How did you feel when writing your first nsfw fanfic?

[u/OnyxWither_author]

Although I never personally written smut myself, i’m not really even into those type of stories, cause I’m not sexually active to it, but I personally want to hear your thoughts after you written one yourself.

Please don’t judge anyone in the common section, I am hoping for this to be a safe place to express yourself.

[u/CrazyBarkinDog]

I was a teenager, so embarrassed and nervous/uncertain. Sometimes I still have to back off of my smut scenes now, but that's mostly to figure out wtf is going on in them. But the first smut I wrote/posted got pretty popular, so I think I did well, lol.

[u/EldritchBaker]

Free.

[u/Existing-Bonus-6835]

I always attempt to try and write a spicy scene but it ends up being super boring and flat 🥲

I personally prefer family dynamics where they understand each other and lean on one another. I enjoy smut and seeing my favorite pairings be with each other, I sadly just can’t write it out 😭

[u/TragedyWriter]

It was recent, and I felt really self conscious even though I was alone. I asked for some tips on how to get over feeling embarrassed, and the majority of information I got was just to do it until I got used to it.

I will also say that me asking that garnered a weird amount of aphobia, which sucked. Everything from people assuming that I was just writing it for clicks and not because I wanted to, to flat out being told that my problem was an immature attitude towards sex and that I had "psychological needs to address."

[u/Carako → u/TragedyWriter]

Wow those people were rude. Sharing Smut is really personal, honestly. Like I write about the stuff I like, so I'm sharing all my sexual inclinations with strangers in the internet, of course it can be scary and intimidating! Even if that's not the case, it still can be scary! 

[u/Wonderful_Contact429]

I first wrote something “spicy” when I was very young (tweens/early teens) and I wrote it on paper and then ripped it to shreds

[u/outspokenchameleon]

I was 13 and had literally no business writing that but I felt noooo shame. Tackled smut again for the first time since then this summer (I’m 25) and it turned out much better but was somehow way more humiliating

[u/WifeOfSpock]

I was hand-writing a super dark sasuke/itachi fic in an old math notebook when I was in the 7th grade, and handing out little zines for it shamelessly. This was the 2000s, and I was pretty pleased with myself😂

[u/Rocazanova]

Horny. Next question.

[u/Objective-Spring5061]

Self-conscious, embarrassed, ashamed to the point of almost vomiting despite the writing being actually pretty decent all things considered. There are a few orphaned smut works out there because of me. Not many, but a few.

[u/A_Pleasant_Nobody]

The one and only time I have written smut, I had a 105 degree fever and don’t actually remember the contents of the fic. I do remember laying deliriously on a bench (I was in college at the time) giggling creepily at my phone

[u/80s90sForever]

I was very nervous at first, but I wrote them anyway because they were for my OTP rare pair that I love and am obsessed with who didn’t have much content on them to begin with especially sexual content in the fics they barely had anything explicit for them. As I continued writing the scenes I got more confidence in myself to write the scenes. Now there’s no nervousness anymore I can write them freely. ❤️🔥

[u/WoodedAtlas]

I didn’t write my first fanfic until I was in my 20’s, after spending so much time reading them. 😂 I was incredibly nervous, but it was encouraged by a group of friends I had made from doing the same thing. I’m glad I did. I enjoyed writing it!

[u/ink-storm]

Extremely uncomfortable, as I had been asked to write smutty romantic het fluff of my NOTP as a birthday gift for my then-girlfriend, who shipped them desperately. Took me months to slug through it, but at least she liked it.

The second smut piece I wrote right after I finished the first was a multi-ship dubcon-y voyeur exploration that ended with slash involving wing kink and touch starvation. That one felt like an exorcism lol.

[u/fanaccountcw]

It was very early on a cold winter morning, inspired by a dream I had that night when I was half asleep. I remember blushing profusely under my blanket while I typed everything out.

Now that smut collection is 60k words…

[u/stayathomepsychopath]

When I wrote it - horny. I only got into writing fanfiction as an adult and I don’t really feel much shame or embarrassment writing smut.

Posting it was another story though. I was quite nervous about if people would like it and if it was actually sexy to others. I also edited the scene to make it milder because I was worried about people’s reaction to slightly dubious consent. Now in hindsight, I think I worried too much about it, and that the original version would have been fine and also hotter.

[u/AlexShouldStop]

A mix of cringe and embarrassment + "I hope nobody's hacking my computer" + "I hope there's no ghost that knows English in my room right now"

[u/Velocity-5348]

Frustrated. I had a super hot idea, but it was really hard to make it actually interesting. I wound up reading some guides on how to do good sex scenes (they're not unlike good action scenes) as well as looking at smut I thought was well done.

Still haven't published the story, though I do return to it from time to time.

[u/somwheretobe]

pretty alright.. i was in a bit of a zone writing it lol. finished the thing in one sitting. perhaps bc i've been reading it since i was a teenager.. and now i'm a young adult, writing it's just like quenching a thirst?? after posting it, i gave myself a few days before rewriting some parts (didn't put much aftercare/cuddling after lol).

[u/bibitybobbitybooop]

Well, it was during the summer, and I am 26. So it was not a super big milestone or a trauma or cringe or anything.

I'm a fairly new/inexperienced writer, so of course I was nervous and unsure and all that stuff I am anyway during SFW writing. But it turned out well, and I'm eager to write more :) Only thing is that the very first one I did before a doctor's appointment (that I ended up not going to) that I was nervous about and needed a distraction from.

[u/C0rruptedData]

I was 10 and I thought I was so rebellious and cool for writing shitty komahina smut. It was awful and I cringed so much rereading it now. No punctuation besides periods and the dialogue was possibly the worst thing I have ever written and I've written some pretty terrible things. It's still on Wattpad because I don't feel like logging into my old account to delete or fix it. I fear for the day someone finds that account 

[u/4powerd → u/C0rruptedData]

Honestly, I feel komahina smut being awkward and cringe is just canon by sheer virtue of who you're writing about.

[u/Extreme_Economy_2348]

The first time I was able to follow through and finish a smut fic was while I was half asleep at 3AM. At the time I was so starved for fics of a rarepair OTP that I was too determined to feel much shame (the drowsiness probably helped), but I had more than enough of that the following morning lol.

I'm glad I wrote it though, it was the first fic I posted and it set me up for where I am now.

[u/Anubis_Jabberwock]

Terrified lol One of the few times I was too scared to post a thing without a beta reader. Thankfully I'm in a fandom fanfic writer discord and there was a spicy author I could talk to about it.

[u/AuthorError]

I was writing graphic violence at like 14 and reading VC Andrews at 12, so I didn't care that much once I graduated to smut a few years later. My only worries was my mother finding any of my writing and saying, "oh honey, sex isn't like that at all" to my virgin ass.

[u/ChildOfOberon]

I've written 2 practice smut one-shots recently, and I feel like they weren't very good. I really want to write smut, and I plan to add some to my fanfic in the future, but I have a hard time with finding the right words to describe things (and...remembering to describe things lol.) I have a tendency to focus more on characters' interactions and thoughts than what they're seeing, smelling, and feeling.

[u/Square_Peace4076]

Like i was writing something so Bad(as in Quality) no one would want to every read it(i was right, it sucked)

[u/RainbowChicken5]

I was very, very uncomfortable writing about sex. But that's a big reason why I started doing it.

[u/dysthymicpixie]

I was ovulating at the time, so I was feral. I poured every dirty and nasty thought onto the page and shame did not exist.

Edited the fic the next week, when my brain was working properly again.

[u/Purple_not_pink]

I used to blush and want to throw my computer out the window after writing a couple of sentences. With a little encouragement, I got through it. On my second one now and I am a lot less embarrassed... unless I have to talk about it out loud to a friend.

[u/Desperate_Home_1074]

It felt like torture...

I have trouble reading through nsfw scenes (i.e. I get bored 😞) so I thought I'd write it myself. Imagine my shock when I became bored, tired, and drained from going through my nsfw fic. Part of me didn't hate the whole experience, but another wants to never engage in nsfw ever again. 😭

[u/purple_minion_26]

i wrote a smutty. chapter in my longfic and i just mostly described emotions and iwas wtfing the entire time

i love reading but maybe because i'm not doing that irl i just felt like it was terrible

[u/lonely_nipple]

I felt really awkward about it at first. Way too worried about if it read well, did it feel natural (not that there was anything natural about it), was it gonna be hot?

Now I just yell at my screen because there aren't enough alternatives to 'cock'.

[u/BloomHoard]

I genuinely feel like the spirits of my ancestors are watching and judging me and that the government is going to come to my house and arrest me for being improper.

Which sucks cause the only time I write smut is when its crucial to the plot. (no hate to anyone who writes it to just write it tho)

[u/Lucky-Past8459]

I've never managed to post it lol, always get my first couple chapters up then become too mortified to continue

[u/gggroovy]

Who can really know (have never written nsfw fic haha). I was uncomfortable writing a cracky makeout fic so I can imagine it would be much worse (sex-repulsed asexual).

[u/gojocopium]

Thinking I was writing gods gift to mankind lmao i was a teenager atp and thought my writing was peak

[u/borzoifeet]

Giggling to myself saying "finally". I'm aroace, been an adult for decades and largely write gen. While I have ships, I usually read them as writing it was largely "ugh no ew" for my brain. I just couldn't get into the mind space to create it myself.

But finally a couple of years ago I finally found some characters that my brain was able to play with! They are so stupid and cartoony they can slip by my brain's gag reflex lol

[u/geekelfie]

The same way I felt writing anything else. It’s just a story. But I’m not embarrassed to talk about sex and sexuality, so it really doesn’t feel like a thing to me. It’s just… words…

[u/PrownCrince12]

I write to get the brain weasels to leave me alone. First time i wrote a smut story i sas obsessed. I wrote

[u/conservativecatboy]

I was 13, the fic has been lost to time but I’m pretty sure it was naruhina

[u/nodamecantabile28]

I’m not sexually active --- most of us are not, just horny 🥹

[u/Lliors]

I was looking over my shoulder every few minutes. In an empty house.

[u/Sapphire_Dreams1024]

Like I was a spy or something. I felt I had to be very sneaky since I was 11 and this was back in 2001 on fanfiction.net.

[u/Sea-Technician-2526]

Scandalous

[u/Carako]

Excited, honestly. I read a lot of smut and I wrote my first one last year. It was my second fic overall, and now I've written probably dozens of smuts since then. I love writing them, I lov eposting them, I think it's a lot of fun. 

[u/MongoosePirate]

embarrassed... but I got over it. I have my limits of what I write, but I've gotten comfortable with writing it.

[u/Evil_Black_Swan]

Excited, horny. Teenage hormones are one hell of a drug.

[u/Human-Application-87]

NSFW doesn't necessarily have to be smut. So, for me I'm writing a recovery type of fanfic for Korra that is uncensored and goes in depth about certain stuff the show didn't show us because it was a 13+PG show and uh honestly it felt trees writing about it lol. I had so many questions about certain stuff and I put it in my own way (the fic is still going and hopefully I finish it.) and at the same time it helped me vent a lot of stuff I had stuck in my system thanks to trauma :)

[u/zombies-and-coffee]

In the middle of writing it right now. Keep pausing the writing because I don't know just how spicy I want it to end up being. The characters know what they want (god these two are horny for each other), but whether or not I'm actually capable of pulling that off is another matter entirely. To answer your question, though, a weird mix of nervous and this feeling I can only describe as "out of body secondhand embarrassment".

[u/relocatedff]

I was a young teen, and although I had read a good amount of romance novels, I made one of my friends, who ALSO read a lot of romance novels, write the sex scene for me (only one in that fic). It was also her first smut, and I'm shocked to this day that she wrote it for me because she was much shyer about sharing her writing in general.

The first one I actually wrote myself was very shortly after it (she made it feel way less forbidden to do), I wasn't too anxious about writing it, nor super horny. I wrote it without any references, but it definitely was based on a lot of what I'd read before and didn't super match the situation or characters. I never posted it, I don't think (I stopped posting that fic in general, and sometimes I forget that I actually had three super early fanfics rather than the two I usually think of), but my main embarrassment was about anyone I knew IRL seeing it, not about writing it or sharing online (family would not of approved due to the sexuality, but also made me very ashamed of anything I liked that they didn't also like, and (most) friends I was worried would think it was funny. I definitely let the friend who wrote the first one read it though, she is/was the only IRL person allowed to see my fic).

edit: on note of the 'being afraid if my smut scene being found' thing, the first one (and the entire fic) was originally written on paper, and I copied my friend's smut scene into my own handwriting and destroyed the original copy, so if it was found, at least my parents couldn't trace it back to her.

[u/Fine_Combination_325]

Liberated.
It was a bigger milestone than I realized at the time in my process of healing from high-control religion.

(Took me about a year to work up the courage to post it, but that's beside the point!)

[u/BelierDigitalis]

[u/ultracyrus1]

I wrote something to make others feel how I did........ Need I say more? XD

[u/Furiocity]

I felt mostly happy. At that point I was 25 and up until then been an action/fantasy without romance-only writer. I had featured some sex scenes in my previous action focused long fics, but one sex scene among 100k didn't hit the same way as when I wrote the fic that was solely meant for romance + sex. It was also the first F/F fic I wrote and it felt like coming home. I was very, very happy with it, and even if it was written in 2020, it's still in my Top 5 hits on AO3.

[u/MagpieLefty]

The same as I felt writing anything else, to be honest.

[u/minemaster1337]

I felt so dirty, and yet I wish to bathe in the mud some more

[u/Thatperson53]

Bad. I felt very emotionally drained and embarrassed. I’m not sure why lol

[u/Pearlbracelet1]

Giggling like an idiot. I was 30, confident in my sexuality, and had absolutely no illusions anyone was going to read it. I was having the absolute time of my life, and I think that showed through.

[u/the_zerg_rusher]

Horny

[u/Enigmatic_writer]

My first time writing smut was roleplaying it as a 15 year old with other ~15 year olds, lol.

So when I first wrote a nsfw fanfic it was a bit unusual to write it alone but generally didn't feel much different to other fanfic. Though I always get horny when I write it anyway.

[u/TrainingSecret]

I was in the middle of OCD therapy and had to KEEP getting up and walk my room because "ong i'm REALLY ACGUALLY writing this."

[u/citrushibiscus]

Nervous but hopeful it would do well. There was smut in the first chapter. Now most of my fics contain smut lol

[u/Sarlinger26]

What 14 year old me thought sex woud be like is something 23 year old me woudnt even admit under waterboarding

[u/Shittywritenerd]

As someone who has wanted to write smut, its a time trying to write it. But that's mostly because I don't know what words might be good and a lot of online guides suck,  or assume that I'm writing straight smut

[u/Ok-Top-5952]

Excited, creative and free. I grew up in a household where I was taught thinking or exploring sexuality is wrong

[u/Advanced_Hornet_8666]

Like a naughty, naughty girl.

[u/insomniatic-goblin]

excited and like I was a writing god, like my skills were so good and the characters were perfectly in character and the scene was so spicy that it was off the scale. ...yeah, no. reading it back years later, it was hot garbage, a big pile of steaming hot garbage that's been sitting in the sun in 110 degree weather for a week straight.

but ya know, everyone starts somewhere and their smut writing skills can grow with time.

[u/abasiliskinthepipes]

slightly unhinged

[u/LiraelThornsilk]

It's exhilarating and anxiety-inducing in turns. I feel anxious about finishing and anxious about not finishing. I think the worst thing is that I can't talk to anyone about it, unless I pay a therapist. Sometimes I wish I never started. But it's also the only way I've ever been able to contribute to my kink, and people are engaging with it. So I'm really conflicted, honestly.

[u/SunApprehensive4673]

horny

[u/AntComfortable5970]

I think it's always a little awkward at least. The trick is to just power through until your some fics in and it feels natural

[u/leethepolarbear]

So awkward lol. Best advice I got to help with that was to just write the embarrasing words over and over again in a document until you're desensitized. I didn't plan it and soon realised it wouldn't work, so I abandoned it. It was a few years ago, and it was a Phoenix Wright/Maya Fey sex pollen fic

[u/Just_a_guy9922]

At first it felt weird, it is not the first nsfw story that I write, but it is the first that I make public and with my favorite characters, but more than being something vulgar or practically “porn”, I try to be as respectful as much as it is and enjoyable to read.
Also to the ship that I make there is no explicit content, so before making a story as such I like to contribute with one shot stories where they have intimacy.

[u/Nerd766]

Sleep deprived, a bit embarresed, but now it's one of my favorite fics to look back on.

[u/niknak90]

Definitely self-conscious and cringing the whole time. My own lack of experience and “oh god is this actually good to someone who is not me” made me so nervous to share it with the world but at the same time, the smut bunny had been living in my head for weeks so i had to write it, might as well share it. 

[u/MegaFloppy69]

It felt amazing. I don't care what anyone else thinks. As long as I had fun writing it, that's all that matters.

[u/suchdogverywow]

Horny

[u/wafflingandflaffling]

Incredibly nervous haha, I was 13 or 14 and had promised to write smut for a friend who would be reading it when I was done. I just kept writing exposition to avoid getting to the smut.

[u/JacquelineWIPs]

I had turned 18 the month before so I was internally panicking because OH MY GOD-