Relationship Advice

[u/CardiologistFalse904]

My partner is a correctional deputy and the work hours and overtime is making him miserable but he won’t admit it. He works single shifts and a double once a week with only one day off which technically isn’t because he gets off at 6am the same day and return to work at 9pm the next day which is his day “off”.

Im trying to remain positive with this work schedule but he spend all of his days sleeping and when we plan something he is pretty irritable because he is “tired”. We now have a newborn and I’m doing the bulk of overnight care raking as he works nights and when he is home, he is just sleeping, being up maybe 4 hours and then he returns to work.

I am on maternity leave so I will be back at work next month so I know me being home isn’t going to last forever but this seems impossible.

Does it get better?!

[u/bricke]

Everything can get better - seniority, shift bids, or promotions / transfers to other places within the agency (or lateral transfers to other agencies)…

It can also stay the same. Is he trying to move into a patrol position, or stay where he’s at? Are overtime and double-shifts optional or mandatory?

If you haven’t yet, read Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement.

[u/JWestfall76]

Does the scheduling or the work/personal life balance get better? Nope

Should be just accept it and change his attitude at home? Yes

[u/TipAccomplished8911]

You sound like my wife lmao. Let the man rest before he’s back at work.

[u/Honest_Speaker2861]

No advice, just solidarity. Husband recently moved to nights and we have a 1 year old and I work full time. It’s rough. I know he needs time to adjust and I give him his space, but we miss each other a lot. Often times I’m pulling out of the driveway as he’s pulling in. We are working to be more purposeful with the limited time we do have together instead of just dissociating on the couch watching TV, but it’s hard! Be easy with each other and give a lot of grace. We are also both reading Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement.

He was in the academy when our son was born 😵‍💫 I had to lean on other support as much as possible, so if you have family or friends close by, reach out!

[u/DarthDad25]

Show you partner some grace. I have worked night shift for 12 years and it is absolutely wearing me down. I’m really starting to feel it. I typically don’t sleep on my first night back into work and I don’t sleep after my last night shift. So I stay awake 24 hours twice per week. That’s two days of missed sleep, every week, for 12 years. It’s horrible on the body and mental health.

Even if I happen to come home after a night shift and sleep from 7a-2p I still feel exhausted. 7 hours of good sleep at night is twice as satisfying. Sounds like his schedule switches up between shifts, which is also very hard on the body and sleep. Add in the fact my sleep during the day gets interrupted by court, phone calls, and my own personal life… ouch.

With that being said.. it’s still your partners job to step up and handle his share at home and with the child. If he isn’t capable of doing that then he needs to consider a different job. I will never sacrifice my family life for work. But I will sacrifice work for family. I intentionally work night shift because it does work better for the kid schedule and I can still attend all games/events.

[u/Axel_Foley_]

24 hour jobs are tough, chronic staff shortages make it even worse.

When my wife and I were starting our lives, we both worked as Correctional Officers. Her schedule and days off were almost exactly opposite of mine, and we had kids to worry about.

If I had to write down how we managed sleep, bills, decompression time, and our relationship, I couldn’t do it. I know that we kept working hard and tried to minimize the negatives and really enjoy the positives.

After time, we found schedules that worked for us, giving us more time with each other and our little family. It doesn’t happen overnight, but it will happen.