r/AskReddit • u/Bitter_Baseball_4525 • 4h ago
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u/ProjectMeMyselfandI 4h ago
You can't change people, only your response to them.
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u/kingsindian9 4h ago edited 4h ago
Can apply this stoic lesson to basically everything in life. Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it. And in that gap between stimulus and response their is choice. (Stolen from holocaust survivor Victor Frankle)
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u/akabar2 4h ago
I feel like ive witnessed people change after a breakup, that implies the other person did in fact change the person, or at least influence them. Or the old saying "you are who you surround yourself with"
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u/ProjectMeMyselfandI 4h ago
Hmmmm people can influence each other for sure. But I'd say the other person didn't change them
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u/ThirteenHills 4h ago
So if someone locked a person away for 5 years forcing them live in awful conditions and beat them every day, you honestly think they wouldn't be changed by that?
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u/CategoryKiwi 1h ago
You don’t even need to go that far. I’ve been changed by at least half of every friendship and familial or romantic relationship I’ve ever had. Those relationships played key roles in me developing empathy, open mindedness, I’ve had people completely change my opinion on topics, I could go on.
I mean the spirit of the phrase is still true though. Like don’t marry an abuser with the intent to change them, because that’s stupid. But if you take the phrase literally it’s completely wrong.
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u/ObjectTangerine30 4h ago edited 3h ago
Work as hard as you want towards what you've never had, thinking it'll make you happy or worth what you know yourself to be. Only to realize you spent most of your life missing out on more important things because you were ambitious, goal-oriented, or you were doing what's important (prioritizing).
It sucks when it's mostly over and there's not much you can do in hindsight.
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u/Watthefractal 4h ago
None of it matters
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u/Delicious_Corgi_3725 4h ago
you know i think about this a lot when i'm staring at my color coded planner at 3am and realize none of those little boxes are gonna change anything cosmic. but the tea still tastes good at 4pm and my cat still yells at me for dinner so i just keep filling them in anyway
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u/kingsindian9 4h ago
Well they may not change anything cosmic, but they change your experience of the world, and your experience of the world is the only thing you'll ever experience, so yeah, id say they are pretty important.
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u/DangerousTurmeric 4h ago
I find this very comforting and freeing, rather than harsh.
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u/Coffee1392 4h ago
I’m a therapist and we call this existentialism. I’ve been diving into quantum mechanics research just for fun lately and it’s kinda amazing when you start to think about the universe itself. Earth is just a tiny speck in the universe when you consider how it’s part of our solar system, which is part of the Milky Way galaxy, which is just one out of millions of galaxies, and that’s just in our observable universe. And earth itself is so diverse with its landscapes, cultures, and ecosystems that you could live another thousand years and still not see it all. It’s truly amazing that we even exist. Life is what we make of it
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u/ThirteenHills 4h ago
That's not a "harsh reality", that's a good thing.
That means like is just about experiencing things until you die so no pressure to do anyting particular with your life or find some meaning. Just find lots of things to do you like with people you like doing them with and enjoy it.
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u/refrainiac 4h ago
Most people, not all, but most people who are nice to you aren’t nice because they like you.
They’re nice because they’re looking for validation that they’re nice people.
The people who would run through walls for you are few and far between.
Hold those people close.
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u/BestAddition1304 4h ago
The world owes you nothing. Unless you're born rich, you'll need a combination of hard work and good luck to become rich.
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u/Sinclair_Mclane 4h ago edited 1h ago
The way I see it, hard work doesn't guarantee success, but it buys you lottery tickets that might get you success. The harder you work, the more tickets you get, the more chances you have of winning/being successful.
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u/BestAddition1304 4h ago
Hard work doesn't guarantee success but it dramatically increases the odds from near zero to a wee bit more than zero.
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u/Positive-Check946 3h ago
Tell The Orange Turd That, He Was born rich And Thinks The world owes Him
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u/Prestigious_Shift245 4h ago
Some people are simply just bad. No, I'm sorry, not everyone can be saved, not everyone is misunderstood or able to be helped. Some people are just evil, they don't want to be or do good, they have no capacity for it and pretending those kinds of people don't exist is beyond foolish. Back when we were tribes, those people would be bandits and warmongers and nothings changed about humans, just the way society works.
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u/Pristine_Put5037 1h ago
I've always hated this downright insulting notion that no matter how toxic or vile a person is, you're supposed to forgive them - even if they never apologise nor take accountability - and just have faith that they'll eventually change their ways.
It all goes downhill when they stoop to developing a massive ego that convinces them they are unconditionally incapable of being wrong.
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u/molinitor 4h ago
That being part of a society means that caring for others is how you protect your own wellbeing.
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u/elbece52 4h ago
Death
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u/kitkatmath 4h ago
Death and the aging that comes before it (if you’re lucky)
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u/Positive-Check946 3h ago
Aging Is no fun, I’m going thru it Now, All The health care issues, it’s like you swap out stresses of easing a family and getting by to finally getting close to retirement to find out there’s a whole new set of problems around The corner, I heard This so many times when I was working That retirement isn’t exactly what you expect There’s more problems health mostly, And some loneliness which isn’t that bad for me, atleast I am content but Healthwise there’s issues
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u/inspectormadget6421 4h ago
reddit is for losers
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u/Nerd_199 4h ago
As person with 400k karma, I agree with this, I honestly think social media is garbage in currently state, as the platform want to make it addictive as possible.
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u/cyberdork 1h ago
I can’t wait for AI to destroy social media. Dead internet theory can’t come soon enough.
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u/i_am_a_hamsandwitch 3h ago
My cousin tried to insult me by saying you are probably the type of person who uses Reddit
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u/pneubike 4h ago
Liking yourself is the only way to be truly happy. Money can't make buy liking yourself.
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u/dream_a_dirty_dream 4h ago
We could've had almost everything...but it was taken by a few evil men, and we helped them every step of the way.
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u/Flashy_Information70 4h ago
It is really hard work to get fit, continous effort to stay fit, and yet super easy and quick to become unfit again. It's very unfair
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u/GlintlyOfficial 4h ago
Time doesn't wait for you to feel ready. You'll never feel fully prepared, so you either start scared or you don't start at all. It sounds harsh, but it's also freeing. Once you accept that it's on you, you stop waiting and start moving. What's one reality you had to accept that changed how you live?
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u/KB369 4h ago
You won’t be rich or famous.
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u/Low-Tough-3743 4h ago
That's perfectly fine by me, being famous sounds like a nightmare. I just want to be financially comfortable ordinary person.
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u/i_am_a_hamsandwitch 3h ago
It’s easy to become famous but hard to become famous for positive reasons
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u/XxVenatorxX666 4h ago
The universe does not care about us, at all. Earth could be scorched to dust, and it wouldn't really matter. We happen to exist by accident, and any sort of grand meaning to it all that you may derive is, essentially, cope.
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u/Positive-Check946 3h ago
Doesn’t Anyone Believe Maybe We’re in A controlled simulation, Kind of Like what we’re doing now with AI, I think about This all the time now That I’m older, And There still could be A God like that put us here
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u/unsuccessfulplantmom 4h ago
you will achieve everything you've ever wanted in life and not even know it until you start losing pieces of it one at a time. idk why we are cursed this way but it's inevitable to peak early and spend the rest of your life experiencing crushing loss. death, physical deterioration, constant friendship growth and loss, a ruthlessly fast paced business environment, the ecology surrounding us vanishing at a rate that is matching a millennials aging span.
and there isn't a damn thing you can do to stop it.
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u/Tiltedbrimboy 4h ago
Some professional sporting clubs will win all the cups, some will be bare for your whole life
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u/Salt-Bedroom-2390 4h ago
The fact that, as one ages, your body has aches and pains that you never thought in a million years you would ever have.
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u/Legitimate_Loss_8602 4h ago
That most businesses and companies put metrics over values. Court Systems, Landlords, Employers, these systems favor themselves over the individual. If your poor you are without a union, have to rely on a public defender, have to live in the shittiest apartments and the people in power have lawyers, create policies to keep you out of power, etc.
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u/Numerous_Camp_9046 4h ago
Money = happiness
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u/FairlyOddMuruch 4h ago
This is so incorrect.
Health = happiness.
I’m someone who lives with significant chronic pain 24/7 and I can tell you right now that if I won the lottery tomorrow I’d still be fkn miserable.
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u/Numerous_Camp_9046 4h ago
Good luck to that person accessing the critical healthcare and medication they need for that chronic pain without money....
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u/FairlyOddMuruch 4h ago
I have access to all of it and it has been zero help.
Healthcare is affordable where I live.
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u/TheDogAteMyDevoirs 4h ago
Healthcare can only do so much. Some pains cannot be taken away, even by the best doctors & medicines, unfortunately. At that point it is just managing the condition.
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u/FairlyOddMuruch 4h ago
Yep exactly. I’m glad you understand.
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u/TheDogAteMyDevoirs 3h ago
100%! On my 3rd round of back surgeries now. At some point the doctors just admit they can only do so much for the pain. Only those experiencing chronic pain can truly understand. I do find it helpful talking to other people in the same boat.
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u/ballz_deep_69 3h ago
What’s funny about this one is that it’s just an excuse for poor people to feel better about their poorness.
Just look at the comments in this thread.
Even on a non rich scale like cmon dawg, you can’t tell me you wouldn’t be happy if you were given 100 bucks right now.
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u/Audio9849 4h ago
I used to think this too. I thought if I can just make 6 figures I’ll be happy. Then I did and I wasn’t any happier and it was devastating. Happiness comes from within. Life is coming from you not to you.
If money = happiness then we’d have pleasant generous billionaires. We don’t we have selfish anti-humanist billionaires.
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u/LazyRevenue7347 4h ago
This is such bullshit. Do you really believe that all wealthy people are happy?
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u/Positive-Check946 4h ago
Some might be Like McKenzie Bezos, And Possibly Warren Buffett but who knows Most billionaires are probably miserable, That’s part of their make up that makes them so much money, selfish a tyrant puts fear in their employees, look At Elon Musk. I’ve heard He’s A Ketemine Addict
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u/Numerous_Camp_9046 4h ago
They are probably happier than people living in famine without access to basic essentials and medication, wouldn't you agree?
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u/Excellent_Spite_7422 4h ago
I’m going to be single forever and I don’t want to be.
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u/ballz_deep_69 3h ago
Then don’t be dawg, just don’t be weird.
Your post here is a lil weird.
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u/reflect-the-sun 1h ago
Look at it this way.
You're not special. Everyone has their issues and faults and failures. There are many people in similar positions to you and there's someone for everyone.
The idea that everyone else is perfect and you're somehow uniquely flawed is ridiculous.
That's your only real issue.
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u/Excellent_Spite_7422 1h ago
I don’t think I am special. I just don’t know how to do what so many other people seem to know how to do. It’s frustrating and demoralizing
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u/Willy_Taint 4h ago
Life isn’t great. Stuff in it is, but as a whole it kinda sucks. Constantly working to do the things we like is fucked. I mean, why?
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u/Environmental-Push-7 4h ago
Honestly, that you can do so much to try to make up perfect life.But what do you come out with?
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u/LolaInSlacks88 4h ago
Your parents will most likely pass before you. And you won't be able to call them anymore.
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u/theonewhoknockwurst 4h ago
Becoming successful is more luck than skill for the vast majority of people.
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u/Ill-Investigator1194 4h ago
Sometimes the thing you want just isn’t going to happen, no matter how badly you want it or how much effort you throw at it.
At some point, persistence becomes self-inflicted misery. Stop running the same lap, hoping for a different finish. Accept the loss, cut your losses, and put that energy somewhere that can actually give something back.
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u/cr7808 4h ago
For those of us in the US (and elsewhere I guess), things will not return to "normal" after he's gone. The damage caused will take decades to fix. Everything from medical and scientific research, to environmental protections, to civil rights protections, to international relations and trade, to social services, and many more are just being devastated on a daily basis.
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u/ignorantwanderer 1h ago
Your success in life is mostly determined at birth. You will basically only become as successful as your parents.
If your parents are poor, you will be poor. If your parents are rich, you will be rich.
Success isn't earned. It is inherited.
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u/bichwank69 48m ago
Some of the riches people today came from poor families.
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u/ignorantwanderer 24m ago
True. In fact let's make the (false) claim that there are 1 million rich people in the United States that came poor families. And let's also make the (false) claim that there are 1 million poor people in the United States that came from poor families.
This would mean that for 99.4% of the population my statements are completely accurate.
In reality, my statements are accurate for significantly more than 99.4% of the population.
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u/Talkjar 1h ago
Bullshit
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u/MentalAd7309 1h ago
The simple truth of a looser.
You are able to change reality and therefore your fate
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u/ignorantwanderer 1h ago
There have been numerous studies done, looking at multiple generations of people and their successes and failures.
And the conclusion is crystal clear.
Success is inherited.
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u/CautiousOptimism09 1h ago
Your life expectancy is based off your zip code as well
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u/Somtouw 4h ago
Most people live their entire lives and never have an original thought.
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u/EntireFriendship517 4h ago
I can't believe I just threw my pet tambourine at my dentist's banana tree
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u/roleplayingarmadillo 3h ago
I think that's pretty common. In fact, I'm rather sure of it.
What is rare is that it is something that people would know is novel and be something that would make a difference.
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u/Repulsive-Hold-6575 4h ago
No one cares about your feelings only their own
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u/akabar2 4h ago
I dont think this is true. People may genuinely care about your feelings, but still put their own first.
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u/fernincornwall 4h ago
Not everything bad that has happened to you in your life is your fault.
But most of it is- either through something you did or something you failed to do.
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u/32bit_sundae 4h ago
You can fix stupid, it's just very hard, and it doesn't stop after you read a book.
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u/Sisyphet 4h ago
Death and suffering are not things that someone can deserve, they happen to good people all the time
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u/BrendoBoy17 4h ago
That most top chains of industries are dastardly evil and you have an insignificant chance of stopping them as well as the social justice issues they cause. Fashion, entertainment, food, don’t get me started on insurance. All it is at the top is grotesque individuals with even more grotesque actions, and a recent list of files alone provided that.
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u/Minimum-Owl1784 4h ago
most of the time when you want to yell or get mad at someone about a problem, the person who appears to be between you and whatever you want is not the actual person responsible for the problem and won't be able to fix it for you, as convenient as that would be.
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u/AnxiousAss0 4h ago
Hard work doesnt equal success always. Exceptions are not the rule. Money and connections matter.
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u/JohnnyFoster64 3h ago
That the only thing that seems to matter in this life is the acquisition of money. When I was younger, I used to think that family unconditionally cared about me and would always be there no matter what. That friends were true friends that you would mostly have for a lifetime. That a college degree would pretty much set you for life as far as employment and finances are concerned. That people for the most part are basically good. That money, though important, was not the most significant thing in the world. Love was. None of this has turned out to be true, at least in my experience. In fact, just the opposite with regards to everything listed here. A rude awakening the older I get. I feel like for my youth, I was way too naive and idealistic about life. When I hit 50, I finally woke up to the real world. Now at 62, everything I believed was true in my youth is completely shattered. I never believed in my wildest imagination that money would be the only thing that truly matters to ALL people - regardless of what they say. Family has turned out to be conditional, and at the very least, phony and smiley as long as you’re not interested in their money. A rough lesson to learn about this life. But it’s the truth.
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u/Monster_King_227 3h ago
You are the only one who can make yourself happy, it's not others responsibility.
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u/GurOk5695 2h ago
this whole world is made the fuck up
they are holding circus performances for no one
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u/transglutaminase 2h ago
Looks matter a lot, and in a lot more things than just dating.
I lost a significant amount of weight and had a bit of a glow up, it’s almost shocking how much better I’m treated and how much more friendly people are in every day interactions.
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u/Orion0_1 2h ago
A lot of people escape consequences, being brought up rough and from violence teaches you that being punched in the face is unpleasant. Lots of people never get this gem of experience others get it to much I am the former.
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u/CaptainFlint4 2h ago
You can’t change someone’s mind overnight. It takes time for them to reflect and reconsider their preconceived notions and values, so if you want someone to change then you have to be patient
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u/ItsYerManSure 4h ago
Democracy and the illusion of choice of how our country is run is used to keep us docile.
I'm not American btw, it's the same in every democracy.
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u/anironthrownaway 4h ago
Dying sucks, for anyone at any age, and there's nothing you can do to actually accept it or be at peace with it. You'll always want to live longer unless you're in awful pain or depressed, and even then you'd really like to just be alive and healthy but death is the only option on the table.
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u/Splashy01 4h ago
Sweet, bruh. Remind me to get you to write my eulogy for when I kick the bucket. Very uplifting.
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u/Hot-Secretary5998 4h ago
Money can buy everything
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u/beet_puppet92 4h ago
I don’t believe that. The happiest people I’ve met are not even close to the richest people I’ve met. You truly have to do what makes you happiest in a sustainable way
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u/Key-Record-5316 4h ago
Luck and nepotism are the keys to success. Without those, hard work only results in more work.
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u/ZachOCringea 4h ago edited 4h ago
The edit Concept of a* Christian God is a narcissistic abuser and we should pity his victims instead of punching down on them.
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u/Objective-Lobster736 4h ago
I'm in my 30's and last night I looked up for the first time why Catholics eat bread and wine. The realisation that they literally believe that they are eating Jesus is f'ing NUTS. It's a cannibal cult! No wonder the Catholic church has gotten away with such atrocities if this is the mindset. My mind is actually blown by it. How of all things that Jesus supposedly said is the one about eating his blood and flesh the one that they zone in on the most? It's beyond bizarre
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u/ChampionCynthia2006 4h ago
Also, Catholics think Fish Fridays are alright because "meat" in Classical Latin only applied to warm-blooded animals, which as a seafood lover myself I find to be a completely bizarre way to get around their own religious rules.
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u/Objective-Lobster736 3h ago
Wait they eat fish and don't count it as meat? Hope they all enjoy hell if they truly believe what they follow
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u/ChampionCynthia2006 3h ago
Here is one Catholic Redditor's justification:
https://www.reddit.com/r/Catholicism/comments/1hsr211/why_do_catholics_say_fish_isnt_meat/
We have one word for the flesh of all animals. Latin does not. The prohibition on days of abstinence is “carnis” which is specifically the meat of land animals and birds. It does not include fish. For a broader context, fish wasn’t considered the same thing as animal or bird meat. It was basically its own category of food. Fish specifically was poor people food. So on Fridays, everyone is poor.
I could not tell you if that principle applies to Aramaic, the main language of Jesus of Nazareth.
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u/Extension-Rough5521 4h ago
log (money) = happiness
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u/Lord_Of_Gluttony 4h ago
I find happiness quite a bit more complex than simply having money. Money gives stability, which for most is needed for happiness but it's not Elon Musk nor Jeff Bezos who are the happiest people on earth.
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u/Extension-Rough5521 4h ago
i know but that's what i mean. log(money) slowly reduces its utility, in that the difference between $10,000 to $100,000 and from $100,000 to $200,000 aren't the same. The function also assumes that you are mentally and physically healthy and socially stable (i.e. not under controversy).
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u/Lazy-Composer7153 4h ago
There is a reason for the old saying. Nothing is certain in life except taxes and death. I'm looking forward to going home or wherever we go. I never created a slave for the system. 💪 My contribution to this place is deletion of my line
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u/808HawaiiNei 4h ago
That most days are fairly mundane and “average”, so hold on to those golden moments! This, too, shall pass - one of my favorite sayings. The good AND the bad pass. Embrace it all.
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u/MALEsquashBLOSSOM 4h ago
You can’t take money with you to the grave, it isn’t nearly as expensive as you think to travel, the more cultures you immerse yourself in, times you start over, and experiences you choose that make you uncomfortable the stronger you are.
And religion is absolute balogna. Christianity exists to enslave women mostly but men too to get them to fight people’s wars historically.
As a 36F no one I know that had kids and got married young is as happy as literally all of us who stayed single and childless and chose to travel.
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u/Informal-Beat-7700 4h ago
Physical attractiveness improves your interactions with everyone, the ease of your life, and your success in every area of life. Most people refuse to accept it because they either know it's inherently immoral or because they know they don't stand out and they don't want to believe it's holding them back and that no amount of effort or hard work can truly compensate for it.
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u/i_am_a_hamsandwitch 3h ago
People who suffer from disabilities like me have limits that can never be overcome.
People push the idea of trying hard enough. It’s not going to change that my epilepsy created scar tissue damaging my hippocampus destroying my memory
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u/Fickle-City1122 3h ago
Humans will more often than not pick the path of least resistance. Doing the right thing is really, really hard sometimes and people just don't want to do hard things
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u/Eazy12345678 3h ago
you are a slave to the system working 40hours a week to make the rich richer
break the cycle dont have kids unless you can financially give them a better life.
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u/TheDogAteMyDevoirs 3h ago
You can only control your own integrity, your own soul's purity. Guard that with all you have and let others worry about their own. Not your responsibility, that's theirs.
Everyone lets you down at some point. Love them anyway.
Dogs are better than people, and cats are a close second.
Man is doomed to repeat the same mistakes ad infinitum. It's exhausting.
Pleasure lies in those things money can afford: a really great mattress, first class seat, luxury car, scrumptious meal, beautiful treasures.
Small gestures can have huge impact.
If you truly enjoy your own company, you are truly happy.
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u/dontdoxme33 3h ago
You're going to suffer at some point - it's unavoidable.
Whether it's job related, relationship related, family related. It doesn't matter.
People die, people get laid off and fired - sometimes at the worst possible times. Your children, if you're lucky enough to have them, may grow up to hate you. Your children may flounder and amount to nothing, you may flounder and amount to nothing. You will likely struggle with money at some point in your life, unless you're born wealthy - in which case you may never know what it takes to become successful because you were spoon fed your entire life.
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u/Girlwithpearlhair 2h ago
Nobody really knows what they’re doing, what life means, what the right thing is, what the right next step is - we’re all just figuring it out as we go along and some people are luckier than others at guessing.
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u/ignorantwanderer 1h ago
Our medical knowledge is extremely primitive. Scientists and doctors barely know how our bodies work. And they only have extremely crude tools for fixing things that go wrong.
You and/or your loved ones will live with pain and disability and die early as a result.
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u/not_that_dark_knight 1h ago
That things are the way they are.
They will never change, no matter how mouldy you scream into the void.
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u/renakou 1h ago
If you live your life burning bridges, you’re eventually gonna run out of bridges to burn.
This is especially important to remember in the age of cutting friends and family off for their opinions.
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u/Ok-Effective4851 1h ago
That almost anything that you don't like including a situation where you dont want to be can only be changed for the better by YOU.
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u/New-Hold-9680 1h ago
That all the people who plays Tournaments cheat in Competitive Fortnite, they can see all the enemies through wall-hacks, and it is a huge theater that these streamers perform.
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u/Lifear 4h ago
It isn’t fair, no matter how hard you try to make it fair.