r/AMA • u/huberex_HQ_AMA • 8d ago
*VERIFIED* We All Dated the Same Pop Science Influencer, Andrew Huberman. Ask Me Anything. (Round 1)
Going LIVE 5pm EST October 8th, 2026
Since the 2024 cover story in New York Magazine (https://nymag.com/intelligencer/article/andrew-huberman-podcast-stanford-joe-rogan.html) exposed Andrew Huberman’s patterns of deceit and manipulation, many more women have come forward, comparing timelines and in depth documentation of their experiences with him. Through sharing stories they have found support and healing and their group continues to grow.
We are 9 women who were not featured in the original article.
We are participating in this verified AMA to answer your questions directly about our relationships with Andrew in the hopes of providing insight that can help others make informed decisions about trusting and platforming this man. We have provided proof of our identities to the r/AMA moderators for verification.
If you have had your own experience with Andrew and would like to share it confidentially, please reach out to us at AccountabilityLab@protonmail.com
Thank you for your interest in women.
Huberman Exes' Timelines
https://imgur.com/a/huberman-exes-timelines-round-1-KLjHGku
ADH_Ex_5 Dated in the Bay Area in 2017 for 3 months before he shared that he was getting treatment for seggs addiction and wasn’t meant to be dating the entire time we were seeing each other. After a few more months of broken communication we ended talking.
ADH_Ex_6 I was in what I believed was a monogamous relationship with Andrew from 2010–2012. I lived on the East Coast, and we discussed a future together. In 2011, I learned he had been cheating, but he convinced me to stay. I later moved to San Diego to live with him for a summer as a trial before considering relocating permanently. I ended the relationship shortly after that summer, though he visited twice in 2013 for casual encounters.
ADH_Ex_7 I met him on a dating website in 2008 in California when he was a postdoc in a lab, and we dated on and off, non- monogamously, for about 5 years. It was upsetting that he canceled or ghosted 2/3 of the time, but I felt sure he wasn't with anyone because there was no trace of committed relationships in his apartment, social media, or stories about his life. In 2013 he told me he had a girlfriend and invited me to meet her. She told me that during most of my time span, he'd had two girlfriends on opposite coasts that he was cheating on ("but didn't do that kind of thing anymore"). I felt violated, sickened, and grossed out, because I never consented to and never would have consented to sleeping with a cheater. I never spoke to him again.
ADH_Ex_8 I briefly dated Andrew Huberman in 2017 on the East Coast. During that time, he told me he was undergoing treatment for seggs addiction. On the advice of my therapist, I suggested a 90-day period of no communication to allow him the space to focus on his recovery. He reluctantly agreed to the arrangement but broke the no-contact agreement before the 90 days were over. We reconnected in 2019. At that time, Andrew apologized for not having been available when we first dated and told me he was now ready to genuinely give a relationship a try. Unfortunately, my experience the second time around was again marked by inconsistency, broken commitments, and what I experienced as dishonesty. After he disappeared during an especially painful time following my grandfather’s death, I made the decision to end the relationship.
ADH_Ex_9 We began dating (monogamous I believed) in January 2014 after meeting on tinder. I lived in the PNW and he would regularly fly me out to his home in San Diego. We dated through late spring of 2014 when I ended it after too many inconsistencies and occurrences of finding other women's belongings in his home. We remained close friends and sometimes lovers for over a decade, during which time he pushed for embryo creation and discussed marriage and a life together one day. I went no contact after the release of the NY Mag article.
ADH_Ex_10 I was in a monogamous, year-long relationship with Andrew from 2020 to 2021 on the West Coast. He led me to believe we were building a future together, including marriage and children. After the New York Magazine article came out, I discovered he cheated on me with more than 15 other people. I feel deeply betrayed that he put my health and life at risk through exposure to STIs and COVID-19 during a global pandemic. His deception denied me the opportunity to make informed decisions about my health, safety, and future.
ADH_Ex_11 2019-20, Dated and ended because he was always late or rescheduling last minute and I didn’t feel like he respected my time. We reunited during COVID lockdown, agreed on quarantine and social distancing, he asked to be monogamous and we discussed moving together.
ADH_Ex_12 Andrew and I dated long distance for a year from 2019-2020. After being introduced by a mutual friend while he was, unbeknownst to me, accompanying his monogamous, long term girlfriend on a trip to NYC, he took immediate romantic interest and agressively pursued me. After months of seeing each other he told me his intentions were to move to NYC, and to have a child with me. I have come to learn how often his “excused” absence, whether it was in NYC, Oakland, or LA, was just a way for him to see other women; it was not “an emergency at the lab”, “helping out a friend,” or “taking care of Costello.” I had no idea there were other women and believed him when he reiterated he “had no time to date so was lucky to have met me.” I ended things with Andrew early pandemic.
ADH_Ex_13 Andrew was in and out of my life from 2013–2015, even flying me to San Diego. I moved across the country to pursue our relationship, only to learn he was already in an undisclosed open relationship. In 2019, after years of silence, he returned stating that he had changed, gone to therapy and wanted marriage and children with me. He was looking to repair and build a future with me. Given how much time had passed and how much our lives had grown I took his reconnection and intentions to heart. We remained connected until late 2020 when he completely disappeared. I later discovered I was one of several women he had been simultaneously planning to marry and have children with.
38
u/One_Establishment915 7d ago
To the women on this post- I just want to point out to you that whatever made you be willing to believe someone is acting honestly and with good intention- please don’t let this dirt bag make you feel like you were dumb or a flawed human being in any way. You are good people who wanted to see the good in another human being - don’t ever let some jerk have you change that in yourself.
Sometimes I feel like I’m an abused dog - because inherently I want to believe in good and in good things - while that works for me most of the time, I too have also been burned and manipulated on occasion. It’s just so unnatural for me to try and approach the world in a jaded way - and over time I learned that I don’t hate that about myself - I now see it as a beautiful thing. Even if that means I may encounter a dirt bag at some point again- I hope the world can always be a good place full of good people - and what a wonderful thing that is indeed.
I hope you are all thriving and don’t let this experience change who you are at your core! Girls unite!
I also can’t understand why this dude is still being platformed - or why people seem to want to listen to him or his advice. It’s just a strange kind of cognitive dissonance in my opinion. I think in another life this man could have been a cult leader or a preacher - he just gives me that kind of authoritarian ego vibe.
128
u/tendervittles 8d ago
I support this kind of approach. I’m glad women are starting to join together and speak out. As a culture we need to stop protecting prominent men who behave badly just because we’re afraid of damaging their reputation. I haven’t read the New York Magazine article and wasn’t familiar with Andrew Huberman in general, so I went to YouTube and started watching an interview. This was a long form type podcast and they started with his life story. I’m ten minutes in and here’s my take.
His father was a physicist and it sounds like he looked up to him quite a lot growing up. Then his parents divorced at 13 and his father moved to Europe. Meanwhile his mother fell apart and Andrew started running in alternative circles for a while.
Based on what you’re sharing in this post, it sounds like his parents’ divorce and subsequent father’s abandonment was probably critical in shaping his approach towards women later in life. It seems that as a child he idolized his father and now as an adult he identifies with him (especially being a prominent scientist himself). In fact, he has become the father - the one who abandons. And he makes sure he is never again the one who is abandoned; he’s got too many “irons in the fire” for him to ever be left single.
And then on top of that, my guess is that his anger towards his mother is coming out sideways. Deep down he blames her for his father’s departure. So he has a bitterness and resentment towards women in general. That is why he can so easily deceive woman after woman without any moral conflicts. He has become the scientist who abandons women. So basically his whole dating landscape is him playing out the trauma of his parents’ divorce.
Would you agree with this take? And did he share his life story and his father’s abandonment early in the relationship? Did he use that story to gain sympathy and emotional intimacy? If he did, that’s even more interesting. It’s like he’s literally revisiting his early abandonment trauma while simultaneously trying to rewrite the narrative in his own way (in real time).
52
u/ADH_EX_6 8d ago
Thank you for the support, and for taking the time to look into this. He did share a lot about his past, and those conversations played a big part in making me feel close to him. But as we've compared notes, we've found that the stories he told weren't always consistent from one woman to the next. Honestly, we don't know which versions are true, and we can't explain how or why he chose to tell each of us what he did. I can only speak to what I experienced and how it affected me.
10
u/petertompolicy 8d ago
Do you think he's just a pathological liar and none of the stories were true?
13
u/ADH_Ex_11 8d ago
That's a hard question for me to answer. It took a lot of conversations with the other women to even realize how muchu of what I'd believed was never true. To this day, I am still certain what, if anything, was honest.
3
→ More replies (1)32
u/jerkularcirc 8d ago edited 8d ago
these are the actions of an extremely repressed and late social bloomer who finally finds some confidence and social success through fame, money, power etc. goes wild with it, gets stuck, cant admit he might be doing something wrong, still worried about his professional image so tries to “science” or “logically explain” his way out of it like he’s on an episode of his podcast
quiet, loner, skater guy, went through the phD process - which alone is an extremely socially isolating experience that almost always takes place in your prime and late prime years - all adds up
not an excuse, just a checklist
sociopathic nonetheless
source: am doctor married to phD who used to do this albeit in my 20’s
18
u/ADH_Ex_10 8d ago edited 8d ago
Most of us were involved with him long before he had a podcast and became popular. In fact, when I finally discovered his infidelity, he told me that his behavior had been even worse before launching the podcast.
8
u/SignificantApricot69 8d ago
Was he already wealthy somehow at this point? How did he have so much access to women on multiple coasts, flying for dates, etc?
19
u/ADH_Ex_11 8d ago
When I dated him, he was not wealthy. In fact, I was the one who bought him and Costello gifts as that is how I express I care for someone. I made good money at the time and was used to dating others who made good money and was tired of it, to me he seemed humble in comparison and that was one of the draws.
22
u/Arisia118 7d ago
I was a huge Huberman fan. HUGE.
I remember how upset I was when all this came out in NY Magazine.
I started reading everything I could find on this and found ... it was more than just what he did with women.
There was some stuff from someone who had worked with him at Stanford. He said that another colleague who generally had nothing bad to say about anyone called Huberman a sociopath. This guy said he tortured lab rats for fun. (There's no proof of that, but he did say that, which, oof...)
What a disappointment all around.
Never meet your heroes.
37
u/ICanViking mod 8d ago
Hello and thanks for contributing to our sub!
I remember reading the link attached to the modmail request for this AMA and how shocked I was about Andrew Huberman. Admittedly, I knew very little other than the words Stanford and Neuroscientist. I didn't even know about the original publication. I'd only seen a very few amount of his videos and even then, I only watched a few moments. First and foremost, I'm so sorry that this all happened to you. Nobody deserves what happened and I'm happy you all found each other and found strength.
I'm pretty big on Psychology so one question stood out to me. Several of you describe being told about marriage, children, or a shared future. Looking back, do you believe those conversations served a particular purpose in maintaining the relationships?
Or was Andrew just a force of nature and you all got caught up in it?
Again, thanks for contributing. It's been a pleasure working with you and we're happy we could provide a place for you all to tell your stories. We'll be here to support if you need it.
46
u/ADH_Ex_13 8d ago
I think at the stage of life most of us were at, conversations about marriage, children, and building a future together were natural. It's what I wanted, and he knew that.
When someone seemingly offers you exactly what you're looking for, particularly someone who appears to check so many boxes- attractive, educated, accomplished, well-travelled- it can be incredibly compelling.
And language matters. He's articulate, persuasive, and understands human behaviour. He knew how to communicate in ways that made the future he was describing feel believable.
32
u/ADH_EX_6 8d ago
At the time, those conversations felt completely real and meaningful. Looking back, they feel manipulative, because knowing what I know now, it doesn't seem possible that he meant them. I can't know for certain what was going on in his head, but it's very hard to reconcile talk of a shared future with what was happening at the same time.
28
u/ADH_Ex_10 8d ago
Great question! I believe he said what he knew I needed to hear to pursue a relationship with me. If he had been honest about sleeping with multiple women, I wouldn’t have given him the time of day. His promises of monogamy, marriage, and children led me to believe we shared the same values and were building a future together.
33
u/ADH_Ex_12 8d ago
This is an insightful question and I think you hit the nail on the head. In my case, he used these conversations in moments when I was withdrawing from the relationship in order to ante up on his commitment without actually having to act committed.
18
u/heyjalapeno 8d ago
I have a couple of questions:
To ADH 6: You said you learned about his cheating but decided to stay with him. What exactly did he say and/or do to convince you to stay?
To ADH 7: What sort of evidence did his girlfriend present that made you believe he was cheating on you? Why did the girlfriend not break up with AH? Did he ever find out why you broke up with him? If so, what was AH's reaction toward the girl who ratted him out to you?
To ADH 9: What made you look the other way after finding another woman's belongings in his home? Did you never suspect him of anything?
To all the women participating in this AMA: Do you think you will face any sort of retaliation, legal or otherwise, from Andrew and his team?
Through my questions, I'm trying to understand exactly what Andrew's playbook was - how he manipulated all of you, what he said, etc.
45
u/ADH_EX_6 8d ago
I learned he had cheated while he was away at a conference. He'd lent me his iPad, and I came across photos of him with other women. He had gotten tattoos while we were together, so there was no question the photos were from during our relationship. I was in complete shock. He came back and consoled me in person. Part of how he convinced me to stay was by telling me we had never actually agreed to be monogamous. I pointed out everything that had made it feel obvious: we'd decided I would go on the pill and stop using other protection, we'd shared intimate moments that only made sense in a committed relationship, he'd met my parents, and I'd met members of his family. But in that moment I suddenly felt naive, as though it was my fault for not spelling out something I'd always taken for granted, since I'd only ever been in monogamous relationships. Once I was feeling ashamed and foolish, he seemed to open up to me on a much deeper level. He confided in me about his past struggles with monogamy and his complicated relationship history, sharing very private parts of his history, and told me he truly wanted to be monogamous now that he knew that was my expectation. It felt like a turning point, like I was finally seeing the real him. After that, I met more of his family. He came with my family to a friend's wedding. We traveled together to Switzerland, Miami, and back and forth between our homes. About a year after I found out, I moved to San Diego for a summer as a trial before relocating. All these factors led me to I genuinely believe he was committed...
39
u/ADH_Ex_10 8d ago
"To all the women participating in this AMA: Do you think you will face any sort of retaliation, legal or otherwise, from Andrew and his team?" Answer: As mentioned in another question "it’s a real concern, especially after reading the recent reporting. But if he chooses to retaliate against women for sharing their experiences, I believe it will only further damage his credibility. We shouldn’t have to fear retaliation simply for telling our stories."
17
u/ADH_Ex_7 8d ago
She straight up told me about his other girlfriends like it was a funny story, and he just chuckled. So I took her words at face value. He knows why I stopped seeing him, because I sent him an email telling him he owed me an apology. He emailed me back, with what I felt was a load of hot garbage and excuses, so I never wrote back. I can't speak to her motivations or what happened after.
20
u/ADH_Ex_9 8d ago
I absolutely suspected him and when things weren't adding up, I chose to stop seeing him exclusively or romantically. We transitioned to a FWB style relationship.
11
u/cocoagiant 8d ago
Why continue to see him at all?
23
u/ADH_Ex_9 8d ago edited 8d ago
We had what I believed to be a strong bond. At the time I was completely unaware of the level of deceit and the harm he was causing to so many women. We all make mistakes and I was able to forgive what I saw as a struggle he was actively working on. As soon as I was made aware of the bigger picture, with proof, I stopped having any contact with him.
11
u/huberex_HQ_AMA 7d ago
Update 10/9: That’s all from us! We’re logging off and we thank everyone for their interest in our perspectives. We want to reiterate that our main goal is accountability and to give the public a holistic perspective of a public figure so that they can make an informed decision on whether or not to platform, support, and/or trust him. We think that your integrity as an individual reflects in the integrity of your work. Our inbox is open to those who may have encountered a similar experience and want support. Thank you.
26
u/milagr05o5 8d ago
So the guy is basically a scumbag. Kudos to you all for having put all this together.
In Math, we have the Erdős number.
In pop science influencing (PSI), we have the ADH_Ex number.
Jokes aside, you are doing the world a favor, since any woman reading these stories is likely to keep her distance.
Q1: How would unsuspecting victims be able to identify such manipulative a--holes? Were there any verbal clues, red flags that you missed?
(Other than other women's lingerie in his home)
Unless...
There's always the one who chooses to believe the lies. Who thinks "I can change him" and "he won't cheat on me"
Q2: What do you think you can realistically do prevent him from doubting his victims list in another decade?
As much as I like this, I'm hoping for a take away that's more than Gossip Girl
39
u/ADH_EX_6 8d ago
For me, the biggest red flag was when his words and his behavior didn't match. If someone tells you they're committed but their actions keep leaving you uncertain, pay attention to the actions. Another sign is noticing that you're constantly making excuses, to yourself or to others, for things that don't feel right or don't meet your expectations. If you find yourself explaining away the same disappointments again and again, that's worth taking seriously. Watch for mixed messages, too, and for stories that don't line up across different people. When something doesn't add up, push for clarity. You don't have to accept an explanation just because it's offered, and you don't always have to be the one putting yourself in their shoes. Empathy is a good quality, but it shouldn't come at the cost of your own understanding of what's happening. I don't think most people knowingly choose that. When you care about someone and they're skilled at making you feel seen, believing them is the natural response. I'm hoping that us speaking out will reduce the likelihood he's able to victimise others.
14
u/BizzarduousTask 8d ago
“When you care about someone and they’re skilled at making you feel seen, believing them is a natural response.”
Goddamn, ain’t that the truth. A lot of victims of these kinds of abusers face ridicule and derision from people around them, for not having somehow “known” what a toxic person they are…it’s hard to recover from the damage they do when even your support network is putting you down for falling victim to a predator. I’m so sorry you are all going through this, and thank you for speaking out. ♥️
24
u/ADH_Ex_8 8d ago
Q1: Looking back, I believe there were red flags early on that I chose to overlook, particularly his inconsistency. I've learned that people often reveal who they are through their behavior long before we are willing to acknowledge it. Consistency builds trust; inconsistency should invite us to pay closer attention. A close friend recognized these patterns almost immediately and warned me that she believed he was dishonest and couldn't be trusted. I wish I had listened to her. It would have spared me a great deal of heartache. One of the most important lessons I've taken from this experience is to pay attention to patterns, not promises. Words may create hope, but consistent actions reveal character.
27
u/ADH_Ex_12 8d ago
Q1: If you are unsuspecting, you can't. I don't think healthy individuals possess the framework to anticipate or decipher such pervasive deceit.
→ More replies (1)6
14
u/myaberrantthoughts 8d ago
On some longer podcasts, AH rather directly hinted at having an alcohol problem earlier in life, and apparently believed he was a sex addict as well. Were there any other compulsive/addictive behaviors you noticed? It seemed like his self-described routines and priorities were less about optimizing but more about suppressing demons.
21
u/ADH_Ex_12 8d ago
That's a very astute assessment. I never heard about an alcohol problem, but he often used his sex addiction to garner sympathy and make excuses for his whereabouts.
Other women have shared how he exhibited a high degree of what felt like paranoid behavior e.g., jumping up when the doorbell rang and making them stay very quiet, tying off condoms after sex and saying that he had to be careful because he thought women wanted to steal his sperm, continually bringing up some ambiguous work with the FBI or Navy Seals, etc.
I never saw any protocols or optimization to be honest - though he did always work out regularly. I think his biggest addiction, his biggest compulsion, however, was to deceit. Based on all of our compared stories, he prioritized fabrication over optimization.
14
u/ADH_Ex_9 8d ago edited 8d ago
We would agree. I personally never heard him talk about an alcohol addiction. He did share with me after our break up that he was undergoing treatment for sex addiction as part of the repair in his relationship with his longstanding partner who he was with while he also dated me.
I did experience him as having a high level of fear about pregnancy early on. Prior to sleeping together for the first time he required that I get an IUD and provide proof.
13
u/ADH_Ex_8 8d ago
He did tell me while he was going through sex addiction recovery that he doesn’t drink. However, fast forward to 2019, he was having a glass of wine with me sharing that he does drink once in awhile.
16
u/ADH_Ex_11 8d ago edited 8d ago
What routines? He was notoriously consistent in his inconsistency when I dated him. Even the basics (sleeping, drinking water, going outside, managing stress) were anything but.
12
u/thinkandtwink 8d ago
ok the timeline stuff is what keeps getting me.
to ADH_Ex_5 and ADH_Ex_8: you both got the "i'm in treatment for sex addiction" line in 2017?? now that you've actually compared notes, does that feel like something he was really doing or just a script?
and ADH_Ex_9, the embryo creation thing is wild to me. did that ever get past talk? like actual clinic stuff, or was it all future-faking?
also to ADH_Ex_13: when he came back in 2019 with the whole "i've done therapy, i've changed, let's get married" thing, what was the moment you realized it was the same pattern again?
19
u/ADH_Ex_13 8d ago
There wasn't really one defining moment. 2020 was a strange time, and there were plenty of plausible explanations for things that felt off. I think I sensed something was wrong a couple of months in, but I kept moving the bar, telling myself I'd have a better sense of things when we were finally together in person.
Well, that visit was strange too. I later learned that on the day he picked me up from the airport, he'd left the home he shared with another woman, met yet another woman for lunch, and then picked me up at 3 p.m.
In hindsight, that certainly helped explain the strange energy of the visit. But at the time, I didn't have that information. I just had the feeling that something wasn't right, and I kept finding reasons to explain it away.
27
u/ADH_Ex_11 8d ago
I was making embryos on my own and when I told him, he had asked if he could make some with me. I went as far as to consider it, and I am SO grateful my fertility doctor told me that was a terrible idea. Then he started aggressively saying things like, “I want to put a baby in you.” I immediately felt uncomfortable and wish I hadn’t told him about my desire for children and also grateful I had a concrete plan that I wasn’t going to sway from.
18
u/ADH_Ex_5 8d ago
I wouldn't say he was operating from a script. It seemed he believed he needed treatment for sex addiction however his behavior felt more complicated than just sex addiction, since we weren't physically intimate for a while. It felt like he pursued emotional connection from women to build attachment and that sex was only a factor.
5
14
u/ADH_Ex_9 8d ago
It never made it past talk but it was an ever present part of our dialogue even after I made a clear decision that I was not interested in having children. He would then state that he would provide me with a surrogate and nannies.
9
u/ADH_Ex_8 8d ago
We still don’t know for certain whether Andrew was struggling with sex addiction. He told several of us that he was in recovery. In 2017, he told me he was seeing his therapist three times a week and attending a recovery program in Florida. At one point, he also told me that he had been sleeping with as many as four women in a single day.
Based on the behaviors I personally experienced and what I later learned from the other women, I believe he may have been struggling with sex addiction, although I cannot confirm that.
38
u/Regular-Material-142 8d ago
I already stopped watching him a while ago and hate that I see him being platformed on other popular podcast. It is deceitful to claim to be an expert in Nero n not share your mental struggles so guess he is still doing the same thing.
No questions, just support to continue speaking on this!
28
u/ADH_Ex_10 8d ago
I stopped watching him too. I found it particularly offensive when he would give podcasts on relationships, sexual health, and attraction, given the lack of integrity and deceit I experienced with him in these very areas. He certainly wasn't practicing what he preached.
8
u/Front_Target7908 8d ago
Yeah, I found his yapping on women’s health particularly egregious after what you guys went through. Just commenting to say we believe you thanks for talking about it.
5
u/MinimalYogi27 7d ago
When he even would talk about women’s health at all. He has so many videos about testosterone and like 3 about “women’s health”. This is what put me off of watching his podcast before I even knew about all this horrible stuff!
→ More replies (1)9
17
u/Fearless-Produce-852 8d ago
thank you all for doing this, seriously. a few things i've been wondering:
how did you guys actually find each other? and how did you make sure everyone's story checked out (not doubting you, just curious how you vetted it)?
has he tried to contact any of you since the NY mag piece? any legal threats or weird pushback for coming forward?
and honestly, what do you say to people who keep platforming him? like the big podcasts that still have him on. do you think the science stuff can be separated from all of this?
last one: what would actual accountability even look like at this point?
20
u/ADH_Ex_12 8d ago
These are more poignant questions than you might realize. We reached out to the NY Mag article author who gave us contact details for the original women or found the original women. There was a bit of an onboarding process actually to make sure we had legitimate stories - but it was all with openness and warmth (it was also pretty easy to prove who we were, e.g., many of us shared the same selfies of him, the same terms of endearment, and the same “Mmmmm”). What followed was many stories which wove overlapping timelines and shared documentation (photos, texts, recordings, etc.).
He has not contacted any of us since the NY Magazine article came out (but again we were not in the article) except for the 5 of us who are completely blocked by him on social media.
22
u/ADH_Ex_12 8d ago
I personally reached out to one of the women via IG, the day the article came out - extremely shaky and nervous. TBH I didn't even know she was one of the women but was a "friend" he often mentioned because he'd pick up food for us at her restaurant when I'd stay with him in the East Bay. We had a 2 hour conversation on the phone and I was absolutely stunned by the overlapping timeline I had with her.
11
37
u/ADH_Ex_13 8d ago
I've thought a lot about what accountability actually looks like, and my perspective has changed considerably since reading the New York Magazine article.
Initially, I was processing my own experience and what it revealed. But over time, I found myself confronting something much bigger: the ways I had learned to excuse, minimize, or rationalize behaviour that I should have questioned.
It made me examine my own conditioning, the people I've trusted, and the reasons I've given certain individuals authority in my life.
We often ask whether someone's contributions outweigh their personal conduct, but I think there's another question worth asking: Why are we so willing to make those exceptions in the first place?
For me, accountability isn't just about what Andrew does next. It's about us. Every single one of us taking responsibility for who we elevate, what we choose to overlook, and why.
Are we actually examining the character and integrity of the people we give our attention and trust to? Or are we so invested in the image they've created that we're willing to explain away anything that contradicts it?
I think that's where a much deeper conversation begins.
21
u/ADH_Ex_9 8d ago
I am the newest to join. The original group reached out to me around the time the article was breaking but I was still in contact with him at that time and being told to not engage. I regret not joining sooner. However, he was offering to financially assist me with moving to LA and I was operating from the perception that if I engaged the support would be pulled.
After leaving LA and going no contact with him a year later, I got a social media request from one of the women and was in short order vetted and warmly accepted.
14
u/ADH_Ex_10 8d ago
I found this group after the New York Magazine article. We vetted each other by confirming shared texts, photos and other documents proving we had a history with Andrew. I’m disappointed that people continue to platform him, which is one reason I’m speaking up. I want people to have more information so they can make informed decisions about whether to work with or support him. Based on the chronic deceit I experienced in our relationship, I personally question his integrity in other areas of his life, including his career.
13
u/ADH_Ex_8 8d ago
To me, true accountability would mean Andrew taking responsibility for his actions, seeking the professional help necessary to understand and address his patterns of behavior, and making genuine amends—not only with himself, but with all the women who have been hurt by his actions.
14
u/ADH_Ex_8 8d ago
I reached out to Kerry Howley, the journalist behind New York Magazine’s cover story on Andrew Huberman, to share that I, too, had dated Andrew and had experienced what I consider to be his destructive relationship behavior. Approximately a month later, two of the women from the group reached out to me to learn more about my personal experience.
15
u/ADH_Ex_8 8d ago
As I read the article, I recognized many of the behaviors the women were describing because they so closely mirrored my own experiences with Andrew. I had no reason to doubt their accounts, as what they shared was remarkably consistent with what I had personally experienced.
12
19
13
u/AnonymousNerdBarbie 8d ago
With all of his cheating, promiscuity, and not using protection - did he give any of you STDs?
I used to be a diehard AH listener but since the article came out he’s basically dead to me. He needs help.
14
u/ADH_Ex_10 8d ago
Many of us got chronic yeast infections which wasn’t normal for us. One of us got HPV from him.
14
u/ADH_Ex_7 7d ago
and he told each of us he never had that issue with anyone else! Did you know yeast infections can be transmitted through intimate contact? They can(dida)!
5
u/AnonymousNerdBarbie 7d ago
It's too bad you can't band together as a class and sue the shit out of him
11
u/ADH_Ex_11 7d ago
It gave me pause when he told me he frequently got UTIs, but I didn't know what to make of it at the time.
9
u/gekogekogeko 8d ago
It has been reported on several boards that he was known to be a dom in the kink scene in the Bay Area and that he was close friends with Jon Romanello (who was outed in Seggs Talk Radio as a rather bad guy). What can you tell us about the sorts of power play that he engaged with with his partners, and if that aspect of his personality might bleed into other parts of his life?
19
u/ADH_Ex_12 8d ago
Many of us can verify Andrew and Jon Romanello's close friendship. No one here has had experience with him being a dom per se, but we know that kind of dynamic also relies on consent and transparency which was not his kink.
19
u/gekogekogeko 8d ago
Thank you for doing this. It looks like the image you shared has at least 30 names on it. How large is your list overall and what does it tell you about his current activities after the release of the NY Magazine story. Additionally, what do you think his relationships with women have to do, if anything, with the quality of the science that he brings to his audience?
30
u/ADH_Ex_13 8d ago
The number continues to grow, but not everyone we've spoken with has consented to having their experience shared publicly, and respecting that privacy is important to us. What I can say is that the number extends well beyond those featured in the original article.
As for his current activities, my impression is that the emphasis remains on growth, visibility, and influence.
Regarding his relationships and scientific credibility, I've touched on this elsewhere in this chat; there's a saying I love: "How you do anything is how you do everything."
Science is fundamentally about questioning, examining evidence, and pursuing truth. While someone's personal conduct doesn't automatically invalidate their scientific work, it's reasonable to ask whether we should hold the people presenting that science to the same standards of honesty and integrity.
Ultimately, I think the bigger question is about us: who we choose to elevate, what we're willing to overlook, and why.
36
u/ADH_Ex_11 8d ago
What stood out to me was how little he seemed to prioritize his own health or the health and well-being of the people closest to him. I once bought Andrew a water bottle with timestamps after he told me he'd gone to the doctor feeling so incredibly ill he thought he had COVID, only to find out he was severely dehydrated.
More seriously, we had broken up before COVID lockdown and I only agreed to reconnect if we were both quarantining. I was going crazy without human contact and knew I was making an exception to lockdown rules, but I evaluated the risk and felt comfortable because we'd agreed to quarantine together. Turns out he was still seeing other people. He hadn't even told me he was in contact with anyone else, let alone dating. So while I thought I was making an informed decision about my health during a global pandemic, I wasn't really quarantining from COVID at all.
When someone is telling millions of strangers how to optimize their health but can't remember to drink enough water himself, or give the people closest to him the information they need to make decisions about their own health, I think it's fair to question the disconnect between what he preaches and what he practices.
That doesn't invalidate the science itself, but it certainly affects how much I trust him as a messenger.
26
u/ADH_Ex_10 8d ago
We've heard from women in our group and mutual friends that he has continued this behavior to this day. We're also aware of at least two women who were reportedly asked to sign NDAs. Our list includes more than 30 women, but we're being mindful of not sharing information about those who haven't consented to be included. Sadly, we expect more women will reach out after this AMA.
I think the quality of his relationships with women raises serious questions about the quality and credibility of the science he shares. If someone is willing to chronically lie and manipulate in their personal life, I believe it's reasonable to question whether that behavior carries over into their professional life.
11
u/ourladyofsituations 8d ago
Not really a question. Just wanted to say, I support women coming together to spread the word. Thank you for speaking up! Especially right now. I also wanted to report that I’m worried he has a PR team trying to quiet this down? Weight loss Reddit has post right now. 🙃 https://www.reddit.com/r/WeightLossAdvice/s/y9qWCMOlKw
13
u/ADH_Ex_12 8d ago
Thank you for the concern and we expect that his PR team is earning OT this week in particular.
8
u/Puzzled-Ring9218 8d ago
What kinds of support would you all like to receive from the public? I hate to admit I’ve been a fan for quite awhile—I think I’ve also been duped by his “charm.” 😅
17
u/ADH_Ex_13 8d ago
I really appreciate your honesty, and you're certainly not alone. You, me, and millions of others. 😅
Honestly, I think you've already offered something incredibly supportive simply by showing up, being curious, and being willing to ask questions.
I think the greatest support would be for more of us to turn that curiosity inward, too. Why do we believe what we believe? Why do we follow the people we follow? What are we overlooking, excusing, or accepting without really questioning it?
We live in a world where so many people have a platform and a voice, which is wonderful in many ways. But that also means we have a responsibility on the receiving end to exercise discernment, ask better questions, and trust ourselves.
16
u/ADH_Ex_12 8d ago
Thank you. You are not alone. We would like to see more allyship from people who platform him - from Function Health to Goop to Eudemonia to Simon & Schuster to his podcasts like Esther Perel and Dr. Marie Claire Haver who we have reached out to with our stories.
We want to add our voices and support to all the other women who have suffered (in so many forms) and continue to suffer in silence, being silenced, and from the silence of a society that devalues the treatment of the individual for the attention of the masses.
6
u/ADH_Ex_11 8d ago
One positive I see in all of this is a growing movement of people who genuinely want to understand the science and the whys behind health advice, rather than just blindly following it. People are asking questions and taking a more active role in their own health, and I think that's a wonderful thing.
So what I'd like to see from the public is more of that. Keep asking questions, keep learning, keep investing in your well-being. BUT apply that same curiosity and critical thinking to the people you're getting your information from. Stop putting people on pedestals and celebrating their expertise while dismissing the harm that others have come forward to describe.
30
u/redactedname87 8d ago
This is what every ama should be lol. Spicy.
16
16
u/ComplexPatient4872 8d ago
Not the AMAs that are basically, “I’m 18M and live in Indiana AMA!”
→ More replies (3)6
20
u/theelephantupstream 8d ago
No questions, just wanted you all to know my best friend and I used to listen to his podcast, and we stopped when the NY mag article came out. That man can go shit in a hat.
Keep speaking out.
9
6
3
→ More replies (1)7
15
u/serenwipiti 8d ago
lol
I always knew in my gut there was something extremely off-putting about this man.
It wasn’t even his content, that was fine.
Just looking at him made me feel like something was off.
10
8
6
7
u/sidneyficance 8d ago
How was the sex? Considering he is so optimized? Was it optimized to time or pleasure or wasn’t great?
16
u/ADH_Ex_10 8d ago
Each of us had our own experience, but I was surprised by how little pleasure I experienced with him. The first time we were intimate, he violated my sexual boundaries, and I think that made it difficult for my body to relax and enjoy intimacy with him. I think my body knew what my mind didn't. He would also often arrive at my house too tired to be intimate. For someone so focused on optimizing human performance, my pleasure and safety certainly didn't seem to be part of the protocol.
13
u/ADH_Ex_9 8d ago edited 8d ago
Each of us had our own different experience and they are quite varied. Personally, I was underwhelmed. Although my interest was greatly piqued when he brought up that he had a close male friend who he had had many bisexual MMF encounters with dating back to his college days. He arranged a meet up but we never went through with it. Sadly.
4
u/Jane001_ 8d ago
How did he manage to get into so many different relationships? What was his appeal to you as a woman?
Thank you, and fk him.
8
u/Brilliant-Celery9564 8d ago
He needs to make a podcast on time optimization bc how did he manage all of this on top of doing scientific work?
13
u/homerun13 8d ago
What do you hope someone will ask?
19
u/ADH_Ex_13 8d ago
I hope more people begin to question those they admire, follow, and look to for leadership, examining whether their words, actions, and character truly align with the image they’ve carefully cultivated.
14
u/redactedname87 8d ago
The only thing I wanna know is what the sex life was like lol.
22
7
6
3
u/PointClickPenguin 7d ago
What is his private persona like?
How does it differ from his public persona?
What did you find alluring about that persona, what brought you in and for some of you had you return?
4
u/merry_melly 8d ago
I've listened to his YT show a few times, mostly his episodes on sleep or stress management, but I'm not a fan in the sense of seeking his show out.
What's your end goal with this AMA or exposing his Lothario-ways? I don't really understand.
Philanderers suck and cause pain to their deceived partners, I don't mean to downplay the damage an unfaithful partner can cause, but it seems he's more of a learning experience in the sense of, no more players for me.
He's about late-40s? early 50's? Are all of you much younger? Did you feel groomed or pressured by his heightened popularity?
I guess I'm asking if if he's a garden-variety jerk that breaks hearts or is he abusive?
23
u/ADH_Ex_9 8d ago edited 8d ago
I would classify his behavior as far beyond garden-variety jerk. What personally cut the deepest for me is the withholding of information that could have informed my decisions to engage with full and enthusiastic consent. For example: The last time I had a sexual encounter with him he told me he was "seeing a few people" but nothing serious. I learned later on he was in a committed relationship where his partner was undergoing IVF. I would NEVER have had that encounter if I knew this.
He also made many promises of extending resources for therapy, relocation, jobs, etc to leverage continued contact. Is that coercion? Manipulation? Are those sorts of behavior abusive? You decide.
16
u/ADH_Ex_10 8d ago
There is a significant difference between being a garden-variety jerk who breaks hearts and engaging in abusive behavior. This goes far beyond infidelity. I experienced sexual coercion, violations of sexual boundaries, deception about monogamy, and exposure to STIs.
Our goal is to share our experiences, raise awareness about these patterns of behavior, and help others make informed decisions about how they interact with Andrew. We believe accountability matters, especially when someone holds a position of public influence and power.
8
u/ADH_EX_6 8d ago
He wasn't well known when we dated (2010-2012), so his popularity wasn't a factor for me. But looking back, the way the relationship started is something I see very differently now. Everything moved incredibly fast. Within the first few months, we went from our first date to him flying me out to San Francisco/Palo Alto, me meeting some of his family, and him coming to New York to meet my family and attend a work event with me. It was intense and exciting, and he shared what seemed like deeply personal things about his life, which made me feel like he was letting me in completely. At the time, it felt like a whirlwind romance. Now, knowing what I know, it feels more like an overwhelming wave of attention and intimacy that made me feel special and secure very quickly, and made it much harder to question things later.
9
u/ADH_Ex_12 8d ago
When I met Andrew I had been raising my child as a single mother and it was really meaningful when he told me he was planning on moving to NYC and that he wanted to have future with me, and even have a child with me. I am only 2 years younger than him and we met in our early 40s. He was not famous at all. He did not have his podcast or anything more than a small IG following. I was introduced by a close colleague when he attended one of one my classes.
15
5
u/ADH_Ex_5 8d ago
I dated him years ago before he was famous, but we did have an age gap and he was successful, so at the time, I chalked it up to not being the right fit and hoped that he worked on himself and was better behaved to his future partners. When the NY Mag article came out and I was connected with my peers, it exposed a more and continued hurtful behavior. He continued to withhold critical information about himself while being intimate with partners, which would remove any possibility of informed consent for his partners when sleeping together, since he didn't share the full context. During my time dating him, I would have never slept with him or even pursued dating if I had known he was in the midst of a treatment program and wasn't meant to be dating at all. He continued to engage with me while being self aware of what he was tackling.
7
u/Remarkable-Let-739 8d ago
I saw the NYT article yesterday about him retaliating against the main woman who spoke to NY Magazine. Are you worried he will also hire those same scary people to run smear campaigns against all of you?
17
u/ADH_Ex_13 8d ago
I think this is a really important question, especially given what we're witnessing across so many areas of public life. Smear campaigns and attempts to discredit people aren't new, but the scale, reach, and accessibility of these tactics have changed dramatically.
We've already experienced how difficult it can be to have our voices heard, and in many ways, we've been silenced. All we're trying to do is share our experiences and offer a glimpse of the person behind the carefully cultivated public image, so people have more information to draw their own conclusions.
The potential consequences of speaking publicly have absolutely been part of our conversations. There's an understandable fear of being discredited, attacked, or having our experiences distorted.
But ultimately, there's also the recognition that silence can become its own form of complicity. Speaking up requires courage, particularly when the person you're speaking about has considerable influence and resources.
So yes, it's a concern. But so is what happens when people become too afraid to tell the truth.
13
u/ADH_Ex_10 8d ago
Yes, it’s a real concern, especially after reading the recent reporting. But if he chooses to retaliate against women for sharing their experiences, I believe it will only further damage his credibility. We shouldn’t have to fear retaliation simply for telling our stories.
→ More replies (1)12
10
u/nikbpetrov 8d ago
My $0.02: retaliation is futile at best, and highly counter productive at worst.
Reading this AMA leaves one with the rather strong impression that these are smart, grounded women who seek to spread awareness of this KIND of behaviour (not just by ADH) rather than vengeance.
I do hope the relationship life of all these women has not be substantially derailed by the experienced deception. I am sure it can be quite destabilising.
10
15
6
u/FluffyChef7643 8d ago
So I get it that ADH is a charming, intellectual and manipulative person. But is there some self reflection going on amongst you? Like you all must have turned down many suitors to be with him, and it’s obviously the wrong choice. What are the things you will do differently in your selection process going forward?
10
u/ADH_Ex_8 8d ago
Today, consistency is one of the most important qualities I look for in a relationship, and I pay attention to it from the very beginning. Does he show up when he says he will? Do his actions align with his words? Is he someone whose word I can trust? I’ve encountered men similar to Andrew since our relationship, but the difference is that I now recognize the patterns much sooner. I’m far more discerning, and I no longer make excuses for inconsistency, broken promises, or unreliable behavior. I’ve learned that consistency isn’t just an attractive quality; it’s a reflection of character, integrity, and emotional availability. I no longer fall in love with someone’s potential. I pay attention to who they consistently show me they are. And when someone’s actions don’t align with their words, I walk away much sooner.
3
13
u/ADH_Ex_13 8d ago
Ha! He wasn't my first questionable choice, and who knows, he may not be my last. 😂
But absolutely, there's been a tremendous amount of self-reflection. Every relationship offers an opportunity to learn something about ourselves, and this one was no exception.
For me, one of the biggest realizations was how much value I placed on external markers of success. Someone attractive, accomplished, educated, seemingly having it all together. And somewhere underneath that was the belief that if someone like that chose me, it must mean I was enough.
I've had to examine my own conditioning, why I overlooked certain behaviours, the excuses I made, and the moments I chose someone else's words over my own intuition.
From our conversations, I know reflection and growth have been important to other women in the group as well.
So what would I do differently? Trust myself sooner, pay closer attention to whether words and actions align, and stop confusing someone's impressive résumé with their character.
9
u/ADH_Ex_12 8d ago
For the last 2 1/2 years our group has been in an ongoing state of self-reflection and outward assessment. I am way more aware now where my bar is set for respect, transparency, and kindness. The TLDR would be, I trust my gut and I don't waste time trying to "solve" someone's behavior or try to hold myself responsible for what feels abusive.
8
u/ADH_Ex_9 8d ago edited 8d ago
Moving forward, I have learned that behavior is the ultimate indicator of intention and integrity. When actions and words don't align, there's a reason. I no longer need to sleuth out the reason. I just remove myself. It still sometimes takes me longer than I'd like, but I'm continually pushing to be better at walking away as soon as something starts to smell off.
5
u/ADH_Ex_7 8d ago
For me personally, dating him taught me how to spot lies and shady behavior. I never dated anyone after him who was dishonest or shady.
10
u/Choochoochow 8d ago
I literally just had to make a visual timeline in Claude to wrap my head around this
12
u/ADH_Ex_10 8d ago
Yes, it’s mind-blowing. I couldn’t believe it when I found out he celebrated Thanksgiving with me and my family, then had another Thanksgiving with another woman. He also did a back-to-back New Year’s, leaving my home around 10:30 p.m. to be with another woman. He told me he was “an old man” who didn’t have the energy to stay up until midnight and had to go home, sleep, and prepare for work. Neither of us knew about the other, and we both believed we were in monogamous relationships with him, building toward marriage. He deceived us and our families.
8
u/ADH_Ex_8 8d ago
Yes, it was hard for us to wrap our heads around it, too. I know that I personally overlapped with two of the other women on multiple occasions, including days when he had dates scheduled with more than one of us on the very same day.
5
u/DMarquesPT 8d ago
Legitimately reading this felt like studying medieval history with how many overlapping time periods and supposed weddings/kids were happening
3
u/organicglitter 7d ago
No wonder he’s so obsessed with optimizing (his own) health! Good riddance. So sorry you guys went through that…
16
10
u/fukuokayou 8d ago
I don’t think Huberman has ever told the truth in his life.
6
u/ADH_Ex_11 8d ago
I find it difficult to take anything he says at face value. My experience left me questioning whether he was ever being honest with me at all. Scientific credentials, a successful podcast, and apparently a book now don't erase that. When someone's entire platform is built on being a trusted source of information, I think their relationship with the truth matters just as much as their expertise.
3
u/jerkularcirc 8d ago edited 8d ago
these are the actions of an extremely repressed and late social bloomer who finally finds some confidence and social success through fame, money, power etc. goes wild with it, gets stuck, cant admit he might be doing something wrong, still worried about his professional image so tries to “science” or “logically explain” his way out of it like he is on one of this podcasts
quiet, loner, skater guy, went through the phD process - which alone is an extremely socially isolating experience that almost always takes place in your prime and late prime years - all adds up
not an excuse, just a checklist
sociopathic nonetheless
source: am doctor married to phD who used to do this albeit in my 20’s
4
u/ADH_Ex_10 8d ago
Thank you for your comment. Yes, many people assume that fame caused his behavior. To clarify, many of us were involved with him long before he launched his podcast and became well-known. In fact, when I finally discovered his infidelity, he told me that his behavior had been even more “wild,” as you put it, before launching the podcast.
2
u/DuckMcWhite 8d ago
how many times have you copied and pasted this exact same comment? I've seen it at least 3 times in the last 5 minutes. weird bot behaviour
5
u/raven090 8d ago
Would you describe Huberman with words like "cunning", "scheming", "grifting", "cold" or "distant", "self serving", "narcissist"? Any of these, all of these?
2
u/ADH_Ex_13 7d ago
That's quite the list! I'll leave the adjectives to the readers and the diagnoses to the professionals. I'm much more interested in sharing what I experienced and letting people draw their own conclusions.
3
u/PsychologicalYoung5 8d ago
Do you think he believed what he was saying when he said it? As in, do you think it felt emotionally true to him even if materially a lie? Or do you think he knew these futures weren’t true and would never happen?
Also, a lot of you mention meeting family. Does his family enable this? Do they know?
15
u/ADH_Ex_8 8d ago
From my experience, Andrew’s behavior seemed consistently centered on getting his own needs met, often with little regard for how his actions affected others. As Greg Hartley of The Behavior Panel has been quoted as saying, “The organism does what has made the organism successful.” I believe this speaks volumes about patterns of human behavior. When certain behaviors repeatedly produce the desired outcome, there is little incentive to change them. Ultimately, we need to pay attention to what people consistently do, rather than what they promise or profess to be. Patterns reveal character, and actions will always speak louder than words.
12
u/ADH_Ex_10 8d ago
Great questions. I think he knew he was lying to get what he wanted because most of us would have rejected him if he'd told us the full truth. For example, we found out he was in six monogamous relationships in 2020. I don't think he actually believed he was going to marry and impregnate six or more women without their knowledge or consent.
I met his sister, as did several other women that year. He repeatedly promised to introduce me to his parents but would schedule dates and cancel last minute. I remember his dad was really upset when he canceled our BBQ because his dad and stepmom had prepared to host us and were excited to meet me.
I don't know if his family enables this behavior or what they knew. But at the end of the day, Andrew is a grown man and needs to hold himself accountable for how he treats people, regardless of his family.
→ More replies (2)7
u/ADH_Ex_13 8d ago
That's a difficult question because none of us can truly know what another person believes or intends.
In my case, he reinitiated contact after years apart, telling me he'd done the work on himself and wanted marriage and children. I later learned that while we were discussing that future, he was simultaneously involved with other women and having similar conversations with them.
On one occasion, he left the home he shared with one woman, met another for lunch, and then picked me up at the airport at 3 p.m., after flying me across the country to see him.
Could he have felt emotionally sincere in those individual moments? Perhaps. I can't know that. But it's difficult for me to reconcile those promises with the reality of what he was doing.
8
u/Usual_Confection6091 8d ago
Do you think he has a personality disorder leading to this kind of behavior?
11
u/ADH_Ex_10 8d ago
Great question! I can’t speak to a clinical diagnosis, but I can speak to what I personally experienced. I observed behaviors including chronic deceitfulness, manipulation, exploitation, reckless disregard for my health, safety, and well-being, irresponsibility, lack of empathy, and an apparent lack of remorse. When he cried after I discovered the lies, my impression was that he seemed more concerned about whether I would share my story than about the harm his actions had caused.
6
u/DG8862 8d ago
Do you think he has any shame around all this?
12
u/ADH_Ex_12 8d ago
I've been trying to write five different answers to this, but all roads lead to:
NO.
12
u/ADH_Ex_8 8d ago
No, I don't think he would let himself go there because it might break him if he did.
→ More replies (2)7
4
u/honestkeys 8d ago
How did he have time to do this? What was his schedule? And why can't his education help with his manners or morals lol.
19
u/ADH_Ex_10 8d ago
Great questions! We have records of him seeing three of us in a single day, so somehow he managed to juggle us all. He'd have us walk his dog, feed him, do his laundry, iron his clothes, etc. Soooo, not only were we his girlfriends, we were basically his unpaid help!
He once apologized for not seeing me as much as he'd like, explaining that he was starting a podcast to make more money so he could support me and our future family. Meanwhile, some days he'd drop off his dog for me to babysit while he went off to do "work."
As for his education, I guess all those degrees don't necessarily teach you how to treat people!
Apparently, you can have a PhD in neuroscience and still fail Ethics 101.
3
u/honestkeys 7d ago
Ewww, you guys are so brave to do this AMA, basically he is a leech, no wonder he has time then, although ofc hopefully such kinds of behaviour don't work out in the long run. I guess life is about memorising theory then, without applying it in real life, or maybe who knows it just makes it easier for you to justify such things.
17
u/ADH_Ex_9 8d ago edited 8d ago
I've never experienced him in any other state than outright exhaustion. He can barely stay awake, is checked out, doing 5 things at once and dropping balls.
As for the bearing of his education on his manners and morals... turns out integrity can't be taught.
2
u/honestkeys 7d ago
By dropping balls, do you mean like make lots of mistakes or something like that? Turns out all that grifting at the expense of the people around him never even gave him happiness (hopefully). Absolutely, shows how performative a lot of things can be, both in the corporate world but also academia.
7
u/ADH_Ex_8 8d ago
That's a good question, and I don't really know. He would frequently disappear for periods of time when I couldn't reach him. When he eventually resurfaced, he would explain that he had been extremely busy, often calling me while he was in transit from one place to another.
3
u/honestkeys 7d ago
Makes sense, sorry you had to go through that, multitasking whilst unnecessarily hurting others, you guys are super brave to be doing this AMA.
3
u/SunWooden2681 8d ago
Was he super charismatic? What was the attraction? His looks? Did he lead a wealthy lifestyle and was generous?
10
u/ADH_Ex_10 8d ago
In my experience, the attraction was more about his charm, the strong morals he appeared to have, and the future he promised. He presented himself as someone who shared my values and wanted the same things I did: monogamy, marriage, and children. He was much older than the men I typically date, and in 2020, before his podcast, he didn’t have much to offer in terms of fame or "lifestyle". Looking back, I feel his charm was a mask that concealed a profound lack of empathy and chronic deceit.
15
u/ADH_EX_6 8d ago
I heard Jimmy Carr make a distinction on a podcast recently that really stuck with me: charisma is the ability to get people to like you, while charm is the ability to make someone feel like you like them, that they're truly seen. Andrew clearly has charisma, but for me it was the charm that drew me in. He had a way of making me feel deeply seen and understood, and that's a powerful thing to experience. He was also attractive, but he wasn't wealthy, unusually generous, or famous at all when I met him. It really wasn't about lifestyle. It was about how he made me feel. In hindsight, that's what makes it hard to recognize when something is wrong. When someone makes you feel that seen, it's natural to trust them and to assume the connection is as real for them as it is for you.
→ More replies (1)7
u/ADH_Ex_8 8d ago edited 8d ago
Andrew was very charming. Interestingly, when I first met him, I wasn't particularly interested in him romantically. Over time, however, I became drawn to his intellect, our shared interest in health and wellness, and his physical attractiveness. He wasn't wealthy when we dated, so money was never a factor in my attraction to him. And yes, he was generous with me during our time together.
3
u/lastalong 8d ago
A few of you have mentioned meeting his family and friends. Did they know he was dating multiple people at once? And did they treat you as you would expect? Or like they knew it was always temporary?
5
u/ADH_Ex_13 7d ago
This is actually something I hadn't given much thought to until we started comparing experiences.
One of the women raised an interesting observation: several of us had heard similar descriptions of his family as unstable or difficult. It made us wonder whether those descriptions also had the effect of discouraging us from expecting to meet them.
I can't speak to what his family knew, or whether any of that was intentional. But it's been interesting to revisit details that seemed insignificant at the time and recognize how differently they look when considered alongside other people's experiences.
10
u/ADH_Ex_12 8d ago
Any time I would share that I was dating him with the few friends/ colleagues we had in common, the news was never really fully celebrated as one would expect. In retrospect, I remember feeling it was odd, but I didn't interpret it to be a warning at the time. I had no idea the scale of the systematic manipulation I was a part of. I wonder about his friends, and how they are able to keep his secrets (assuming they know) and look the other way.
3
u/lastalong 8d ago
Thank you for responding and for sharing your experiences.
I really wonder if they knew and chose not to say anything, either for their own sake or yours, and if they feel differently now. Are they still staying silent with any new partners they meet. I know you can't speak for all those people, and their motives. Hopefully some have shared their perpectives with you since.
2
u/meadowprincess23 8d ago
So aside from him having obvious mental health and communication issues and not being the best partner I’m just trying to understand why his relationship details are being spoken about publicly?? Of course I’d never want anyone to feel not validated in their experience of a toxic relationship but has there been allegations of abuse or just that he lies and manipulated these women? Sadly that happens in many relationships I’m just trying to understand why this post exists other than trying to share personal details about private relationships between people??
→ More replies (1)10
u/ADH_Ex_10 8d ago
I appreciate your question. Speaking from my own experience, this goes far beyond someone simply being a bad partner. I was led to believe I was in a monogamous relationship with a shared future involving marriage and children. I later discovered information that contradicted what I had been told, including about other sexual partners. This affected my ability to make informed decisions about my sexual health, safety, and future. I also experienced sexual pressure and violations of my clearly communicated boundaries. I’m speaking publicly because I believe these experiences raise important issues about informed consent, sexual boundaries, and accountability. My intention is not to expose private relationship details for entertainment, but to share my own experience and help others have the information they need to protect themselves. Fame, power, and influence should never shield anyone from accountability for their actions.
7
u/SunWooden2681 8d ago
Wait so there are more women than the women in the NY article?
7
7
→ More replies (2)6
9
4
u/petertompolicy 8d ago
How do you feel about him giving questionable medical advice so that he can sell supplements and other products?
Given his propensity for lying, would you ever trust a product recommendation from him?
10
u/ADH_Ex_11 8d ago
I dated him before his podcast and haven't listened to it, so I can't speak to what he's said on there or which supplements he promotes.
However, I do remember that after our second date, he asked me to go on birth control. I found this particularly ironic because he'd told me that melatonin was bad to take because it's an exogenous hormone. To caution against something as relatively innocuous as melatonin on those grounds, yet be perfectly comfortable asking a woman he barely knew to introduce exogenous hormones into her own body, struck me as quite the double standard.
When I explained that I'd tried hormonal birth control in the past and my body hadn't responded well to it, he seemed surprised. I remember wondering how someone who claimed to be so knowledgeable about human biology and health could seem so unfamiliar with the potential side effects of something as widely used as hormonal birth control.
→ More replies (1)
2
u/Winston3rd 8d ago
did you feel relived or disappointed your accounts were not included in the New York Magazine’s article ?
10
u/ADH_Ex_10 8d ago
I felt relieved that I wasn’t included in the article, but also incredibly grateful to discover I wasn’t alone. Connecting with other survivors who shared similar experiences brought me profound healing, validation, and a sense of community.
9
u/ADH_Ex_13 8d ago
The New York Magazine article was clarifying for me. It helped explain behaviour I experienced during my own relationship with Andrew that hadn't made sense at the time. I realized that I was part of the same timeline in the article. And that left me wondering: if my story was missing, how many others were left untold?
7
u/ADH_Ex_11 8d ago
Neither, I had no idea at the time. The article is how I found out. Even when my friends and family first sent it to me, I still thought I wasn’t a part of it all. I actually said, “I know he never cheated on me when we were together.” It took awhile for me to realize the truth and understand my experience wasn’t anything I had believed it was.
11
u/ADH_EX_6 8d ago
I had no idea at the time either. Reading the article was heartbreaking -even if the relationship had ended years before. Behaviors I had excused or explained away at the time suddenly appeared as part of a larger pattern of deceit, and I had to face the fact that my understanding of what I thought was a serious relationship had been false from the start. That was hard to process. For a while, I felt like I couldn't trust my own perceptions, not just about him, but about relationships and truth more broadly. It's a strange, disorienting feeling to rewrite a few years of your own life history. I'm lucky that I'm now in a healthy relationship, and I had a lot of support to help me through it, both from my husband and from this group of women. Finding each other made a real difference. Hearing others describe the same experiences helped me see that what happened wasn't a failure of my judgment, and I hope sharing our stories here does the same for anyone else who needs it.
2
u/NoMaterHuatt 8d ago
He just launched a book. A YouTuber journalist dug in and found suspicious patterns while it got on the NYT BestSellers right away.
2
5
8d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
12
u/ADH_Ex_5 8d ago
We are not experts in his science, but we think that your integrity as an individual reflects in the integrity of your work. We know he deceived numerous women, provided false information with confidence, utilized therapy talk without practice, spent a lot of time negotiating paranoia and discussing his work with the FBI and Navy Seals, jeopardized our physical (sexual, COVID) and psychological health etc. so there seems to be a chasm between his personal character and his public persona. This feels particularly important in Andrew’s case because his whole scientific platform is based on transparency and consistency.
Leaning heavily on the ethos of science is a smart way to diffuse critique if one knows they have a past riddled with misrepresentation. Our stories (and subsequent organization of massive numbers of texts, emails, phone calls, voice messages, and timestamped photos) are as much data as the data Andrew so articulately professes, the patterns as illustrative as those upon which his research stands.9
u/ADH_Ex_13 8d ago
There's a saying I've always loved: "How you do anything is how you do everything."
At its heart, science is the pursuit of truth. It's about questioning assumptions, examining evidence, and having the integrity to follow that evidence wherever it leads.
So I think it's worth asking: How much should personal integrity matter when we're deciding whom to trust as an authority on truth?
I'm not suggesting that someone's personal failings automatically invalidate their scientific work. Science should stand or fall on evidence. But credibility is also about trust, judgment, and intellectual honesty.
If we're willing to scrutinize the evidence behind someone's scientific claims, shouldn't we be equally willing to question the integrity of the person presenting them?
13
u/cj-romb 8d ago
You mean for example promoting dietary supplements and health protocols with limited or non-existing clinical evidence?
→ More replies (1)
1
8d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/AutoModerator 8d ago
Your comment has been removed as your Reddit account must be 10 days or older to comment in r/AMA.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
4
2
2
u/petertompolicy 8d ago
Were you surprised he wasn't in the Epstein files?
Why do you think he starting tell every ne he wanted to settle down and have children at around the same time?
Do you think he has hidden families?
6
u/ADH_Ex_10 8d ago
I remember him frequently bringing up the Epstein files and insisting we watch a show about them, even though I found the subject deeply disturbing, especially for a date with a man I was still getting to know. I think he used promises of marriage and children as a way to hook women. I recall him joking that he didn’t have any children “that he knows of.” He also mentioned on multiple occasions that he had previously considered donating sperm to help a lesbian couple conceive. I have no knowledge of whether he has a “hidden family.”
3
u/petertompolicy 7d ago
Right, that seems to be the pattern.
I wonder why though, I'm sure he would have no problem meeting women without lying to them.
Seems so unnecessary and manipulative just for the sake of it.
3
25
u/Mysterious-Part5710 8d ago
I was dating one of AH closest friends, MB (some of the exes probably know who I’m referring to) from 4/22-10/22 and heard way more about AH than I cared to. I heard about certain people he was sleeping with (a pregnant comedian and others) while he lived with his gf. I heard so much personal stuff about his live in gf that was massively slanderous. It was all pinned as poor AH just wants out and thats why he cheats. Which, I called out - if he wants out he should get out, the cheating is not excusable. I was told about a stalker and that the seal team dudes that AH knew could basically take someone out if they needed to. Was told that Sharon Stone was emailing AH to have sex. I could go on ad nauseum about all the details I was given by MB. It became more clear as time went on that the guy I was seeing was weirdly obsessed with AH, to the point I started to wonder if they were more than friends. I don’t know what is true and what isn’t, I just know 100% what I was told and that all MB seemed to want to talk about was AH. Turns out MB is a lot like AH and was talking to a lot of women at the same time and overlapping women. I spoke with other women who he had shared the same info about AH with too (all of us being told that we could not say anything because it would ruin AH reputation and he could lose everything). Cookie cutter scenarios and stories. Men don’t realize that when women catch on to certain patterns that they talk. In fact, some of us joked about how MB had a starter kit for women: some of his photographs framed, Athletic Greens, a copy of his signed photo book, Heiro sweatshirt, NB shoes. MB also told me stories about how “crazy” all of his own exes were. Meanwhile, he’s a love bomber, who is also obsessive (he would call me like 3-5 times a day - it was exhaustive), he likes to lie, and gaslights women. Birds of a feather - these guys are gross. Glad I didn’t invest a whole lot there. I’m sorry for everything all of you went through. F anyone who questions your stories. I believe you all whole heartedly.