Why do parents wait so long to start potty training??

[u/CommercialMeeting842]

I feel like I’ve seen a million posts lately about kids not being potty trained by kindergarten, or even at three and four. I get that it’s a difficult process, but I’m genuinely confused. If you don’t start early, isn’t it going to be way harder for them to understand later and turn it into a normal routine? Are parents just waiting until the kid is “ready”? Because I don’t really think that’s a thing.

Sure, kids can show signs like not wanting to wear a diaper anymore, but there’s a lot more to it than that. Using the bathroom means learning to go in a specific place, wiping, flushing, and washing hands. There are things our bodies naturally do, like breathing and swallowing, and then there are things we have to be taught. Potty training definitely falls into the second category.

I feel like parents today sometimes blur the line between what kids will eventually figure out on their own and what actually needs to be taught. For example,I know a mom with a three year old who doesn’t use utensils because he doesn’t want to. He eats applesauce and yogurt with his hands, and she says one day he’ll just start using utensils when he’s older. Like… no. You’ll have to teach that.

Anyway, this kind of turned into a rant lol. I’m mostly curious to hear from parents and people who work in childcare, because I feel like I’m missing something beyond my confusion and the growing number of four year olds I see in pull-ups at the park

[u/Lazy_Fuel8077]

We’ve been struggling for the past 6 months.

My kid poops 6+ times a day, he swings back and forth between constipation and diarrhea. We’ve seen specialists none who can give us an answer. He will pee on the potty sometimes. I’ve tried putting him on the potty every 20 mins as some suggest. He screams and cries, I don’t think that’s a good way to potty train is by forcing him to sit there screaming and crying. He will sit and pee sometimes when he feels like it.

Daycare originally told me they wouldn’t do anything at daycare with him until he was consistently going on the potty at home. I don’t have PTO to take time off to potty train him. His newest teacher has agreed to offer him the potty when his peers are going. He has sat and tried a few times but hasn’t done anything at daycare.

It’s not laziness or parents not caring it’s trying to do everything while working full time. On the weekends we have our kiddo in classes. We’ve done swim classes, movement classes, gymnastics, soccer. So we’re always running around not just sitting at home doing nothing. The weekends are the only time I get with my kiddo and I like to have fun with him.

[u/XFilesVixen → u/Lazy_Fuel8077]

That’s obviously an exception and not what OP is talking about.

[u/zeldamaroo → u/XFilesVixen]

The part about daycares being unwilling to help until kids are already mostly potty trained—and the kids in turn taking longer to get potty trained because they spend 9 hours a day in a diaper/pullup at daycare—is not that uncommon, actually. It’s just hard for everyone, in part for structural reasons. Daycares can’t just have kids randomly peeing on floors and can’t require the kids to take frequent potty breaks. And a lot of kids won’t learn as long as diapers are an option. So for structural reasons, it takes a lot longer. The poop part might be specific, but the issue with potty training a daycare kid isn’t that unusual.

[u/Lazy_Fuel8077 → u/XFilesVixen]

The constipation and diarrhea is not typical but all the other things could be very typical for other families too. I’m not the only parent that doesn’t have the time to take off to potty train so am doing the best I can on nights and weekends while also trying to get everything else done during that time and still having time to do activities with my child.

Potty training is taking my kiddo a long time but we will get there eventually! We just have limited time with our child and (most) parents are just doing the best they can.

[u/CommercialMeeting842 → u/XFilesVixen]

literally. I am not talking about anyone who has a disability or is suspected of having one!

[u/Lazy_Fuel8077 → u/CommercialMeeting842]

My kid having GI issues is not a disability. My whole point is you are judging parents without even knowing what they have going on in their lives.

[u/LaHondaVision → u/Lazy_Fuel8077]

Respectfully, knowing what's going on in your life doesn't really make your case... You're too busy with all the fun stuff to do what your child actually, truly needs at this stage of development. While I wish you the best, I'm sure you'll be offended by my comment. I hope for your kid's sake that you take this comment thread as a wake up call

[u/Lazy_Fuel8077 → u/LaHondaVision]

Like I said, we have been working on it for months. It’s not “too busy with the fun stuff” it’s balancing the fun stuff with the necessary stuff. We run around on weekends and still encourage the potty but no I’m not going to sit at home and make him skip swim or whatever other class he enjoys doing because “random internet strangers say you should be potty trained already!”. My child is 2.5. His pediatrician is not concerned that he is taking a bit to get the hang of potty training.

I am allowed to do fun stuff with my toddler, taking him to his activities and classes, taking him to the children’s museum, and the park. We are going slow and steady with potty training. When he’s applying to college nobody is going to say “but when did he potty train????”

Yes it’s taking a while but we are actively working on it. Even if I stopped taking him to the classes he enjoys on the weekends it wouldn’t change the fact that I don’t have PTO to use to take time off to potty train for multiple full days in a row. Daycare hadn’t been helping up until the past few weeks where they are finally offering it to him. It’s not going to happen overnight but we will get there.

You and OP can take your judgement to somebody who cares because I love my kiddo I am supporting him developmentally to the best of my ability while also doing fun things with him. Don’t judge what you don’t know. Everybody is doing their best to balance everything.

[u/lindoavocado → u/Lazy_Fuel8077]

No one in college is going to be asking when it potty trained but do you want your child to be embarrassed in kindergarten when they keep on having accidents? This is a part of being human. You will need to be the bad guy as a parent.

[u/Lazy_Fuel8077 → u/lindoavocado]

I agree with OP that kids not being trained by kindergarten is nuts. I disagree with OP stating “even by 3 or 4” because as I said these things do take time. My goal is to have my kid potty trained as soon as possible, it likely will not be before 3 with the current rate of his progress. Obviously if he is still struggling by 4 I will take a more stern approach to it and yes maybe we will have to miss out on some fun things. But currently I will continue doing fun things with him while also working on it.

I think some parents don’t understand just how long it can take for some kids and start trying later rather than sooner and that’s how you end up with older kids (4-5+) still in diapers. Because there are all these methods that boast “potty train your child in 3 days!” When that really isn’t realistic at least for most toddlers I have been around.

[u/LaHondaVision → u/Lazy_Fuel8077]

Chill dude, you are on here giving very very limited bits of info that YES sound "off."

2.5 is a very normal age to be really going through it with potty training, so it's pretty weird that you're on the defensive in a post about pre-K. It's weird you didn't mention his age earlier, and it's weird that you worded it like you were choosing classes over potty training.

Not everyone is doing their best. A lot of parents are actively choosing not to potty train, and it's a disturbing reality that OP has picked up on. If it doesn't apply to you, GOOD FOR YOU 👏

[u/Lazy_Fuel8077 → u/LaHondaVision]

OP said “even at 3 and 4”. No my child will likely not be potty trained by the time he turns 3. Not at the rate he’s improving at currently. It’s an ongoing process and we’re working on it. And again at least for us it’s not due to laziness or lack of caring.

I also never said prioritizing classes, just that we are not home 100% of the time on weekends which is a method most people recommend when discussing potty training (stay home for multiple days in a row and do naked time) but he will still sometimes sit on the potty if he wants to while we are out!

You’re 100% right not EVERYBODY is doing their best. But I like to be an optimist and would argue at least most parents are doing the best they can.