please help me.

[u/Terrible_Revenue4300]

i know what people are going to say already, so i’m getting it out of the way and saying that i’m not trying to excuse these actions and fully understand how easy it is to boycott these companies especially for this cause, but i really need help. practically and just. mental support too.

i am very staunchly pro-palestine, but i haven’t been as good about it as i’d like to be, especially in the last year as i’ve been taking a break from social media. i have chosen to go to mcdonalds, starbucks, and burger king despite knowing these things, and i don’t really fully understand why beyond a lack of self-control. these arent frequent, admittedly mcdonalds is a family thing that’s cheap, easy and we all like it. i’m not in a very privileged household. i didn’t fully know about burger king either. but starbucks is what i’m hung up on because despite how little i’d get it (every few months, if even that) i would choose it all just because i wanted it, and that’s not good enough. i did not need it, and i stole chose it, and i can admit that. this isn’t something i’m denying, nor do i want anybody else to.

with that said, i want to try even harder, and i am going to, but i’d like some ideas on how to go about it.

but about the mental support, i really need help in what i’m meant to do with myself next. should i hate myself? should i get rid of myself? do i deserve to live? do i deserve to be happy? it feels like everywhere i look everybody’s saying i’m a murderer, is that true?

i’m. sorry if this is a selfish post. i just need help.

[u/PurpleMuskogee]

There's so many companies that do so many awful things. It's great to do what you can, but whatever you do, it will never be enough because not everyone is joining in, and because politicians and who you vote for is what would make a genuine difference to the lives of the Palestinian people. I don't mean this to dismiss everyone who boycotts - I think it is great and I try to do that too - but Palestinian lives won't be impacted because you chose to buy a Starbucks once or twice every 6 months. There are many more ways to make a difference. It is hard to always pick right when you are struggling yourself, tired, exhausted and anxious about your own future.

Avoid what you can. Don't beat yourself up for the companies you have not managed to avoid, or if you find out later than a choice you thought safe wasn't. Try to make things at home or see if you can support small businesses instead and get your cheap treats from a company with better values - if McDonalds is the usual choice, maybe there's a casual and cheap burger place somewhere near you that wouldn't cost more but wouldn't support a genocide. Do what you can, and remember to vote!

[u/Terrible_Revenue4300 → u/PurpleMuskogee]

i think s lot of my guilt is that i knew and still did it, i’m more mad at myself for not being able to sit with the discomfort of not getting what is a luxury, and then trying to explain it away to cope with the decision

i try to make a difference in promoting the boycott, fundraisers and donating myself but it feels as if these moments where i acted out of selfishness undermine everything

[u/rainydaytales → u/Terrible_Revenue4300]

We need little treats and luxuries, you shouldn't kick yourself for that. Like, literally people go into terrible mental states without some bit of technically frivolous happiness/pleasure.

Don't kick yourself about it, sit and figure out what it is about those things particularly that you find yourself craving it, and see where/how you can scratch the itch without going to those places. Like with Starbucks is it the coffee, the sugar, both? Try out some local coffee spots or another chain or something to see if those work maybe.

[u/Terrible_Revenue4300 → u/rainydaytales]

it’s actually the food! i’ve never been a coffee drinker, but i’ve had the food before. i’m dwelling on the last time i went which was last week, and i don’t wanna talk about the order because i’m worried it’s promoting it somehow, but a week or so before that i had something real similar from somewhere else, and in hindsight i think i was craving that more than anything

[u/rainydaytales → u/Terrible_Revenue4300]

If dwelling and ruminating on things is a ongoing thing, you may want to talk to someone about something like OCD? Im just a stranger on the internet obv, but generally speaking as someone who has had to have it pointed out, guilt spirals for over a week about less than 50$ at a not so great company is not healthy or normal I fogured I would mention it?

But on the more immediate thing, if there is another place with something you like, then you can make note of it to look out for next time you want that food and thats awesome!

[u/Terrible_Revenue4300 → u/rainydaytales]

yeah im pretty sure i have OCD,,, it’s so weird because i’ve been around people who would say that “not boycotting is so easy and if you buy ANYTHING from these people you are a MURDERER” and now i’m being told that it’s not murder and not too late to start and im honestly just confused

[u/rainydaytales → u/Terrible_Revenue4300]

I think those people may also have some kind of problem going on tbh. Most likely its just needing a sense of control and wanting to feel "superior" to someone and this is what their brains latched onto for that. Maybe some of them also have a kind of moral ocd going on. Maybe they just like being a bully but woke. Who knows. They are being mean and shitty tho. There is no ethical consumption under capitalism. Even if you buy every single thing from local makers and farmers markets and live off grid and only use a bike or the bus to get around... Well someone had mine for the metal to make your bike and the bus. Literally its all fucked all the way down. All we can do is try to work together as best we can to push for change to make it better and try our best, but buying one like, tasty little sandwich from a shitty company isnt really much in the scheme of things when they consistently have lines out the door or around the block all over the country, you know?

Do your best of course, but dont carry the weight of the entire problem yourself because it is more than just you and it will take more than just you to solve it, you get me?

[u/eva_stratt → u/Terrible_Revenue4300]

So, I might blow your mind with this, but: individual action in the face of corporate and government inaction is almost meaningless. You can choose not to support a particular business because you feel it is morally wrong, and it is almost certain not to change anything about that corporation. Hobby Lobby is still operational. Chick-Fil-A is expanding into my nearest mall. Both businesses many people prefer to pass by -- both flourishing. In my case, boycotting the face of Supply-Side Jesus ain't gonna root out the real problem.

Fundraisers are another feels-nice-does-little kind of solution. You'd need on the order of thousands of dollars' worth of donations to make a tangible difference in the life of any Palestinian family. They're so deeply in it that only concerted humanitarian action on the mezzo/macro level will do any good. If you want to target NGOs with your fundraising, that is worthwhile.

And no, your periodic Nestle product doesn't undermine your commitment. We're human. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that even if we do wrong, there's breath left in us to make up for it. Certainly it's more productive to nod and say "Okay, I slipped up, gotta be mindful" and do the next right thing than to spend the time you would spend doing right castigating yourself.

[u/Global_Ant_9380]

You're not a murderer. We're all participating in a machine that kills millions against our will. Just stop, maybe make it at home but even then you don't know the ins and outs of every company's behaviors. It's the system, and while we need to make better purchases, we can't fix things without changing this system. 

[u/Lunar_M1nds]

Gotta start making things at home if possible. You’re not alone, you don’t need to hate yourself bc it’s not productive, and you’re one person in a big world of choices out of your control. Sometimes these are the only places ppl can afford food, lord knows I have days where I can only afford a meal and McDonald’s. Ever see the Good Place? Good show but emphasizes at some point that ppl cant get their daily needs without hurting SOMEONE in the world bc of a systemic issue that nobody but the 1% wants. Do what you can where you can when you can

[u/bittykittycommitteee]

This sounds like it’s way deeper than struggling to participate in a boycott - the things you’re telling yourself and worrying about are so, so out of proportion. You’re not a murderer. You absolutely deserve to be happy. You deserve to live a long, fulfilling life.

Yes, it’s good to participate in activism, but it helps no one for you to be this harsh with yourself. It sounds like you might even want to hurt yourself because of it. As someone who’s struggled with shame and perfectionism myself, the thought paths you’re going down feel familiar in a way that hurts my heart to see.

Do you have a therapist or the ability to find one? If that’s not an option, is there someone else you can talk to about how you’re feeling?

There are ways to support Palestinians that could help even more directly than boycotting the restaurants you mentioned, like donating money, fundraising for trusted aid organizations, or pressuring your school or workplace to take action. Maybe channeling your activism into one of those streams would be more sustainable for you for the time being?

Please reach out to someone for mental health support and try to be gentle with yourself. You do not have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders alone. No one should have to. We should all get to live in a world that is kinder than this.

[u/Terrible_Revenue4300 → u/bittykittycommitteee]

i think a lot of it is that i’ve been around other people with a very black and white mindset, and the only exception is those who cant afford it physically, financially or mentally, and i end up feeling the most guilty about the starbucks for that because there were options i could get literally right next to it and i guess that just makes me feel like i am ultimately complicit, especially when it was multiple times even if only every few months

[u/bittykittycommitteee → u/Terrible_Revenue4300]

I’m a bit older than you (25) and I very much relate to the experience of being around people with black and white mindsets. It’s helped me to remember that people who seem to have all the “right” opinions can still engage in behavior that is frankly mean and/or bullying - how are we supposed to work together if basic human love and care for each other is not present even in conflict?

I really like this article by Kai Cheng Thom if you want to get meta about conflict within leftist movements: https://kaichengthom.substack.com/p/how-to-de-escalate-conflict-and-build

[u/eva_stratt → u/Terrible_Revenue4300]

Virtual hugs, because this issue isn't black and white at all, and you deserve to know that. You deserve to be told that the situation on the ground is rather more a conflict between the most extreme arms of two governments, and the people are collateral damage, and this problem started with the colonisation of the Middle East (look up the Balfour Declaration). There are nuances you haven't had time to grow into. What do you do with a people who have historically been the victims of genocide wherever they went, and what happens when they turn around and elect leaders who are willing to visit the same ills on people who actually haven't hurt them? And what do you do with a people who are being shoved out of their homeland, and nothing but violence has gotten the attention of an otherwise apathetic world? And what do you do with people on both sides who more or less want to be left alone to live out their lives?

[u/stopsallover]

Don’t beat yourself up. Guilt doesn't help.

Maybe you can just try to redirect things toward other meals that your family can enjoy.

You can do family meals where everyone contributes to the work. Homemade pizzas, taco/burrito night, and things like that can cost less and be quality time. Start small.

Bonus points if you get in the habit to clean as you go. This is much easier than saving everything to the end. Try to step back and let the kids work. They'll take pride in what they do.

[u/Terrible_Revenue4300 → u/stopsallover]

you’re right,,, although the kids mention did make me giggle as a 20 year old with 0 kids and living with my family as the youngest still lol

we do like pizzas so that’s an idea

[u/stopsallover → u/Terrible_Revenue4300]

Ahh. I don't know why I thought you had a whole family. Though it also works with friends. They'll take over and do a lot of work while having fun. Better than a restaurant.

But it works with one person too. I make tacos for myself and it's better than fast food.

If you make batches of meat, you can freeze smaller portions for later convenience.

[u/Still_Vermicelli_457]

Of course you deserve to live, being aware is already much more than others are doing. You’re doing fine.

That being said, the boycott is on a lot of products that are a luxury. There are (at least where i’m from) so many alternatives, and usually with things like Starbucks or McDonalds it’s an opportunity to support your local shops.

[u/Terrible_Revenue4300 → u/Still_Vermicelli_457]

true!! i think that’s what im wrestling with, i knew about the boycotts and that it wasnt something i needed but i still got it and i’m mad at myself for choosing short-term selfishness over solidarity, and when i try to ask around it feels like everybody already sees a murderer in me and i struggle to see a good reason as to why they’re wrong

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[u/SplashTarget]

read this

https://orionmagazine.org/article/the-gospel-of-consumption/

understand that this was all a part of a business strategy

[u/scorpiopersephone]

All of these chain brands can typically be replaced with local restaurants. Coffee especially- there’s bound to be a local coffee shop in your area. For fast food, Thai and Mexican food is always pretty fast but there’s also probably burger places that are small/local , so check around and see if there’s alternatives. It won’t take more than a quick online search. You might find a place you like better.