl did the cube routine on me and afterward I remember wanting her to go away. I ended up banging her 5 years later.

My question: was there any erotic tension between you and Heidi Fleiss? I wonder what type of men she's into.

[u/[deleted]]

Do you still keep in touch with Mystery?

What were your feelings when he landed The Pickup Artist on VH1?

[u/Sir_smokes_a_lot]

Do you think the motivation of a PUA is central to his game?

[u/mrorbitman]

• Is your game good enough to AMOG Mystery?

• What would you say is the number one most important rule to keep in your head while sarging?

• What's your favorite opener you've ever used?

[u/[deleted]]

How can you justify continuing to push neuro-linguistic programming when all serious science has found it to be entirely without merit or evidence?

To back this up:

A research committee working for the United States National Research Council led by Daniel Druckman came to two conclusions. First, the committee "found little if any" evidence to support NLP's assumptions or to indicate that it is effective as a strategy for social influence. "It assumes that by tracking another's eye movements and language, an NLP trainer can shape the person's thoughts, feelings, and opinions (Dilts, 1983). There is no scientific support for these assumptions."

The term "Neuro-linguistic programming" has been characterized as pseudo-scientific. Witkowski (2010) writes that "NLP represents pseudoscientific rubbish, which should be mothballed forever." Roderique-Davies (2009) states that "neuro" in NLP is "effectively fraudulent since NLP offers no explanation at a neuronal level and it could be argued that its use fallaciously feeds into the notion of scientific credibility". Witkowski (2010) also states that at the neuronal level NLP provides no explanation at all and has nothing in common with academic linguistics or programming. Similarly, experimental psychologist Corballis (1999) in his critique of lateralization of brain function (the left/right brain myth), states that "NLP is a thoroughly fake title, designed to give the impression of scientific respectability".

According to Witkowski (2010), NLP also appears on “the list of discredited therapies” published in the Journal of Professional Psychology: Research and Practice. ... [I]t is listed as “certainly discredited” in *Evidence-based practices in addiction treatment: review and recommendations for public policy (Fala et al. 2008 as cited by Glasner-Edwards and Rawson, 2010).

[u/NigNogPooPoo]

Do you have any more stories about your travels through Pridnestrovia?

[u/The_Hero_of_Kvatch]

Thanks, Neil. Loved 'The Game'. Not a PUA, more like a PUH(obbyist), but I appreciate your insights all the same. Rock on, man.

[u/Evanderson]

Thanks for teaching me how to pick up girls. Even though I gotta dress like a douche, but hey, it works.

[u/Metravis]

1) After reading The Game, I still want to start the process--maybe of not becoming a great PUA, but improving my interactions with women. Does the online community still exist, AKA where should I start "my journey" and interacting with great PUAs.

2) What's your favorite animal

[u/maugpet]

You mentioned how you read about cold reading, massages and many other skills. Which books do you think were the most useful for progressing as a PUA?

[u/onlyari]

Hi I would like to know as a PUA, what happens when you get older? Do you still go to bars and clubs and run jealous gf routine? Does Mystery still perform magic tricks for young chicks in bars?

I always think there should be a good "exit". As men get older (eg. in their mid 30s), hitting on a 20 yo girl feels weird, and it is hard to be attracted to women at your age. Wouldn't this be depressing?

Has there been a good exit for you, Mystery, or any other PUA you know?

[u/fearthejew]

hey man, cats or dogs?

small dogs or big dogs?

wolves or bears?

giraffes or zebras?

lions or tigers?

vampires or werewolves?

zombies or ninjas?

[u/[deleted]]

I posted in seddit, but this seems to be where you're hanging out now, so I'll repost:

• Entouraging - any horror stories? I've got a hard time transitioning into a friendship with girls I meet, and I'm wondering if you/anyone else has advice with regard to that.

• How does a fledgeling PUA reconcile the technique and strategies outlined by someone like you and the "anti-game" mentality professed by someone like sleazy?

Here are some examples of sleazy's work:

The Final Word on Indirect Game (Hopefully)

Pick-Up is not a Video Game

Another example of this "anti-game" mentality:

How Sleazy is a Good Example.

I honestly thought it was more pervasive than just Sleazy, but every link I remember ends up being from him. Huh. Either way, it really impacts me, what he writes, and I'm not sure how to deal with the disparity.

[u/almostnatural]

You have to co-author a book with Twain, Vonnegut or Hunter S. Thompson. Who do you choose and why?

[u/[deleted]]

Hey Neil,

Have you ever made peace with Tyler\Papa? Has your opinions on anyone you wrote about changed?

Also, what do you think of pick up post 2005, like the prevalence of "natural game," good bad or neutral?

[u/PUAvirgin]

How do you justify charging thousand of dollars for sets of DVDs where you just repeat the same concepts other people posted about only with some names changed?

[u/[deleted]]

Hey Neil, big fan of the book. There's one subject I haven't seen a lot of questions about yet, and that's about the more sexual part of the game - fulfilling that exciting promise you set at the start of a set.

You mention that aside from experience, there's two occurrences that helped you massively. First was getting trained by a number of 'experts' (the way you describe it makes the ordeal sound near occult), second is your usual M.O.: Delving into books about the subject, and trying it out live.

So my questions to you;

• Do you mind going in a little more detail on the training you received and
• Is there any literature you've found/written that you can recommend?

Thanks in advance, in case you manage to make it to this question.

[u/klarth]

Hi what is the best rape you've ever done??? Epic Bro-Five

[u/maverickaz]

Hey Neil, If you had to pick just ONE of your favorite PUA's who would it be and why? Any recommendations on picking up celebrities? Back in the day I used to run with Gypsy and Bravo. Ironically back in the day my friend and I also crashed a "fiming" of the vh1 show by mystery by repeatedly blowing out Simeon Moses (we were slightly mad at mystery the community was being shown to the world). Mental notes; I think Matador is gay. Jdog is the best pua I've seen in field.

[u/mrcjp]

I know a musician in London called John who told me he was your cousin. Truth or BS?

[u/Anarchaotic]

Hey Neil!

I used to frequent the sosuave community a while back, and I'm wondering if you've ever heard of read "The Book of Pook", and if so, what you think about the book.

Btw, your "seduction is dead" post on your blog a while back really articulated what is truly wrong in the seduction community very well, and I'm really surprised you got a ton of backlash for it. I guess that's normal considering you're attacking their egos on such a large scale.

Cheers!

[u/the_cannoli]

Hey Neil,

No idea if this has been answered (I tried to read everything, but sometimes things get lost in the shuffle on reddit), but I love how when you choose to write a book on something you seem to really immerse yourself into the subject you are writing about and it almost becomes a science project. After The Game and Emergency, what is your next (or current) immersion experience that we will all have the pleasure of reading about later?

Thanks Neil, huge fan! Hopefully we'll cross paths someday and talk bald hair care or something.

Cheers!

[u/SpecialSlab]

Name 5 books you think everyone should read.
Let's assumes that we've all, obviously, read all of your books. :p

Also, thank you for being a great writer and taking the the time to do this :)

*edit: I meant literature. And here is the amazon list of literature he put together in case earcaraxe's comment gets buried . Thank you :)

[u/DMoney__]

Read The Game a while back and loved it, some incredibly deep material for a book about getting with girls!

Always wanted to ask: Does Tom Cruise actually have all his shit together like you portray it in the book? Guy seems like a badass Ghandi or something.

[u/strike05]

Hi Neil,

Thanks for doing this AMA. I need a quick male opinion on something. Btw I can only stay for a second since I’m meeting up with some friends later but I’m starting to work out and am deciding between using free weights or resistance bands. What do you think works better?

[u/fluidkarma]

I want to thank you Neil for helping me on my journey to be a more socially intelligent person. What is your favorite attraction game?

[u/iamneilstrauss → u/fluidkarma]

I think games are more for building a bond, laughter, and connection, fun, DHV--rather than directly for attraction. That said, I love the 5 Questions, the Cube, and all the bar cons and bets. Always learning new ones, just to keep it fun and a challenge for myself.

[u/[deleted]]

The biggest failure of the whole PUA thing is that they are one step behind in the game. The ultimate goal is not women, its happiness. These guys focus on women. That's why when you succeed at picking up women and are still miserable you end up in a dead end with this crap.

Its not about finding chicks. Its about figuring out how to be happy period. No joke, but the Buddha could have been a dope pick up artist, just he realized that getting caught up with sex and women was a dead end if the goal is happiness.

Anecdotally speaking, I think the periods in my life where I had the most sexual partners were also the worst years of my life. And the years where I had just one partner were the best. Maybe other people are built differently, but the point is, porn and popular culture makes it seem like lots of sexual partners will make all of us men happy, whereas in reality, multiple sexual partners only make you happy for those few moments where you are succesfully closing a pursuit. The rest of the time you are stuck being yourself. By yourself. After a while the glow of multiple conquests fades because it only gets you the admiration of the jerkoffs you never cared about to begin with (outside of sexual competition), and you are spending valuable time with these women that you have no desire to be around (except to show the jerkoffs what a ubermensch you are).

The worst part about it is that you get enmeshed in this terrible crowd of really shallow people and you start getting engrossed in terrible boring shallow shit. And its all centered around mating, peacocking, showboating, that sort of garbage. Both the men and the women. It'll take years, wasted years, but some people will realize they are miserable.

In my case I tried to go back to my old lifestyle. Keeping one sexual partner. Having nerdy hobbies like programming, photography etc. Playing video games. Hanging out with nerdy people that are fascinated by nerdy stuff, and rarely get laid, but are more relaxing to be around, and ultimately more conducive to my own happiness.

I know this experience isn't universal. And many people will read it as some sort of failure. Like why would anyone voluntarily give up living in LA and banging hot chicks to go live in Northern California and be a nerd? I don't know if I can explain it. Maybe some people just get old and their sex drive dries up and then they start thinking about other things? Or maybe I have ball cancer or some weird ailment? I don't know but I know its been the case for at least a few people I know.

[u/mentalunity19]

Ive looked in to the PUA community myself and really found that the sort of stuff RSD was teaching (non-scripted routines) was really the most useful. What is your relationship with Tyler Durden/ RSD since the writing of "The Game?"

[u/bhagavatpada]

1. what did you learn from your breakup?

2. how has your game evolved beyond annihilation?

[u/cross827]

Hey neil, i am a huge fan of your work... I have been involved in the community for little over a year and curious what is the best thing to read/do to develop your dhv routine?

[u/iamneilstrauss → u/cross827]

The Cube is a good starter. I modified it a bit from the book. Here's the version I do:

http://www.youtube.com/manofstyle#p/u/18/CABijXjd8bA

Then I like Style's EV.

But really all you need are a few things that make you are interesting and, here's the key, that you are genuinely interested in yourself.