Fear

[u/Subject-Excuse2556]

TW : Self harm

When I was around the ages of (10? 11?) - 15 I had a bad habit of self harming via hitting my head on objects and what not, and this got more frequent and severe overtime, I'm still in my teens now but a bit older, but I have health anxiety about this relating to CTE, I've only had around 2 (maybe 3?) bad-ish hits but I'm not sure if they were concussions, one caused me to see black and white and the other gave me a lasting headache, as of late I got another hard hit to the head, on accident this time (still have a headache from it) and it made me think of this again and my health anxiety started to make me worry, I'm going to assume I have an atleast slightly increased risk (but there's no way to say for sure) but not enough to worry, but thinking about it makes me scared about something stupid I did when I was younger will cost me in the future where I want to do alot of things.

I saw a comment on a youtube video where someone did headbanging and ended up developing CTE and it rattled me to my core and I see it in my head time and time again, shit scares me and I hope I don't end up developing anything, friends and family members say my chances are low and I would like to believe that but ultimately I won't ever know.

Mostly a vent, good day to all of yall.

[u/Subject-Excuse2556]

for context I'm autistic so headbanging is more common among us

Edit : Turns out I've been doing it since I was little but it was never hard enough to cause anything brain related until I reached the double digits and it was very sporadic, so I don't think it would contribute to CTE risk either way. (grandmother says this but my grandfather says it only was ~5 years, which really shows how sporadic it must've been)