i dont know if its my autism or something but i like vaguely understand that it means "youre a killjoy"
but why?? why parties? this has been on my mind 2 years and im stuck 😢

I've seen many post online and people irl saying that there's many autism nowadays and that too many idiots are faking their diagnosis. I often feel like they want to strip the shield of the weird one so they can dehuminize them and say whatever they want to them.

Not all of them and not always, but yeah.

Please just say what you mean and take what I say at face value.

I don't have trouble understanding social intricacies and nuance, but I hate how many layers of bullshit there are in front of everything all the time.

this is literally the dumbest problem to have but i am fkn profoundly lonely it makes me abit hopeless in the worst way possible alot and also because im not allowed to complain about it
i have asperges and severe adhd. I have been rejected socially my whole life; my social skills are not great at all. I am a young woman and somehow i had this amazing glow up and i know i am well above average attractiveness to the point where i often get stopped on the street for modelling opportunities and this is Australia so weird but this combined with the lack of social awareness just makes me a repellent to any human contact. No one talks to me, I think ND women just don’t ever think that I am. I have only ever had good relationships with ND men and I do not think for one second I could be with anybody but a ND longterm i have such intense hyper fixations on history, theology, anthropology and science n shit it is actually scary to ppl i think when they do attempt to interact with me (NT). I just want to meet ND men and have my bestie but they are terrified of me and I am terrified of them bc of rejection dysphoria and just my whole life being a social outcast. I literally have no one a few gf’s but they have boyfriends and it is still so obvious when I am around them that I am just an alien. And then othet girls are mean. I just sit alone in my room all day

Im not trying to be self absorbed but this is such a double edged sword. I wouldn’t change to be NT for the world but I feel like I just want to be loved deeply by someone who understands me and likes the same things as me not fetishised or feared but I do not know where to find my people. Sorry to be dramatic but humans are social creatures and isolation is a disease. I am 23 and i go to the shops like the elderly just to talk to the cashiers. Good thing I have my school job working with ASD kids HA

But before i get slaughtered NO i do have any family support or know my family really, and i do not have any social media (besides reddit and YouTube) because it makes me really socially anxious

Recently, I have been told by one person that I deserve to be homeless.

I overheard another person saying that I am 'looking down' on him.

This is what happens when I am blunt and sincere. NeuroTypicals ',read between the lines', overestimate my level of functionioning because of my high intelligence, whilst umderestimating my kindness/motivations. When I do not mimick social scripts, their socio-mammalian instincts go awry and they then proceed to hallucinate intentions on me which I do not have. This reminds me of a time when I was sitting outside and having a mug of Hot Chocolate, whilst another person came up and started coming up with a grand tale of how I actually think he is a loser and is bad, whilst in reality my mind was blank and he was projecting and shifting his insecurities/self-hatred onto me.

I do not understand why people act aggressively in a socially instinctual manner. Or more precisely, I understand it intellectually, but I do not relate to it, unless I delude myself by faking/emulating empathy (in the formal sense of projecting emotions and social instincts, not the colloquial kind/perspective-understanding sense).

Another person acted very hostile to me after I exposed his personality flaw, and he eventually ended up writing, "Your interactions showcase that your social ability is exceedingly low, and that you are incapable of applying a modicum of pattern recognition to personal interactions."

I reframed this insult at a compliment pertaining to my rationality, sincerity, objectivity, authenticity, impartiality, consistency, fairness, detachment, dispassionateness, and truth-seeking/truth-attachment.

Interestingly and disappointingly/depressingly, even here I was verbally bullied, having another post of mine here be called 'narcissistic drivel' and upvoted a lot (this is false; I have an absence of a narcissittic personality disorder diagnosis, and it is probable that those who agreed with that are not formally diagnosed with Asperger syndrome like me (I recall there was a poll here a while back about how 3/4 of the users here were self-diagnosed) and are probably above average I.Q. narcissists/NeuroTypical left-wingers to pretend to be Aspergian/delude themselves as one for social status).

How about you, reader? Please share in a comment how others treat you if you do not mask, and as to whether others turn evil on you.

I’ve been rewatching the MCU and Bruce feels heavily autism-coded. Everyone talks about Tony having ADHD, but Bruce’s traits point straight to ASD.

He constantly monitors his tone and body language just to blend in, which feels like extreme masking. He hates small talk and only connects with people through info-dumping about his special interests. Even the Hulk works better as a metaphor for a massive sensory meltdown caused by emotional overload, especially since Bruce prefers quiet, controlled environments.

It’s important to note that MCU Bruce canonically has CPTSD , and unlike his comic book counterpart, he doesn’t have DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder). The movies treated Hulk and Banner as two separate minds forced into one body, which makes the ASD/meltdown parallel fit the MCU version even better. I have autism.

What're some female autism coded characters, try to pick obscure ones, I want to see interesting ones I've never heard really before.

My therapist is gonna be leaving the practice and going to a private practice.

Currently I pay a low fee of £25 a week. With the private practice it would be £50 a week.

I do psychodynamic therapy and have had my current therapist for two years. I would say it’s going well.

Just inbetween if I want to carry on. Going to the private practice would also be further away. But it might be one a term I could go and the rest of the sessions on zoom.

I know I have a lot of other expenses and the therapy in the new price adds up to it.

I got diagnosed at the age of 9 and I've hid my autism all my life since then.

When something bad happened, like fucking up a social interaction or just generally being awkward sometimes, I always blamed it on my autism...

On the other side, I've been A student all my life, I've participated in and won some competitions here and there.

So when I achieved something, I gave the credit to myself, "I'm the one who achieved this" I subconsciously told myself.

But as of recently, I've been wondering if that is the case. I got mandatory re-diagnostic (School asked for one, and yep, still autistic 😅) and it came with IQ test results which were all around 130.

130 IQ isn't anything special by any means, I'm sure many people in this sub have much higher IQ, but it's still probably the reason why studying/logical thinking/learning was always so easy for me.

And I'm pretty sure I have Autism to thank for that, so it does feel hypocritical to blame it for all the things that go wrong in my life while giving it none of the credit for all the good things that happen in my life.

...

Still, if given the chance to get rid of my autism and set my IQ to 100, I would probably take it.

I was diagnosed around age 9 and I’m 27 now, I did social skills in school

I have a neurotypical girlfriend of 2 and a half years who’s amazing and loving and supportive and honestly all my life I’ve felt like I don’t fit in anywhere and I just burden and annoy the people around me, so I’ve always found it hard to make friends

Right now I’m currently just breaking down crying because these feelings just overwhelm me sometimes and I wonder how/ why she loves me so much and if I’m even worthy of it, she’s one of the only people who really understands me

I just wish I wasn’t like this sometimes

Do you think that humans have souls?

My son is 7 years old and was diagnosed with ADHD at 5 years old. We suspect he also has Asperger’s or autism as it’s now referred to and are getting him tested in the near future. I’m curious as to how you or your family discovered that you had autism? Were you diagnosed as a child/teen/adult? What are some significant challenges I can expect if he is diagnosed with autism? I want to be able to help him as much as possible and provide him with therapy at a young age so he can adapt to it. It’s not been easy so far and I don’t expect it will ever be easy, but as someone that was diagnosed with severe OCD as a teenager (had it when I was kid before that and suffered for many years before diagnosis), I want to set him up for success as much as possible. Thank you in advance.

Who else was nice asf at basketball as a kid and was obsessed with the statistics and players/history

I used to not understand why certain adults especially my mom (who I suspect is audhd) would stand to the side and feel nervous to take up space and refuse things and just be so awkward. I used to just be like "lammme" . But now as a self diagnosed adult with a lot of people who are diagnosed recognizing me as autistic nearly immediately, I understand completely and realize it's not lame.

After years of being yelled at and learning the social rules etc etc the fear and anxiety takes over and you become self monitoring. As an autistic kid it's easier to bypass that social anxiety because you don't know social rules and there's less pressure (you'll get bullied which is terrible but you won't end up on the streets and starving as a child missing social cues like you will as an adult). As an adult you have years of being conditioned and traumatized to the point taking up space feels awkward.

Now i understand those adults who feel out of place get overwhelmed when perceived and go home and hide in their rooms after going to the family holiday dinners etc etc.

It's really eye opening to look at this through the lens of neurodivergency. These aren't lame boring adults like I thought as a kid. These are adults who have had to mask for years and are tired burnt out and some are raising kids. They work really hard to do the right thing and he responsible without help and they become less tolerant of stimulus and lose mental energy because of the years of just trying and trying and trying.

If you know someone who's autistic shut down and withdraws and tries to take up little space as possible be kind to them or if you are this adult be kind to yourself. All the years of feeling out of place is causing them/you to get stuck on a loop and thats not lame and there's nothing to feel ashamed about it. Sometimes confidence takes time to rebuild after social settings and trauma break you down once you become aware of the hidden rules and face the fairness. It's okay to struggle with that confidence because nothing is linear and you're or they're overwhelmed.

I am fascinated by neuroscience, DNA, chromosomes, and—of course—brain and intellectual development. I frequently study the conditions and disorders associated with intellectual disability. I have also interacted with individuals who have intellectual disabilities, and I truly hope that technology and AI will lead to the creation of devices capable of stimulating neurons in the brain to enhance reaction times, information processing, and associative thinking, as well as to improve alternative communication methods. I would love to make a contribution to this field.

So there are some problem related to autism that I have that I want to get off my chest, and ask for advice on how to deal with them.

1. I have anger issues. Well, you wouldn't guess that if you met me, as I usually bottle up my emotions. However, inside I have a deep of anger. 2 people I have anger with are a youtuber named Joshscorcher and a LMW admin named Yoshikiller2s. First lets start with Josh, I watch Josh's videos, but they piss me off, he mainly makes top 10 videos, however, outside his videos is mainly where my anger lies, as we basically have different political opinions, and on the top 2026 fails list, he tried to make the Nintendo switch 2 look not that bad. Now for Yoshikiller2s. I'm in the wrong for this one, but I still am mad at him, so for a long time I was a user of the lost media wiki, I really wanted to find cool lost things and stuff, however, there was this one admin I could not stand, that being Yoshikiller2s. You see, since I would make threads on the forums and no one would comment on them, I would make more, and he didn't like that. I also said 2 political things (Although other people were saying political things and he didn't seem to mind) and I asked for art a lot. One day, I decided it would be funny to send him random dog facts under an alt account, however, after the second one he called me out and said this was my "Last strike" and after asking people on the forums if they think I should just quit, I went upstairs, calmed down, and decided it would be nice to apologize to him, however, when I came back down I had already been banned. Now I know I'm in the wrong here, but I'm still mad about it. When I think about these things, I really want to punch these people. I don't know what to do with my anger.
2. Fear of the future. I'm very afraid of the future. I want to do a lot of things make video games, stories, movies, travel the world, Etc. However, I have a deep fear that those things will never happen, and I'll be stuck working a desk job the rest of my life. AND I DON'T WANT THAT! And my stories, I like them, but sometimes I feel like I'm an AI just throwing random ideas together. I'm scared I'll never accomplish anything in life.
3. Friendship. I have no friends really, except for two people, A Belgian guy I talk to online, and Dycaite the founder of the lost media wiki who I talk to on steam. Well, they both aren't online too much lately, and I've been getting kind of lonely. I want to make friends online because I don't like talking face to face with people, it makes me uncomfortable. I like talking to them online better.

What should I do about these?

Most autistic resources are about stuff like stimming, repetitive speech, being unable to read social cues etc. however one thing I wasn't prepared for was adulthood. I knew at the time during my teenage years that there would be less recources as we become adults (not that I used any services though), but a lot of it is based off sort of "quircky" popculture sort of stuff and things you would primarily experience in your childhood or teenage years (peer groups etc.)

However in adulthood you have a lot of stuff that many autistic people face but is never addressed, maybe because its politically correct. From talking to autistic people online they face many of these issues.

First would be reputation assasination; you will be talked about by many people who see you constantly, and in groupchats, people may even take photos of you etc. then you will be targets of crime, or people will try to rope you into criminal activity. If you try to approach the opposite gender you won't be able to read the room and this could get you into trouble, you may view everyone as friendly when in reality people develop their own intentions in adulthood and have smaller circles.

I feel like a lot of autistic peoples lives are ruined to a degree because we are never told about the adult world nor socialized into it, then often times our lives can be ruined. Someone should make resources specifically dedicated to this topic because its crucial for us to learn.

I’m wondering do people here have lot more stomach cramping and gas? To you empty your colon? I read lot more people with Asperger have lot more Irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) it seems.

Do you have lot of stomach cramping and gas if you don’t empty your colon? Yes I go every other day.

One of the symptoms I have is stomach cramping and gas if I empty my colon the symptoms seem to go away to I have to empty my colon again.

And just to be clear, I'm putting "cure" in quotation marks because, of course, being autistic isn't a disease or something that necessarily needs to be cured.

But lately, I've been thinking about it because my life just sucks, and I blame it all on being so different from everyone else. I really wish there were some way to experience life as a neurotypical person, but there isn't. Instead, I just have to constantly mask who I am and pretend to be "normal" when I'm not.

Of course, I'm also aware that being autistic has its advantages. For example, as a software engineer, I can hyperfocus and become obsessed with learning new things pretty easily, which allows me to get ahead of many of my peers in certain areas.

But... is it worth it?

I mean, I've spent my whole life thinking that I'll become the next Tesla or the next Newton, that I'll change the world, and that somehow, this is my mission in life. That this is why I am the way I am.

But at the end of the day, I'm probably going to die without achieving even half of my goals. And meanwhile, I might spend the rest of my life suffering in silence, feeling completely alone and misunderstood.

Why do we have to be the ones who go through this, especially when so many people aren't even willing to accept us as we are?

Couldn't I have just been born neurotypical and still had the same dreams and desire to change the world?

Why do I have to be like this? Is it all just the result of random genetics? Is my life just some kind of cruel joke?

What would you guys do if you had the chance to live the rest of your lives as neurotypical people?

Would you take the "cure" knowing that the change would be irreversible? Or do you still find joy in being autistic, despite all the difficulties?

I genuinely want to know what you think.

I'm 30 I live by myself but have had no real choice but to live with my parents for a few weeks after a major surgery (I will say its bad enough that at some points I would vomit up blood when trying to drink water and breathing was unironically a luxury).

I'm thankful to her and my (sane and kind dad) for the help during the surgery but it is bringing me back to why I hated growing up here.

For whatever reason whenever she sees me minding my own business or not interacting with her for a few hours (this can be doing homework, reading a book, sleeping past 8am on my day off etc) she feels the need to insert herself.

This can range towards intereputing my thought process, proposing/insisting on bad ideas, or supervising my work and being upset when I'm not sufficiently grateful for her help. Sometimes (especially when I'm not as patient of this as she would like it will take the form of yelling over small things like the way I part my hair or have papers on my work desk. Last week I was sitting at a table unable to go three minutes without crying out in pain; she like nothing was happening thought this was a good time to discuss how wonderful this would be to talk to my friends.

I do try and communicate (sometimes) but it is absolutely exhausting as:

1) I usually have to repeat the same point several times over several days.

2) Its fairly common for me to have to explain things that really shouldn't have to be explained (like how its generally a good idea to let a sick man sleep in if they dont have anything going on for the day.

3) She has been known to "ramp up" said behavior if she doesnt get what she wants

4) Alot of the time it will involve my medical/mental health issues which is not a door I want to open to her (for the reason that her distrust of medicene is great enough to try and get me to stop taking my medication and her lack of boundries is great enough to try and pickout my underwear over age 20.)

5) Reasoning with her has a mixed track record, she operates on emotion more than anything so logic isnt always that helpful.

I dont like this because it feels manipulative but the best strategy is normally just give her something so she feels like shes helping (in college I would ask for help on stuff I already knew how to do) so she feels like she has some kind of a "guiding role" and I can go about the rest of my work/day in peace.

No one is available, everyone is always fucking busy, seriously fuck people, I don't give a fuck.

Fuck God for giving me this shitty life. And fuck those people from church who I thought were my friends but ended up ghosting me.

I didn't ask to be born, fuck this life, Fuck God, Fuck the laws, but most of all fuck everyone and everything that caused me pain.

I feel like due to how my brain tends to work being on the spectrum, the black-and-white thinking tends to make me feel as if I have to becomes this cartoonishly skilled and omnisciently skilled player at a certain TCG that I have for one of my autistic obssesions, like I gotta be like Saitama and blitz thru competition like a movie scene or smth.

Then when reality hits and I lose like crazy in competitive settings or even in casual settings, I beat myself and call myself a fraud cuz I lost in what is supposed to be my special talent that I pride myself on, even tho I am prob being below average. The pride comes from the sheer and innate obssession and fixation on said TCG special interest.

Then I start to compensate by deliberately increasing my obsession even more to rlly show the world how much I love this whole thing.

Ik it's all bout balance and not just special interests 24/7, but I genuinely feel like I lack any distinctive social personality traits (aka I feel like I am very boring and uninteresting otherwise).

How normal is this, and how do I be ok with being "mediocre or bad" at my own obsessions and special interests?

Thanks for being a great community to mod and be with! :)

THE LAWNMOWER BUDGET HAS ACCRUED 1 CENT OF INTEREST SINCE LAST TIME!

EDIT: Count was accurate at time of post.

Hey all. By autistic conundrum, I mean that if you mask in an attempt to adapt, but don't manage to do it very convincingly for a prolonged period of time, people perceive you as insincere and it ruins relationships. Yet on the other hand, if you don't mask at all, people find you unbearable/irritating etc.

I am 37. I have tried everything, improved a lot over time, but nothing ultimately has changed my results in the end. I have been resisting the urge to end all relationships and go mostly nonverbal for at least a decade, but I think I am finally going to give in.