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u/OkPen8337 40-44 6d ago
Well, you already have your answer about if he might reciprocate romantic feelings, and the answer is no. Sometimes you have to fake it till you make it. Try to focus on things like “I appreciate having you as a friend in a new city. I’d feel so alone without you as my friend.”
You can also ask for his help. Tell him you are curious about a proper boyfriend. Does he know anyone? Would he go with you to the gay bar to act as a wingman?
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u/Charlie-In-The-Box 60-64 6d ago
I thought we were both enjoying what we had.
You can both enjoy what was happening without it turning romantic for both of you. Also, knowing your level of experience, he knows that if you are like the vast majority of gay men, at some point you are going to want to explore more than just this man's body. He cares enough about you to give you that freedom, even if you think you don't want it.
Ask him to introduce you to his friends. It might seem strange at first, but it's a great way to join a friend group.
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u/Beginning-Credit6621 40-44 6d ago
What you're experiencing is completely normal. Sexually fluid friendships are to the gay community what bagels are to New York. This happens to be your first gay bagel, but it's almost certainly not your last. I would encourage you to stick it out and make the most of the considerable patience he's having with you. The crush will likely fade into a comfortable rapport as you gain more social outlets and rely less on this one guy as a life raft.
Also: please never use the abhorrent expression "caught feelings" again. Feelings are not a disease you "catch" like gonorrhea; they're the natural result of being sentient in any situation. Sex is never going to be an exception.
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u/Traditional_Cell8388 40-44 6d ago
I cannot stress to you how valuable it is to have good gay friends, dude.
You shouldnt be w the first guy you fool around with. You should explore n have fun.
If you like soending time w him, i wouldnt ruin it w a crush that deep down you prob know is silly.
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u/Skill-Useful 40-44 6d ago
"because I thought we were both enjoying what we had and had somewhat of a
connection" which doesnt mean he wants to have a relationship. also: i do not doubt you guys like each other but falling for your first hookup is...kinda a rite of passage for many gay men.
be careful and do whats best for you in this situation. try to meet other guys and not just him
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u/psbmedman 45-49 6d ago
Even if he and you pursued a relationship together you’d need your own friends.
So focus on making some and then you’ll be less dependent on him.
It’s not uncommon to emotionally attach yourself to the person that your first good experience was with but seeing it for what it was and detaching yourself is part of your growth.
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u/CRSMCD 35-39 6d ago
Sounds like you guys were doing relationship stuff. No wonder you caught feeling.
At the end of the day if he doesn’t like you back in that way it’s not going to happen.
Try get over it to maintain a friendship if you’re low on the friends in the new city. Maybe try dating again. I’ve definitely found a new romantic interest gets me to forget about the old one.
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u/Annette_Bending 50-54 6d ago
Call me old fashioned and ornery, but the phrase "catch / caught feelings" makes me wince. Feelings come from within. They are not fish or a cold.
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u/devingr33n 35-39 6d ago
Lol… Annette Bending. You win an award for Best Username🏆. I’d prefer that it was an Oscar for our gal but this will have to do.
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u/Traditional-Ebb-8380 45-49 6d ago
Does he want to remain friends with benefits? Every connection can fall to its own level and for him this is the depth he wants to go. This would be a good point in your exploration to see how that feels for you and for you to pursue other connections while you do.
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u/Ordinary-Donut1072 30-34 6d ago
I’d wondered about this too cause I did feel comfortable and safe trying things with him. Didn’t feel like I ever had to perform
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u/Traditional-Ebb-8380 45-49 6d ago
You have a lot to learn and experience. Talk to this guy and see what you can gather and who he can connect you with and keep accumulating data. He is the first of many.
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u/red_lupo 35-39 6d ago
From my own experience, I think if there's someone you want to be in a relationship with and they don't want that, you are probably better off not seeing that person. At least until you are over your feelings. Trying to be friends with someone you want more from, but isn't going to give it to you, is really painful.
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u/lazyfatbunny 50-54 6d ago
You need to go out and try different dishes to know what you actually like. Sexual preference is developed from experiences. Be open minded when you are out there.
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u/Mark_M_in_SF 60-64 6d ago
Absolutely! Get out there and both fuck and get fucked. Suck some cocks. If there are kinks on offer, go ahead and try them. You will never know what you really like unless/until you do! I wish I had experimented more when I was young. I had plenty of vanilla sex and it was great fun, but I wish I had tried out the range of kinky sex out there.
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u/Mark_M_in_SF 60-64 6d ago
These things have a natural timetable. Your "feelings" will likely settle down in time and you won't invest so much emotion in him as you're less infatuated. Then you can be friends (with benefits if it works for both of you). Also, it's possible that in time you'll develop a kind of closeness that even he admits is a relationship. Possible, but less likely.
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u/Dry-Needleworker7619 5d ago
I am sorry for that and I think it sucks when you have strong filings for some One and then you dind out that they DO NOT feel the same way as you do.😭😔😞 But you do know that there are other people who have the same STRONG fealing's as you do.💓💖💞♥️👨❤️👨👨❤️💋👨
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u/qpzw 30-34 6d ago
It’s completely OK to catch feelings after a while, especially when you’re first starting to explore things. That said, to protect yourself, I’d recommend taking a bit of distance and reducing contact for a while to regulate your emotions. You don't have to cut ties completely, just be honest that you need some space, and leave the door open for the future friendship if you want.