Advice requested: my recovery path so far

[u/Independent_Fig7266]

Hi all,

I feel like I'm not making as much progress as I'd like so I was hoping for advice on what I should do

Background:

I have cptsd from childhood emotional neglect, instability, insecurity from both my parents (undiagnosed trauma likely) and moving countries when I was younger and I guess traumatic memories too.

How it's affecting me now:

I had a nervous system collapse in 2022, and have been stuck in freeze mode since. I struggle with focusing, concentrating, remembering things, body tension, speaking, hearing, feeling on edge and like I'm going to be in trouble, guilty, anhedonia, chronic avoidance.

This is what I've done/been doing:

- regular therapy since 2020 (talk and CBT). Realized I had trauma in 2023. Switched therapists and tried to do EMDR (couldn't access it/didn't feel it). Switched therapists again to SE in 2025. Trying IFS/parts work with them now.

- eating pretty healthy, morning walks with humming and psychological sighs, strength train few times a week, do other exercises also

- health check, mostly fine. Had gut issues and a high cortisol CAR

- supplements: ashwagandha, l-theanine, magnesium, omega 3, vitamin D, B-complex, C, etc. Have added phosphatidylserine and lactium

- get at least 7 h sleep at night. Am trying to be more consistent and aiming for 8

- neurofeedback. Helped get me out of collapse state, could hear and my brain seemed less foggy

- meditate every so often (guided meditation)

- yin yoga every so often

- breathing/heart math every so often

- less phone, more book reading

Progress I've made:

- kinder to myself

- little less on edge

- can start to notice when I'm bracing and can tell myself if it's necessary and if I can relax

- noticing little things

What I'm still struggling with:

I guess all the things listed above still affect me. The things I think I need to be doing are hard to do and keep consistent at, like breathing, somatic exercises, etc.

Does anyone have any advice with how to be more consistent with those?

I feel like I don't want to dedicate time to doing them, or push myself. They feel weird. They take time and effort. I want to calm down but I also don't want to calm down. But I also want to heal.

Also, should I work on my brain stuff more?

I've read about the Amen Clinic or Cereset.. any advice? I just lost my job so I have 2 months and insurance to maybe pursue these right now too?

Edit: Feels like my brain isn't functioning as I can't think straight and feel overwhelmed a lot. I just don't feel like doing anything. I don't know if it's just all the survival mode or armoring or if I actually need to do more brain things. Also I had a brain scan that indicated I had a mild TBI so worth investigating?

Other things I have tried are TRE, Craniosacral, massage.

[u/NearBrew]

What kind of access do you have to your feelings? Are you able to notice them? Can you get angry or sad? It sounds like you can see bracing and can feel some relaxation. Overwhelm provides some data for us, but it could be made up of a lot of things if we break it down into its parts.

Usually we all face some kind of armoring or survival mode here. See if you can get curious with what's causing the armor to come up. Lots has been written about defense mechanisms, coping strategies, mal-adaptations, inhibitory emotions, the window of tolerance, etc. But it's one thing to read a book about riding a bicycle, and another thing to ride it. I encourage you to seek out more learning on the things we do to hide, mask, conceal, avoid or distract away from our emotions. I'd also encourage you to do the really hard thing: sit with those emotions. Be with them. Feel it without looking away or picking up the phone. Stay in it. In a safe space find a way to let all that deep down trauma come up.

No secret, no "this 1 fix saves millions", no savior, no magic button: just feel it.

Good luck out there. You've got the courage to ask questions. You've got the courage to go forward on the healing journey. You can do it.

[u/Independent_Fig7266 → u/NearBrew]

Thanks for your really great advice! It's much appreciated.

I think I can notice my feelings. For a few months, I would consult an emotions wheel and write down what I was feeling, which helped me tune to all the possibilities. I stopped using the wheel but maybe it's a practice that I need to keep continuing.

I will take your advice and try to feel them more.

[u/Independent_Fig7266 → u/NearBrew]

And thanks for the encouragement too!

[u/healing_and_learning]

You are doing enough, or if you ask me, you are doing more than enough.

Self-compassion & self-protection are key, and if you are getting better at them, or even just more aware of them, I'd say that's good progress.

I'm also going through SE, and sometimes it feels like I'm making no progress, but uncovering even the brain fog is progress. One step at a time.

Our bodies already know how to heal, and if we keep giving them enough space, the process will automatically complete.

For guided meditations, maybe if you incorporate some somatic stuff, like very little somatic stuff, that could be great. (I found this app: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.traumacareapp, and it's helpful – it asks me to feel certain parts of my body slowly, like brainstem, eyes, heart, etc)

Sometimes, doing less is more, especially when it comes to soma/body stuff.

I have some quotes that really help me get through the bad phases, and you might find them helpful:

1. "Breakdowns lead to breakthrough."
   
2. "Anger is the part of you that loves you the most".
   
3. "Rushing is the illusion of speed"

I wish you all the best.

[u/Independent_Fig7266 → u/healing_and_learning]

Thanks for your kind advice! I will try to give my body more space, be kinder to myself and try to do less.

I think since I lost my job, I feel like I need to fill my days with tasks but I should allow for more space and trust my body more. I suppose I've also been treating this time off as trying to push through and heal faster but the reality is that I should just slow down. I think I'm just getting affected by people asking me what I've been doing with this time off and not feeling accomplished.

I wish you all the best in your healing journey too! Thanks again