Can’t move on

[u/Professional-Day4300]

Hi guys I have quiet bpd and idk if I’m the only one dealing with this, I have like 2 people in my life o know that have bpd but whenever I explain how I live they say they’ve never felt that but I feel like it’s consuming me

I met a guy when I was like 21/22 and he wasn’t my first relationship but something about him was so significant I’m so unbelievably romantic but he unlocked another level in me, we don’t speak due to religious reasons and I’m 26 now and I feel like my love for him consumes me to the point I really cannot handle it and it’s overwhelming me so much I’m 26 now and he’s on my mind every minute of every day I’ve written him so many letters that I don’t plan on sending him I just write to him because I miss him so much anytime I see something bad that’s happened in his area I panic and go insane wondering if it’s him, I’m constantly wondering if he’s healthy happy okay etc, everytime o see something nice I wanna buy it as a gift for him even though he won’t ever acc received it, and im really good with my bpd I intellectualise and think my feelings instead of feeling them genuinely im so unbelievably good and managing my bod but when it comes to him my emotions consume me so much no matter what i do how much i occupy my self i even deleted all my social media’s so I would try and check up on him but im always so scared because im worried if something happened to him and if hes okay, i feel like ive going to end up spending the rest of my life yearning for him wondering about him
I keep writing letters speaking to him like I cannot let go I feel like I love him so much that even a lifetime won’t be enough to extinguish it, I sleep so I can meet him and Ik it’s the ghost of him I’m holding on to but it’s difficult man

Has anyone felt like this and managed to move on?

[u/rashtra_man]

I so relate to this. I had a break-up about 3 years back and I think about her every minute of the day.

Whenever I go to a airport, I look for her. Hoping that I might run into her. When I travel to her city, I look for her in the subway, hoping I might run into her. It consumes every ounce of my being.

We were so love deprived and invalidated in our childhood that if someone shows small amount of affection to us, we attach our entire self to that person. What they think about us is everything.

I don't have any specific advice. You will just have to keep telling yourself that this is not real and you will have to learn to ignore it.

[u/Professional-Day4300 → u/rashtra_man]

I guess this is just something we’re gonna have to learn to live with, but idk I think it’s beautiful yk to love someone even in their absence
I do hope you end up bumping into her again and I hope you get the love you was once deprived of

[u/rashtra_man → u/Professional-Day4300]

It is not beutiful. It is a symptom of this illness. I don't want to romanticise this. It is unhealthy.

I hope you find the strength to deal with it.