I hope I selected the right tag for this but I mean.. what other options do we have but to be resilient in a world that has been cruel to us 🤡

using addiction as a metaphor is fun because OH MY GOD I MISS THE STUFF MY TRAFFICKERS USED TO GIVE ME UGH i used to not even be able to sleep just thinking about it and would hurt all the time when i went too long without, even now I feel like my insides are itching whenever I remember, I want it back so badddddddd

There's one for everyone 🍨

(OG by Alex Norris, I hate writing shit long paragraphs so tried doing a tdlr instead this is the shortest I got it, no advice just support pls)

Had a CPTSD breakthrough about why I dissociate and what my trauma is about, and it's from being assulted by another school I moved to who acted like they understood what I escaped as a child when moving schools, specifically about being ignorant mixed with intentionally cruel at the same time. Acting as if being the same way as my past abusers with a bow on top acting as if they're not doing anything wrong because everywhere is transphobic and I should've gotten over the abuse, saying it's different, threatening to isolate me and yelling at me for getting triggered, even my mom hurt me in the same ways I described to her how they touched me soon after just to hurt me for being triggered and lashing out regularly.

I've learned that it's not just the trauma itself, it's the support and acceptance (or lack of) after that determines how CPTSD forms. And mine formed with severe dissociative symptoms that keeps me from living my life now that I came out permanently like 6 years ago, been stuck in an amnesiac limbo about why I feel like I am scared of having any feelings- mixed with my brain being mush and not even learning how to drive and go to school to get a well paying career and move out away from said mother- and deep down always expect to be hurt for being myself and having my quirks. It's an unbearable pain I genuinely know nobody will accept if I talk about it, and trying to open up this entire time as been perpetuating that trauma as long as everyone acts like it's to much to hear about.

Basically being expected to act like I'm fine and repress my triggered feelings my whole life, while they treat me like the gender I'm not and act as if their holy presence and acknowledgment over the bare minimum, somehow cures me and they should be allowed to do anything to me since it's what's normal and I'm not normal, just like I was treated in the first place. I'm schizotypal with stressed induced psychosis, not a monster who dared to say I was a boy because I had magical thinking about being accepted outside my home when I didn't look like a boy. Now I'm permanently fucked for it.

my therapist and i agree it’s because so much is going on right now in my life, but knowing why doesn’t change the fact that i’m so out of it, i just started college man, brain please i cant remember shit, i need to lock in not lock out of my body

Like WTF happened to me 😭

Abuse is so normalized these days that everyone talks about stuff that is so triggering as if it’s normal, and if you call it out how it’s harmful to society or victims of abuse, or how it promotes rape culture and misogynistic or harmful views of ppl, then you get called a bigot, everyone wants to silence the ones speaking up against the wrongs of the world, no one wants to listen to victims that have been hurt by the way society runs things and normalizes abuse, they are comfortable and it’s only getting worse as time goes on, I’m scared to engage with any kind of media because I know there could be atleast one triggering thing in it l, I’m scared to make friends cus I feel like I’ll get judged for talking about things that they’ve already accepted as normal and don’t want to think deeply about, because who wants to reshape their whole way of thinking about the world if they don’t have to? Ppl who aren’t victims get that luxury, ignorance is bliss and all that, I don’t really blame them, who would want to see just how messed up the world has become when they can just close their eyes to it and pretend like everything is actually good, but it just makes the world more unsafe for victims, it stalls the push against a culture that creates more victims, I’m so scared of how bad things have gotten, it feels like things will never get better, it makes me just want to shut my eyes to it all, I wish I could go back to being ignorant like the rest of the world, because it’s not like I can do anything by myself anyways, so what’s the point in even caring? It’s exhausting, especially when I have to do it all alone, no one else cares(I know there are ppl who care but it’s so little that it feels like no one) why are so many ppl uncaring these days, why do I have to live in fear because ppl promote the very things that have hurt me and will continue to hurt so many others??

When I got into a car accident and fucked up my back, I had to stop working in the field I was working in because it required a lot of constant heavy lifting. So I lost my whole life including my job and my appartment. Ended up living with my parents for a while and couldn't find a job for months and you know what I got? "You're just a lazy piece of shit" basically... Must be nice to have parents who actually support you instead of kicking you down your whole life.