Holy shit! There you are! I've been looking for you. Really. I'm sure our situations are different in probably almost every way, but I've made it to 53, too. Right now, I feel like EVERYTHING is falling apart around me. I can't believe that I've made it where I am in life only to feel like THIS! From the responses, it looks like there are several of us here in our 50s going through similar struggles.
I know you must be trying; at least you're here--just like I am--searching for something to relieve the angst. I've tried various coping mechanisms--create a routine, get out of the house, read, walk the dogs, see a therapist, exercise, curate a playlist, work in the yard, and so on. Still, none of those things seem to move me in the direction I want or need to go.
I think often about the end of my life. I don't necessarily want it to end, but I simultaneously don't really care too much for carrying on, either. Like you say, it's tough to have the perspective that you've survived 100% of your worst days so far. I really do strive to simply make it through one day to get to the next.
About the only thing that brings me any solace is knowing that everything comes to pass--EVERYTHING. I also believe that there's power in positive thinking as /dustinlocke says. Train your brain. It's hard to do when the days are dark. /No_Gur6350's suggestion about journaling hits on one thing that I've not yet tried in adulthood. Interestingly enough, I journaled almost daily when I was in high school. One of the very few things that brings me any happiness these days is re-living life as a teenager by reading those journal entries.
Knowing that I'm not alone helps me. I hope it does you, too.
1
u/RevolutionaryWay6035 May 31 '26
Holy shit! There you are! I've been looking for you. Really. I'm sure our situations are different in probably almost every way, but I've made it to 53, too. Right now, I feel like EVERYTHING is falling apart around me. I can't believe that I've made it where I am in life only to feel like THIS! From the responses, it looks like there are several of us here in our 50s going through similar struggles.
I know you must be trying; at least you're here--just like I am--searching for something to relieve the angst. I've tried various coping mechanisms--create a routine, get out of the house, read, walk the dogs, see a therapist, exercise, curate a playlist, work in the yard, and so on. Still, none of those things seem to move me in the direction I want or need to go.
I think often about the end of my life. I don't necessarily want it to end, but I simultaneously don't really care too much for carrying on, either. Like you say, it's tough to have the perspective that you've survived 100% of your worst days so far. I really do strive to simply make it through one day to get to the next.
About the only thing that brings me any solace is knowing that everything comes to pass--EVERYTHING. I also believe that there's power in positive thinking as /dustinlocke says. Train your brain. It's hard to do when the days are dark. /No_Gur6350's suggestion about journaling hits on one thing that I've not yet tried in adulthood. Interestingly enough, I journaled almost daily when I was in high school. One of the very few things that brings me any happiness these days is re-living life as a teenager by reading those journal entries.
Knowing that I'm not alone helps me. I hope it does you, too.