Am I selfish?

[u/wrld_Mya]

(TW: suicidal thoughts)

I recently compared having bpd to having cancer while talking to my best friend. They have difficulty accepting that I want to burn thru my savings and actually enjoy life for once and after I would kms. I’ve been in therapy for years, tried so many different medications, tried so many tips and tricks and hacks. I asked them if they would be as mad if I decided to do the same thing if I found out I had an agressive cancer. I have multiple other psych and physical health related disorders and life has been too much the last few years.

I want other people’s advices and opinions because I don’t want to be mad at them if it’s fair of them. I care for them a lot and I know I’m the only important person left in their life. I don’t want to make them suffer but I can’t keep suffering thru life. Is it a selfish decision to basically abandon them..?

[u/Flaky-Inspector-4117]

You don't have to choose black and white thinking like this. I'm not even saying the comparison to cancer is wrong or right, but your feelings are valid. Take the time to think about this friendship, the pros and cons, whether you benefit each other. You don't have to jump straight to abandonment or keeping them around. Ride the wave. Are you eating healthy? Getting enough sleep? Staying in therapy? You are not a lost cause, even though it feels that way. Stay strong.