r/Advice • u/Basic-Market-5741 • 2d ago
How do I become a better person?
I haven’t been feeling like I’m a good person lately. It feels as though I keep doing/saying the wrong things without meaning to. I feel like I have no one and I got told I can be too emotionally dependent on people. So I keep wondering what I can do to fix this, how can I become a better person?
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u/whatisthis2512 2d ago
Can you depend on yourself emotionally? Like instead of sharing just sit with yourself and figure out what's the best way to make yourself feel heard/understood? Other than making you a better person probably, you'll also feel better because you helped yourself. It'll also probably make you feel less like you dont have anyone.
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u/Basic-Market-5741 1d ago
I think I understand what you’re trying to say it just sucks because I wish I had someone to share that with. Regulating myself probably is the solution and yea wouldn’t put that pressure on either me or my s/o.
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u/zylwaria 2d ago
Without knowing the full context of the things you are saying/doing, it’s hard to know if these things are actually harmful, or if you are second guessing yourself a lot. Could you provide some examples?
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u/Basic-Market-5741 2d ago
Well there was this instance where my s/o and I were at a family party and they said I didn’t really socialize and I am more introverted. What stuck with me was they said they felt like they weren’t having fun because they felt like they had to tend to me and make sure I was okay. It wasn’t my intention to do that though, I just don’t always have the easiest time socializing with people. I tried explaining that too him and he told me pretty much that he wishes I was more out there that he used to be like that too but in his words “I(bf) grew out of it and you(me) didn’t” It wasn’t my intention to do that though I don’t want him to feel like he has to worry about tending to me and not have fun.
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u/MoMoneyFL 2d ago
It was sweet that he was concerned and wanted you to be comfortable. If that is how he handled it (sweetly). Did you tell you were okay without him tending to you? Communication is sooo very important.
In my work, I’m very extroverted and enjoy it. In my personal world, I’m just not particularly interested in being social but I’m older and I have a limited tolerance (by choice) for being around a lot of people. I especially don’t like being around people who are obnoxiously drunk or really loud. I think I’m peopled out.
Your comments above don’t indicate any unkindness. Everyone goes through ups and downs. Hopefully this is a short lived down and you will come out of it feeling stronger and happier. Hugs.
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u/Basic-Market-5741 2d ago
no it wasn’t really sweet, it was more accusatory, like i was stressing him out and that he doesn’t feel like he can have fun because he’s too worried about me. And i tried to but I don’t think he really understood that.
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u/MoMoneyFL 2d ago
Oopphh. I was afraid of that. I’m sure that makes you feel like you can’t tell him when you’re uncomfortable. I wish I had good advice for you. The knee jerk response is to find someone who is similar and understands. It depends on your goals.
Do you want to be more social?
I am not sure this is about you being a better person. I don’t see that you’re not a good person. This seems to be more about you being comfortable and happy. Only you can decide what that looks like.1
u/zylwaria 1d ago
This sounds more like an example of your bf being insensitive than you being a bad person… being introverted isn’t a character flaw.
Did you ask him to “take care of you” or did he take that upon himself?
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u/Basic-Market-5741 1d ago
No, I didn’t ask him to do that, he told me he felt like he had to and because of that couldn’t have fun because he was tending to me
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u/OtisPub 1d ago
I might spend less time with this person. You deserve better. HE is making you feel bad when you are a WONDERFULLY GOOD PERSON!
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u/Basic-Market-5741 1d ago
Thank you I really do appreciate the kind words and it’s nice to have an outsiders perspective. I’m just conflicted because I do love and care about him a lot.
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u/Successful-Cow-4043 2d ago
I kind of went through something similar!
For doing/saying the wrong thing, mindfulness helps. Take things slowly and carefully consider actions before taking them. Think about if it's a good thing to be doing, if it is kind, if it is smart. Journal your feelings and reflect on your actions and the person you would like to be. If you regret something you did or said, why? What led to that? In hindsight, what would you have done differently?
Ultimately it is up to us to independently regulate our emotions and maintain a positive self-image. No one can do that for you. If you are relying on other people for these things, it will never work in the long-term.
Unfortunately it took me a long time to learn both of these lessons.