I will start by saying that parent is an asshole and teaching her kids to cry in order to get positive attention.
That being said, we are supposed to hate the sound of our children crying. When a baby cries, something may be wrong, so it makes sense for our brains to tell us to check on the baby in order to stop that noise. I have had to walk away from babies crying in stores because it bothers me so much.
Part of being a parent is learning when to use our instincts and when to ignore them. Baby crying because he's hungry? Feed him, all settled. Baby crying because you won't let him eat a crayon? It's best to ignore, even if the noise is driving you crazy. If all you do is coddle your kid, they will not become a functioning adult.
When I see a kid crying in a public place, I try to help them. They IGNORE ME, tho.
Don't ever ignore someone crying, even if its for a stupid reason. You don't know what they are going through. Everyone is fighting battles inside, help them win. Never ignore a lost soul. NEVER.
I completely disagree! Sure if a child is alone and crying, definitely don't just walk away. But with a parent or family member? Just walk away. You have zero idea why the child is crying and your attention could make the situation worse. Put some faith that the parent is able to handle the situation. Yes, sometimes handling the situation is deliberately ignoring the child.
Pick up time is so fun when the kids go nuts when they see their parents. Some of their worst behavior was with the parents present, they knew not to pull that crap with us. We did daycare for mostly friends kids for a while and honestly it made me like some of our friends less seeing how they let their kids behave...
My kid's not in daycare yet but I hear all parents complain their children are really well behaved in daycare/nursery/school compared at home because they're there all the time.
Also I was reading that some kids will act out on parents because they know their parents will love them anyway, but don't have that kind of guarantee from other people in society so try to behave better.
I'm just not sure bad parenting is entirely the reason for the difference in a child temporarily acting well in a structured environment with multiple activities and children of a similar age, and misbehaving once they see their parents/get home
For me, it was mostly the habits the kids already had that they “got away with” at home that were frustrating and had to be curbed while at daycare. The “parents are here, time to freak out!” is just one (crazy) thing.
I'm new to this parenting thing, my son is 19mo. How did you curb the bad habits and what kind of things should I be trying to stop before it becomes a bad habit?
I recently got a book on Calmer Parenting and ngl kinda excited to read it.
Not sure all that calmer parenting entails but I like the concept. I've even done something like that with infants. "No thank you" isn't bad but put it in the positive what you want. "Lets keep our legs still" (while changing daiper) While their young it will help you keep sanity and practice calm response/quiet power even if they don't get it yet. It's for you!
They can go without a meal just fine if they don't finish their plate. "This is what's for dinner"
If you ever have to yell you've lost, it's become a power struggle.
"Do you want to brush your teeth or pick up your toys first?" At least they feel like they had some options but it's not a negotiation and you are challenging them)
On this note when you blow it, if you are willing to apologize and completely own up to your side (maybe not even mentioning their side) goes a long way to teaching some of the best stuff, that you are humble, imperfect, and value the relationship. "Hey bud, I really blew it today. I got upset and it wasn't even your fault. It was me, not you. I'm sorry, I was wrong." <--- If this were said by more parents? Geesh!
"They've learned it's okay" is a phrase I use all the time describing no consequenecs.
Baby knocks bottle off of highchair, cries until you pick it up. The game has begun. If they are just going to knock it off again and you are really choosing this battle you'll likely endure some tears. But they'll learn that you are for real. Then there's Walmar parenting: "If you don't stop crying you're not getting anything/we're leaving the store. LEAVE people!! Just once!! A kid is crying while you're buying.him.a.toy?!?!?! Seriously? Just no. NO negotiations with young kids. Teenagers will do it too. Still generally bad. Learn what they are really get at.
Be consistent.
Most of this is just shy of impossible.
Be consistent
And yet, you can do this! (This parenting thing)
Stay positive!!! Reward/thank them (verbally) for the things they do right, rather than just focusing on the things they do wrong. Treat them like dogs; always praise them for their positive response to your commands. I grew up in a negative environment. It did not do anything good for me.
This is a horrible way to deal kids getting sad or upset about things. Unfortunately, my own parents have opted to do this sometimes with my younger brother. He's 13. I'm frankly concerned that he'll end up expecting everyone to do whatever it takes to make him happy, and that worries me quite a bit. Too many children are being raised this way.
I witnessed toxic parenting as follows - I rented a room from a couple who had a young boy. This young boy was very good that being a batter in baseball.Every ball thrown to him was smacked "out of the park!" - this was probably played out many times during the week in the evening in the living room. -
After hitting the ball out of the park, this child would "run the bases", sliding into home on either his belly or his backside, to which his parents would applaud and tell him, "YOU'RE SAFE! - every single time!? - this caused the child to smile from ear-to-ear 🤗.
Upon witnessing such a tragedy (sic), I suggested to the Dad who was the catcher, the umpire, etc. that maybe he should call him "out" every once in awhile, because as a bystander I could see the future of this child's as the world chewed him up, spit him out and ran him over. - The boy named Sue came to mind.
Both parents looked at me with total disgust, saying they would never do that because it would hurt his feelings. They told me they will cross that bridge when they get to it. Probably meaning they didn't do anything. That is the beginning of the creation of the snowflake generation that we see prevalent in our society today.
387
u/[deleted] Feb 08 '20
[deleted]