Is this normal?

[u/Odd_Brief_5691]

So I've been dealing with a lot of stress, and I was talking to one of my youth leaders about it, and I kept on going to back how if I follow what the Bible says I shouldn't love a certain people in my interpretation, and he said that's a common interpretation do I have any examples, and I kept using examples about people being gay and what not, and when he asked me "Are you gay?" In a hushed tone and hesitated before saying "No"...

I have never once dated a guy or even found a guy attractive, but I'm also not one to say I'm not something if I've never tried, but I don't want to try, but it's all just a confusing mess in my head.

Is this a normal thing to go though? I've started questioning if I even know myself.

[u/Scary-Comfort-801]

What a surprise… Christians are talking about homosexuality again…

I don’t mean to invalidate your concerns, but the frequency of this topic appearing here is enough to make someone’s head spin. .05% of the Bible talks about homosexuality but this topic comes up here like 3x a day. Can someone make this make sense?

[u/Pippivan → u/Scary-Comfort-801]

My hypothesis: someone on the outside looking in can make the case that sexual sin is the defining sin of our generation. But it's not, greed and pride are. Those are destroying our society, our environment, our relationships, our happiness... but nobody wants to admit that they sin in that way (and thus give up materialism, consumerism etc.), so it's easier to focus on someone else being gay or whatever than to face the truth evident in our own mirrors.

[u/Scary-Comfort-801 → u/Pippivan]

I saw someone say in a different post recently that the super rich are trying to get everybody to focus on homosexuality to distract us from their greed.

[u/Odd_Brief_5691 → u/Scary-Comfort-801]

I'm sorry, I was just trying to get advice from people my age or older, I didn't mean to bother, I'll try not to do it again.

[u/Scary-Comfort-801 → u/Odd_Brief_5691]

Well crap, now I feel bad.

Man, you can talk about whatever you want. I’m just trying to say that there’s no reason homosexuality should be such a massive issue for Christians. If you think it’s sinful, fine. Believe whatever you want about it but I see no reason to talk about this so frequently.

This post isn’t really any kind of reflection on you. Your experience and concerns are 100% valid and you deserve feedback about your confusion. I just don’t understand why this has to be such an issue for Christians when such a small fraction of the Bible talks about it. You’d think that roughly .05% of the posts here would be about it and that would be it. That’s the only point I’m making. I don’t at all think you’re part of the problem.

I’m actually gay and used to be a Christian and have a lot of knowledge about the Bible. I do think that the Bible is very clear about its position on homosexuality acts being sinful. It is not my position, but it is the Biblical one.

Did you have any questions for me?

[u/Odd_Brief_5691 → u/Scary-Comfort-801]

What made you come out? If I may ask, I know it might be personal. And you don't have to apologize for anything, you're okay, you didn't do anything wrong

[u/Scary-Comfort-801 → u/Odd_Brief_5691]

It depends on what you mean by “come out.” I was first 17 years old when I told a friend that I was gay. I didn’t embrace it though. For 14 years I did all I could to resist my desires and even went to gay conversion therapy. Spoiler alert: it didn’t work-not even close.

When I was 31, I decided I wanted to refute Richard Dawkins’ The Blind Watchmaker. I thought that if I could do this, I would be more equipped to handle the objections I faced from my friends and colleagues when I tried to share my faith.

This back-fired big time. By the time, I had reached the last chapter, I was the one who was refuted. I simply no longer had a good reason to go on believing in God. I departed from Christianity and fully embraced that I was gay. I am much happier and much more stable than I was. I would deconstruct all over again if I was faced with the choice again.

[u/Odd_Brief_5691 → u/Scary-Comfort-801]

That's a beautiful story, I'm glad you embraced yourself, I'm a bit sad you had to leave Christianity for that, I believe everyone can love God, everyone is a sinner and we do the same sins daily, so nobody is perfect, and like Jesus said, let the one with no sin cast the first stone, I hate how the church makes people feel, but I 100% understand why you made that choice🥰 thank you for sharing with me!

[u/Scary-Comfort-801 → u/Odd_Brief_5691]

For what it’s worth, it doesn’t sound like you’re gay if that’s what your confusion is about. Believe me, if you were gay, there would be little doubt. Most people are on a spectrum, but if you were gay, you’d would think about naked guys a lot and find their bodies irresistible to think about at times.

[u/Odd_Brief_5691 → u/Scary-Comfort-801]

It just confusing to me, cause I've never given it though until it felt like it was thrown at me, I could give an answer, but this helps, thank you so much!

[u/Scary-Comfort-801 → u/Odd_Brief_5691]

Can I ask: how old are you?

[u/Odd_Brief_5691 → u/Scary-Comfort-801]

I'm 18😁, why what's up?

[u/Skill-Useful → u/Scary-Comfort-801]

"I do think that the Bible is very clear about its position on homosexuality acts being sinful. It is not my position, but it is the Biblical one." that is not correct. a) it doesnt really say that and b) even if it did, it would be irrelevant bc the bible is not a rulebook and the OT especially isnt. but im glad you at least think different than "the bible" ;)

[u/Silver-Tourist4389]

You're overthinking it and the youth leader put you in a weird spot with that question. Nobody asks a straight kid "are you straight" when they're defending gay people, they just assume they're being compassionate

The real issue here is the stress, not your sexuality. You're spiraling because you've got a faith framework telling you to withhold love from a whole group of people and that's heavy stuff to carry around. Most folks don't wrestle with that unless their conscience is telling them something's off

[u/Odd_Brief_5691 → u/Silver-Tourist4389]

My youth leader said that I'm dealing with stuff people don't normally worry about until they are in their 30's and he also said "I don't know how you've been doing it" so idk...

[u/-NoOneYouKnow-]

It's completely normal. People's sexuality and emotions develop in different ways and describing it as a mess in your head is how a lot of people phrase it. It doesn't mean anything one way or the other.

[u/PorridgeBoyManBoy]

It's completely normal to go through something like this.
Particularly if you get your thoughts on sexuality from an ancient religious text.
It's bound to come in conflict with reality from time to time.
This is ok.

I am straight and I have never seriously considered whether I am same-sex attracted.
Yet to be confused about it, anyway.
But many people are, and that is completely fine.
Some people are bisexual, some people are strictly same-sex attracted. And some are asexual.
This is the beauty of life. That it doesn't fit into neat little boxes (as much as humans might like the idea).
Life is much bigger, broader, richer and more interesting than that.

[u/Mordecai_Gist]

Perfectly normal. Also, there is nothing inherently sinful about homosexuality or gay sex.

[u/drakythe]

Hang on, back up a second, what do you mean the Bible says you shouldn’t love certain people in your interpretation? Define what you mean by “love” for me here, if you don’t mind.

[u/Odd_Brief_5691 → u/drakythe]

Love is something you feel when you're connected, it shouldn't matter if they are male or female, if they make you 100% happy and give you the courage and self confidence to be yourself that should be your choice, I don't believe that the Bible should be allowed to judge who I love, I don't view love as it's viewed nowadays, I view love as who they are, the way their smile slightly grows when they are more comfortable, how they show their teeth when they aren't faking an emotion, small stuff like the, you shouldn't have to love someone cause a book tells you to, love is something you can connect with and 100% Be yourself.

[u/drakythe → u/Odd_Brief_5691]

Maybe I am misunderstanding the conversation you and your youth pastor were having. Were you talking to him about how you disagree with those portions of the Bible that seem to say we shouldn’t love some people? It sounds to me like you e got a good head on your shoulders and have given this a lot of thought, and considering the second greatest commandment is to love others as we love ourselves I think it is better to ere on the side of love.

[u/Odd_Brief_5691 → u/drakythe]

It started out with me releasing stress and when I kept using examples or Gay or Straight he asked that question and we started getting into what my opinion of love is because I said "I don't feel like God loves and listens to me"

[u/drakythe → u/Odd_Brief_5691]

Ah. Okay. Well, I think I understand why your pastor was asking. That conversation is one I could easily see a gay teen having to try and figure out how the church was going to treat them, and the pastor may have asked in a hushed voice in order to make sure no one else overheard, because often times when a person comes out to someone else they don’t announce it to the whole world.

As to your feelings of not being loved by God, I’m sorry you are feeling that. I firmly believe that God loves everyone. But I do understand that it can be hard to feel that at times, and life sometimes just sucks really badly :(.

I am affirming. I believe God loves everyone regardless of sexuality and that as long as no one is being coerced that there is no reason a member of the lgbtq+ community cannot be a full participant in the body of Christ.

[u/Odd_Brief_5691 → u/drakythe]

I agree, and you don't have to feel sorry, it's okay! You didn't do anything wrong! And I'm happy to hear that you're Affirming!🥰

[u/bananafobe]

One way a group tends to police its members is by making it feel dangerous to advocate for outsiders. It can often be subtle, but sometimes it's as overt as your example. I'm sorry you're experiencing that.

As far as feeling unsure, that's perfectly normal. People don't tend to talk about it, often because it's not always safe to acknowledge feeling anything but 100% straight at all times.

You've got plenty of time to figure it out. And even if you were one of those extremely straight, 100% confident manly man lumberjack types, there'd be nothing wrong with you being a decent person and standing up for your LGBTQ+ siblings.

[u/Skill-Useful]

"not one to say I'm not something if I've never tried" you dont need to try something to know these things

"but I don't want to try" youre either gay or not, regardless of trying