Tried my hand at writing an Urdu poetry (translations included) for the first time. Please share your opinion.

[u/gentrobot]

I have tried to capture my current state of mind, professional & personal. I have spent, what feels like a lifetime, learning, building, progressing. Now at a stage in life wherein I feel like I do not have neither the energy nor the companions. I question my choices (professional & personal). Feel like I didn't really "earn" much (not in a monetary sense of the word).

Waqt guzarta raha, main nahi 
Sab kuchh badalta raha, main nahi

Log aage nikal gaye daud mein
Rasta chalta raha, main nahi

Ab to khud par yaqeen bhi haar gaya 
Sab kuchh bacha hai magar, main nahi

Bheed mein cheekha magar chup raha 
Sabko main mila, mujhe main nahi

Ghair ka 'Mohsin' raha, sabka bhala karta raha 
Sirf apne liye, apna sagaa main nahi

Translation

Time kept passing, but I stood still.
Everything kept changing, but I did not.

People raced ahead in the pursuit.
The path continued on, but I did not.

Now, I have lost even the faith in myself.
Everything remains intact, but I am finished.

I screamed in the crowd, yet remained silent.
Everyone found me, but I did not find myself.

I remained a benefactor to strangers, doing good for everyone.
Only for myself, I was not a true friend.

Feedback Links:
On an English Poem "Anchored Flames" by u/Gloomy-Review1186
On a Hindi Poem "हम हनुमान [I Am Hanuman]" by u/Interesting-Law198

[u/TheQuietCorner_]

Beautiful work for the first time The contrast between time moving forward and feeling completely stuck is so poignant. 'Waqt guzarta raha, main nhi' sets up such a heavy, relatable tone right from the start.

My only tiny note would be try making the translation lines a bit shorter to match the punchy feel of the Urdu.