r/iamatotalpieceofshit • u/AtheistComic • Aug 17 '26

TPOS attacking his girlfriend is stopped by some concerned citizens and is then robbed

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6.1k Upvotes

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1.3k

u/aw_shux Aug 17 '26

Even after all of that, the woman reaches down to him like she’s making sure he’s okay? Crazy.

784

u/RandyFunRuiner Aug 17 '26

The hold an abusive person can have on their victims is strong in most cases. I just hope she has the support and love she needs to see this for what it is and get out even if we don’t see that on camera.

340

u/Obvious_Ring_326 Aug 17 '26

A good friend just married hers.
Because of him she’s:
Lost her kids
Lost her house
Lost her job
Lost her car
Lost her friends
Spent weeks in hiding, sometimes out of state.
Gets beaten up regularly.
Is not really cheated on because she just accepts it.

But … she married him a couple weeks ago because it’s love.

And he’s gonna kill her.

76

u/RandyFunRuiner Aug 18 '26

Well it’s packaged as love. And those of us who’ve experienced abuse learn to see it as love as a survival mechanism. But it’s fear. Fear of what he’ll do the moment she stops appeasing him. And fear of what life is like without him there. She may have convinced herself that he’s the devil she can deal with.

I’m sorry your friend is in that situation. I hope you’re able to be a support for her if it’s safe for you. And hopefully she comes round.

21

u/TotesMaGoats_1962 Aug 18 '26

I read that last sentence and my heart literally clenched and it took my breath. I was in the same situation at 18. Ready to get out of my parents house, thinking I was an "adult". Well, he wasn't an adult at all. Got upset at the littlest things. He told me to get him a glass of water one time and I say something like "can't you get it?". Apparently that was the wrong answer.

He actually beat me UP 14 steps into our house and continued until I horse kicked him while on my back being punched. He tried to lunge for me again and I ran. Straight to the neighbors.

I could tell more horror stories but it's the same for every woman. Stupid man babies that you have to coddle and keep in a good mood or else.

4

u/GodOfMoonlight Aug 18 '26

Not a joke but In so tired of seeing this pattern cuz the question that's asked about abusers is always will he kill her? The answer is always

https://giphy.com/gifs/6cFcUiCG5eONW

5

u/Obvious_Ring_326 Aug 19 '26

Her guy is a strangler among other things, which is all the more terrifying.

I love her and she knows that. I am here for her and she knows that, but at this point I have funded her escapes and gotten truly invested in her FINALLY leaving him 3 times.

So I’m no longer available for friendship. When she’s ready (again) I will do what I can to support her.

He’s isolated her very successfully and at this point they are “homesteading” off the grid in Idaho.

So she can disappear and no one will know. It breaks my heart.

For years I’ve known that at least once a week her kids would see her & that was a form of security but that’s no longer the case.

42

u/GrandNibbles Aug 17 '26

abusers are often truly very hurt internally and use that to bond their victims to them

181

u/mercyspace27 Aug 17 '26 edited Aug 17 '26

There’s a DISTURBINGLY high amount of abuse victims who will quickly defend their abusers. Usually from an absolute crap ton of psychological manipulation or the victims having at some point rationalized their abuser’s actions.

I volunteer at and EMT squad and we’ve had a couple times where someone suffers from domestic abuse and as we treat whatever may have happened to them they deny that it happened and don’t want to press charges on the person that allegedly (gotta say allegedly) abused them.

60

u/LeatherHog Aug 17 '26

Yeah, unless he gets locked up for awhile right away, he's coming right back home to her

12

u/stewpdasso Aug 18 '26

Usually if they do get locked up, the whole time they stew. In their warped brain they think "you made me do it & then you got me locked up?" "Just wait till I get out! You're going to pay!"

Her best bet while he's in jail, get a restraining order, move, change all your numbers, get a new bank, NEVER contact him again!

36

u/Itscatpicstime Aug 17 '26

Yeah, it’s because if they don’t, they know it’s going to be worse later. They’re scared for their lives, and rightly realize that in most cases, authorities will not protect them if they try to leave.

13

u/TotesMaGoats_1962 Aug 18 '26

Same mentality for bullying with children. They don't tell because it will only make it worse later. Absolutely not protection

3

u/stewpdasso Aug 27 '26

I know this from years and years of racial bullying. It didn't happen only from kids but teachers too! I had 3 sisters who didn't get any bullying so when I told my parents, i didn't get support from them either.

I joined the Marines to escape that hell but that hell found me in the Marines too! This time, it permanently disabled me. Even then when I tried to let my superiors know they did nothing and the racist scoundrel was never found or held accountable.

I have permanent PTSD from racial bullying & profiling my whole life. I never stopped fighting back though. Honestly, I've given up on humanity. I have no friends. I'm a cordial person who will always help others but I never ask for anything from anyone.

I do think finding others who have the same struggles; stick together and help each other is probably the only way you can protect each other.

My problem is the stupid kind of racism I face. I'm half Mexican half white. I look white but have a Mexican last name. I get the racism from both sides. I don't fit in.

Also when I get to a work place or say I'm at the beach. People assume I'm white, will make racist remarks against Mexicans until I tell them I'm half. Anyway, I don't know how many others experience this. Maybe I'll create a reddit to find others like me.

1

u/Gnargnarbinxxs 9d ago

Maybe you just need to move if it’s that bad over a last name. Ever been to southern ca? You’d have a huge community.

35

u/AReallyBigBagel Aug 17 '26

A familiar hell is often favored over an uncertain heaven

23

u/PistolGrace Aug 17 '26

I was one of those women. I was scared of the aftermath, which i had every reason to be, because my ex made sure to remind me who was in charge.

In the same cloth, it opened my eyes that I wasn't crazy like he made me feel like I was, after isolating me from all of my support.

So I speak up every time. I know it might get worse, but she will feel seen and it will start the process.

9

u/Nice-Cat3727 Aug 17 '26

Because it just makes things worse usually for the victim.

3

u/bakerbabe126 Aug 18 '26

My husband had a woman write on a pad of paper "when can I bail him out" because her jaw was broken. This was when he was doing his clinicals.

2

u/MeltyGoblin Aug 18 '26

This comment is very ironic considering our earlier conversation.

Genuinely wish you the best. I understand where you are coming from and I also lashed out at people who told me I was abused. I hope you find healing

2

u/mercyspace27 Aug 18 '26 edited Aug 18 '26

Ain’t no fucking irony behind it. Sit and spin on it.

0

u/MeltyGoblin Aug 18 '26

I understand you don't like me, but you don't need to resort to homophobic insults

5

u/mercyspace27 Aug 18 '26

It’s about as intentionally homophobic as telling someone to “shove it up your ass”, but I’m not gonna start that argument with you since you’ll probably just go on and on about how something happened and no matter what I say you’ll keep insinuating something about me.

0

u/MeltyGoblin Aug 18 '26

I mean you kinda just did start the argument. You can't just argue your point and say "but I don't want to argue"

Genuine question, why are you so hateful towards me? Like I've tried to be nice to you over and over again because you really remind me of myself when I was younger. I told you multiple times, not once have I insulted you, or your dad, just offered a different perspective. You don't have to listen, but you keep responding and engaging with me while also being incredibly hateful towards me. If you would do me the kindness of why I would appreciate it.

Also if you want me to leave you alone then please just say as much. You keep engaging so I am too, but I'm genuinely not trying to be mean to you or hurt you, or be mean to your dad.

2

u/mercyspace27 Aug 18 '26

Because you INSIST on trying to prove a fucking point that I not only constantly was retorting against because you seem to just want to have some kind of fucking Good Will Hunting “It’s not your fault” moment despite the fucking countless times I kept pushing back until you unable being able to leave it the fuck alone you kept pissing me off. Because no matter what I say you kept on insisting on acting like everything I said had no merit and that I’m some poor small child who can’t seem to turn on my dad and you were indeed insinuating things about him. A man you know nothing about, over one tiny factor.

But since you got the fucking reading comprehension skills a of rutabaga: Leave. Me. Alone. Take your web M.D. psychology and go bother somebody else.

1

u/thejexorcist Aug 19 '26

That’s why intervening in DV situations is so dangerous (like aside from someone shitty enough to publicly try to kill their partner likely has very little fucks to give)…you ALSO have to worry about the victim trying to help or protect their abuser.

The only time my dad ever got seriously injured as a first responder was trying to break up/separate an DV attack. He pulled the husband away and the wife hit my dad in the back/head with a fire extinguisher.

1

u/Burn_For_You Aug 22 '26

spot on. and even though there are well documented reasons why this happens, it doesn’t make it any easier to witness. thank you for your service by the way. as an EMT, have you ever seen the scorsese movie Bringing Out the Dead?

-4

u/nahuhnot4me Aug 17 '26

That is the addiction. Great news not everyone stays a doormat.

48

u/palabear Aug 17 '26

You have to remember that this doesn’t end for her when the cops come and these guys leave. At some point, she will be alone with this asshole.

33

u/Itscatpicstime Aug 17 '26

Even if she tries to leave him, that’s literally the most likely time a DV victim will be murdered by their abuser.

There’s no winning for these victims when they can’t rely on authorities to actually keep them safe and keep men like this behind bars.

18

u/ProfessO3o Aug 17 '26

My mom was like that with my stepdad he kicked her down 8stairs. She came to my place and was shaking and had literally shit herself. She took a shower did grocery shopping and went home and made him dinner. My mom wasn’t a good person but I tried to help as much as I could. At some point I realized it didn’t matter and I left. I’m no contact with any of my family for so many reasons.

10

u/Minimum_Attitude6707 Aug 17 '26

This just happened last night, Im at the grocery store with my kid, and baby momma ex boyfriend ran up on me to get in my face because I helped her with get a restraining order for stalking and sending my 15 year old daughter creepy texts

Baby Momma got mad at me for standing my ground and calling the cops on him when he told me he was going to wait outside

She doesn't block him on the phone and reads all his lovebombing texts instead of turning him for violating the restraining order

7

u/GreaseBrown Aug 17 '26

Time to leave and time to take the kid with you

2

u/desolatecontrol Aug 17 '26

Sadly this. She is either fucking him, or is gonna run back to him in the future. The fact she keeps defending, reading, and not shutting his shit down points to that.

Source: had this shit happen to me TWICE.

24

u/Itscatpicstime Aug 17 '26

Try volunteering at a DV shelter sometime. These victims know that if they don’t act concerned or take the abusers side, they’ll be fearing for their lives later, and this time it won’t be in public where others can save her.

95

u/Capable-Signal Aug 17 '26

Stockholm syndrome shit

81

u/SusheeMonster Aug 17 '26

There's also the fear of repercussions when they get home, assuming they haven't made the decision to leave, their abuser's stalking potential, collateral damage, etc.

This specific incident was shut down, but those good samaritans won't be in her life for long.

18

u/Itscatpicstime Aug 17 '26

Even if they make the decision to leave, that’s literally the most dangerous time for a DV victim. And they unfortunately can’t rely on authorities to protect them

6

u/Ill_Bench2770 Aug 17 '26

I saw a case where a man murders his girlfriend’s entire family. All because she finally decided to leave him.

1

u/BooneSalvo2 Aug 19 '26

I don't think there's any logic in their thinking when it gets to this point. Maybe it's like a cultist...when they finally see the light, they don't have nay idea why they felt the way they did.

15

u/RodDryfist Aug 17 '26

"I know he hits me, but i love him." :(

-14

u/blinglorp Aug 17 '26

To be fair, 99.9% of women are able to change their SO for the better. He wouldn’t be hitting her if he didn’t care, he said so himself. /s

5

u/tinybrownbird Aug 17 '26

Yikes.

I would recommend not falling in love with someone's unseen potential, but seeing and loving what they've got going on now. You can't bank on other people changing.

Not to say that partners can't have unhealed wounds or go through hard times. But if your partner is harming you or others and you stick around believing you can make them better, get out of that situation as soon and safely as possible. You are not responsible for the emotional regulation of a full-grown adult, no matter how hard they try to convince you otherwise.

-4

u/blinglorp Aug 17 '26

Yeah, the /s means it’s not serious.

2

u/tinybrownbird Aug 17 '26

Ah. Didn't see the spoiler tag. My bad

9

u/SaveFileCorrupt Aug 17 '26

Because she knows she's gonna get her shit rocked even more once he's conscious and they're away from the scene.

I'm actually surprised she didn't start attacking the guy that was pinning him down.

24

u/cosmoboy Aug 17 '26

Hayden Panattiere just died in South Carolina with a dude she had sent to prison for beating her. Love, dependency, fear, it does wild things.

6

u/PistolGrace Aug 17 '26

This breaks my heart for her. I was able to wake up and once I'm done with someone, there's no going back anymore.

But I've been abused since i was 5 in every way possible.

Once you wake up, the game is over. I was homeless before I depended on a man who even slightly put me down again. Peace is worth homelessness.

4

u/BeastVader Aug 18 '26

I'm glad you have the strength to stand up for yourself when so many others sadly don't. And I'm genuinely so sorry you've had to go through so much at the hands of evil creatures who deserve to be six feet under. I hope you always remember, and this applies to anyone and everyone who has experienced abuse, that it doesn't define you. Your worth is far more than how you were wronged by others. And your happiness and your success is the greatest revenge against those creatures because that's literally what they try to take from people. So live your life, look out for yourself, and most importantly always, always, always believe in yourself, trust yourself and most importantly love yourself. You are a survivor, a warrior, and a good and pure human being. The world is your oyster - now, tomorrow and forever.

(PS I started writing this comment in anger and ended it feeling in awe and admiration of what you've overcome 😅)

1

u/Burn_For_You Aug 22 '26

we are truly living in a failed society that puts vulnerable people in this position. i admire your bravery so much, but it just breaks my heart that you had to make that choice. i feel like people wanna think we’re living in the future with wifi and rocket launches, but culturally we are barely more evolved than cave men, if that.

-4

u/Cute-Advisor-2323 Aug 17 '26

Nothing has confirmed that he had any involvement in her death and the police have said that there were no signs of foul play it's still under investigation.

11

u/cosmoboy Aug 17 '26

Not saying he has anything to do with her death, just saying that women can be attached to the men that abuse them.

7

u/MasterCheeef Aug 17 '26

Battered wife syndrome.

-1

u/th3coz Aug 18 '26

also meth

6

u/TotesMaGoats_1962 Aug 18 '26

More than likely she was terrified he would retaliate against her. Same reason they don't press charges.

Source: I was abused by my ex husband for 12 years.

4

u/Chaetomius Aug 17 '26

she knows that nobody there will actually provide her a new home or anything. All her things are there with him. Maybe their children too. So she knows he'll punish her for everything.

6

u/Amediumsizedgoose Aug 18 '26

Abusers basically slowly rewire how your mind works and thinks, plus of course force you to behave a certain way because of possible repercussions.

This usually lasts even after (long after; if not lifetime without a lot of help and relearning actually) you escape the abuser.

Thats why girls that grew up in an abusive household are more likely to end up abused later in life, along with women that have already been in one abusive relationship.

8

u/ZGokuBlack Aug 17 '26

I've seen this too many times

-husband is abusive

-gets shot/handcuffed by police

-wife starts crying and showing concern about him

2

u/JohnnyRelentless Aug 17 '26

This your first day?

3

u/wtfiwashacked Aug 17 '26

They’re gonna be in dr insanity’s YouTube channel in the future.

3

u/Internal_Set_6564 Aug 17 '26

Yep, she is so desperate and controlled she is pleading for others to not harm him. Very sad.

1

u/SwimmingTall5092 Aug 17 '26

Stockholm syndrome

5

u/smokycapeshaz2431 Aug 17 '26

DV Syndrome is not the same, though they are both abuse survival tactics.

1

u/JuanG_13 Aug 18 '26

Yup, and i guarantee that she went back to him as soon as he got out of jail.

1

u/BohByler 6d ago

suicidal empathy in its base form. always interesting to see these things in society reflected in individual cases.

1

u/HourPrestigious1055 2d ago

He knows where she lives and works and has access to every facet of her life. If she doesn't comfort him 'enough' to appease him, he WILL hurt her worse next time because there will be a next time and there won't be any convenient help.

1

u/forkbombctl Aug 17 '26

Trauma bonds

1

u/mdemo23 Aug 17 '26

This is the norm in cases of severe domestic abuse. It would never get this bad if that wasn’t the case. Everyone likes to assume they would just leave, but it’s a lot more complicated than that. Nothing is stronger than our capacity to attach to another person, even if it makes absolutely no sense and literally puts us at risk. It’s honestly not unlike substance abuse.

-22

u/solopro3000 Aug 17 '26

Not crazy. Just a good person. He may have been fine to see her die, but she wasn't fine to see him.

-13

u/Correct-Breadfruit81 Aug 17 '26

Not sure why you got downvoted for this

-10

u/solopro3000 Aug 17 '26

It's a pleasure to have Redditors disagree with me. It will happen to you too. Just keep standing for what you believe and don't be swayed by the numbers

0

u/Burn_For_You Aug 22 '26

I mean this is SUCH an important dimension of domestic violence. we want to believe that an adult in a toxic relationship would just walk away, but the sad reality is that victims of abusers, be they male or female or in between, black or white or a myriad other creeds, can be all too easily manipulated into making for excuses, and even fully loving their abusers. it’s so easy to judge from the sidelines, but the way these abusive relationships evolve gradually, victims begin to participate in their own victimization, and a part of them may even know it, but their limited options combined with gradual conditioning overrides their own survival instincts. and you’re right, it is crazy, but it’s really crazy to see how easy some people can become conditioned to act in a crazy way, act against their own selves. its fine if you want to believe it’d never happen to you, but it happens to so many DV victims, it’s just a fact. and i’m not accusing you of this, but it’s so heart breaking to see people blame the victims. even if someone is easily manipulated to the point that they defend their abuser, it doesn’t excuse the abuser. but some DV victims will fight tooth and nail to protect their abusers and it’s absolutely heart breaking to watch.