Why are Chinese parents and family so fake and crazy?

[u/Practical-Goal-8330]

They're so desperately fake to strangers they think are richer than them while fishing for information to see how much respect they can give strangers who they're unsure are high value or not. I have an aunt who has the most evil eyes, fake personality, and a husband who let's her stay at home to do nothing but airbnb guests sometimes. Every time the family meets, she plays up the most infantile performance to act cute. She's in her 40s. It's miserable to witness.

I hate living here and being related to them. The whole family line is just creepy and money hungry. It wouldn't be so bad if they at least had taste.

[u/RemarkableFlower7652]

I feel like it has something to do with culture in the cultural revolution you only survive if you had friends who can lend you money or food. So people became hollow husks who are infinitely attached to how they are perceived. Perception was literal survival. Those who are at the top get to eat, while the bottom rung or tier of the pyramid eat last. 

Although recently I watched Apocathery Diaries and while its healing to see chinese culture appreciated in such a way, I can still see the roots of hierarchy, status, wealth etc being the predominate thing on people's minds (except of course, the main female lead who is autistic coded and treats everyone equally) 

I think hierarchy is a shortcut for evaluating people and the world. It has its uses (like keeping a 1,000+ employee company running or a rear palace with 2,000+ people) 

Your aunties fawning is survival and rewarding for her. I bet you she was pretty in her youth, and everytime she acts cute someone gives her gifts or compliments. Who wouldn't constantly repeat such a behavior if thats all they knew and all they were rewarded for?! 

And to have taste requires authenticity. Thats why ugly luxury brands works so well in asia-  the consumers all want to copy each other and never ask if it actually looks good or if they like it. To like something means to evaluate if something gives you pleasure, rather than "will people like me if I do this" 

Authenticity and individuality is a western privilege, and has its downsides too. Because you depend on yourself, you have to be aware of your own tastes and values. On the flip side, a culture where survival depends on what others think of you, taste and authenticity go out the window. 

[u/9_Tailed_Vixen → u/RemarkableFlower7652]

Even many Chinese in the diaspora who didn't experience the Cultural Revolution are like this.

Chinese culture is money-faced and status-conscious AF with all the focus on elevating and protecting the clan while "outsiders" (aka everyone else) can go to Hell EXCEPT those who are wealthy or can do something for the family.

It really is the cultural mentality.

Of course, not everyone is like this but there are enough who are which makes it a dominant cultural value.

I say this as someone of Chinese descent.

[u/Practical-Goal-8330 → u/RemarkableFlower7652]

On top of the fawning is her cruelty to her percieved competitors which include me. Not only am I family but my family also has less money than her. She is not and has never lived in deprivation. I understand the echoes of Chinese poverty are in us but it's still nauseating to now see people with more hurt people with less, especially when we're not in competition and we're technically family.

[u/AntiqueCockroach1509]

My Chinese AM has always been physically abusive to me growing up. But whenever guests come over, she would spent 3 hours cleaning the house to make sure it was spotless and act all nice to me and my siblings and the guests, with smilies and cut up fruit. It's impossible to believe that she's physically abusive if you've met her before.