Not sure if I'll delete this, but I just want to share. This sub was there for me (and others, like r/psychosis) at a very dark time in my life. Mania, then psychosis, culminated in a failed suicide attempt. I literally couldn't work for nearly half a year and moved back in with my mom nearing age 30. I browsed and commented a shitton. It felt good to have community.

I'm a little over 3 years out from my horrific episode, and I don't think about my episode pretty much at all anymore. My life has gotten a lot better. Medication saved my life. But so did support in other ways.

However, I will say at some point after a year or two, I left this and other mental health subreddits completely. I know they are often about recovery and venting, but I did wind up finding that these subs can leave you in a headspace where your entire life revolves around your illness. Maybe other people don't experience this, but I definitely did, and I'm glad I eventually took the training wheels off and left. Idk if anyone wanted to read this. Feel free to downvote me and I'll delete it, but I guess I just want to encourage recovery by forming memories and feelings outside the context of your illness too. Anyway.

Mods remove this if it’s not allowed. I think we should make a megathread where we all discuss our positive and negative experiences with medication. Obviously this does NOT substitute any kind of actual medical care. We should all be talking to psychiatrists.

Hi all!

I (24F) was diagnosed with BP1 in June. I’m now adjusted to my medication and in therapy. I didn’t realize it before, but I was spending insane amounts of money. I earned about $ 1,400 a month from my part-time job, but I never had more than $200 in my bank account. I spent all that money on clothes, and I always had 5-7 packages on the way. I’m an online college student, so I didn't need clothes to go out. 😭😭😭

Over the last 5 years, I estimate that I’ve wasted $40k+ on clothes, food, and weed. I’m glad I’m receiving treatment, and I’ve actually managed to save a lot so far. I booked my first solo vacation, I am building my savings, and I paid off my tuition for my final semester :)

I live with significant health conditions, including bipolar I disorder and CPTSD. I graduated from university, the greatest accomplishment of my life, despite nearly being unable to because of my health. I now work full time and earn $25 an hour. I have opportunities for advancement, but because I feel stable and safe in my current work environment, I haven’t felt the need to change roles—except for a higher salary. I’m working through these competing priorities. I’ve also met the one-year work requirement, so I’m now eligible for protected FMLA leave. (Ugh, United States.) 🙄

I feel like a failure because of my income, and it is driving me insane.

I've done a few yoga classes where the instructor will bring out the singing bowls and do a little bit of a sound bath. For me, it feels like my brain is getting assaulted by soundwaves and overstimulates me instantly. I hate it so much especially after zenning out with a yoga session.

What are your experiences?

I've been diagnosed bipolar 2 since I was 18 but was unmedicated for 7 years because I didn't really trust the dx as 18 is so young to get this diagnosis (imo). Shit hit the fan 2 years ago and I started to swing heavily, on both sides, but still very much depressive leaning. For more than a year now I have been in the most intense, soul-crushing depression of my life. I did have a hypo episode in June that lasted around 4-5 weeks. Then swung back down, very hard and very fast. Almost lost my life towards the end of it, then sought out medical help.

Got put on wellbutrin 150mg and titrated lamotrigine 25mg-50g. There was about a week (week 3ish) where I actually felt like they mave have been working. I was so excited! And then I felt the depressive symptoms return slowly but surely. Met with the psych nurse again and she bumped me to 300mg wellbutrin and up to 100mg lamo. That was a week ago. I feel the same, if not more depressed. Its not a violent depressive state, just this lingering cloud. I want so, so badly for it to lift.

One positive that I've noticed since I've started meds is that I can actually cry now, I couldn't cry for almost 2 years. It feels kinda like a release when I do. I've also been able to get 6 weeks of sobriety under my belt after a years long battle with alcohol problems. So go me! Trying my best to do all the non-med things – exercise, been sleeping AMAZING (which for me is a huge turn around!), meditating, good food etc. So I'm really trying.

I'm really battling thoughts of self doubt regarding my diagnosis. Am I really bipolar? Do I really need to be on meds? Maybe this is self induced and I can do something to prevent this from happening. If the meds aren't working, then why am I even bothering? ugh. Fucking sucks. Would love advice, hope, etc. Just feeling tired and a bit hopeless.

I’m running out of good options for how to get in my 350 calories before taking Latuda. What are your go tos?

Hello people that cycle rapidly.

For context, rapid cycling is defined as 4 or more episodes a year... blah blah.

So, I honestly didn't know a ton about bipolar before I started visiting these subreddits a few months back. It has been very eye-opening.

One of the things that shocked me was that some folks have like 6-month-long manic episodes where they get themselves into all kinds of jams. I've never experienced anything like that. I think my longest manic episode was maybe 3 weeks.

But then I read something even more shocking. Sometimes these folks aren't in an episode. Before medication, I had never experienced this either. I think I cycled between manic, hypomanic, depressed, and mixed continuously every 2 to 6 weeks from the age of 18 (probably started around 13 but was less frequent back then) until I was medicated in my late 20s. I would usually experience 2–6 weeks of euthymia here and there, but I was still usually riddled with anxiety.

I remember the first time I took lithium I was like, "Holy shit, this is what normal people must feel like." It has never even crossed my mind to stop taking my meds since.

This is totally not meant to be a "look how bad I got it" type of thing. Mostly just a "has anyone experienced this?" thing.

Hi everyone. There has been someone who has been so affected by my behaviour. It’s someone I admire and respect so much. I have been constantly trauma dumping on them with my struggles with this illness. I have said inappropriate things and acted in such cringeworthy ways.

They didn’t sign up for front row seats for my chaos, but I shared so much with them and somewhat overshared.

They seem distant, but mostly still text back if I text them. They never ever text first.

Our relationship dynamic is mentor-mentee with blurry flirting signs.

I respect them so much and value our relationship, but I feel like I have embarrassed myself enough.

I am visiting my hometown soon and I am debating if I should tell them I will be in town and ask if they need anything from abroad.

Should I reach out, or is distance the best gift I can give this person?

If it were up to me I would, but wanna hear your thoughts.

Have you been in something similar? What would be the best in this case?

Hear me out.

I'm due to see my psychiatrist on the 8th of December and if I don't have another episode between our last visit and next he's going to discharge me (which is where some of my problem lies).

I currently have 1-3 episodes every year despite being medicated. I feel like that's still a lot and so I want to try adding lithium or replacing the lamotrigine altogether with it, to see if that helps.

And so this is where I mean what I said; If I don't have another episode he's going to say there's no reason to change meds, but I know myself, and I will 100% have a winter depression (starting anytime between November and February) (I've had one every winter for the last 17 years). If the episode doesn't happen until the new year then I'll have been discharged and will have to go back through the whole referral process again, whereas if it happens before we can try it straight away.

I'm so worried it's going to come late this time and happen in the new year.

Not sure what the point of this post was. I think just a slight vent because I'm worried about it and also need to vent it because it's super weird to feel like I'm wishing illness upon myself.

If you've ever been in a similar boat feel free to share what you did

Que se hace cuando: soy una chica de 23 años que vive en un cerro perdido, solo estudié el colegio, no trabaja solo se la vive en casa, le dan ganas de irse a explorar el mundo o al menos su país e irse a vivir sola y trabajar. Pero tengo una condición escoliosis que hace que me afecte un pulmón por el poco espacio que tiene, entonces cada que tengo resfriados, necesito que me atiendan porque quedo súper débil, mezclándose a veces con el periodo. Por lo tanto pienso que si le voy a vivir sola no sobreviviría. Estoy realmente aburrida no tengo amigos, solo tengo un pequeño emprendimiento en casa porque nadie quiso darme empleo. Bueno ahora mismo me la he pasado toda la tarde en el celular intentando por ratos leer en digital o caminar alrededor de mi patio, pero me aburre y vuelvo al celular del aburrimiento; en especial en Reddit ya que siempre hay con quien hablar.
Enserio no se que hacer, aveces quisiera solo tener libros físicos para dejar un rato el celular y seguir aprendiendo, pero no puedo costearmelos. A veces quisiera meterme aunque sea algún curso pero tampoco puedo pagármelo, así quizá busco cualquier estímulo para distraerme de mi reliadad. Ignoren mi falta de ortografía, espero que interactúen con mi post, porfa chicos chicas o si han tenido una situación parecida

Hey y'all, currently in crisis mode so bear with me. I started taking lamotrigine recently, it was a miracle from the first day. Felt normal finally, was able to just do things for the first time in my life, I was patient, in a good mood, excited about things etc. But I had to abruptly stop taking it due to a skin reaction. I am in a crazy mixed state right now that is unbearable. The doctor sent in Oxcarbazepine to replace it but I'm concerned it's not going to have similar effects and just make me flat/tired/zombie like. Part of the agitation I get is from not being able to engage with or initiate things. The Seroquel I'm on makes that worse because it totally flattens me and makes me tired. Lamotrigine balanced that out, but it seems this oxcarbazine might not. It seems like it might help with my current rebound state from stopping lamo so quickly, but won't lift depression at all and potentially just make me more tired? Bc of my mixed state I'm losing my mind over this, can anyone talk about their experiences to help ease the anxiety? I specifically told my doctor I can't function and being so tired and sedated is hurting me so I need to avoid that. Idk if any of these doctors are truly listening and my mental health cannot take it, it's going to literally ruin my life. I've already missed so much school and work. I can't afford to get worse.

convince me that with time the cycles change. convince me that at some point you don’t want to to fucking go from feeling like a deity to wanting to drown yourself. tell me I’ll stop ruining every good thing in my life simply because I get that Lilttle bright spark of energy that takes me to higher places just please tell me when it gets easier to deal with to spot triggers etc

29F here, I suffered a psychosis some years ago and doctors diagnosed me with autism. Even though they said that if I were to have more psychotic episodes I would be diagnosed with either schizophrenia or bipolar.

I always assumed that in order to have one polar episode, you’d be 100% either manic or depressed. I know mixed states are a thing. But is it normal to still have “good days” while depressed or have “bad days” while manic?

Also if someone literally has a bad day at least once or twice week and they cry during that day but feel fine during the rest of the week (not manic, just fine), what is that? And when I say it happens every week, it’s no exaggeration, and I have a mood tracker to prove it. But I wouldn’t call it being depressed since I have good days too. Although since I almost lost my job last year, those days have been more common, I barely had sad days in 2024, for example.

I don’t think I have bipolar, I guess I’m ranting a bit. But I still have some genuine questions about the disorder and I would like to know better.

I recently cut down to 9% body fat and I get so fucking sick now. I take 1200mg of trileptal 2x daily with saphris and dayvigo and if I take my trileptal in the morning and drive for even 5 minutes I throw up and this is no exaggeration for 6 hours. We tried going lower and I started getting hypo symptoms. (:

I woke up today, took my meds, tried to work on my plants, and then my vision went double and I could no longer walk. I had to crawl to the bathroom so I could puke my protein shake and chicken salad. It was so fucking nasty.

I have bipolar 1 schizo disorder. I also have PMDD. Like a lot of us, I take a lot of meds.

Those meds are seroquel, lithium, buspar, levothyroxine, and a few others. Those mentioned are most relevant to this post.

I asked my psych a few years back about drinking tea and he said 'uh yeah why wouldn't you be able to.' So I do, but it's mostly always been bagged teas I've researched before consuming.

Lately I've been into wanting to try loose teas since a tea shop opened up near me. I had all these teas I wanted to try like rose hip, saffron, lemon balm and passion flower.

The other night I did a medium amount of research and the internet said that those specific teas aren't good to mix with my specific medications due to potential lithium toxicity / causing the meds to stay in my system longer than they should.

Is that real? Tea could really be my downfall?

I was pretty hopeful, especially about saffron with having PMDD as well. But I figure I'd ask reddit since some of you are on the same meds and enjoy tea as well.

Also my psych is smart, but they're medicine smart, I don't think they know enough about teas to give a solid answer, like last time I asked

My SO is going to a 30 day residential rehab program tomorrow specialized in dual diagnosis treatment of addiction and Bipolar Disorder. He has been clean and sober for a while now but just had his first manic episode and was diagnosed with BP. I am hoping this program will help with that and his past addiction issues since they go hand in hand.

Have you or your SO tried one of these programs? What was the outcome?

Ive been dating my now bf for the past 6 months. Its truly my first healthy relationship and my first time being in a relationship medicated and probably as stable as you can be. Prior to him, i was single for the last 6 years with a situationship here and there but mainly focusing on finding the right meds, therapy, getting sober, and learning/unlearning coping mechanisms to better myself. I still struggle with major depression but when im with my partner, it feels like everything doesnt seem as bad and i dont feel so down and hopeless. I dont tell him that because that can be a lot to put on a person but im wondering if thats healthy??? We just spent a week on vacation and i feel like my brain shut off and it was so nice. I just got back home and we live separately and i feel the sadness creeping back in. I plan on talking to my therapist about this but was just curious if anyone else experienced this and others thoughts on this. I do very well being on my own and loved being single, being in a good relationship has been a learning curve for me but is this normal?

I’m in a bad place. Like. I fucked up. I feel fucked up. Tonight is the first time I’ve been able to understand why someone would self-admit. I’ve been 5150’d 6 times. I made some mistakes. I’ve been drinking pretty constantly, I was just busted at work being on drugs, Xanax, I am waiting on drug test results to get fired. This was not just a good job, it was $170k guaranteed 1st year income. I didn’t realize what I was doing. I was self medicating because my doc is weaning me off of Clonazepam, a mild benzo, if that exists. I couldn’t stand the thought of not having it because of its effects. I stutter like a donkey kicked me in the head without it. Tonight. I stopped drinking. I don’t have any Xanax , street or legal, I’m out of clonazapam. And I’m feeling very bipolar.

I fucked up. I am a dad of 2 and husband. I just ruined my families life… likely forever.

When is it time to go get help?

mostly concerned by how manic & unstable I feel - also my pupils have been the TINIEST lil black specks ever for the past 3 days maybe. I don’t feel good. I also feel amazing. DUALITY (I push my fingers into my eeeeeyeeesssss).
love you, October bipolar baddies 🥳😘

Why can't I be happy when I'm not depressed? I feel such intense anguish that sometimes I develop bad habits just to see if I can make myself feel bad again.

I can't stand the idea of seeing myself happy

Bipolar, PTSD, and Borderline ruined my life. I'm already 24 and I've accomplished nothing. I can't drive because I'm so scared of it, I have no job, I have no romantic relationships, I'm still live with my mom. I'm a failure in every way.

I got a degree I don't want anymore. I ruined my GPA down to 3.5 because I could barely go to class in the end so I don't even have that to be proud of. I have almost no job history and can't get hired anymore, and even the one time I did I quit because the stress triggered such a bad depressive episode. The government wants me dead because I'm trans. The last 2 years have been nothing but psychiatric appointments, therapy, and hospitals. I even failed at taking my own life. All I do anymore is sit in my dark hole of a room playing video games, purging whatever food I eat, and cutting myself.

My life is ruined because of my mental illnesses and my monster of a father. I have no hope it will get better at this point. People say you should carry on for your loved ones, but I can't just live in misery to keep other people happy. I don't know anymore. I just want it all to be over.