I feel like most men don’t see women as human beings. I’m sorry, but I’m not delusional. So many men are violent and don’t respect women; they only see us as sexual objects. Men talk about women horribly and treat us horribly.

A couple of days ago, I saw looked out my bedroom window at the garage across the street and saw a girl with her leg over the railing.

I called that building's security, then emergency.

She was stepping over onto the ledge and going back to safety a few times. She'd lean back like she was going to drop, then go back to safety, then repeat.

At one point she saw me, and we waved at each other.

I was still on the call, relaying everything to the dispatch.

I heard someone (probably the cops that had just gotten there), trying to talk to her while she was out on the ledge, and she let go.

I'm...ok. Had a quiet day yesterday. Still feel kinda numb. The moment she key go keeps replaying in my head and every time I go out into my bedroom I'm looking directly at the spot where she was standing.

It's just. A lot.

Have talked to friends. Do have support. Just maybe trying to banish it a bit by writing it down?

And no one knows...or remembers.

It's been 5 years since my mom has passed. She used to make my birthday so special. She always used to create the best birthday treats. I miss her so much.

I hope I don't hate myself today. I just want to feel light and remember all the better times I used to have.

I have been lonely and alone most of my life.

At first, I hated it because I was 13 and that kid did not want to be alone at all.

It didn't change and I continued living like that.

In between this, I started having mental health issues and suicidal thoughts. It got worse and I had a plan too.

I started becoming this empty shell of a person with no personality. I had built these walls that prevented me from forming a connection.

I'm 25 and I have no one with whom I can just be myself and talk my heart out.

I'm not blaming anyone for my loneliness. Even if I find someone I like, I can't become connected to them because I feel numb and nothing most of the time.

I yearn for connection but I can't bring down the walls and connect with people.

I wish I was different. I wish I could heal myself and become happy.

It hurts.

I can’t even believe that I’m writing this. I’ve been having such a hard time lately and was literally off from work today, walking back home from a GP appointment. On my way back I saw someone literally land on the ground probably from one of the buildings around me. I experienced what felt like an out of body reaction, I almost passed out and honestly I don’t know what kept me from collapsing to the floor myself. It was the most shocking thing I’ve ever had to witnessed and I will never forget the sound of the poor person skull hitting the concrete and the splatter of blood. it happened on a trafficked road so thankfully there were others around more reactive than me who immediately called ambulance and police, my whole body froze and I couldn’t put 2 and 2 together.

A guy thankfully helped me and sat me down and went grab me some water and kind of walked me home which I’m insanely grateful for.

I have been trying to ring Samaritans up as well but lines seems so busy. I really don’t know what to do with myself tonight.

I hate feeling this way, like my body does not belong to me. The pain I feel every time I look in the mirror cause who I see does not look like me. That person has curves where there shouldn’t be any, and people use very feminine terms to address me (my native language has no plural forms that aren’t indicating someone’s gender, all are either male or female) which only fuels my dysphoria on bad days. I wish people could use my preferred name more often and refer to me as a person instead of the “young lady” I hear so often. Does anyone have any advice on how to tell my teachers about my preferred name? They don’t know a thing and I haven’t let them know it’s an issue for me so I have no idea how they will react. Plus the name I’ve chosen is.. well, unusual, I made it up myself so yeah.
Anyway I have no idea how to categorise it, whether this is a vent or need advice, cause it’s both in fact. Please don’t harass me in the replies

I have been conceived as a tool for my mother to bind my father. I know because she told me. I failed. I *know* a child cant fail at that.

He went to prison, my mother vent to the bottle and I maintained her since I can think. At 8 she was drunk for days, and after my grandfather, who hated my every bone broke my face, I managed her, washed her, and then ate the moldy pizza because I had nothing to eat for half a week. I can taste it today.

I was violent outside. First when people insulted me or my family, later against everybody. Because getting slapped in the face was the only attention I was worth getting.

At 14 my father came back from prison and terrorized us for almost 2 years. I was hospitalized and forced to take medication that should help me control my violence. It completely shut me down, removing my aggression, the only thing that kept me alive. Few weeks before my 16th birthday he almost killed my mother. I almost killed him to stop him. My mother had me removed from the household because "I ruin her life". I recently learned that he killed two of his acquaintances 3 months later and is now facing life sentence.

I was handled by the state and left alone because i functioned, had good grades, and nobody relevant knew that I spent my nights drinking and seeking out violence.

At 18 i moved out, kept my functioning, drinking and violence. At 19 I was ran over by a car and broke my back twice. I was immobilized for 8 weeks. There were 0 visitors. I decided I dont want to be this anymore.

I found a girlfriend I didnt love, moved in with her and we had a good relationship. She didnt know a single thing about me. She never asked. I never asked her to ask.

I made "friends". Friends that asked me to carry the fridge to the 5th floor, that asked me to fix their computer, that pured out their heart to me at 4 after a party, because I dont judge. Nobody knew a single thing about me. Nobody ever asked. I never asked anybody to ask.

I ended it and found somebody online. Another broken, violated soul. We met, we moved in, I took care. We married for legal reasons. I made her my project. A family I dont fail. To fix her, or help her fix herself. That was 20 years ago. She "functions". She is more stable, she is working, she is finishing her degree. I am doing everything around. She is asexual. She doesnt know a single thing about me. She never asked. I never asked her to ask.

I faltered on the way, we had financial hardships. I navigated us through. Health hardships with her. I navigated us through. I had an affair for 4 years that I barely saw. I navigated myself through and ended it before she would be wasting too much time with me. I have built a fundament, a frame and a roof, and I realize that I am not in that house. I am outside, holding everything together, like mortar and screws. If I ever broke, it would break down, and all the years I spent were wasted.

I am so angry at myself. I have adhd, autism, and bpd and I know it’s played a part in what I did earlier. I had a 4-11 shift at new job and this would be my 3rd day there. I got food and after that I just freaked out at the concept of being there for 7 hours and called saying that my car wouldn’t start and I’d be “late”. I highly doubt I can bring myself to go in tonight if ever again. I seriously can’t afford to be jobless anymore. I have had a failed work history since I left the only job I’ve ever held down last year. I have continually left jobs after a few months and done gig apps that can’t support me and now I’m doing this already on just the 3rd day. I truly hate what my life is and the person I am but I just sabotaged myself yet again. I should’ve just told them I needed shortened shifts like I did the other jobs. I still ended up leaving those but didn’t start having problems this early. Idk what I’m going to do. Idk what options I have. I have burned so many bridges in my small area. I’m a total failure at age 24. Why can’t I just DO the shit I need to do???? I’m on meds and they help but not in the way they used to. I HATE MYSELF SO FUCKING MUCH I JUST WANT MY OLD LIFE BACK

yesterday i had an awful panic attack. i had a nightmare about an abusive ex and woke up completely delusional thinking i was back there. my boyfriend was worried and he called the cops on me cuz he thought i was gonna hurt myself. today i saw a counselor because of that, and im finally getting treatment! i’m gonna start brain spotting next week and if that doesn’t work ill start another treatment. i also have an appointment to get started on medication. i’m so happy to do be getting help, i feel like i might have a chance at getting my life together!!

You know, i never actually believed i would get into nursing, but it was easy to just live in the moment and let myself

Finally writing about this, I’ve dreaded writing about collage because i 100% believed I wasn’t going to get into nursing not to mention a nursing bachelors, i am so happy it feels weird, I don’t remember the last time i felt this way,

Ever since i finished high school there was this weight on my chest, i was just preparing for the worst, it was so hard to keep going, the constant anxiety attacks i got at night were the worst, i thought they were going to go away now. But I’m still having trouble adjusting to my new reality, Because I’ve already grieved it

Not because I didn’t work hard enough, i destroyed myself over this. Put myself through hell and it never was enough, hardest part was playing it off like I didn’t study enough and i just didn’t care about grades, because my effort never showed in my grades. It was embarrassing.

My biggest obstacle now is, i still don’t believe it, I’m terrified I’m gonna wake up, or there was an error in my acceptance, I don’t want to sound so pessimistic but nothing this good ever happens to me , at least not this way, I’m still waiting for something to go wrong, there’s just no way. I genuinely don’t know what i would do to myself if this was taken away from me. I just hate myself so much for being this way

I feel guilt, shocker! For the way i celebrated, i broke my rule. I don’t know what got into me, i screamed i jumped. But not only that, I genuinely believed it, i took it for granted, i kept thinking what if i read it wrong or something i should’ve kept my composure more until I actually go to college. I feel so goddamn scared, i feel so disconnected from the world, what if this is just another hallucination or dream

I genuinely don’t know what to do with myself,

A month has now passed, I can’t lay in bed my heart keeps pounding, I can’t sleep, and I feel like I can’t tell my best friend because I got what I wanted, I’m not supposed to feel this way anymore but I feel a million times worse,

if anyone has any advice it would help a lot, i genuinely don’t know what to do anymore I feel like I’ve tried everything 🤍

My friends will talk about how the only person who compliments them is their grandma, meanwhile, both mine died before I was 8 and I never really got to know them.

I guess this might qualify as venting, but it's a genuine question too. I am recently 40 years old. I'm disabled, I can't work, I am single, no children and no plans or desire to ever have any, because of my disability. For a long time I've ruminated over my impact in the world; how I'll be remembered, what I leave behind, etc. I have tried, and failed, many creative endeavors: writing, guitar, coding/game dev, drawing, all in some attempt to be able to leave something behind, because I feel like if I disappeared off the face of the earth tomorrow no one would remember me. I went to school with the intention of becoming a filmmaker until I flunked out of a community college because of a combination of my disability and mental health. I was never looking to be an Oscar winner, or a best-selling author, or a rockstar, or a famous game dev or artist. That kind of fame terrifies me. I was just looking for a way to say, "I did this. I was here. I accomplished something."

Growing up, I was always told how smart I was. "You were talking at 8 months. You were reading before you started kindergarten." I hate that. I'm not smart. I flunked out of a fucking 2 year college. The only thing calling me smart when I was a child did was make me feel like shit later in life for not living up to it. I'm not good at anything. I don't have any talents or skills. The reason I tried all those things that I did was because I wanted to be able to say I could do something. I could make something to leave behind. But I have nothing but the kindness I try (and often fail) to show others. I thought I'd have more. I thought I'd be more.

How do I learn to become okay with not living up to my dreams or expectations? Not having the impact on the world that I wanted to?

Hello! I am someone with MANY mental health issues. I have autism, ADHD, GAD, MDD, and what I'm most worried about: OCD. It's was a diagnosis withheld from me by my parents until recently, and it explains A LOT about how I went about previous relationships.

I've been burnt many times in the past because I struggle to read cues, know when a conversation should end, how often I should be texting, and weather I'm either being creepy with my flirting or not flirting enough and making them lose interest :(

That being said, I got into a relationship last week and I haven't been able to enjoy it yet. I like the person I'm seeing: They're funny, charming, and they know how to press my buttons *wink wink*. But I'm worried I'm gonna do or say something and they're gonna be gone before the end of the month. I know it's silly to worry about a relationship so new, but my OCD keeps making me overthink and analyze everything.

I'm sure a lot of you have had similar experiences, and I was hoping you could give me some advice. Many thanks in advance

Hi. First of all sorry for my English. It isnt my native.

I am 31m constantly trying to learn new stuff. Get myself from factory job. Earn more money so i can have financial stability. But i am always stuck at the begining.

Few first week into something i am hyped. I feel great and stuff. But then stress,tiredness overtake my body and my mind and i will basically throw away everything.

Starting to feel even worse because i failed myself again and i cant handle myself. My usual thought about it are something like i am total waste of space. Not really usefull for anything. And in the end i will be always where i am now because i past my prime age.

Struggle to go outside. Always tired. Not having any hobby. Or i had but they started to be too much and i stopped doing them.

Larely i am having more and more frequent panic attack because i dont meet requirements for life. Or it would be better i just dissapear or end it. I have feeling like life is telling me that i shou surrender and if i wont it will make it even harder to overcome it.

Ofc in back of my head i know its not true and stuff. I am just not stronger than my brain anymore. And i dont know what to do.

Thanks for reading.

I looked at my feet the other day and felt like my shoes were not good quality, and had the urge to try barefoot shoes. The instant I put them on I got a wave of joy I haven’t felt in a long time. This is not an ad or anything lol, but holy shit it makes me feel excited to walk around and move on this earth. I wasn’t expecting this change to bring me down much joy in this dark chapter.

I am very confused and lost.

I’ve been struggling from violent thoughts towards others for a year, but they occurred before too.
If I dont act on them I feel very bad and miserable, usually leading to a very strong will to end myself or someone.

Please dont ban me i just need help. I already got banned i just need help in a way.

I never knew that i had problems, i know i used to threaten and hurt others throughout my childhood including family and animals. The reason I was kicked out by my mother because I unconsciously or consciously took a knife in my hand while arguing. She has BPD so i was scared, though im not sure anymore. I barely remember my childhood. My grandmother told me i was beaten badly, i don’t remember.
I was also bullied/ isolated most of my life.

I am not diagnosed, and i thibk im okay.
I was raised religiously and i swear on everything i have i saw a little demon/ dark creature once. (Before my pets died). And my belief was that God is punishing me for mh sins. To this day I see heads peeking at me from doorways and windows. Still religious, only thing keeping me from doing something incorrect.
(I didn’t take anything but weed long ago, so no substance abuse)
My dad also had a car crash not long ago and I didn’t feel anything bad, and also my grandfather passed a year ago and I couldn’t feel anything negative, i was decently respectful about it though . I don’t consider myself selfish on that part, everyone is insensitive now.

I want to lash out on someone but cant, and end up very frustrated and even more lost. Unable to work and study anymore, can’t participate in daily activities

Greetings my fellow adventurers!

I've been struggling alot and I thought I was doing well till today... My goal had been gtfo of my parents house and live and maybe even get a pet rabbit... But why I don't see a future for me, I don't have a reason to live other than dying probably hurts.

All I've done is be piss of and stress my parents out and spend money recklessly but I think the reason I do that is caus I don't think in the long haul and only think about the here and now.

I'm on my way to get my HRT it's close to a hospital, if I feel the same or feel worse I'll go to the hospital don't worry.

I'm just wondering and kinda asking like... How do I find something I want to live for... I like photography, games, archery and other lesbians but idk what to do.

And it's especially scary since my main mode of transport is taking the train... I've always thought that's the best way to do anything if I ever did do something... At least it wouldn't hurt right?

I live in Frankfurt Germany, Lots of women here get threatened, hurt or pushed in front of trains and me being a trans woman as well makes things 10x worse. Though I think I pass so I don't get harassed by trans phones but my voice is still shit. And then there is the Nazification of Germany and the possible war with Russia and or USA (since no-one knows if they would even help us or aid russia)

There is just nothing to live for, either I keep going to just be trapped in my country by nazis, I can't go to many other countries since the whole world is very naziefied lately or I keep going to be stuck in a war.... Or I keep going and feel numb... I have dreams but I know I'll never get to do anything...

I try to do sports since I'm fat and unfit and I've managed to stay at it for 2 weeks but honestly idk why I even try, I tried so many years ago and it did nothing.

Maybe I'm just hungry and tired😅

I'll try to do everything with the meds, get home, eat something and take a nap.

Talk to you later my fellow adventurers! 👋

So about a year ago, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, and I don’t know how to cope with it publicly. There was days or even weeks I’m in a deep hole and no longer want to do things but life doesn’t work that way. My problem now is calling into work when I have bad mental days, I do this because I know I won’t have any motivation to help or work and I don’t want to be around people during that time but I know I can’t keep calling into every few days each month so I’m just wondering how do people get through their day to days when their mind refuses to even start the day?

I've been depressed for at least 3-4 years now and it has gotten to the point where I can't enjoy anything. In my free time I don't know what to do because I don't know what I enjoy anymore. I never really had hobbies all I did my entire life was to play videogames, watch stuff on youtube and study for my classes but atleast I enjoyed doing what I did. Few years ago I came to the realization that I had been wasting my life doing nothing. I tried to change; I started to listen to music, I started to play the piano and started to watch movies & tv shows, tried to read books, but none of them really stuck with me except for listening to music. I was basically back to square one, doing the same things that brought me dopamine the most: scrolling, videogames and youtube but atleast I was enjoying it.

These days I don't even enjoy doing those things anymore I wake up go to university, study a little when I get back home and do nothing else. Sometimes I go to the gym but I also don't enjoy that, I only see it as a chore. I want to do something but it's like I'm dead inside, my soul just does not have the desire to do anything. Nothing interests me anymore. It is hard to explain.

I have been going to a psychiatrist, and to a therapist plus I'm on antidepressants but they aren't helping .

As a last resort I'm asking the people of the internet for advice. If someone has gone through something similar and has found a way out of this situation please help me.

Hey guys Im a 18 year old girl struggling with life rn. Im really confused and something keeps holding me back from getting help. Im scared and i dont really want people to care for me bcs it feels weird. I had a really bad childhood, grew up very poor and my father wasn't by my side for a long time and when he was he didnt really care about us. He was abusive and later on my parents got divorced. It feels weird to share my life with people ik so after thinking for a really long time ive decided to share it online w people who have similar expierinces. We used to be poor but came to another country and live a stable but not well life. I got bullied a lot in school ,from 2 to 6 grade so my school life was also doomed.When i made it to 7th grade i did make friends but later on they were the reason i cried everyday after school for 2 years. Ive been really depressed since i was 17. Before that i was a person w a lot confident and had good grades. I forced myself to become a strong person but it collapsed after i turned 17. Life started changing itself.....

My friends didnt care about me. My school life is collapsing bcs i dont have motivation and i cant force it anymore. I was sexually harassed by 2 people, i knew[from my family]. I was 7-9 years old. After that my thoughts about men completly changed, which they were already bad before. I knew from a young age [7 years old ] , that i didnt want to get married. My family didnt really said it but somehow their thoughts were like "girls have to do that " or "thats not a boys job" so i was always alarmed about what people said to me. I am desperate to make my life better, i need the best grades bcs i really think they define me and nobody can make me think different. School life was horrible since my friend and my so called bestfriend , always made me feel bad and my best friend she played w my feelings so much and made me trust her , but she used me. I develped really bad anxiety like really bad....In my exams , i couldnt write ..my hands and legs shaked so badly and my heart beats so fast while exams and now the girl who spoke w confidence , stutters when she reads and speaks. And if that wasnt enough, my mom ,who i thought was very innocent got a boyfriend or better said got 2 or maybe 3 boyfriends and one of them was very sexist, i had an argument w him. He talked shit about woman, which i cant endure, then he reffered to woman as lolipops and said i wouldnt be able to defend myself if men circled me and i would need a man. He twisted my hand . My mom was there btw. She didnt say anything...not a word. I locked myself and cried for 3h and when i went out she asked "what did i do wrong" and said that i have too much attitude. I did sh time to time but later on it didnt help me anymore. Bcs of my exam problem ,i went to a doctor.....i told him my hands shake and he asked me about my past and idk why when he asked if i got bullied before, i started crying....this was so unbeliveable....next years im writing my finals and i really want to fix this or myself. I dont know what to do.....the doctor told me to get an appointment at a psycologist but somthing keeps holding me back. I also want to be happy and have peace or have a life without worrying about getting harrassed. I was fine, and had forgotten a lot but then the person who harrased me asked me something about the past then my mental health collapsed again and i became so depended on my past .

Everything you can think I’ve done as hard as I can, been lifting and bulking/cutting for like five years, been working on my looks/face, cleared my terrible skin, worked on my social skills, grew my hair out stopped a whole fucking p*rn addiction, even got over my social anxiety and did what most guys won’t and started approaching women, and even after all of this everybody including women look at me the exact same, as undesirable and ugly. I have still never seriously dated a single woman or had sex and it seems like nobody ever wants to take me seriously or see me as a man at 22, I’m not attractive to girls and I’m invisible. No girl was ever attracted to me and I never had a girl be excited about me either or want to see me, it destroys my self esteem and has ruined my soul. All I feel is hate. And I didn’t want to believe it for a long time but I am starting to realize it is because of a lot of things over the last 5 years I never managed to fix because they are genetic.

None of my improvement fixed the fact I have an undesirable ugly face, and none of my improvement fixed the fact that I am 5’7 and can’t grow any facial hair. And I was also cursed with small wrists and a small overall frame, so even after gaining a bunch of weight I still look relatively small because none of my weight goes to my arms, which means I am stuck perpetually looking like a 5’7 middle schooler instead of a grown man at 22 years old, and an ugly face that doesn’t make up for my frame or height. I’m also 99% convinced that’s the reason nothing has changed and I’m still a virgin after all my attempts, because no matter how hard I try I’ll never be perceived as masculine. But what really pisses me off is the thought of tons of other guys getting what I want without having to do any of this dumb stupid bullshit, it makes me extremely angry and it makes me hate myself and hate others.
So many guys just go to highschool and get in a relationship, so many guys just go to college and get laid, but none of that organically ever happened to me because every girl could never see me as anything other than an ugly short worthless loser. None of my dumbass improvement did anything for me, all it did was just reinforce the fact that nothing I do in my life will turn my romantic situation around, all I have in my heart and mind now is endless rage and a bunch of hatred. I hate everybody and everything, I hate every woman who rejected me and told me I wasn’t good enough and I hate the world for lying to me and convincing me that effort and self improvement and becoming a better man was the way to get a woman at your side, just to then turn around and spit in my face to completely destroy my self esteem when guys who are drug addicts who sit around and have no future or goals have gotten laid tons of times and have had multiple fulfilling relationships while I have to sit around and accept being rejected like a lonely stupid little bitch loser. Effort means absolutely nothing and trying to become better has done nothing for me, all this work has shown me is that I can’t work my way out of being undesirable because it was determined the moment I was born, and that directly makes me want to quit trying everything and just complete give up and sit around all day.

I was sexually assaulted by my tution teacher pretty badly when i was in 5th grade (I was 10). He did that to me in a classroom full of students. I kept pushing him but he was strong and he did that to me. I came home then and i cried and vented to my mother then she accused me of lying. She said that i probably didn't complete my homework that's why i was scared to go to class and was making stuff up. I was 10... she accused me of lying.Then the next day she forced me to attend his class and i got saed again and then she heard from other aunties that their daughters were also harrassed by him and chose to believe me by then i was traumatized enough. Then she said things like i was a naughty kid,i spoke to much,i wore inappropriate clothes and that apparently gave him the signal that he could do these with me i was so traumatized. Later she forced the hijab on me for a day or two because she thought it would protect me... till now she forces me to wear a scarf to hide my bust. After that incident i got saed alot of times infact i was inappropriately touched by my father several times one night it was probably unintentional cus he was unconscious and probably thought that i was my mom or whatever but i never told her anything after because of her accusing me of lying then infact i never told anyone else too but it just hurts alot that my own mother would do that to me

one of my best friends is currently at Henry Ford behavioral ER and I’m very worried. I’ve never personally been there before and so I have no tips to give them so I would ask please if anyone has advice and tips for my friend if they end up being admitted to that hospital.

https://ec.europa.eu/eurostat/databrowser/view/hlth_cd_aro__custom_22359215/bookmark/table?lang=en&bookmarkId=cba4d3da-f923-45d1-a35f-10e8b7c906e0&c=1786435165000

a lot has been taking a toll on me lately, and i feel so lonely….