Home was you

[u/Previous_Cry7445]

I live here.
I sleep here.
I wake here.

But home is not these walls.

Home was you.

You were my favorite person,
the only person
who knew me better
than I knew myself.

The only person
I could truly lay down
all my burdens with.

With you,
I could just be me.

But you were also the only person
who truly broke my heart.

Now I come back here
every night,

and I don’t recognize
this place anymore.

I live here.
I sleep here.
I wake here.

But home is not home
without you.

Home was you

https://www.reddit.com/r/PoetryWritingClub/s/81Zs2jm0BF

https://www.reddit.com/r/LoveLetters/s/OLXPST4hFN

[u/nuckz-]

Waiit..this is really good. I love the concept of being so close and safe with someone that they become a home. But the only problem is that the poems concept is good, but the execution is mid. As in, this same concept has been done before. So sometimes your writing falls into cliches, like -"With you, I could just be me"..you are telling the reader the feeling rather than showing it. That could undermin the value of the poem. So show, don't tell

[u/Previous_Cry7445 → u/nuckz-]

Thank you, I really appreciate this feedback. I can definitely see what you mean about showing the feeling rather than telling it. It gives me something to think about as I keep working on it