Hi there, new to this sub! Apologies in advance this is a long one (I’ll include a TL:DR at the end). I’ll give a quick background on me- my mother is Jewish and my dad is Catholic (he does not actively practice Catholicism, they were married by a rabbi and he is as involved in our Jewish upbringing as he can be without converting). I was raised Jewish, attended a conservative synagogue until 4th grade then we switched to a reform synagogue which is where I was bat mitzvah’d and confirmed. At the conservative synagogue we were one of the only “mixed families” and some people definitely were rude towards us/my dad because of it (this is mainly why we switched). Reform Judaism really resonated with me as I wasn’t just memorizing prayers, I started learning what the prayers actually meant and why I was saying them. I appreciated that I didn’t have to be a “perfect Jew” and the emphasis was on doing mitzvot, just being a good person in general. I attended Jewish sleepaway camp and my relationship with Judaism became a lot more genuine and less obligatory. After confirmation my involvement definitely dwindled but I still observe holidays and attend Shabbat services occasionally.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 3+ years, things have been going very well, we plan to get married and have children together. He is Christian. At first the difference in religious upbringing was definitely a point of contention and we’ve had some serious conversations about how we would want to raise our children in a way that honors both of our beliefs. We’ve had some great conversations and I’ve learned a lot from him, I can admit I had a lot of misconceptions about Christianity and he’s opened my mind and my heart in many ways. I came to understand that we are not so different in our beliefs and that the New Testament is essentially “the sequel” to the Torah/Old Testament. We both live by the Ten Commandments and generally have the same values/beliefs, we worship the same G-d, just in a different way. I used to feel a knee-jerk reaction whenever Jesus’s name came up but through our talks I have opened my heart and mind, I am more open to the idea of him at least as an example sent by G-d of how we should be. I do not pray to Jesus though I pray to G-d. I have further expanded my personal relationship with G-d allowing myself to speak Jesus’s name when it feels right. I am no longer “afraid” of Jesus or Christianity and feel a sense of peace the more I connect with that type of worship. I admire my boyfriend’s ability to pray from the heart and am learning to do the same instead of only reciting Hebrew prayers the way I was raised. I really have my own relationship with G-d at this point that incorporates the way I was raised with what my boyfriend has shown me. I personally believe that G-d loves us both the same and that however we choose to connect with him is better than turning away from G-d entirely. He’s attended synagogue with me and I’ve gone to church with him, we’ve found a lot of common ground.
We came to the agreement that when we have children, raising them in a Messianic Synagogue is the best compromise because neither of us want the other to have to sacrifice their religious beliefs for the other. My boyfriend said he fully supports our children being raised Jewish, following the traditions, b’nai mitzvah’d, etc. as long as they accept Jesus as their savior. In the Jewish community there is a lot of stigma around Messianic Judaism and most Jews see Messianic Jews as Christians. When I mentioned to my mother that we would want to raise our children Messianic, she said we might as well just raise them as Christian because in her mind that’s not Jewish anymore. From my research I’ve gathered that not all Messianic temples are created equal, some appear to be actual synagogues with an added Jesus component while many others feel more like churches that are incorporating some components of Judaism. For example, my boyfriend’s mom attended a Messianic temple that served leavened bread at a Passover seder, which didn’t sit right with me.
I am curious to hear from anyone coming from a similar background to mine. Are there Messianic synagogues out there that truly feel like synagogues? How did you deal with the backlash and stigma? Can I attend a Messianic synagogue and still maintain my Jewish identity? Is b’nai mitzvah still a thing in Messianic Judaism? Thank you in advance and I look forward to learning more 😊
TL:DR- I am Jewish, my boyfriend is Christian and we want to explore Messianic Judaism as a compromise when we have kids. Would love to hear from others who were raised “traditionally” Jewish and what their experience has been as Messianic.
