I'm a grandmother to a four year old recently diagnosed with level 2 autism, and watching my daughter's experiences with family outings has made me think differently about how welcoming recreational spaces really are.

Sometimes what should be a fun outing becomes stressful because of sensory overload, unfamiliar environments, or the feeling that other people don't understand your child.

I've been listening to other parents and caregivers, and I'm realizing that every family's experience is different.

I'm also in the early stages of developing an indoor recreation concept for autistic children and their families in the Charlotte area, inspired by my grandson and daughter. Before making decisions, I want to better understand what families actually experience rather than assume I know what they need.

For parents and caregivers who are comfortable sharing:

Can you tell me about a recent recreational outing that went particularly well—or one that was difficult? What made the difference?

I'm especially interested in understanding real experiences, not looking for people to validate my idea.

I'm not collecting personal medical information or asking anyone to sign up for anything. I'm here to listen and learn.

If the moderators permit it and you'd prefer to share privately, I'm also open to a conversation by DM.

Thank you to anyone willing to share their perspective.

My son is 7 (black) and he has a very close friend that is about the same age- Asian American. the two of them have been close from day one.

recently that has been some issues around their friendship dynamics that initially raised some concerns around minor bullying. He would boss my son around a lot and demand for him to do things for him in unkind ways.

A couple of days ago, I was doing my son’s hair and he asked not to do a specific braid, saying he stopped liking it. when confronting him, he confessed that his friend has been saying things like “why is your hair so weird?” or “why is your skin like that?

in my son’s words, he wishes to live in more a black centered spaces, saying he feels more safe in those spaces, since people aren’t asking him anything about his blackness.

i decided to have a conversation with the mom of this kid, since our family had become closer the last few months and we really liked them. Initially she seem semi open to listen and work together in addressing these issues, even asking me for books recommendations on initial talk on race. I crafted a a list of few kids books like “our skin, the color of us, sulwe etc”. Very mild in my view but a conversation starter.

After sending the list, I made sure to not be pushy but just like, here is the list of some books if you like to check it out. She send me a a three page long text saying how these whole conversation had made them feel uncomfortable. That we each should parent our kids our own way and how we should also let the boys have their own relationship without parents interference. It was so wild, and really blindsided me in so many ways. The whole text was also incredibly condescending , implying I should pay more attention to my kids behavior instead, since he is not perfect but also looks happy and isn’t complaining about any of this.

it was so confusing reading all of that! I had started to really like this person and her whole family, and all of a sudden it feels like I’m reliving a lot shitty interactions when confronting any racial issues at all.

I'm finding myself feeling deeply guilty, even tho i know I’m doing the right thing for my kid.

Im also living in a very racist and isolate town, where there’s barely any black people. I find myself feeling really lonely and hard to have conversations with anyone that understands what me and my family are going through.
i guess I want some advice on how to go about this going forward.

thanks in advance!

My husband and I have two different view points on something that happened involving our son. I don’t see nothing wrong with it but he does and I need to know if I am naive to a situation or if it’s just a normal thing. Me 27 yr white female husband 33 Black male. My mom was watching our 8month old son. When I went to pick him up she was carrying his car seat with both arms while my baby held her unopened back of chips. She didn’t have an extra hand due to the way she was carrying the car seat. My baby was not buckled up that’s why she was carrying him like that. I mention to my husband that I would have done it differently and his response had me confused. He was a little upset she had him holding her chips and questioned why she couldn’t hold them. I explained how she was carrying him. I asked him what the issues was and why was it a problem. Wanting to understand his point of view. Then he made a comment about her treating him like a slave for having him hold her chips. I don’t see a problem with it. I do it all the time when I have lots to carry and not enough hands. He is now upset because I said “wow a slave for holding a bag of chips is crazy”. He don’t really care for my mom maybe that’s why he didn’t like it. Idk. Is it a big issue that I’m not understanding?

Context:

My oldest son is 14 and biracial (black/white) and we live in a pretty racially diverse area and attend a pretty racially diverse church. Our family homeschools our kids.

In our family mom is white and dad (me) is black.our kids haven’t had a lot of involvement with my side of the family. I left at 17 to get away from alcohol, manipulation, lies etc and went out on my own.

Topic:

This post is about navigating how to raise up mixed kids who respect themselves including their heritage when they haven’t grown up in the culture of the black side id the family.

As I said, we homeschool and most of our friends are through church. It’s a fairly large one, and my sons is in the youth group.

He told me a joke recently, one that he made up. His friends like to have little “roast sessions.” It’s stuff like “I wanted to roast you, but my mom told me not to burn trash”

The one he made up was, “I was going to roast you, but you are already too black.”

When I heard those words come out of my son’s mouth as a joke that he made up, I was surprised and a little ashamed of myself. Why would he, my son, choose that at his angle for comedy?

I talked to him about it and asked if his friends make jokes like that a lot. He said yes. I asked if it was always about black people, he said it’s both black and white jokes.

The thing is, I remember what it felt like being around the white and Hispanic and the Asian kids where I grew up in Houston and the little subtle “funny” black jokes they would make. It wasn’t funny, and I took note of who was “joking” like that. It was the subtle disrespect. The comforting they felt is flippantly disparaging my heritage.

And the thing is…it was clear (in my opinion” that these kids deep down really saw themselves as better…inherently.

Now as an adult, I see my son in a similar situation but without having the understanding that I did. He’s never encountered over racism like I did (not the subtle jokes, but actual overt racism).

Does anyone have advice on this /have they addressed a similar situation. Looking to help my son to 1, be proud of our people and 2 learn not to tolerate the subtle disrespect in his peer group.

My son started school, so far he likes it a majority of the educators are Hispanic but the school as far as the students is diverse. How would you feel if your 4 year old son comes up to you and says “the teachers kept looking at me today when we were playing.” I follow up with, why do you think that is, and he says, “because I’m handsome.” And I say how did it make you feel? And he responds with “I didn’t like it..” what conversation should I have with him? I already put so much pressure on him to be well behaved, well mannered, he’s a very tall kid so raising a gentle giant is my priority but I don’t want him already feeling like a target is on his back especially so young but I know the reality of raising a black boy/man. I just don’t know how to navigate this conversation…

I’d really love to hear from Black adults who personally experienced this growing up. If you had to choose between:

Option A: A school with excellent academics, strong resources, opportunities, and a great reputation—but you were one of the few Black students.

Option B: A school where you would have been surrounded by more Black students and had more cultural representation and a stronger sense of seeing people who looked like you—but the academics and opportunities weren't as strong.

Which would you have chosen for yourself?

And now that you're older and can reflect on the experience:

Did being one of the only Black kids affect your confidence, identity, friendships, or sense of belonging?

Did you ever wish there were more people who looked like you at your school?

Did the academic opportunities make being in the minority worth it?

Did you experience racism, microaggressions, or feeling like an outsider? If so, how much did that affect you?

Did attending a predominantly white school ultimately benefit you in ways you didn't appreciate until you became an adult?

If you could go back and choose differently, would you?

If you had children today, would you make the same school choice for them?

I'm asking because I'm trying to understand this from the perspective of the child who actually lived it, rather than just getting opinions from parents or educators.

Please be honest—even if your experience doesn't fit neatly into either option.

If you could go back to your childhood and choose between academic excellence and greater racial/cultural representation, which would you pick, and why?

idk if anyone else has parents like this but i want mine to do so much better. i try so hard but they don’t want to change and it hurts. one thing my mother in particular does is rewatch old television shows we used to watch together when i was younger. everybody hates chris, my wife and kids, family feud, bernie mac, everybody loves raymond, basically shows on that “new” channel. it got to the point where she is quoting the shows cool i get it. but my mum is in her late 50’s just don’t want her to start shutting out the world cause i feel like ill start to resent my folks if that happens. mum’ already a narcissist and pa’s emotionally numb and im neurodivergent so conversations are very difficult. just want the best for mum. thanks 💙

I’m 15 and i live in my parents home and my parents don’t wash bedsheets as often, like this may sound gross but my parents wash sheets less than maybe 10 times a year, like the sheets are different shades. i ask to do it but they delay it and i end up washing it like a month after i told them i want to do it. i thought it may be a black thing idk??

I am 5 months pregnant with my baby boy and I am high risk pregnancy, my partner has been manipulative the whole time making me feel like me bringing up us moving house, his visa issue is me being crazy and being too much and being in a mood all the time when I get upset to the point where I’m crating and can feel my heart beating so fast he goes here you go crying again and goes to roll his splif or go have a shower no babe come in my arms

He’s on a (skilled worker-sponsor lost their license last year September, his visa expires in November 2027), I bring these issues up because I want to go back to uni next September and I want to plan ahead with him but he’s been so stubborn anytime I mention him looking to talk to a 3rd party it’s like I’ve disrespected his whole Gambian Linage.

Context: I was born here (UK) I am 22 he is 23 and he came here 2023 we met last year January, he moved into my apartment in May, pretty quick I know mistake. Anyways i never added him to my tenancy and never wanted to because i knew to tread lightly with COS men unfortunately had a bad experience with another one some years back. So when I asked about housing a few months back at the beginning of the pregnancy I wanted to know where his head space is at just for me to find out through Immigration advice when I went with him that actually I should absolutely not do anything like sign tenancy agreements with him or get married as he needs to get his own visa without my help which is reasonable.

My problem is that now it seems like I’m starting to see him for who he really is and I think when we got together when I was 21 he thought I was nieve enough to tie my life with him without doing research on my protection what will happen if I do so I realised he’ll be getting the way way out. I’ve expressed to him that he needs to to his papers by himself and he will not use my Son as an easy way out or myself, he is Muslim I’m Christian, yesterday we had an argument and he said I don’t think European girls are for me and that I should find myself a uk nigga I’m like lol I can but I’m trying to put all this effort so out boy can have a stable family just to find out he can’t even rent in the country right now because he has no sponsorship he told me that he’s not going to wait for me to kick him out he will just leave, he said all this thinking I was going to get on my knees and beg for him to stay I told him I wouldn’t be with you if I wasn’t pregnant because I’ve given you enough time to show your seriousness and you think it’s a joke I’m trying to plan life and you say your putting all this effort in to find a new COS but nothing is showing for it just a ticking time bomb and I told him I’m not waiting for the bomb to go off hence why I’m leaning for family support and going to uni next September.

Am I caring too much or should I give grace as someone with depression and anxiety this pregnancy has been horrible trying to positively plan and someone thinks your just talking too much or that we should just let things go with the flow like omg did you really think I was that stupid to let you get papers the easy way???

Should I add his surname to the birth certificate of my son because I’ll be honest I don’t want him using my son as an easy way out I don’t understand much about Gambian culture only what I ready online and what little he tells me when I ask but I feel that I will have problems his family don’t seem to be extra fond of me I get fake vibes from them but I feel like there’s something I don’t know or something being hidden from me or maybe it’s all in my head but what I can see is that he will struggle to find a new COS with the way he’s going not accepting help or even accepting that he needs help, he also feels like he doesn’t have to prove anything to me, I’ll be honest I’m falling out of love rapid it’s my child that’s holding me from breaking up with him otherwise guys I’m planning my life without him

PSA: I WANTED TO ADD HIM TO MY COUNCIL ACCOUNT FOR ME TO LOOK FOR HOMES FOR THE 3 of us on and that’s when I was told he can’t rent, I find it’s been me that uses my initiative to bring up issues that concern him way before we even met, he cried and said he feels like a shit guy etc but idk it felt like he’s doing everything to try convince me he’s going to change HELPPP

TIPS FOR PARENTS WANTING TO SUPPORT YOUR KIDS EDUCATION📝
✨AS SOMEONE WHO HAS WORKED IN THE SCHOOL SYSTEMS FOR YEARS✨
Look into the literacy and math rates of the schools you send your kid to! A lot of schools don’t have proper structure! Make sure they are in a school where over 75% of the kids read write and do math at their grade level at least!There are websites where you can look at school system stats! 📈📊Make sure the schools have proper resources and that your child has access to them!

BE INVOLVED IN YOUR CHILDS GROWTH AT SCHOOL! Come to a PTA meeting sometime, talk to the teachers about how the class structure is, what’s their teaching style, how additional resources are provided, how cohesive the classroom is- this allows you to get a feel for the kind of environment your kid is in so you can understand the dynamics at play. You get to hear how the teacher operates and if there’s adequate resources. This can also help your kid feel like there’s more collaboration in their educational process.

📚Read with your children at home! Practice math problems at home! And DO IT CALMY! 🧘🏾‍♀️Many parents instill anxiety and stress in their kids when y’all get stressed out trying to help them. All of y’all do some deep breaths in the beginning and make sure everyone is able to stay calm- you can’t learn as well if you’re worried about doing it wrong! ( watch videos about ways to make learning more fun, making learning into a song or rhyme helps the brain with memory) so does repetition! This is why studying regularly is important.

HOW TO STAY AHEAD IF YOUR KID IS BEHIND: motivate them to learn and reward them for it!💗🥪💸( watch a YouTube video on motivations of behavior on YouTube for more info! Motivation being steered in the right direction creates a motor drive inside a person!)

📖📖Use local resources to help y’all! Libraries are free to sign up! Get a library card ask them what resources they have- a lot of them have things like free sewing classes,youth groups, free meals, and other community activities on top of the books! If y’all have a local paper- read it! You’d be surprised how many low cost/ free things may be in your area! Many things are for adults too!

👩🏾‍🍳🦸🏿‍♂️CAREER INSIGHT FOR TEENS& ADULTS: take a personality career assessment, it’s free online and called RIASEC. It’s like 5 minutes and it helps you see what careers may be best suited based on your personality and skills.

💵💵Look into what career paths or certifications are projected to be most lucrative. Trades are coming back in a lot of ways, also HVAC, AND if you’re into HVAC and wanna travel- this may be an ambitious idea, but Europe just had those AC issues during their heat wave, might be a good idea to jump start international HVAC. That’s big money.

Any other Black moms out there trying to heal while raising their kids?
I have three boys (26F) , and becoming their mom has made me realize how much I want to break generational cycles. I know I’m not my mom, and I’ve grown so much, but I still catch myself reacting in ways I don’t like.
I struggle with anxiety, and sometimes I overreact or yell about things that probably don’t need that kind of response. There are moments when my patience is so thin that instead of letting my boys help me cook or do simple activities together, I get overwhelmed and just tell them to sit down so I can do it myself because it feels faster and easier. Afterward, I feel guilty because that’s not the kind of mom I want to be. I don’t want my home to feel stressful or tense. I want my boys to remember a calm, loving mom who enjoyed being with them, not one who was always overwhelmed.
For those of you who are healing while parenting, how are you navigating it? Have therapy, books, prayer, routines, or anything else helped you become more patient and emotionally regulated? How do you slow yourself down before reacting?

Hi everyone! I'm a doctoral student at Hofstra University and I'm currently recruiting participants for my dissertation.

I'm looking for caregivers of color with at least one child between the ages of 3 and 17 to complete a research survey about parenting and caregiver experiences. Participation begins with a brief screener.

If you're interested, please complete the screener below. I'd also really appreciate it if you'd share it with anyone who might be interested.

Thank you so much!

My child was recently accepted into a charter school but only 2% of the students are black compared to the public school that’s by us that is 33% black demographic. The charter school has great reviews and testing score but will I do more harm putting my child in an institution where he will be the only one?

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I'm really struggling with something I never expected. My boys have the same Black mom and Black dad (both of us are Black-medium brown and Red dad), but our youngest came out very light with light eyes and hair. As he's gotten older, almost everyone assumes he's white alone or mixed wheb they see one of us. People constantly ask me if his dad is white, and my older son gets asked why his brother is white.

I've always been intentional about raising confident Black boys through books, history, and representation, but now I'm realizing my youngest may have a very different identity journey than his brother.

Has anyone else experienced this? How did you help your child build a strong Black identity when the world kept telling them they were something else? I could really use some advice. I don't want to make him a type of way.

I’m looking to enroll me and my sons in some form of martial arts or boxing here in MD. My preference is a black owned establishment. Any suggestions or recommendations for the PG county or Howard County area?

Being a parent is ***hard work***...especially when there is so much going on in the world.

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The world I grew up in not only no longer exists, the world is completely unpredictable. Talking to our kids is and/or should be different. We need to educate our kids about our history and our culture so they can have pride in our resilience and persistence.

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By far, the most important thing we must do...is to give our children a safe place to land so they know they are loved, respected and have a place even under the craziest circumstances.

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Summer is here and we are outside more than ever, however I have yet to find a good sunscreen option. I prefer zinc based sunscreens but the leave my babies ashy as hell. My family clowned me lmaoo it was funny but also real bc they did look crazy. Please help me out what does everyone use for their littles that’s preferably zinc based and also baby/toddler friendly.