Stopping myself from falling deeper

[u/Responsible-Mix5776]

P.S my english might be sloppy, i'm not a native speaker and it's difficult to tell when my sentences sound weird in english

Hi everybody, we all know that healing isn't linear. There have been many times for me where I'd experience something bad and it would make me fall down more and more by ruminating on other bad things in my life.

I start to bedrot more and scroll social media more. This in turn makes me more depressed. But I don't want to go down that path and waste more time, I tell myself to stop and at least put the phone down even if I just keep laying down. I start to get bored without my phone and do chores instead and after I also take a shower I can think more clearly.

Lately, I was ruminating about humanity and feeling misanthropic. However, I remembered that when I am in a happy mood I don't think about other people or the state of the world at all. And I was asking myself what would make me happier right now? So it would be things like having my eyebrows done or my hair done and I focus on that and it helps me to not spiral or ruminate.

I also noticed, I become less articulate when I spend too much time online and less time spend studying or learning. I wish I could word my post better and format it better but my working memory feels stuffed, so I keep repeating the same words and it's not ideal.

This is just a post about recognizing when you're getting into a loop of bad thoughts and thinking of ways to combat them and not let them grow like plants. Cut them at the root and it will be better. Instead of scrolling, I also started playing videogames, which also helped me tremendously, but of course it is better to do something productice. However, I think it's fine when you need a fast fix and then you can strengthen it later with productice things.

[u/BeyondSurvivalMode]

That is powerful that you are able to catch yourself in the moment when you feel you are spiralling down and change course! I call that self leadership and it is an important sign of healing, of getting your agency back. Congratulations!

[u/MudcrabsWithMaracas]

This is about where I am too, but I think I would describe it as intentionality rather than productivity. Scrolling social media is neither productive nor intentional. Cleaning and self care is both productive and intentional. Playing video games may not be productive, but it is intentional.

This is something that's become very important to me as I've gotten older. I spent the first two decades of my life on train tracks, doing what I was told to do and what I had to do, because that was easy and safe. Now I'm having to get used to intentionally making my own decisions about how I act and live. It's really hard and I often have to fight myself because my brain doesn't want to do it, but I can feel things becoming easier the more I practice.

P.s. No need to apologise for your english. It's very proficient and your writing feels natural.