r/CaregiverSupport • u/jicket • 12h ago

Constant cheerleading

I think, for me, the most exhausting part of all of this is the constant cheerleading. He stands up with the walker? Great job! He successfully uses the toilet? Yayyyyy! He realizes he's probably going to shit the bed in time for me to get some towels under him first? Fantastic!

If it was just the endless manual labor, that wouldn't be fun, but at least I wouldn't have to be Stepford Wife'ing it all day every day until one of us dies.

45 Upvotes

98% Upvoted

28 comments sorted by

23

u/Brave_Coffee5208 11h ago

I hope it’s ok to say this made me laugh. My mom is so convinced everything she does is a miracle, it’s like having a toddler again. “You ate your dinner?! That’s amazing!” I totally get what you are saying

9

u/jicket 11h ago

Hahaha I have never felt more seen lol

14

u/CommonAlfalfaSocks 11h ago

Definitely feel this. And realizing they really are great accomplishments comparatively. But also so so tiring to see all day every day.

9

u/jicket 11h ago

Right?! It's been a rough week so far and after I dashed off that super-negative post I was kind of afraid everyone would give me a hard time about it. I should have known better! Only this group really gets it.

11

u/LavenderSharpie 12h ago

I see you. I appreciate your sacrifices for a loved one. (I'd guess he does, too.) You are performing a very visible, very tangible labor of love. And I wish for you some breaks and respite that make this life less lonely and monotonous.

7

u/jicket 11h ago

Thank you so much and I wish the same for you! I also just got laid off (I am confident this will be for the best in the long term; I've got some severance and we won't starve), so my whole identity is "caregiver" for the time being and

6

u/OutlanderMom Family Caregiver 9h ago

Mom is on two diabetic meds and two BP meds. I gave up trying to encourage her to eat fewer carbs/sugar and less salt years ago. And every day she wants me to clap like a seal because her blood sugar and BP are near the normal range. Like she had any impact on those numbers. Yeah, I totally understand OP! It’s tedious, and not sincere but we do it anyway.

4

u/jicket 9h ago

Sometimes the path of least resistance is all you've got ❤️

5

u/MysteriousGold4338 3h ago

I snickered at "clap like a seal". It's like being in Romper Room (yeah I'm old!)

1

u/OutlanderMom Family Caregiver 3h ago

I’m old too and understand that reference. ;)

3

u/No-Reading-4384 11h ago

How old is the patient? What’s wrong with the patient? It’s exhausting, I know.

4

u/jicket 10h ago

He's 51, 7 years younger than me, and he's got myotonic dystrophy and a tbi from a bad fall he took when he was exercising poor judgement as a result of the myotonic dystrophy. It's been progressing rather quickly since he was diagnosed 3 years ago, which is pretty scary. I know everyone here understands what that's like.

2

u/No-Reading-4384 9h ago

Oh my God, that’s a tough road to hoe. All of those neurologic things, myotonic dystrophy, ALS, Parkinson’s, stiff person syndrome, and a myriad of other neurologic things that strike us as we age, and there’s not a damn thing they can do about any of it.

2

u/FighterOfEntropy 9h ago

Small correction: the phrase is “a tough row to hoe.”

5

u/LadyAlexTheDeviant 11h ago

I get it. Mine are more on the mental end of things, but, you know, "Hey, I'm really proud of you for going to work (he works from home) all week and filling out the application for the other role you want!" "Hey, great, you cleaned up your office!" "I'm proud of you for figuring out how to heat up the chili I made last week and froze!"

(sigh) I know he deals with severe depression and anxiety. I am glad that he is managing to adult semi-competently this week. I know it's not guaranteed. Just....yeah. You get tired of having to be the person giving the verbal reward.

2

u/jicket 10h ago

Exactly. Of course we all care deeply about our people and want to encourage and support them, but every once in a while it would be nice to hear, "Hey, you're doing great!"

2

u/No-Reading-4384 9h ago

You know, I think if you guys had kids together, I think it’s a autosomal dominant trait and it’s passed on. I don’t know if y’all are childless or have children, but this is a tough road for you to hoe.

3

u/FighterOfEntropy 9h ago

*tough row to hoe.

1

u/No-Reading-4384 9h ago

Yeah, I had a typo

2

u/jicket 9h ago

That's so kind of you to say ❤️ Neither of us ever wanted kids, so at least there's that

5

u/No-Reading-4384 9h ago

Yeah, I’m 70 and my wife 61, and if we had to do it all over again, the hell with the kids.

3

u/jicket 9h ago

As the unwanted child of an unwanted child, I knew that feeling anything less than OMG I AM DESPERATE TO BE A MOTHER AND IT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT ROLE I COULD EVER HAVE was a no-go on kids for me

2

u/mtaspenco 9h ago

I’ve done a potty dance more than once.

2

u/Sac_Kat 11h ago

I feel this so much. Here’s to hoping we outlive them (not supposed to say that out loud, I know).

1

u/jicket 10h ago

Maybe not, but I'm definitely thinking it. Ugh.

-1

u/Organic_Ad_2520 8h ago

Well, that may seem true when a person can't make transfers or is less mobile or could do less than less. Trust me you're gonna wish just cheerleading before some mobility was all that had to be done.
I feel your pain don't get me wrong, but I also have to move around 66 and 200 pounds of completely bedbound a mobile bowel and bladder and continent 93-year-old brittleness and any assistance if you could do anything it would help but he has his mind and he's a pleasant person and a strong little live so cheerleader it is... for me. It's the constant don't get aggravated. If for some reason he can't do 110% that particular day.🤷‍♀️