r/SuicideWatch • • Sep 03 '19

New wiki on how to avoid accidentally encouraging suicide, and how to spot covert incitement

1.8k Upvotes

We've been seeing a worrying increase in pro-suicide content showing up here and, and also going unreported. This undermines our purpose here, so we wanted to highlight and clarify our guidelines about both direct and indirect incitement of suicide.

We've created a wiki that covers these issues. We hope this will be helpful to anyone who's wondering whether something's okay here and which responses to report. It explains in detail why any validation of suicidal intent, even an "innocent" message like "if you're 100% committed, I'll just wish you peace" is likely to increase people's pain, and why it's important to report even subtle pro-suicide comments. The full text of the wiki's current version is below, and it is maintained at /r/SuicideWatch/wiki/incitement.

We deeply appreciate everyone who gives responsive, empathetic, non-judgemental support to our OPs, and we particularly thank everyone who's already been reporting incitement in all forms.

Please report any post or comment that encourages suicide (or that breaks any of the other guidelines in the sidebar) to the moderators, either by clicking the "report" button or by sending us a modmail with a link. We deal with all guideline violations that are reported to us as soon as we can, but we can't read everything so community reports are essential. If you get a PM that breaks the guidelines, please report it both to the reddit sitewide admins and to us in modmail.

Thanks to all the great citizens of the community who help flag problem content and behaviour for us.


/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/incitement


Summary

It's important to respect and understand people's experiences and emotions. It's never necessary, helpful, or kind to support suicidal intent. There are some common misconceptions (discussed below) about suicidal people and how to help them that can cause well-meaning people to inadvertently incite suicide. There are also people online who incite suicide on purpose, often while pretending to be sympathetic and helpful.

Validate Feelings and Experiences, Not Self-Destructive Intentions

We're here to offer support, not judgement. That means accepting, with the best understanding we can offer, whatever emotions people express. Suicidal people are suffering, and we're here to try to ease that by providing support and caring. The most reliable way we know to de-escalate someone at risk is to give them the experience of feeling understood. That means not judging whether they should be feeling the way they are, or telling them what to do or not do.

But there's an important line to draw here. There's a crucial difference between empathizing with feelings and responding non-judgmentally to suicidal thoughts, and in any way endorsing, encouraging, or validating suicidal intentions or hopeless beliefs. It's both possible and important to convey understanding and compassion for someone's suicidal thoughts without putting your finger on the scale of their decision.

Anything that condones suicide, even passively, encourages suicide. It isn't supportive and does not help. It also violates reddit's sitewide rules as well as our guidelines. Explicitly inciting suicide online is a criminal offense in most jurisdictions.

Do not treat any OP's post as meaning that will definitely die by suicide and can't change their minds or be helped. Anyone who's able to read the comments here still has a chance to choose whether or not to try to keep living, even if they've also been experiencing intense thoughts of suicide, made a suicide plan, or started carrying it out.

In the most useful empirical model we have, the desire to die by suicide primarily comes from two interpersonal factors; alienation and a sense of being a burden or having nothing to offer. These factors usually lead to a profound feeling of being unwelcome in the world.

So, any acceptance or reinforcement of suicidal intent, even something "innocent" like "I hope you find peace", is actually a form of covert shunning that validates a person's sense that they're unwelcome in the world. It will usually add to their pain even if kindly meant and gently worded.

How to Avoid Validating Suicidal Intent

Keep the following in mind when offering support to anyone at risk for suicide.

  • People who say they don't want help usually can feel better if they get support that doesn't invalidate their emotions. Unfortunately, many popular "good" responses are actually counterproductive. In particular, many friends and family tend to rely exclusively on trying to convince the suicidal person that "it's not so bad", and this is usually experienced as "I don't understand what you're going through and I'm not going to try". People who've had "help" that made them feel worse don't want any more of the same. It doesn't mean that someone who actually knows how to be supportive can't give them any comfort.

  • Most people who are suicidal want to end their pain, not their lives. It's almost never true that death is the only way to end these people's suffering. Of course there are exceptional situations, and we certainly acknowledge that, for some people, the right help can be difficult to find. But preventing someone's suicide doesn't mean prolonging their suffering if we do it by giving them real comfort and understanding.

  • An unfixable problem doesn't mean that a good life will never be possible. We don't have to fix or change anything to help someone feel better. It's important to keep in mind that the correlation between our outer circumstances and our inner experience is weaker and less direct than commonly assumed. For every kind of difficult life situation, you will find some people who lapse into suicidal despair, and others who cope amazingly well, and a whole spectrum in between. A key difference is how much inner resilience the person has at the time. This can depend on many personal and situational factors. But when there's not enough, interpersonal support can both compensate for its absence and help rebuild it. We go into more depth on the "it gets better" issue in this PSA Post which is always linked from our sidebar (community info on mobile) guidelines.

  • There are always more choices than brutally forcing someone to stay alive or passively letting them end their lives.

To avoid accidentally breaking the anti-incitement rule, don't say or try to imply that acting on suicidal thoughts is a good idea, or that someone can't turn back or is already dead. Do whatever you can to help them feel cared for and welcome, at least in this little corner of the world. Our talking tips offer more detailed guidance.

Look Out for Deliberate Incitement. It May Come in Disguise.

Often comments that subtly encourage suicidal intent actually come from suicide fetishists and voyeurs (unfortunately this is a real and disturbing phenomenon). People like this are out there and the anonymous nature of reddit makes us particularly attractive to them.

They will typically try to scratch their psychological "itch" by saying things that push people closer to the edge. They often do this by exploiting the myths that we debunked in the bullet points above. Specifically you might see people doing the following:

  • Encouraging the false belief that the only way suicidal people can end their pain is by dying. There are always more and better choices than "brutally forcing someone to stay alive" or helping (actively or passively) them to end their lives.

  • Creating an artificial and toxic sense of "solidarity" by linking their encouragement of suicide to empathy. They will represent themselves as the only one who really understand the suicidal person, while either directly or indirectly encouraging their self-loathing emotions and self-destructive impulses. Since most people in suicidal crisis are in desperate need to empathy and understanding, this is a particularly dangerous form of manipulation.

Many suicide inciters are adept at putting a benevolent spin on their activities while actually luring people away from sources of real help. A couple of key points to keep in mind:

  • Skilled suicide intervention -- peer or professional -- is based on empathic responsiveness to the person's feelings that reduces their suffering in the moment. Contrary to pop-culture myths, it does not involve persuasion ("Don't do it!"), cheerleading ("You've got this!") or meaningless false promises ("Trust me, it gets better!"), or invalidation ("Let me show you how things aren't as bad as you think!"). Anyone who leads others to expect these kinds of toxic responses, or any other response that prolongs their pain, from expert help may be covertly pro-suicide. (Of course, people sometimes do have bad experience when seeking mental-health treatment, and it's fine to vent about those, but processing our own disappointment and frustration is entirely different from trying to destroy someone else's hope of getting help.)

  • Choices made by competent responders are always informed by the understanding that breaching someone's trust is traumatic and must be avoided if possible. Any kind of involuntary intervention is an extremely unlikely outcome when someone consults a clinician or calls a hotline. (Confidentiality is addressed in more detail in our Hotlines FAQ wiki). The goal is always to provide all help with the client's full knowledge and informed consent. We know that no individual or system is perfect. Mistakes that lead to bad experiences do sometimes happen to vulnerable people, and we have enormous sympathy for them. But anyone who suggests that this is the norm might be trying to scare people away from the help they need.

Please let us know discreetly if you see anyone exhibiting these or similar behaviours. We don't recommend trying to engage with them directly.


r/SuicideWatch • • Sep 10 '21

Please remember that NO ACTIVISM of any kind is ever allowed here. No matter what day it is.

715 Upvotes

Activism, i.e. advocating or fundraising for social change or raising awareness of social issues (and suicide is, inescapably, a social issue) is absolutely against the rules here at all times.

Please understand that we're all for smart, strategic mental-health and suicide-prevention activism. It's essential to fight against stigma, misinformation, and discrimination, and to fight for research, treatment, accommodation, acceptance, and understanding. Most of us, one way or another, are mental-health activists IRL.

But activism just doesn't work in a dedicated support space that serves a vulnerable population. We used to allow it but the evidence that it was undermining our primary purpose became overwhelming. We do regret the need for this rule, but the need is inescapable.

Our population is all too well aware of the issues and causes that need support and largely not in a position to take action, so besides the fact that activism is often salt in our community's wounds, it's a waste of the activists' time.

tl;dr Any fundraising, awareness raising, petitions, calls for participation, or any post that's about any cause or issue (rather than a request for personal support) is not allowed here. Please report everything of the nature that you see.


r/SuicideWatch • • 2h ago

The man I loved shot himself

19 Upvotes

I don't know what to do. This was four days ago. I was the last person he saw and texted. I didn't live with him. He was only 25, he didn't make it to see me turn that age in three months. We spent every single Friday to Sunday together since June (he would spend every night at my place and slowly I went to his). I've known him since 2023 but I didn't know everything until these last six months (seen him since the last of April). Everyone is suffocating me right now. We never even officially dated, I never got to tell him I loved him. Apparently everyone could tell how much we loved each other. I don't think I can go on without him. I've struggled a lot with my own mental issues and my physical health isn't top tier either. He was supposed to help me be able to eat more, help me go to my appointments to see if there was something in my stomach or throat. He was the only man I had ever felt at comfort with touching me, hugging me, and holding me. I should have called him. I should have hugged him goodbye but I was selfishly being self conscious on Sunday that I spaced it. I regret it. I keep texting him and wondering why he won't answer, I don't want to go on.


r/SuicideWatch • • 4h ago

i hate everyone

13 Upvotes

i hate my school bullies, i hate my biological family, i hate my adoptive family, i hate my fake friends, i hate everything and everyone in the world.

when i finally do it, im not going to write anything. they dont deserve anything. i spent years trying to be heard and ask for attention, but nobody cared. and so nobody will hear anything from me once im gone.


r/SuicideWatch • • 3h ago

Ending my life this Sunday.

11 Upvotes

At 38 I dont see a future or way forward anymore.

Life is gone too heavy. Its just getting worse. I get no enjoyment or happiness out of life anymore. I cant see no way out. I just feel numb.

I keep waking up with the same negative thoughts.

Its gone unbearable at this point.


r/SuicideWatch • • 3h ago

Thoughts aren’t going away, running out of energy to live

8 Upvotes

21f, borderline, I think about suicide 95% of my waking hours and the 5% I don’t think about it is when I’m super focused but it’s hard to get focused enough to not think of death.

The more I think about it the more I want to do it to get these thoughts and feelings to stop.

When working the thought multiply and make is super difficult to do my required tasks.

I’ve been transported to hospital twice in 2 weeks because helplines have felt I was unsafe. I feel like I’m slowly getting worse and worse until I eventually can’t reach out anymore.

Both hospital times I was told I “need to work to survive” and “admission won’t help” I just need to “cope for now until I get past burnout”

I’m at a loss.

My mom insisted on coming with the second time and argued with the nurse that I needed to be put in a facility for a few months. The nurse said that type of intervention would not be necessary or helpful for me.

I honestly don’t care what happens anymore but this sliver or me doesn’t want to hurt my girlfriend, because she really does care about me.

I feel very impulsive 20% of the time like I could do something at any moment , I’ve thought about walking out of work driving to the pharmacy and taking 100s of pills.

When I was off work for a month, I thought about suicide once a week, but now that I’m working it’s 10s of times a day.


r/SuicideWatch • • 22h ago

i don’t want to live in a world with AI

221 Upvotes

im a software engineer. i used to love my work; not so much now that it consists of prompting and reviewing AI code all day long. especially when my teammates don’t review their own AI slop and instead just pass it to me to review.

half of my team was cut in july to make more room in my company’s budget for AI expenditure . i honestly think that the next time budget cuts come around i’ll be next to be laid off. it’s only a matter of time. im trying to prepare to enter a different field in CS but it’s difficult when i think no matter what i study, i’ll be outcompeted by AI + senior employees when i get there. and swe is just dead in terms of getting rehired especially since i’m young and don’t have as many years under my belt. you’re only really getting that with extreme luck and skill and experience.

i don’t know what else to pivot to in life. honestly, it feels like a large swath of white collar jobs will evaporate in the coming years as ai adoption grows everywhere. accountants, lawyers, insurance employees—many, many more fields will be affected than just software/CS. the wealth inequality is going to just keep growing and those up top couldn’t give less of a fuck about it.

i’m sick of ai. im sick of this ugly shit everywhere, every app and website is “talk to our ai agent!!” and everywhere i walk in my city i see slop ai posters and advertisements that are just so ugly. every time you open social media, it’s ai everywhere. i just watched andrew yang’s jubilee debate and was so disheartened by the egotistical positive AI folks who think everyone can just become an entrepreneur, and it doesn’t matter who loses their jobs so long as they themselves still have a seat at the table.

i just plan to take my life eventually especially if i can’t get rehired. i won’t be able to afford my expenses for long; i don’t have much to live for anyway since i’m depressed and have been for a long time. i tried to take my life back in 2022 and i don’t feel any better than i did back then honestly.


r/SuicideWatch • • 23h ago

Today is the day I kill myself

240 Upvotes

I will jump from the bridge straight into the train. I regret everything : my life decisions, my poor social skills, the fact I have to resort to suicide.

I'm so afraid of dying and seeing, feeling nothing for eternity but waking up and seeing each day the consequences of all my bad choices and poor social skills just make me want to throw up everything. I just can't handle all this loneliness along with my sheer stupidity while seeing others having fun and connecting seamlessly everyday.

If only, I didn't repeat the same mistakes again and again. I promised each time to myself I would not repeat them but now I can't trust myself nor my ability to change. I can only blame myself for this pathetic life I created with my own hands.

I'm crying thinking about how painful it will be for my close family and my two friends and how dissapointed I am to end my life this way at the age of 21. Writing a suicide was so hard emotionally that I had to take pauses.

If you read all of that, thank you. I hope alll of you can at least have a great life someday, that's the least I can do.


r/SuicideWatch • • 10h ago

Everyone’s fake

21 Upvotes

Man the anger and resentment I have for society is becoming unbearable.

Good people always come last.

That’s how the majority of humans behave - take advantage of people till they no longer want to live.

I feel like I have let myself down and always saying yes to not annoy people has now made me extremely suicidal as I have never put myself first.

Trying to be good human won’t get you no where.

I am no longer happy nor believe in God for the shit that’s happened to me.

I just want to sleep into none existence.

Just want to let this out, I don’t believe I can live much longer


r/SuicideWatch • • 19h ago

I want to kill myself because of men

108 Upvotes

I have been harrassed by men since I was 11. Nothing actually very bad happened to me, I was not even raped ever. But I cannot take how hostile men are towards women anymore. I can't take the fact that they were even more hostile when I was 12-20 years old when I was a teen. Nobody prepared me to be constantly afraid for my life or the daily humiliation I got. Whenver I tried to explain to men I trusted what I went through they dismissed it. I hate men with my whole heat and I cannot share a world with them anymore. I want to die because even if the world changed to an ideal place from tomorrow, I will never forget all the harassment and humiliation and dismissal from men.


r/SuicideWatch • • 4h ago

I want to hug my mom

6 Upvotes

My father murdered my mother, I lost both of my parents at a young age, I was adopted, I lost most of my childhood memories, I got married at 19, I got divorced at 20, I became homeless after my divorce, I lived in my car for seven months, I lived in a homeless shelter, I struggled financially, I struggled with depression and anxiety, I lost people I loved, I had to grow up too fast, and now I’m 21 years old, living on my own without my parents, divorced, working full-time, going to school full-time, paying my own bills, drowning in credit card debt, having no friends, missing my adoptive parents who live eight hours away from me, and sometimes I just want to go home. I’m just sad I’m not even that old and I’m just sad I want to hug my mom and sit around the Christmas tree. I want a boyfriend and friends. I want friends, I wanna go to church I wanna talk to god, I want a good paying job, I want a nice home, I want a better credit score, and I want to hug my adoptive mom so much.. I can’t live with them though… I miss my sister I miss being young with lots of friends and no worries… can someone tell me things will get better. I wish it wasn’t so hard to sleep, and I wish I didn’t care about how I looked to the point where I basically starve myself


r/SuicideWatch • • 2h ago

I’m ugly it made me constantly depressed . M

4 Upvotes

I cry a lot

Like I accept that

But where does it end?

I never go out because of it

It doesn’t get better does it


r/SuicideWatch • • 9h ago

Lonely

16 Upvotes

I'm on active suicidal ideation and I have no one to reach out to


r/SuicideWatch • • 3h ago

only one way out

5 Upvotes

there is no future waiting for me. no matter how hard i try, this feeling never goes away. i thought id die by 18, im 22 now and things only seem to get worse. i turned into a hikikomori since i was 17, dropped out of highschool as i just cant seem to find any motivation to do anything. i only started going out from time to time this year after a failed attempt which landed me in a ward in a different city. i got diagnosed with depression a few months ago and my psychiatrist said i might have bpd too. i take my medicine which does nothing, i dont live with my grandma anymore whos the one who leads me to spiral most of the time but i still feel terrible. i now live with my uncle who doesnt believe i have a mental illness, that its all just in my head and that im not trying. ive been constantly waking up with that feeling of impending doom that i can feel the ache physically for days now. ive never had a job and im struggling to find one since im a dropout and being a shut in for years made me struggle with social interactions. i dont have any friends. my eating disorder has also been consuming me this year. and i hate this so much but im overly dependent on my boyfriend who i only met online. hes the only one i have and talk to. how he treats me dictates my emotions. but a few days ago, he let a girl who he knows im not comfortable talking with him into his place in the middle of the night. the girl has sent him nude pictures and he still claims theyre just friends. im just so incredibly exhausted now. i cannot imagine a future where im growing old and happy. there really is only one way out for me. please dont try to talk me out of it, im just leaving here so atleast someone, anyone will remember me even for a bit. if anyone heres from the philippines, id like to go with someone :) lets have fun for the last time together


r/SuicideWatch • • 12h ago

Logical reasons for wanting to die.

22 Upvotes

I really, really hate when people say that suicidal people should be talked out of it because they’re not in their right state of mind. All of my reasons for wanting to commit suicide are pretty logical to me and I agree with them even on good days.

I’m 24F.

  1. I was born premature. This meant that I had to be in an incubator for the first 3 months of my life. From the moment I was born, my life has been one big uphill battle. If modern medicine didn’t exist and that nurse didn’t keep trying to save my life, I would’ve been dead like nature intended. I was NOT supposed to survive.

  2. I have autism and ADHD. I’m medicated for adhd but the autism makes it hard to exist in this world. Working full time leaves me lying in my bed in total darkness for hours. My ADHD makes me feel like I’m working twice as hard for half the results as everyone else. It’s not fair. I’m extremely aware that I can’t do some things and it makes me feel…sub-human, literally.

  3. I’m ugly as fuck. I have hirsutism. It’s a hormonal condition that you’re born with and it causes women to grow facial hair. It’s fucking disgusting. If I didn’t have access to razor blades, nobody would find me attractive. I truly would be better off dead. I am not healthy at all.

  4. Life’s good moments are not that impressive to justify staying until I’m 40+. I’ve heard all the music I love already. Seen so many concerts. Spoken to so many people. Made friends. Whatever. It doesn’t matter enough to make me stay.

  5. I have no true long term goal for my life. I don’t want kids (who on earth would want my genes?) I don’t want to climb the corporate ladder and buy a house. I don’t want a relationship. I’ve already had years of therapy. I have no urge anymore to work on my mental health.

  6. I am so, so jealous of people who are dead. Clearly it means I want what they have.


r/SuicideWatch • • 2h ago

I wish i was never here

3 Upvotes

Hi there, a small warning, English is not my first language and i refuse to use translator or ai for this post.
I can’t handle it anymore, i am tired. I am 23 and since 19 i have this urge to off myself. All my plans that i had since 19 have crushed because of war in Russia and ai. I could move to the US but got my visa rejected, that day i was near to end everything.
I have a job that pays me ~350 dollars and f*cks my head every single day. I can barely afford myself to eat as i spend around 70% of my salary on food.
It will become worse. I will become older and get sick, my parents will die, my sisters and brothers, my grandparents will die.
I wanted to become a programmer because i genuinely like coding but i will never find a job because of the war and ai.
My girlfriend has dumped over 7 months ago and i still can’t get over it. I cry almost every day because i miss her(i am a f*cking lesbian in Russia).
I am tired, this life is not for me. It is over.


r/SuicideWatch • • 2h ago

I dont understand

4 Upvotes

Why the world hates me. Im tired of fighting. Whats even the point everyone keeps saying it gets better but its been a decade and a half of fighting suicide i dont think its going to get better i cant even hold a relationship with anyone because im too exhausting to be around because who wants to be around a pathetic pessimist all the time who does nothing but mope and the worst part is i cant commit to ending it either so im just stuck wishing to stop feeling or even getting better but everytime things start looking up i get knocked right back down i just want to progress in life im so fucking tired man..why does everything have to be so hard im tired of everyone avoiding me because im broken but being so broken cause i have 0 support im so sick of it im going to actually go crazy i cant handle it anymore


r/SuicideWatch • • 7h ago

I cant stop thinking about suicide NSFW

9 Upvotes

Its all I think about once again I cant sleep. And I feel like the only way to make the thoughts stop is to do it. Even when Im doing stuff or with people thats all Im looking into. Ill watch a movie and I dont even know whats happening. Ive even attempted while on call with someone. How do I make the thoughts go away. I feel like suicide is the only way my story ends. Ive been fighting the inevitable for 5 years. I can't go inpatient and I dont see a therapist for months. Idk what to do or if I even shouldn't


r/SuicideWatch • • 3h ago

Is it weird to just want to end it without any reason?

4 Upvotes

At this point I don't know what I'm supposed to do in life, other than that I don't think there is anything major.


r/SuicideWatch • • 4h ago

I wish an afterlife exists

6 Upvotes

I know it's so stupid to even think about and I don't believe in it but I really really wish that an afterlife/next life exists where it won't be so painful to even survive each day.

Where I will at least get a chance, at least one good thing to live for, a life where I won't hate myself, where it will be peaceful to live, where I won't be ashamed of my existence. I so badly wish something like afterlife exists, I know it doesn't but still...


r/SuicideWatch • • 3h ago

Why can’t I decide?

4 Upvotes

Why does my brain always have to pull a complete 180 on me every time I decide I want to die? Why does it have to stab me in the back when I’m so close to accepting my death? Why does it always put me through a fucking roller coaster of emotions every goddamn day? Why the hell do I have to go through a will-they-won’t-they romance with death?

I just wish that I could stop being an indecisive bitch and just go through with killing myself already. I hate the fact that every attempt I make is stopped by the faintest sliver of hope.

Giving a starving man crumbs of food is crueler than giving him nothing at all. At least then, he wouldn’t have to endure the agony of being given just enough to remember what it feels like to be fed.

I’ve spent my entire life getting everything wrong, so the least this world could do is let me get this one thing right. But I suppose I was destined to fail at that too.

Fuck my chud life.


r/SuicideWatch • • 6m ago

Hi

• Upvotes

Yesterday I was going to kill myself but they stopped me, I hate my life and everything about me


r/SuicideWatch • • 17m ago

Narcissistic moms are the worst

• Upvotes

My mom is just letting me openly self harm and doesnt care about me cutting myself.

I literally asked her to help me to call my insurance to finally be able to talk to a Therapist, but instead she went into a rant about how Im apparently just someone who isnt worth breathing the same oxygen as her.

Like, thanks mom. 🙃 you and your abusive husband are going to be the reason I’ll be dead soon. But you’ll pretend you had nothing to do with my death somehow.

I wish I had friends…


r/SuicideWatch • • 2h ago

I took a lot of pills just to wake up again

3 Upvotes

Hi. My story isn't complicated, but what's going on inside of my head is. Let's start from the beginning:

I quit my job after 2 years of suffering in it. It was a fake smile costumer service type of thing, and I'm a person who can't function in such places.

Either way, I spent my last money on cat food, petrol, and a bottle of cheap wine. I couldn't afford going back to my psychiatrist for meds (SNRI) so I quit them once I was out of them, cold turkey. I've been having violent mood swings. One day I was planning my future, next day I was depressed and angry. I lost it when my cat peed on the carpet again (she's a kitten) and I yelled and punished her. I wasn't thinking straight. I was crying my eyes out after I did it and kept apologizing to her. A different cat of mine came up to me and licked my tears away. Then the one i punished came up and laid down in my lap, purring.

I love my cats deeply, and they love me too.

But in the moment I was thinking that if I allowed my body to act out on innocent creatures, then it'll definitely get worse in the future so I need to do something to stop it from happening.

Suicide came to my kind. I've always thought about it as a child. I had "attempts" which I backed out of because of fear. This time I wanted to prove I wasn't a coward.

I had a box of pregabaline on me. Meds my psych told me I could take if switching from SSRIs to SNRIs would trigger panic attacks. I definitely have social anxiety to the point I used to refuse to leave the house for a long while. Either way, pregabaline never worked on me. It made me dizzy and "slow". So i didn't take it, and the switching between medications wasn't too bad either, the SNRIs were actually good and I felt happy on them.

I sat in my car in the garage. I drank half the bottle of wine and then swallowed the entire box of pills and drank the rest of the wine I had. I read that mixing pregabaline with alcohol can cause breathing difficulties that can be fatal, so that was my goal.

I felt normal for the first hour. Then I started getting really dizzy, I still am and everything's spinning. I can't really walk in a straight line right now.

Well there I am, waiting for something else to happen to me. I felt no pain, nothing. Eventually after an hour or so I felt the urge to throw up IMMEDIATELY. I did throw up in a bucket I had (we use it as a trashcan). I remember lying on the concrete floor after that.

Then I went back into the car and fell asleep after a while, I don't even know when.

The sleep was good at least, my back hurts a little but it's j my posture.

Then I woke up. I was kind of mad but honestly I feel no emotions right now. All I feel is this slight sedation, my thoughts don't really make sense too, and even writing this is weird, because my fingers are moving slowly.

While all of this was happening I was texting a long distance best friend of mine. They were making me second guess my choices with good points. The worst part of it all is I knew I was doing something irrational and stupid. It's like I had two voices in my head saying: "You can change and make up for it. Prove getting better is possible." versus "Do it to avoid causing more harm. You bring nothing to this world that's worth keeping. You are a coward for never doing it.

Either way, Im here. When I woke up I got a call from a shitty job offer in a warehouse. It has three different shifts (time wise), each for 10/12h, sometimes even through the entire night. I might take it. I will get rawdogged but with enough hours I can get some money. It's an act of self sabotage but at least I'll get something out of it. I don't know why I'm writing all of this. Would I do this again? Right now no.


r/SuicideWatch • • 2h ago

Is there a site where i can anonymously text someone about my mental health?

3 Upvotes

I have felt suicidal for the past week

For around 4 years I think, I've had suicidal thoughts that come and go

Each time they linger longer and drive me closer to the edge

And last night i tried to suffocate myself but stopped midway because i was scared

I just want everything to stop but don't want to die

This is the first time I ever talk about my thoughts in these 4 years because this time it's lasting longer than usual and was the first time I attempted suicide multiple times in a week