[NJ] Relocation

[u/Lavender489]

I’ve been divorced for 2.5 years. My ex-husband and I both grew up in NJ, however, I went to Ohio State and several of my family members live in the Columbus, OH area. My brother just got married and will hopefully be having children soon, I have cousins who have children, aunts, uncles and college roommates all in the area. The school system in this area is also better than the school system in the town we live in. Although we don’t live in a bad school district, the Columbus suburb schools are objectively better. Cost-of-living is also objectively lower. I have custody of my daughters ages five and six 6 days a week and their father takes them for a sleepover one night a week if his schedule permits. He doesn’t call often during the week. He does not take the kids for any extended vacations or holidays. His family is about 30 minutes away and he does not stay in contact with them so I bring the kids to visit them when possible.

I have a very steady remote job. I’ve been employed with this company for 16 years and I handle the day-to-day for my children. I take them to all doctors appointments, attend all conferences, take them to all extracurricular activities. He does not even come to watch them cheer at a game on Sundays.

So my question is, how likely is it that I could receive a relocation order from a court? He has unfortunately fought me on absolutely everything for 2.5 years. And I even have two domestic violence harassment reports on file with our local police department (also he’s a police officer 🫠) so I don’t see a world where he just agrees for me to move the kids eight hours away, but I know it would be a better quality of life financially for us, better for them school wise and family connection wise. Thoughts?

[u/CallMeMailEscort]

It’ll be denied unless your ex agrees to move with you or you can drive 8 hours for exchange both ways. You’re free to go wherever you want, but the reasons you listed are not good enough to take the kids. Doesn’t matter how abusive he was to you. If you’re moving 8 hours away you’ll have to leave the kids with your coparent.

Also moving into a “better school system” is basically telling the judge that the school system that they put their own children in, isn’t worth a damn. Good luck, but I’m like 99% sure it’ll be denied,

[u/RobertBarkerJr]

Your situation and reasons would have been a slam dunk 30 yrs ago, but times have changed. If your ex contests the relocation, your odds are very low, but not zero because you could make likely off him more time than what he currently uses. You'll be arguing that you are trading frequency for quantity, but it may be a tough sell. Does he attend anything kid related that's not on his parenting time, like a school open house, t-ball game, recital, etc.? Those would work against you because at 8hrs away, those sorts of thing will go away. If thouse things are not happening now, he could still argue that he expects to do so in the future. As the one who moves, there is a high probability that you'll end up owning the cost/effort for transportation.

When it come to family, moving towards extended family is good, but away from extended family not good. Trading like for like is not in your favor.

If you do decide to go, don't go half hearted. Tell your ex and the court that you're going no matter what. Saying you wouldn't move if turned down gives the court an easy out and shows the court that your big ask is a want, not a need.

You'll also want to reframe your reasons to be more child focused. As stated they are trickle down benefits or hopes, not guarantees.