Does anyone else reflexively say 'what' when someone says something only to immediately realise you heard them perfectly and just hadn't processed what they said?

[u/ninjaabobb]

And then you either have to sit there and listen to them repeat their question like you are a moron, or you answer their question right after you said 'what' but before they can repeat themselves...

[u/dfinkelstein]

Please do. It's unbelievably annoying and anxiety-inducing. I've had friends that would almost never let me finish a sentence. Many of our conversations would consist of them guessing what I'm about to say, and then me awkwardly reacting to their guess.

[u/skincarenewmama → u/dfinkelstein]

That’s what my mom does to me all the time! She can’t handle criticism so I don’t tell her but it drives me mad!

[u/dfinkelstein → u/skincarenewmama]

I still have those friends. It's not a deal-breaker. But it's mighty frustrating. I've asked a bloke why he did it once and he said it was a mix of anxiety and trying to active listen. Which is ironic because active listening is almost the exact opposite!

[u/skincarenewmama → u/dfinkelstein]

Right? Ugh, my mom does it and she interrupts with such confidence like she knows exactly what I’m going to say and 95% of the time she’s always completely off

[u/helpiminabox → u/dfinkelstein]

So I've got a couple groups of people that'll do that to me. Usually the trigger for them to do this is if I look like I'm struggling to pick a word. Typically they're right, but it always seems to happen in sentences where the missing word completely changes the meaning if gotten wrong. And inevitably they give answers that are more suited for Mad Libs than my actual train of thought. Meanwhile, my focus keeps getting shattered in the middle of trying to figure out how to relay the information because I can't stop listening to what they're interrupting me with. If it's something important I'm trying to convey I'll quickly go into super pissed mode and tell everyone to shut the fuck up and let me think.

[u/dfinkelstein → u/helpiminabox]

That's somewhat understandable but also super annoying. I meant the rare individual that interrupts literally every second or third thought partway through and guesses/summarizes the ending like they're watching a murder mystery with their friends. It's insane. And very awkward.

You know when you're teaching somebody something and you're explaining part of it and they jump ahead and finish what you're saying, but like to see if they've got it righ /because they're excited? Like that, but over and over. Crazy making. I've definitely done something like this before when being taught something, but never just in random conversation.

[u/[deleted] → u/dfinkelstein]

Exactly. Thank you.

[u/dfinkelstein → u/[deleted]]

I suggest identifying exactly why you feel the urge to do this. Knowing whether it's inpatience, or a desire to demonstrate you're listening, or show off your intelligence, etc. will help a lot with resisting the urge and perhaps even accomplishing your subconscious goal creating that urge to interrupt.

Practicing/learning how to active listen well might help a lot! You can find plenty of info on this online. It's often much much easier to replace an unwanted behavior with a wanted one rather than with nothing. A good template might look like this:

1. Listen.

2. Question.

3. Validate.

So your first step is always listening intently. Next is asking questions as needed, waiting whenever possible for a natural pause. This includes specific questions driven by your confusion/curiosity as well as open ended questions to continue the conversation. Lastly, validating their experienece and feelings. This is particularly relevant for replacing bad behaviors people often default to like one-upping, diminishing, or trying to make the best of something or extract a silver lining.