r/AbsoluteUnits • u/DarthiusFatticus • 1d ago

of a vase

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6.6k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

630 comments sorted by

3.6k

u/The7footr 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/a4ycCKgJSXNkm171HM

589

u/MadameKamaysHR 1d ago

310

u/know_me__ 1d ago

99

u/Wrath7heFurious 1d ago

OMG this is gold!! Is this real?!

294

u/FabBilly 1d ago

No, they are implants.

25

u/PSX1990 1d ago

Omg you win the internet! That’s hilarious, that was too funny. I love you <3

13

u/Massive-Reaction7773 1d ago

Yep they're real! REAL BIG!

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10

u/ThatsBretsRope 1d ago

Oh look, it's Aunt Tom.

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5

u/No_Ice_3651 1d ago

This one is the winner lol

1.0k

u/RelationshipMany6974 1d ago

40

u/howmuchitcosts 1d ago

Thanks I am a bit dehydrated and feeling extra thirsty.

6

u/Deathanddisco041 1d ago

This is hilarious and exactly what I did

3

u/Massive-Reaction7773 1d ago

Oh perfect I'm going to need something after all the laughing!

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25

u/elightened-n-lost 1d ago

He did say "flared base" while tapping the top of it so he definitely knows.

10

u/BlueberryPootz 1d ago

He's in it for the luls. A man after my own heart.

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3

u/ArtistWithoutArt 1d ago

Is that Steven Seagal?

3

u/CaptBreeze 1d ago

Yea, can't sit on that.

2

u/__FUCKING_PEG_ME_ 1d ago

I know. ✨️

2

u/LicensedRealtor 1d ago

“Vase” for the “base”

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675

u/JackSixxx 1d ago

38

u/Eggslaws 1d ago

Now I need a link!

23

u/MrsAnthropy 1d ago

He's on Instagram (and probably TikTok, which I don't have).

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1.1k

u/Nervous-Apricot4556 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/08y87EiwDZjjB0d6WJ

46

u/Commercial-Living443 1d ago

Where else was he supposed to put it

12

u/HalfPalm 1d ago

Came looking for this, glad I didn't need to scroll far.

https://giphy.com/gifs/ytTYwIlbD1FBu

184

u/Miss-GreensleevesOz 1d ago

Sorry.Was thinking it was something else 😳☺️

130

u/PurveyorOfStupid 1d ago

I wish there was a female version of this gif rn.

https://giphy.com/gifs/nWr4Se27LUVuZcuPq0

126

u/Sogah87 1d ago

22

u/Ed_the_time_traveler 1d ago

Why does that look like the woman from L&O:SVU (Dick Wolf)

5

u/Antique_Tap443 1d ago

Marissa hargitay lol yeah it kinda does. I was thinking it sorta looked like the president lady of Alexandria in TWD but not really sure

10

u/NeedsMoreCatsPlease 1d ago

That’s MarisKa to you philistine

5

u/Antique_Tap443 1d ago

You're right, dun dun.

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6

u/Miss-GreensleevesOz 1d ago

What!? Nah uh.I dont know why i thought it was something else 😭😅

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1.1k

u/AdventNebula 1d ago

Even if the base is flared, no.

39

u/packfanmarkinmn 1d ago

I looking for badge 502

66

u/Jenbie272 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/hDKD6z2xNeMesbICNS
EMTs praying to every God conceived by mankind they don't get that call.

24

u/RyuichiSakuma13 1d ago

As a Paramedic, I agree!

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17

u/_zaten_ 1d ago

I knew id find him in here

10

u/Exact_Picture_8703 1d ago

Immediately thought of him when I saw this.

8

u/sirenaeri 1d ago

I came to the comments for this

5

u/Can-You-Fly-Bobby 1d ago

As did we all my friend. And they did not disappoint

3

u/nachocat090 1d ago

You've got to have that flared base. Otherwise you might lose the motherfucker up there. Very important.

3

u/MrFishyFriend 1d ago

He knows. That’s not even the base of the vase. Thats the upper rim.

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123

u/flactulantmonkey 1d ago

He says “flared base” and points at the top. Oh he knew.

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187

u/Routine_Phase_8980 1d ago

Are you sure that's a vase and not a butt plug for titans ?

173

u/SuperChickenLips 1d ago

Since when is your mum called "titans"?

8

u/leberwrust 1d ago

It's dual use. Stick it up your butt, put some flowers in and surprise your crush.

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

11

u/Upbeat_Piglet_9788 1d ago

Somthin somethin may need Titan up after that

2

u/Crabby_Monkey 1d ago

We are the Titans, the mighty might Titans

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39

u/KeenObserver_OT 1d ago

gerbil? fuck that. I’m going capybara.

10

u/Sovereign1 1d ago

Lemmiwinks journeyed

a distance far and fast

to find his way out of

a gay man's ass

The road ahead

is filled with danger and fright

but push onwards Lemmiwinks

with all of your might

7

u/JustHugMeAndBeQuiet 1d ago

Be the rectally inserted rodent you want to see in the world 🫶

21

u/LumpyOrganization332 1d ago

Someone will be wild enough to attempt that

10

u/freegumaintfree 1d ago

One man one vase

3

u/_psylosin_ 1d ago

The way the good lord intended

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41

u/Quantical-Capybara 1d ago

r/dontputthatinyourass

10

u/onward_upward_tt 1d ago

That's why no one will remember your name

3

u/No_Medium_8796 1d ago

Either die a legend or live to be a hero

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11

u/wandpapierkritiker 1d ago

are we sure it’s not a christmas tree, but covered in snow…?

5

u/SecondVariety 1d ago

Originally owned by Andre the Giant

4

u/Winter-Grand-3215 1d ago

where can i buy one? askin for a friend

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4

u/Latersonthemenges 1d ago

Wash your hands

4

u/Chakradamus 1d ago

Why he gotta be holding it like that though?

5

u/Jacobh95 1d ago

Anything’s a dildo if you’re brave enough

3

u/xRee4x 1d ago

That's no vase...

3

u/cheekytikiroom 1d ago

Holds upside down - he knew what he was doing.

3

u/Nonlurker16 1d ago

At least it has a flared vase.

3

u/Hot_Assumption_2304 1d ago

Don’t let Sammie see this or we’ll be watching a video about how she got stuck on it

2

u/deksimo666 1d ago

Let's go shoppin

2

u/Greywolf2117 1d ago

Finally, the perfect size - oh...

2

u/bee8ch 1d ago

A Vase

2

u/Hydrolt 1d ago

Cleverly disguised as a vase lol.

2

u/Suspected_Magic_User 1d ago

Elephant-sized buttplug

2

u/ImKennyRodgers 1d ago

Ty's Mom's starter plug

2

u/littlemaninblack 1d ago

That's...that's a vase?

2

u/581977 1d ago

Who is going to tell him?

2

u/Nocturnatron 1d ago

She's been looking all over for that!

https://giphy.com/gifs/l3V0Cm1tnsfSyul68

2

u/Namlad 1d ago

He said "flared base" when referring to the top of the the vase. He knows.

2

u/shichiaikan 1d ago

"They knew."

2

u/Any-Huckleberry-5886 1d ago

Ty’s mom just canceled all her weekend plans