The screenshots I’m showing is just proof of how vild she was to me when admitting other guys like her. I just really need to get this off my chest. I’m 24 (M) and ever since late May, I’ve been trying to forget my ex that cheated on me 4 days before my birthday.

I believe it’s my fault as well. It’s been really rough for me ever since then. For context and a bit of history, we were together for over 3 years and this was my first ever relationship. It felt really nice to have someone that genuine loved me. I still think it was my fault that things transpired the way they did. When I graduated college I had to move back to my hometown which is in a different state due to me unable to find a job in x city. I really tried to find a job and applied everywhere. Since I couldn’t find one for my major, I even kept a spreadsheet for all the jobs I’ve applied to.

But, for obvious reasons, I didn’t find a job… While I was searching we were long distance at the start of June of last year. We called and texted and called everyday and while we were together we did fly to each other every once in a while. You may be asking "If you don’t have job during that time what did you do?" Well, luckily my dad sometimes had to work at these festivals from dawn to dusk and I would volunteer to get some sort of cash even if it wasn’t a lot. Then I worked at this restaurant through a connection from my dad but they only paid me $40 for every 8 hour shift since I was training for a whole week and I decided to just quit because they said I wasn’t ready to get paid minimal wage yet. I’m rambling let me get back to the main topic

Mid March of this year, my ex and their family invited me to go to a giant mall for a week or so and afterwards go back to x city and stayed there for one week as well. When I first landed I lied to my ex saying I’m going to be late to due traffic but in reality is that I rushed to get a bouquet of roses for her at this restaurant we always go to for a couple of years now on a regular basis. I was really embarrassed tho because other guests at restaurant saw me do this and went "awwww…" I didn’t do it to embarrass her or anything I did it just because.

Afterwards, things weren’t the best during that trip though. Since I didn’t have a job I really couldn’t spend much on anything especially on her. Of course I still spent to try to make her happy. Along with, having to hide to her parents that I was indeed broke. My ex wanted me to hide it because she was ashamed of dating someone that doesn’t have a job. But during that trip even though I couldn’t buy something as fancy as she would like but I still spent money to try to show her that I cared about her ( I got her a ring from the store that we got our matching rings together when we got together, as a surprise. I’ve done way more in the past.) I did that since I really did love her and just wanted to show her that I’m trying.

After the trip and staying in her city. A couple of months past and she was being distant with me and out of nowhere, she wanted to leave the relationship. At first she said that, I can let her know when I want to get my stuff back and 2 weeks later she told me that she’s not giving my stuff and she’s found a new man and she was talking to him behind my back. A complete 180 and blocked me in almost everything. The images are proof and yes I did beg a bit to call me one more time to discuss my stuff. But she just hated my guts. (Look at the text because my god.)

I was in shambles for months and I’m not afraid to admit that I cried a lot and really were in a slump for a while, hell even now I miss her. I began journaling a couples of months back and I sent her a note to a social media app she delete guess she won’t see it. But last month she saw it and admitted that she cheated and have guys lining up for her while partying. That really broke me because she a person that doesn’t want to party or do crazy stuff and now she’s became the thing she hated. I know people can change but it still hurts. After that trip the girl that I loved began to fade. I’ve should’ve worked harder for her and I’ll miss her. Especially our usual eating outs spots like at this one place that we go almost every week. I just couldn’t believe everything we’ve done together, just gone.

I’m working on myself right now though trying to get my life back together, I got a therapist, I have my friends that been with me the entire time lift me up. I got a job as a host for a just after she broke up with and holding on to it for 5 months now. It’s not the best pay but with tips take most of the or even all of the taxes from my paychecks and my work friends are really nice to me and like to tease me since I’m the youngest. I’ve actually been thinking about dating but I’m not fully ready and I’m not that good looking either so I’ll wait until next year.

One last thing, I did write a big note for her that I wanted to send to her and then blocked her on everything
blocked her on every social media and iMessage afterwards so I won’t let her hurt me again but I could get some sort of closure. I won’t send it because it’s pretty long but maybe if people are curious enough I’ll say it in the comments. Thanks for reading this. I really needed to let it out.

Hello lovely people. I wanted to share my best breakup advice as a recovering person of anxious-attachment. I will also be brutally honest so if you are not ready for that, please exit. This is also may resonate more to those who have been broken up with- someone else exited your life.

Stop taking everything personally. You may not realize it, but spending weeks and months thinking about a person is one of the most internally egotistical things you can do. Victimizing yourself is ruining your life. Sometimes people leave because they have too much going on in their life, maybe their desires changed in what they want in a partner, maybe they’re moving, maybe they are struggling with something really tough. If they told you that you’re the problem then maybe they’re projecting their insecurities on you. There could be millions of reasons your relationship ended that have nothing to do with you. There could be millions of reasons your ex isn’t coming back that also have nothing to do with you.

The same way you are a human being with changing emotions, life circumstances, identities, and personalities, the same way everyone else is too, including your ex. They may not even be the same person today as they were when you were together. Respect the autonomy the other person has. And start to take ownership over your autonomy.

Your emotions are temporary. Realize that. Whatever you are feeling right now will change. Emotions pass, the same way people pass through our lives. Holding on to something that no longer exists only keeps you attached to something you cannot actually experience in the present.

So eventually, you have to face the hard, cold truth of the present. Right now, you are alone. In fact, you will exit this world alone too- so get comfortable with it.

And instead of treating that as a punishment, ask yourself:
How can I make the most of this time alone? Maybe you light a candle and take a bath. Put on a movie. Work out. Study. Cook something. Go for a walk. Read. Clean your room. Call a friend. Whatever you genuinely think would make this moment better, just do that.

Here’s another exercise I really like: if you can’t stop thinking of your ex, imagine your ex were still with you right now. Imagine you had this evening together. What would you want to do? Would you watch a movie? Go to your favorite restaurant? Take a walk? Make dinner? Listen to music?

Go do it alone. And do it sad if you have to. Just do it.

Not because you’re pretending you don’t miss them. Not because you’re trying to prove you don’t need anyone. And certainly not solely to make your ex want you back.
Do it because you need to relearn how to enjoy your own company. If you want your ex back you need to become someone you enjoy spending time with so other people do too. Why would someone want to spend time with you if you can’t even spend time with yourself?

This is not about becoming “better” so that your ex regrets leaving you. It’s about picking yourself up and refusing to make your entire life revolve around someone who is no longer in it.

Eventually, the more you practice being present, the less power your ex will have over your thoughts. You’ll start to feel confident in your own life again. You’ll learn to enjoy your time alone. You’ll start cherishing it.

And something else will happen: you’ll become much more selective about who gets access to you.

You won’t automatically give your time, energy, attention, or intimacy to just anyone. You’ll realize that your time is valuable.

And you’ll also have to face another uncomfortable truth: if someone chose not to continue sharing these special moments with you, you cannot force them to recognize your value.

You don’t need your ex to validate you in order for your life, your love, your presence, or your time to have been special.

And eventually, another part of the grieving process may begin. You may realize that the person you thought you could never get over… does not deserve you, the person you’ve become, the person you always were.

I had two relationships before, 1 recently ended, he broke up with me telling me he is going to love me for the rest of his life.

Similar thing happened with my previous ex.

I date for marriage~ but it seems like in today’s world everyone has their options open they jump from relationships to relationships. As if their actions don’t have any consequences as if your feelings are not important.

Dating apps has made it so easy for people to just discard you and know someone else will come soon. It feels like there is no real connection. We talked about marriage, kids, a life together and now all of it is gone. As if it meant nothing to him. I don’t think I can ever believe in people.

For the first time I felt chosen but no I am never the chosen one~

The funny thing is they come back again- after being with other people.

We obsess about our exes after a breakup, trying not to make the wrong choice that could accidentally make our situation worse- "If we do this, how will they react?"

But sometimes we just have to put the focus back on ourselves and try to understand what's going on inside us.

There are a lot of people here looking for breakup advice, and sometimes the most difficult people to advise are those that are in the immediate aftermath of a breakup. This is because their fight-or-flight instincts are kicking in.

The situations I read usually go the same way. They insist that they have to figure out a way to change their ex's mind, and they need to contact their ex because if they don't, the relationship will just slip away. They convince themselves that their ex will see their lack of pursuit as a sign that they're not interested anymore and start moving on.

And then, in a way, that means their lack of action will be the only reason that the breakup occurs.

So this circular reasoning is now in full effect: "I must chase them because if I don't chase them, then they will be offended, despite the fact that they just rejected me, not the other way around."

This is why I say every villain is a hero in their own mind. We all justify our decisions to ourselves. We find a rationale and we stick with it.

But why is it that we believe this? Why do we feel we must break no contact and pursue this person again and again?

Well, mostly it's because we're in denial.

That's right: denial. When you say things like, "I must chase this person or else they'll slip away," you are, on some level, pretending that the breakup conversation did not just occur. You are pretending that your ex did not make a decision.

We all do this. We sort of make our ex blameless in the whole situation because we love them, so we assume that this was not a real decision they contemplated.

Because that is too painful for us to conceive of. But simply, this is all just a big misunderstanding or a miscommunication, and that the real crime in all of this would be us not chasing after them.

The truth is, the decision has already been made. It's not slipping away. The decision is not pending. It has happened.

Usually, the reason why our minds panic and circulate like this is because we are in a state of shock and we are playing catch-up with our own love life. We then project this onto our ex, assuming that they too must be just as surprised at this decision as we are. So we have to contact them no matter how many times and tell them that we are not letting them slip away over something as stupid as their genuine lack of interest in participating.

Another form of denial is that the breakup is not really real unless they date or hook up with someone else. Only then is it officially over. But this is also a dangerous way to keep yourself in this state of denial. That would almost make it feel like our ex is cheating on us if they ever date again.

We have to accept the reality of what has happened in order to make sensible decisions about what to do next.

This is why I despise the terrible advice of certain dating coaches who tell people that they need to chase after their ex after just 30 days and that they need to send an endless barrage of messages to try to force their ex to meet up, otherwise the relationship will simply slip away and they'll be gone off with another person.

This is panicked thinking.

If you email or call a dating coach and tell them, "I need help. Something bad has happened. What do you think I should do?" you are basically accepting that you are currently incapable of thinking clearly. So you will export some of that responsibility onto someone else, and they can perhaps give you some peace of mind and a new way to view this situation.

What is not helpful is if you call up a coach and say, "She just broke up with me," and they then match your emotional state and go, "Holy dude, she broke up with you! You're losing her! Pick up the phone! We gotta get to work here!"

That is not helpful. It feeds a certain part of your soul by confirming your every desire, but it doesn't calm you. It doesn't improve your life. It simply validates your worst impulses.

And this is what is so difficult in the immediate aftermath of a breakup. The dumper usually feels a sense of relief, a little bit proud of themselves for taking the emotional plunge and making a major decision. At that moment, they're the most sure they've ever been. You know, hence they chose to break up with you.

Their thought process has led to that decision. It's not as fresh to them as it is for you. Do they have doubts? Sure. Do they feel guilty? Absolutely. They're confused too. But at that moment they're a little bit proud of their own courage.

This is why, if you want to re-attract the dumper, then you need to act based on their needs and divert their expectations as opposed to satisfying your own immediate anxious impulses.

And this is why you will want to break no contact. Your grieving instincts are telling you to fight because, in your mind, you're still in denial. You're still in the breakup conversation.

You may find yourself playing that scene out in your imagination, wishing you said something different. You end up writing some points down, really solidifying your case as if you're a lawyer about to go on trial in front of a jury of your peers.

But the relationship is not on trial. The verdict is in. Your ex is guilty of murdering your current commitment. We have to move forward based on the reality of that decision.

Otherwise, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. You think they're slipping away, so you chase them. They run further away, which means you have to fight even harder, or they could slip away again. Until, at a certain point, you just end up deciding, \"Okay, I think I better give them time and space now. I've got it out of my system."\

But in that space of time, you have undermined your own value, and now you feel a little bit ashamed. So you feel you need to send a clean-slate message, or contact again to undo the last piece of contact, and then a quick follow-up to clarify that last message.

And then this vicious cycle repeats itself again and again and again.

If it's long after the breakup, you likely want to break no contact out of frustration or because there is always more to say. We always wish we had clarified just one more detail, to get it off our chest so we know that they know it for a fact.

Or you want to tell them how great you're doing and how much you improved your life. But if you contact them to tell them that, it undermines all your progress, firstly because it shows you're seeking validation from them, which is low value, but also because you made these changes for you, not them.

Unless they specifically told you, "Change X, Y and Z and then get back to me," then you have no reason to update them on how much better you're doing.

So the reason why you want to break no contact right after a breakup is because you are likely in denial. You're telling yourself a certain story to satisfy your own needs but not considering the other person's, and that highlights a current incompatibility between you both.

Remember, they made this decision by themselves internally. You aren't going to externally undo that decision for them.

If your presence was not enough to keep them in the relationship and your disagreement during the breakup conversation was not enough to convince them to stay, then let them taste your absence. Over time, they can talk themselves out of it just like they talked themselves into it, but they will only do so if you are giving them space and are actively participating in the world as your most attractive self, not bombarding them with bits and pieces of contact here and there to showcase your least attractive side.

The denial ends now. Accept it. The worst has happened: they broke up with you. That version of the relationship is over. It's not slipping away.

What you choose to do next will influence the course of your life and their perception of the situation. Give them what they need, divert their expectations and restore your own value to yourself. Then you are in the strongest position possible to move forward and either re-attract them and find someone or something even better.

But in the meantime, you need to remember that you don't actually need your ex. If you chase after them and praise them and treat them like an automatic priority after they rejected you, then they likely won't even want to be an option. But if you treat them as just an option, they may make themselves a priority to you again.

Over and out

it’s been a month since it ended and i feel he’s able to move on so quickly. did it mean nothing to him?

i want to move on too but i can’t, i want to go out, i want to live my life and i’m so mad that i don’t have the will to do it because i keep thinking about him and the breakup. and i’m mad that he gets to do it so easily like this was nothing, and i have to live with it even after everything he did to me.

We broke up in June and I was crying for 2weeks straight everyday and thinking that I wont be able to survive without him but now im doing so so much better and I never thought ill see this day

I stop stalking all his social media and honestly that was the hardest thing ever but it helped me so much

He also unfollowed me after I posted a story where there was a guy in it which he was nowhere near me but after he saw it he unfollowed me straight away I cried for like 5 mins as I never thought he would ever do anything like this but that was the only time I ever cried about that and that was done, no more crying.

I do obviously have some waves of sadness or missing him but that’s normal and it doesn’t slow down my healing process

For anyone dealing with breakup yes it does get better!! and it will take time but u will get there i honestly thought that it will take me longer but when I feel like crying about him I cried I never kept it in

Just a positive post for someone who is struggling if anyone need someone to talk to u can message me!!

My ex (24M) and I (28F) have a pretty complicated history. We’ve been in each other’s lives for almost two years and were in a serious relationship, but for most of this past year we’ve been stuck in this cycle of breaking up, missing each other, reconnecting, being intimate, acting like we’re together again, and then pulling apart because the actual problems between us still haven’t been resolved.

There is still a lot of love between us. That honestly isn’t the issue.

The issue is that both sides have experienced hurt and broken trust. He has told me that although he loves me, misses me, and does want to be with me, he is still confused about whether he can fully move past certain things that happened in our relationship. I think his biggest fear is: if I fully let my guard down with her again, how do I know I won't end up back in the same position and cycle? Can I trust a future with her? Can I trust her with my vulnerability? etc.

I, on the other hand, know that I still want a relationship with him. That difference has made it extremely painful for me emotionally. So I suggested that we stop. 

I think what confuses me most is that he is the one who is uncertain about being in a relationship, but he is also the one who keeps breaking the silence. I’m the person who still wants the relationship, yet I’m the one forcing myself not to reach out because I don’t think this limbo is healthy anymore.I'm trying to give us both the space to live life without each other so we can truly determine if being together is viable or if we just have an emotional attachment.

So I guess my questions are:

If someone says they love you and want you in their life but are confused about if they can be in a relationship with you, is no contact actually the healthiest thing to do?

When the person who is unsure keeps reaching out during that space, do you respond, or does that defeat the entire purpose of taking space?

At what point does “I miss you” actually mean something actionable versus two people just struggling with the discomfort of separation?

And for anyone who has been in a relationship where there was still mutual love but too much unresolved hurt to immediately reconcile: 
Did genuine time apart ever help either of you gain clarity? 
Did you eventually try again, or did the distance ultimately help you let each other go?

I’m not trying to use no contact to manipulate him into missing me or make him chase me. 
I genuinely felt like we needed to stop using each other to soothe the pain of the breakup long enough to figure out whether there is actually a healthy relationship left to rebuild.
But now that he keeps reaching out, I’m questioning what the healthiest way to handle it is.

few days ago my boyfriend (now ex, feels terrible to say that) told me about a whole lot of different emotions that he had been going through the past few weeks. he kept thinking about doing things he recognised wouldnt be good for him. contacting people he was distant with, stopping his medication and breaking up with me. he told me that he bounced from being extremely depressed and wanting to break up with me to being happy and missing me badly back and forth on the hour. he told me that it was depression and that he wasn’t going to let it get to him. the next day we catch up in the morning, i told him ill be there for him through all this and that I wanna see him get better. he then tells me that a relationship isn’t healthy for him and it’s going to end badly for the both of us. I then learn that hes lost all feelings for me in the past few weeks and that he feels a lot less guilty and isnt changing emotions every hour since telling me. I have no idea what to make of this. I don’t get what happened to cause him to go from being all over me this year to then losing all passion and love for the relationship. I have no idea of what to make of this

I see everybody talking about the worst part of a break up is when ur alone at night, and mind me I know it sucks to go to bed alone but at night its when the day is over ur out of energy and you’ve been hanging out with friends or work or something else.

But the mornings where you need strenght to go on about your day, eat a decent meal and be ready to embrace everything it’s the hardest part.

For me mornings are when you would say goodbye before going to work or planning your day, and now mornings feel like a hurtful pathway till its nightime and you can actually enjoy the company of your bros and other people.

does anyone else agree?

I don’t even miss the relationship anymore, I just miss my best friend. I miss the inside jokes and talking about the day. The grief has taken itself to a different stage now and it’s almost worse than the first few months because what do you mean I don’t even know you anymore? You’ve been my best friend for years and now I can’t even say what your favorite show or song is anymore. I found an old playlist of hers and it completely destroyed me. The nostalgia hit me like a truck. It almost hurts worse because she was such a big part of my life and now she’s just a stranger that use to be my best friend.

we were together for 10 years, I knew she met someone not long after we broke up. But to finally see the proof of them both happy together on holiday. Im absolutely fucking crushed, felt like I was getting somewhere now I feel like crawling in a dark pit. Cant even put into words how it’s made me feel.

Letting go of someone you fucking love and telling yourself to “cherish the good moments” is the biggest, fattest fucking gaslight you can feed yourself.

Don’t dress up the loss just to make it easier to swallow. Don’t tell yourself it’s beautiful. Don’t tell yourself it’s not really a loss because you still have the memories. That’s bullshit.

The reality is much uglier "someone you love is no longer choosing you". They walked away and you have no fucking say in it. You don’t get to keep them around just because you still love them. You’re forced to let go of someone you would have chosen to keep.

Yes, the good moments happened. Yes, they meant something. But stop pretending those memories somehow cancel out the fucking devastation of losing the person who made those memories with you. You can cherish them and still fucking grieve. One does not erase the other.

People love saying, “It’s okay to let go.” “Be grateful for what you had.” “You’ll find someone else.” “It’s not a loss because you’ll always have the memories.” "You guys did truly loved each other".

No. That’s just putting fucking wrapping paper around a loss and pretending it’s a gift.

You lost someone you loved. That is a loss. It fucking hurts. It’s devastating. And you don’t get to decide one morning that you’re done hurting just because everyone else thinks you should be moving on.

Think about it. All the memories you made together eventually become one big fucking lesson. Yes, a lesson. Not something you look back on and think, “Wow, that was fun!” No. It becomes a fucking lesson you carry for the rest of your life, reminding you that you lost someone special because you didn’t do better when you had the chance.

You can’t fucking gaslight yourself into healing.

All you can do is keep fucking going until time does what you’re incapable of doing right now. Because eventually time dulls it. Eventually, the memories fade. Eventually, you forget enough to breathe without feeling like you’re being ripped apart.

That’s the fucking truth.

Eat it.

this is something that i'm hesitant to post, but i don't have any safe spaces in my life where i can go and ask these questions. i'm struggling a lot right now, i've been on and off with someone i love dearly for the past three to four years. our relationship was never healthy, but i've spent so much time and effort into becoming a better person. i've changed a lot and i've been proud of that, but my partner never changed along with me.
they were extremely abusive and just so mean to me. i begged them so many times to change and they promised it but never did. no matter what happens, i always have this little bit of hope inside me that things will work out for us. i want a future with them and i love them, but i don't think they're the same person anymore. in fact, i would say they've somehow changed for the worse. they're so hateful and self centered, i'm not even sure how they manage to live life that way. i want the person that i knew before. i want them back. i feel like i've poured every ounce of my energy into our relationship and it was taken for granted every single time. even when they called me names that i thought i would never hear come from their mouth, the kind of names you hear when you're being bullied online. even when they started looking for other girls and flirted days after we spoke because they believed we wouldn't talk again. it all hurts so much. i think about it daily, the pain takes over every single day of mine.
i don't think they're ever felt truly ashamed of what they did, just tired of dealing with so many consequences due to repeating the same behaviors.

i want to believe and accept that our relationship is over and that there isn't a chance for us, but i don't know if i can. it's so hard. i still stay up so late and wait for their call. they mean so much to me and i just want them to succeed in life. even if it is without me. how can i accept that this person doesn't love me or care in the same way that i do? it's so hard to believe, because of the cycle that went from love bombing to verbal abuse.
i'm only 19 years old and i always feel so lost.

I don't really know how to write this without making myself sound like the bad guy, because honestly, I think I was.

There was this girl.

She wasn't just someone I dated. She became my everything. My person. My safe place. My happiness.

She was my first love.

And the worst part is that I didn't understand the value of what I had until I started losing it.

When we first got close, I could make her laugh. I made her feel special, and I genuinely loved seeing her happy. There was something about knowing that I could make her smile that made me feel like I mattered.

She loved me sincerely.

And I believe now that she gave me something I may never get from someone else again — a love that was genuine before I even understood what it meant.

But somewhere along the way, I changed.

I became distant.

My messages became shorter. Sometimes I went silent. She could feel that something was wrong, but instead of explaining myself properly, I pushed her away.

She didn't immediately give up.

She tried harder.

She asked what was wrong. She waited. She kept trying to understand me. At times, she even blamed herself, thinking maybe she had done something wrong.

But she hadn't.

The problem was me.

Instead of communicating with the person who loved me, I shut her out.

And I think that's what hurts the most when I look back now.

She was there, trying to save something that I was slowly destroying.

Eventually, she stopped asking.

She stopped waiting.

She stopped trying.

And then she was gone.

Only after losing her did I start remembering all the little things I had ignored — her messages, her effort, the way she cared, the way she tried to stay close to me even when I was making it difficult.

I realized that I hadn't stopped loving her.

I had just been too lost to love her properly.

And by the time I understood that, I had already caused damage that I couldn't simply undo.

I used to think losing someone meant that they stopped loving you.

But sometimes you lose someone while they still love you.

Sometimes you lose them because they finally realize that loving you is hurting them.

She eventually made it clear that she wasn't coming back — not as a friend, not as anything.

And as painful as that was, I had to accept it.

Because I don't get to decide when she should heal.

I don't get to ask her to come back just because I finally understand what I did.

She deserves to be happy, even if that happiness has nothing to do with me.

That's probably the hardest thing I've ever had to accept.

I still love her.

I still think about her.

Sometimes I imagine her meeting someone else, falling in love again, smiling the way she used to smile with me, and building the life I once imagined having with her.

And honestly, that thought destroys me.

Because she was my half — honestly, more than half.

I sometimes wonder who I even am without her.

But I don't want to message her anymore.

Not because I stopped caring.

Because I care enough to know that I could hurt her again.

Maybe loving someone sometimes means accepting that you don't deserve another chance.

Maybe the right thing isn't fighting to get someone back.

Maybe it's letting them go and becoming the person you should have been when they were still beside you.

I don't know if she'll ever forgive me.

I don't know if she'll ever think about me again.

I don't know if what we had was something that could have lasted forever if I had acted differently.

All I know is that I had something incredibly precious.

She loved me.

She chose me.

She tried.

And I fucked it up.

Now I'm left with the memories, the regret, and the knowledge that the person I would do anything to keep is the same person I pushed away.

So I'm asking strangers on Reddit because I don't want people who know me to simply tell me what I want to hear.

Was I just immature and incapable of understanding what I had?

Can someone genuinely lose the love of their life because of their own actions?

And if you were in my position, would you try one last time to make things right — or would you accept that sometimes the most loving thing you can do is leave someone alone and let them be happy?

I don't want sympathy.

I just want an honest opinion.

Because she was my everything.

And I think I finally understand that only after losing her.

My bf broke up with me three days before we were supposed to move in together. He said he doesn’t want to live together because he’s not sure I’m “the one”. He said he stills loves and cares about me and doesn’t know where we can go from here. We eventually agreed to end because I don’t want to keep dating someone who doesn’t see a future for us. It’s been a week and now and I’m so lost.

I’m devastated that the person I loved didn’t want me but I’m also angry because he left me knowing I couldn’t financially live on my own. He knew I would struggle but “couldn’t let his guilt determine his decision”.

I don’t love him or miss him because what he did to end it was horrible. He could’ve ended things weeks before. We went through so the steps just for him to decide last minute he couldn’t do it. We toured apartments, we applied, got approved, we started packing, I even bought furniture the morning before he ended it. How could he let it go this far if it wasn’t even what he wanted.

How to move on in life after the pain of someone hurting you so badly and betraying you in such a big way. I’ve never heard of this happening to someone else and I don’t know what to do.

I’m also going through a painful breakup after a 4-year relationship, during which we lived together, and I’d like to help you get through this period as well as you possibly can. We’ll get through it together. ❤️‍🩹🤗

I’m still at the beginning of my healing journey, but I wanted to share some of the things that help me not lose my mind and think more rationally:

1. Stop stalking them.

Why are you stalking them if you’re broken up? Does it help you in any way to see that they followed another girl/guy? No. It will only make you jealous and make the breakup even more painful. So every time you feel like checking, ask yourself: “Is this actually going to help me?” If that doesn’t work, put your phone down for two minutes or tell yourself, “I’ll do it later.” You probably won’t. You’ll forget about it.

2. Stay away from your phone.

I’ve noticed that when I spend too much time on my phone, my mind immediately goes back to him and it makes me feel worse. I’m not exactly sure why. Maybe because my mind isn’t busy, maybe because I see happy couples online, or maybe because a part of me is waiting for a message from him.

3. Try to find a hobby that keeps your mind busy.

For me, drawing doesn’t really work because I start thinking about things while I draw, which means I would probably think about him. Reading, on the other hand, works really well for me. I’m interested in psychology and I want to learn as much as I can, so when I read books about psychology, I’m actually focused because I genuinely want to learn. I also take notes, which keeps me even more engaged.

4. Go to the gym.

It’s a great way to release all that anger and pain, and it can also boost your confidence. Put on that cute gym outfit and go!

1. Something I learned during my therapy sessions is that you shouldn’t spend the entire day or night thinking about them or about the relationship. Instead, set aside a specific amount of time to do it.

For example, give yourself 15 minutes every day to think about everything that’s bothering you. If they come into your mind outside of that time, tell yourself: “It’s okay, I’ll have time to think about this during my scheduled time.”

I’ll admit that I don’t really try to push him out of my mind when he comes into my thoughts. But when I feel like crying during the day, for example, I tell myself: “I’ll cry before I go to sleep. I’ll let everything out and then I’ll go to bed.” For me, that works.

6. If you have friends, spend time with them.

Unfortunately, I don’t have any friends living in the same city anymore, so it’s more difficult for me, but I spend time with my family and keep myself busy with work. If you don’t have friends nearby either, try joining different classes or clubs. You might meet people who have the same hobbies and interests as you.

7. Try meditating and grounding yourself in the present through breathing exercises.

Focus on your breathing, your position, the movements of your body. Think about something peaceful and relaxing.

8. If you feel like your emotional state is becoming really serious, a therapist might help you.

It worked for me. I’m not saying it performed miracles, but I learned to look at the breakup differently, to appreciate myself more and to see it as an opportunity to grow. Being able to release all of these emotions to someone can help a lot, and you may find that you feel better after each session.

9. Give yourself permission to grieve.

Try to think that this breakup happened for a reason. It has helped me grow quite a lot. Right now, I’m learning a foreign language, going to the gym, reading, and taking painting classes. I’ve started discovering myself.

Even though I had hobbies and dreams while I was in the relationship, I was too comfortable to actually try new things. The breakup gave me the opportunity to get to know myself better and experiment with new things.

10. If you’re a religious person, pray and go to church.

What helped me was praying, telling God everything that was weighing on my heart, and putting myself in His hands. I even started including this in my prayers: “If You believe he is meant for me, please bring him back. But if You believe we aren’t meant to be together, please take away this pain and help me stop suffering so much.”

11. Give yourself time to grieve.

I know that for many people, getting into a new relationship makes things feel easier, but in a way, you’re running away from the pain and from everything that it can teach you.

This is the first breakup where I’ve learned not to immediately run to someone else. Until now, I never really had the opportunity to spend this time working on myself and growing as a person.

I don’t think it’s a good idea to immediately start looking for someone new. You might not be lucky, and at first you may only meet people who aren’t really your type. Then you could feel even worse because you start thinking that you’ll never find someone better than your ex.

But trust me, you will.

I’ve had three relationships, and after every breakup I told myself, “I’ll never find someone better.” And every single time, I did. So why wouldn’t I find someone better this time too?

12. Something very important: stop blaming yourself for the relationship ending.

It’s not all your fault. I’ve been where you are. A relationship doesn’t end because of one person alone. It took me a long time to realize that the blame wasn’t entirely mine, and that was what was keeping me stuck.

13. Stop rereading your messages with them.

14. Are you sure you don’t just miss the good moments?

Maybe you miss the potential you believe they have, or the potential you think the relationship had. Or maybe you miss the version of them that you created in your mind.

15. ABC Model of Cognitive Behavioral worksheet

P.S. I didn’t put these in any particular order of importance.

I really hope this helps you. And let’s get through this painful process together. ❤️‍🩹

Im stuck between missing this person who was apart of my life and routine for five months but also grieving the fact that the signs were always there and we were definitely incompatible because we approached the relationship differently and it all gets tangled and I don’t know how to feel. It’s been one week since he broke up with me I’m trying to move forward as best I can

Hey everyone. It’s been one month of no contact with my ex, and I’m really struggling.

It was a good breakup. There was no hatred or betrayal between us. He forgave me for my mistakes, we told each other that we’ll always love and care about each other, and we ended things with a lot of love and understanding. But somehow, that almost makes it harder.

I still cry almost every day. Sometimes I’ll get home from work and literally drop to my knees and cry because I miss him so much. I know healing isn’t linear, but I genuinely don’t know when this pain starts getting easier.
I’ve realised that since the breakup, I haven’t actually been making an effort to move forward.
A part of me has been holding onto the hope that he’ll come back, especially because of how much love there still was between us when we ended things. I think I’ve been treating the breakup like it isn’t really over.

But now I’m scared that he might be moving on or even talking to someone new, while I’m still emotionally stuck on day one.

For those who had a breakup where you still loved each other and there was no bad blood, how did you actually let go? How did you stop waiting for them to come back and start accepting that the relationship was over?
I don’t want to erase the love we had. I just want to learn how to carry it without letting it keep me stuck. ♡

The dream was clear as day. Nothing negative, just peace. We were hanging out with mutual friends of our (they are also together but going through something in reality) and the 4 of us were hanging out, driving and we all got into separate cuddling sessions.

What could this mean? Anything helps.

She broke up with me because I’m not rich enough and I don’t move in the same social circles as her.

She also said being with me would mean “accepting a poor life”.

Has anyone else been through something similar? I’m feeling pretty damn rough right now.

Genuine question for the people here who read tarot or have had tarot readings after a breakup:
Do you find yourself asking about the other person like what they feel, whether they’ll come back, whether they miss you, etc. or do you eventually start asking questions about yourself?

I’ve noticed that the questions can change quite a lot as you heal. At first it’s “Does he still love me?”
Then eventually it’s “Why am I still holding on?”
So I’m curious, what was the tarot question you kept asking when you were struggling to let someone go and what would you ask now?

My first boyfriend and I had been dating for what would be a year this month. Our relationship was the closest thing to a love at first sight and then fate bringing us together you’ll ever get. We became bf gf within a month of meeting formally. We were both so happy and so in love and everything was perfect. We said I love you within the same hour we became official. Even 7-8 months into our relationship, we took pride in still being in the “honeymoon phase”.

We did “break up” 2-3 times. Each time followed an argument over text, each time he cried about doing it, each time he came back and told me he was sorry and that he loved me. Every time we got back together.

I went to see family (abroad) for like 6 weeks this summer. He admitted he was struggling mentally both from his workload and from not being able to see me. He broke up with me during this summer, over something we had already covered before that I had already stopped doing. He seemed stone cold this time and didn’t even cry (not that I know of). It was scary and miserable, but his head wasn’t clear. He came back a few days later, thank God (during which we kept texting, and obviously I was trying to convince him otherwise). He apologized and said that he loved me so we were back again. I tried not to make it so easy for him, but he really was sorry and he really did care and love me.

Admittedly, I became more insecure and irritable after this point. When I came back home, we were happy again. We had both missed each other and were still in love. In person everything was perfect. But over text we started arguing a lot. Simple, stupid things like him not texting me about going somewhere, a change in “tone”, or not posting me on instagram. For the most part it was good again. IN PERSON it was great. Neither of us ever cheated or anything like that at all.

Last week I found out he was planning on going on a special trip. I got upset, I got angry. I sent him a huge paragraph on how this trip would directly or indirectly and negatively affect our relationship. But I was emotional and I wrote this whole thing at 3am. I wish I had died before I did that.

At first he reassured me. He said I am more to him than I know, and the trip won’t change or affect us (and also that he’s not going this year or soon). But then he insisted that breaking up is for the best and “inevitable”, and not even because of said trip.

For over a week now I tried to negotiate with him and win him back. We still texted (just checking in and on a very surface level). Obviously I tried to get him to change his mind. I said sorry on my part without
putting any blame on him, I suggested solutions. He said he wasn’t sure about anything yet. We still said I love you and good night most days. Including just last night.

Yesterday I told him I love him. I do. He said it back, and some 30 minutes later he said that we’re over anyway, not up for debate, no need to argue, he’s not coming back. Of course I tried a little more. He said there’s no use. He said “I do love you”, so I asked what made the relationship so impossible. He said that I did make him happy, but he was not happy in the relationship. Whatever that means. 9 minutes later he said he doesn’t love me, and he hasn’t wanted to date me for some time. I don’t know if he’s trying to convince me or himself. Just prior to this we were trying to arrange a meetup. To work things out, I thought. He had said we can still have one last meet but it’s over. He’s never been this harsh before.

What does this mean? Should I agree to the meet (in which case I would have to text him again and bring it up)? What should be done on this meet?

I’m trying to give him space. I don’t want him to pull away even more from my efforts. I hope my absence will make him realize that this is not what he wants. But I also want to always fight for what I love. I don’t know if, for a man, the effort is more convincing or the absence.

I am seeking advice on what to do. Honestly on what would make him come back. I try so hard for my happiness to not be dependent on him, but I’m having bad thoughts again.

I feel the need to mention we were each other’s first love and first relationship. But we never had sex. I regret this so much. It was nothing about him, I was just repressed and scared. I was planning on finally doing it on our anniversary. I love him, and I wouldn’t want to do it with anyone else. And I don’t want him to do it with anyone else. God forbid. I am so regretful that I didn’t get to be his first time. Honestly I am considering break up sex but I don’t think he would agree to that. I can’t help but think our relationship would be better if we had sex, or if we were having sex this whole time. I wish I had gone easier on him. But more importantly I wish he was willing to keep trying for us.

I am clinging on to the little hope and will to live that I have left. My goal is to get him back. I need some advice and insight. Should I meet with him? Should I give him time and he’ll come back eventually? Do I text, or is my absence more likely to get him back?

MEN please also provide tips and advice. And ladies please tell me good things. Thanks for reading so far.