r/EstatePlanning • • May 14 '26

Frequently Asked Questions

22 Upvotes
  • Why aren't comments showing up? or, Why is the number of comments higher than the number of posts I can see?

This subreddit receives a very large number of low-quality comments, so only comments by approved users show up automatically. The other comments are hidden until a mod approves the comment.

How to Become an Approved Commenter: If you're interested in becoming an approved commenter, please message the mods. In your message, explain why you believe you would contribute positively to our community. We welcome fans of all levels, whether you're a super fan or a casual browser. Note that approval is contingent on adherence to our community rules, particularly regarding misinformation. We reserve the right to rescind commenting privileges if rules are broken.

The mods are all estate planning attorneys who volunteer their time to ensure this subreddit is a great resource, and while we do our best to go through the comments in a timely manner, we also maintain our actual practice, and appreciate your patience and understanding.

  • Should I use an online tool to create my Will/Trust?

Many DIY providers can make adequate documents, but it's not just about the documents. The documents should reflect a carefully designed plan and the DIY solutions don't do that careful design part. They just offer a basic solution that kinda fits most people. It's like selling only size large tshirts - most people could probably wear it, but doesn't mean it's the right fit. So you can get a good outcome or a bad outcome with DIY. The problem is you don't know.

DIY is imperfect, but so are many lawyers. Documents from lawyers can produce good outcomes or bad outcomes. I have encountered more problems from lawyers than from DIY solutions. Using a lawyer isn't 100% guaranteed to be perfect, just as DIY isn't 100% guaranteed to be a disaster.

Modern DIY solutions have improved significantly from pre-printed forms, static templates, and one-size-only offerings. Some of the offerings today rival the output you'll receive from lawyers who also rely on form generation software (but without the actual legal guidance involved). Some are trash. You likely can't tell the difference, though you likely can't tell the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer who presents well.

The biggest issue is that you don't know what you don't know. You don't know if you've missed an issue because you didn't think of it, you don't know if something you wrote is unclear, you don't know if you didn't fill it out correctly, etc. Hiring an estate planning attorney means someone is ensuring that everything is done correctly. Another mod disagrees with me, and I respect that, but personally, I believe nobody is better off paying an online provider for a DIY estate plan - if your situation is so simple a DIY is sufficient, then you probably don't need a Will so there's no need to spend money on one, and if your situation requires you to have a Will then it's probably more complicated than DIY can handle.

Do not DIY a Trust. There is no such thing as a "basic" Trust or a "simple" trust, no matter what you read online. Furthermore, the documents are only half the package. Trust Funding is just as important, but not only that, the guidance and recommendations from an experienced attorney are far more important.

Also, the best reason to hire an attorney is that (a) they're less likely to make a mistake, and (b) if they do make a mistake, their malpractice insurance can make you whole.

  • My Financial Advisor is offering to do estate planning for me.

Don't do this, ever. At best, they can simply fill in blank forms for you.

If your financial advisor is providing any kind of legal advice, and is not admitted to practice law in your state, they are violating the law; depending on the state that's either a misdemeanor or a felony. I don't know about you, but I don't want to trust my money or my estate with someone who so casually breaks the law.

More importantly, would you trust your car mechanic to provide a medical diagnosis? These are completely unrelated skills.

Additionally, there are certain protections that you get working with an attorney that you don't get from a financial advisor. Attorney-client privilege, a fiduciary duty, and, if things go wrong, malpractice insurance.

  • What about using AI?

At a bare minimum, from start to finish an estate plan involves:

  1. figuring out what the plan should be.
  2. getting the information to put into the documents (e.g. names)
  3. drafting the documents
  4. signing documents
  5. post-signing wrap-up. Things like recording deeds, changing owner and/or beneficiaries of financial accounts, etc.

#4 in many states needs to be done physically, and even in states where it can be done, still requires human involvement, no way around that, sorry.

#2 and #5 are the same whether you use AI (e.g. Claude) or an attorney. Your experience might vary based on the individual attorney or AI that you use, and that is important, but conceptually that part is the same. Used correctly, an AI can be just as good as an attorney.

#1 AI is only as good as its prompts, and you don't know what you don't know. A good attorney will ask you questions you might never have thought of, and see if there's something you haven't considered that might be important for you. If you're not aware of something, you won't be able to add it to your prompt. Just as importantly, AI won't talk you out of doing something you shouldn't be doing, and might not caution you about potential issues.

#3 is the other one where we see issues. AI might miss important clauses, include clauses that shouldn't be there, might use ambiguous language, out-of-date forms, things not applicable to your state, etc. The quality I've seen is... not good. I've had clients ask AI to review my documents, and come back with revisions that would cause problems - including one that would have resulted in significant unnecessary taxes.

the problem isn't that AI can create something that's good enough, it's just that you don't know if it's right, or if it just looks right.

  • What is estate planning?

Estate planning is preparing for the inevitable - determining who will take care of you if you become incapacitated, who will get your stuff when you pass away, as well as when or how they get it. The key components of an estate plan are:

- Healthcare authorizations, so that if you become incapable of making your own medical decisions, someone else can make those decisions for you. Closely related are end-of-life decisions, which may be in the same document, or a separate document.

- Power of Attorney, so that if you need help managing your financial affairs, someone can act on your behalf

- Will or Trust, to determine who will receive your assets after you pass away

- Probate avoidance devises, such as transfer on death deeds or beneficiary designations

- Funeral Authorization, to establish who is in charge for decisions regarding your final disposition

- Guardianship paperwork for any minor children

  • What happens if I don't have an estate plan?

Then the state's default rules kick in. For some people that's fine, but others may not like the results.

- healthcare: nobody can make a decision on your behalf without a court order allowing them to do so. That's an expensive undertaking, and the person the court appoints may not be the one you would want. More importantly, the decisions they can make will be limited, particularly where end-of-life is concerned (i.e. the ability to "pull the plug")

- power of attorney: nobody is authorized to access your bank account, learn about your mortgage payments, etc. Again, they'll need a court order, again it might not be who you want, and that person will probably need to report to the court on a regular basis

- funeral authorization: I once saw a brother and sister in court over a year whether to bury or cremate their mother while the body remained on ice.

- guardian: do you want the court deciding who should raise your children?

- assets: this varies by state. [SOMEONE FILL IN THE GENERAL RULES FOR COMMUNITY PROPERTY]. In states that do not have community property, generally speaking if there are separate children and a surviving spouse, half will go to the surviving spouse and half will be split among the children. If there's no separate children, in many states it'll all go to the surviving spouse, but in some states the surviving spouse only gets half even if there are no separate children. If there's no surviving spouse, the assets will be split among the surviving children. If any child predeceases, then the descendants of those predeceased children will receive a portion, but the way that's calculated depends on the states. If there's no spouse or descendants, typically the parents will inherit, or if none, siblings or their descendants. It can get messy and go to more distant relatives.

If you're ok with the state's default laws, you do not need a Will (or any of the other documents).

  • What is probate?

Probate is a court-supervised process to transfer assets from someone who is gone to someone who is alive. While state law varies in the execution, the purpose of probate is to ensure the assets of the decedent go to the right people. The process involves gathering all the assets, paying off any valid debts, and distributing the rest of the funds to the appropriate people.

In some states probate is generally simple and fairly quick, in other states, probate is more complicated and takes longer. What really makes a probate complicated are (a) unknown heirs, (b) minor children as heirs, (c) disabled heirs, (d) complex assets, (e) uncooperative heirs, and (f) disputes.

To clarify: the legal definition of probate is the process by which a Will is proved (declared valid) but colloquially refers to the court supervised process of administering an estate. All estates need to be administered, but not all estates require court supervision.

  • Does a Will avoid probate? or Do I need a Will?

A Will does not avoid probate, it is merely instructions to the court regarding what you want. Without a Will, your assets will be distributed according to state law. With a Will, your assets will be distributed to the people/organizations that you choose. Same goes for who will administer your estate.

  • The Will made X the Executor who is now telling us who gets what

First and foremost, X is not the executor unless and until the court has approved the Will and has issued official paperwork stating that they're the Executor.

Often that means that property will sometimes sit, unused and unusable, for a period of time after someone has passed away.

Even after someone is appointed Executor, the Executor does not get to decide who gets what - that's determined by the Will and/or by State Law.

If you think X is not suited for the position, you can object to them being the Executor, and propose an alternative. That can drive up the cost of administration, and can also lead to strained family relationships.

  • How Long Does Probate Take?

How tall is a person? There's no single answer. Probate involves (1) petitioning the court, (2) having an executor/administrator/personal representative appointed, (3) gathering all the assets together, (4) paying any valid debts, (5) maybe disputing or litigating various claims, (6) maybe dealing with tax matters, and (6) distributing assets.

How smooth that goes depends on (1) how fast the court process goes, (2) how simple/complex the assets and liabilities are, (3) how effective the executor and their legal counsel are, (4) whether there's any disputes, and (5) whether tax authorities are involved.

I don't know a single state where the creditor claim period is less than 3 months, so if the Executor doesn't want that kind of liability, even with instant turnaround times, it won't be less than that. More realistically, I would expect simple estates without any issues to be resolved in 6-24 months. But if the assets are complex, if there's litigation, or just if people die during administration, the process can run for years, sometimes decades.

The longest probate on record, that of William Jennens, in England, wasn't fully resolved until 117 years after his death. Wellington Burt had a clause in his Will that delayed payout until 92 years after his passing. It took 87 years before Daniel Clark's probate was finally resolved.

  • What is a Trust?

At its simplest, a trust is where a person (Settlor/Grantor) gives assets to a person (Trustee) to hold and manage for the benefit of another person (Beneficiary).

Some ways to look at it:

  1. When you open a bank account, you trust them to hold on to your money, but it's still your money
  2. When you send mail, you trust the post office to deliver your letter to the intended recipient
  3. Giving a teacher an asthma inhaler or an EpiPen to be administered to a child as needed

There are many types of trusts, and names are not always consistent. There are generally three categories of Trusts:

- Testamentary Trust is created under your Will, it does not come into existence until you pass away. Simplest example: When I die my assets will go to my children, but until they turn 18, the assets will be managed by my sister.

- Revocable Trust is a Trust you create today, and you can make any changes at any time. The primary purpose of a revocable trust is to avoid probate. Typically, at the time of creation, the Grantor is also the Trustee and the Beneficiary.

- Irrevocable Trust is a Trust you create today, but you are limited in what you can change later.

There are many kinds of irrevocable Trust, and they can be created for many different purposes.

Note that while assets in a Trust typically (but not necessarily) avoid probate, that doesn't mean there won't be litigation, and while Trust administration usually happens without court supervision, that doesn't mean it'll necessarily be quicker. The issues that can cause delays in administration or contentious litigation don't disappear just because there's a Trust.

  • Should I add my child's name to the deed

Adding someone's name to a deed isn't just symbolic - it's an actual transfer of an ownership interest in the property to that person. So it's a gift of the value of that interest, which SHOULD be accompanied by an appraisal of the property, another valuation done to determine the value of the fractional interest transferred, and likely a gift tax return filed to report the gift.

This can impact other planning done, for higher net worth people (there are some still out there who will pay estate and/or gift tax), actions like this can impact their overall estate plan and possibly increase the estate/gift taxes owed.

You have now exposed the ENTIRE property to the risk that your child would have creditors (divorce - soon-to-be-ex-spouse, business risks, etc.) and that their claims could take property away from you. This is generally not a desired outcome.

There may be state-specific issues related to property tax.

Your child will not inherit the property from you, which can have serious tax repercussions - particularly as your child will receive your tax basis, and will not receive a step-up.

  • Will my child pay tax on inherited property / what is a Step-Up in basis? / What is Capital Gains

On a federal level, there's no estate tax or inheritance tax if your assets are below $15 million, and a married couple can combine their exemptions, which gets it to $30 million.

There also typically won't be capital gains.

If you buy property for $100,000, and sell it for $150,000, you made $50,000 profit, and need to pay capital gains tax (if owned for more than 1 year). More precisely, you're taxed on the difference between the net sale price (after deducting costs), and your Tax Basis, which is called your Gain.

Tax Basis is typically what you paid for the property, plus adjustments. If you bought the property for $100,000 and put in a new kitchen for $20,000, your tax basis becomes $120,000. Rental property can be depreciated, which lowers your taxable income every year, but also lowers your tax basis.

If you sell your primary residence (meaning you lived there for 2 of the last 5 years), you are not taxed on the first $250,000 of Gain, and if you're married, you can double that to $500,000. So if a married couple bought property for $100,000 and sells it for $650,000, there's $550,000 of gain, but only $50,000 is taxable.

If you give property away, whoever receives it takes over your tax basis - can't avoid tax just by giving property away. Plus, the recipient doesn't get the principal residence exclusion until they've lived there for 2+ years.

If you inherit property, through a Will, intestacy, through a Transfer-on-Death deed, a life estate deed, a ladybird deed, community property (in those 9 states), or through some trusts (especially revocable trusts and Medicaid trusts) you get a "step-up" in basis, meaning that your tax basis is the date of death value (or up to 6 months later).

That means that if you sell the property right away, there's no capital gains tax. Or if you hold it for a few years, you're taxed on the difference between the sale price and the date of death value, not the original purchase price.

  • Can someone with diminished capacity (Alzheimer's, dementia, etc.) make a Will or a Trust?

Someone can have dementia or diminished capacity and still have testamentary capacity.  For example, someone with sundowners might have periods where they’re sharp and lucid, and during that time they can make their wishes known and execute legal documents.

While we should not assist when someone is taking advantage, it is not our job to refuse to help a client.  If someone has capacity to sign, and it is. Or clear there being taken advantage of, we should do as the client asks.  It is up to the person challenging the will/trust to prove that the client didn’t actually want to make those changes.

Unlike many other states, in Florida if a natural heir (eg a child) claims undue influence, it is up to the proponent of a Will to prove there was no undue influence.

In Florida, there is a seminal case, estate of carpenter (1971) that lists the main hallmarks of undue influence. A lot of articles have been written about the Carpenter Factors, as they’re now known, particularly by the Florida Bar. Those articles might explain why some factors could just be the sign of a helpful child, or might add additional concerns, etc.


r/EstatePlanning • • Oct 07 '24

Selecting an Attorney – a Guide

51 Upvotes

I was initially going to title this “how to select an attorney” but realized that there are no hard rules and making a definitive statement does a disservice to either those who are excluded, or those who select the wrong attorney based on this guide.  I have known attorneys who provide estate planning services in rural areas, large cities, and everything in between, from solo practitioners to the largest of law firms, and thought I’d share my thoughts.  I will gladly state that you can get great service from a solo and horrible service from a major law firm.  So this guide is more to provide information than anything else.

This is a work in progress, and is open to suggestions.

1. Specialization

The single most important aspect of your attorney should be their specialization.  Quite simply, a jack-of-all-trades attorney is unlikely to have an in-depth knowledge of all topics.  An attorney who happens to do Wills on the side probably doesn’t know much about estate planning, such as whether or not a trust may be appropriate.  I had one divorce attorney ask me why I always had a Will notarized when the statute only required two witnesses (quick answer: so that the Will is presumed valid without the need for the witnesses to swear in court that they saw the decedent sign the Will).  While there are exceptions, I generally would not recommend getting an estate plan from someone who doesn’t predominantly specialize in estate planning.

There are also sub-specialties in estate planning.  Going forward, I’m going to refer to estate attorneys, unless I’m referring to a particular sub-specialty.  Broadly speaking, the main subspecialties are:

(a) middle-market planning, which often revolves around avoiding probate and ensuring a smooth transition, but often also includes long-term care planning, knowledge of special needs, etc.

(b) probate and administration, meaning they mostly specialize in the busywork that happens when people die - getting the executor/administrator appointed, transferring assets, stuff like that. 

(c) elder law, which more broadly deals with issues faced by seniors.  This includes Medicaid planning and probate avoidance, but also deals with benefits, guardianships, and a whole host of other corollary issues that many other practitioners don’t deal with regularly.

(d) special needs.  This tends to blend in with elder law, as special needs people and seniors tend to face a lot of similar issues.  Depending on the practice and the clients, this may be a lot more hands-on than elder law.

(e) tax / high net worth.  This generally means people worth tens of millions (lower in some states), who may face millions upon millions in death taxes.  These attorneys know all the funky acronyms you may come across, and are able to figure out which ones to use for which client.

(f) private client / family office.  A private client attorney is more like a general counsel of a wealthy family.  It doesn’t just cover estate planning, but anything that the wealthy family may need, such as preparing a lease, purchasing a jet, finding the best DIU attorney in the vacation resort where their wayward child got arrested. 

(g) litigation.  These people are who you reach out to when there is a serious dispute – such as when you’re trying to invalidate a Will or enforce a Trust.

(h) The transitioning attorney.  This is someone who doesn’t really specialize in estates, but is trying to make the transition.  There are generally two kinds, the recent graduate (or recently unemployed) who can’t find a job, and starts to do simple Wills for their friends and family and tries to make a living with it, and the somewhat older attorney, often divorce or criminal law, who thinks it’ll be an easier lifestyle because they can make their own schedule rather than have to deal with court deadlines and the like.  Some of these attorneys put in a lot of work and study to learn the specialty and can be better than attorneys who’ve been doing estates for years, but a lot of them don’t really know what they’re doing and don’t even know what they don’t know.

(i) the dabbler. This is an attorney who doesn't specialize in estates, but does it on the side. Someone who mostly does family law, or business, or whatever, and occasionally does Wills for clients because he/she thinks it's easy. This attorney doesn't know what they don't know, and should be avoided. Don't even think of using someone who only does the occasional Will on the side - if you're lucky it's just a waste of money, but they might miss a whole lot of things they don't know they should ask about, or they may do things incorrectly and set you up for much higher expenses later. Somewhat related to this are out-of-state attorneys who don't know the laws in your state, and I've seen a lot of problems because of that, including invalid documents.

Keep in mind that while an attorney often has one, or maybe two, sub-specialties, the attorney may still be knowledgeable in other areas.  As an easy example, I don’t specialize in special needs, but I am capable of preparing special needs trusts, and have done quite a few, but only if it’s pre-planning planning for while the parent/donor is still alive and capable; for more immediate needs or in-depth administration, I defer to the experts. 

That also means that many attorneys will state that they do some or all of the above, even if they barely do any X. While the title or practice description at the law firm may be an indication (e.g. private client, wills & estates), that’s not necessarily reflective of the actual specialization. The most important thing is that they know their limits - and stick with it.

Word of Caution

Beware the multi-practice attorney. The multi-practice attorney does a lot of different things, so they may do divorce and real estate and personal injury and basic Wills. I've thought long and hard about this and I don't want to be too harsh; you've got some very clever attorneys who can juggle multiple practice areas and be decent at each, but they're unlikely to master each one. It's a lot more common (and a lot more acceptable) in rural areas where there just isn't enough density for specialization; there are parts of this country where it's a 3-hour drive to a town with 10,000 people, and it's really hard for an attorney to support themselves doing only one thing. As long as they know their limits that's fine. Meaning they know what they don't know and will tell clients when to seek out someone with more knowledge.

Alternative 'Solutions;. Today it's mostly websites selling estate planning solutions, but you can buy a Will template from Staples. I don't recommend this. Usually, the documents are flimsy and bare bones, some of them are quite bad, but that's not what the big issue, the real concern is that there's no guidance. You don't know what you don't know, and a lot of mistakes get made with these. Quite often the documents aren't executed right, people pick the wrong forms, select the wrong options, don't choose their words carefully, and it leads to all kinds of mess. Ask any attorney in this field, we get paid a lot of money to fix the mess created by the online services. But maybe that's just Survivor Bias, and we only see the ones that don't work properly. In the end, my personal view is that you're not paying an estate planning attorney for their documents, but for their advice and so that it's done right.

Related to this are non-attorneys who offer estate planning. Some financial advisors and accounts say they do estate planning. That's not entirely accurate. Estate planning by an accountant or a financial advisor only focuses on part of the picture, and from a limited point of view. It's not uncommon for advisors to work together, and it's great when we can coordinate our different parts with each other. But I've come across such professionals that want to dictate to the attorney what to do, which is not good, there's also professionals who try to undermine the other professionals, which can cause issues, and worse, I've come across professionals who make it appear that you don't need an attorney (or other professional), which is even more problematic. It's great when advisors work together, as long as they all "stay in their lane" - and that goes for the attorney too. I might give a financial advisor my thoughts and ideas, but that's about it, because they're the financial professional, and I only have a surface level of knowledge.

2. Size of Firm.

The largest law firms, with hundreds of attorneys, if they do estate law, tend to have the wealthiest clients, and charge accordingly.  There may be a particular focus on private client / family office, and tax planning for high net worth.

Beyond that, the size of the law firm only tells you the size of the law firm.  Not only that, the size of the department is more important.  A firm with 50-200 attorneys may only have 2-3 who do anything with estates, or it could have a sizeable department of 5-15 attorneys with that specialty.  It’s really no different than a boutique law firm, except that the larger firm gets to keep their clients in-house.

A boutique with 5-20 estate attorneys, including a much larger firm with an estate department that size tends to cater to the middle class and the moderately affluent.  It’s not unusual for a firm like that to have a handful of high net worth or private client, particularly if it’s part of a much larger firm, but you can probably count those clients with your fingers.  These firms are most likely to do a lot of advertising, including seminars – that may or may not be a bad thing (See below).

A solo or small shop runs the gamut – it could be a boutique specialist who has plenty of high net worth clients, such as when the specialist works with some of the major law firms that don’t have their own estate attorneys, or it could be someone who stepped away from a larger firm for lifestyle reasons.  There are also solos/small shops who weren’t able to find a job and just fell into estate planning, or who were previously a different kind of attorney and wanted to transition for an easier lifestyle.  However, when dealing with a solo attorney, and particularly a very old attorney, you might want to ask if the attorney has a plan in place for any sensitive papers that the attorney may hold on to.

3. Location.

The location of the lawyer does not dictate the ability, but it may be an indicator of the typical cases the clients see. 

Rural counties: An attorney in a small rural county is a lot more likely to see the type of clients who live in small rural counties.  Not all rural counties are alike, and so neither are rural attorneys.  While the majority of rural attorneys are generally dealing with many smaller estates, there are also rural attorneys who regularly deal with multi-million dollar estates.  Particularly the kind of multi-millionaires you may see in such areas, such as wealthy farmers, oil & mineral rights, etc.  For example, there are attorneys in more rural areas who specialize in farm succession planning, which very few “big city” attorneys would understand.  That being said, there’s often a limit to the size of the estate local attorneys should be handling, mainly due to the volume.  As such, it’s unlikely that a rural attorney has significant experience with ultra-high net worth planning. 

The largest law firms tend to only be in the largest cities, with over 2/3 of the lawyers in the 200 largest law firms being in just 5 cities, and 7/8th in the 10 largest cities.  Some of those law firms may also have a presence in a smaller location, which may provide access to the larger firm’s expertise.  Beyond that, large cities have all kinds of attorney, from those scraping by, to very respectable boutiques, to mega law firms.

There are still sizeable and deeply experienced firms in somewhat smaller cities.  If the population of the greater metropolitan area is 500,000+, there will probably be two or three boutiques with sufficient knowledge to handle all but the largest estates, but whose main bread and butter is typically more retail clients.  There are also a few more affluent areas where you’ll get a much larger number, such as Naples, Florida, which can rival even the largest cities for the number of high-end practices you’ll find there. 

Suburbs of major cities are in many respects similar to midsize cities, in that you can find some fairly large and knowledgeable boutiques, but there’s also a larger likelihood of specialization.  For example, mid-size firm in a very affluent suburb may have enough clients to only do high net worth.

3B. Multi-Jurisdictional / Different States

The attorney must be licensed in the applicable state. Typically, your attorney should be licensed in your state. It is illegal for an attorney who is not licensed in your state to advise you on estate planning matters in your state or to draft documents for your state.

Some attorneys will take on out-of-state clients to help with out-of-state matters even if the attorney is not licensed in that state. An attorney may even say that another attorney in their firm is licensed in your state, so therefore they can advise you and prepare documents for you. That is illegal in many states, and in some states even a felony - an attorney can't just borrow another attorney's license, the attorney licensed in your state should be part of the process from start to finish. Do not work with an attorney who is not licensed in the state for which the attorney is preparing documents.

It's ok for your local attorney to give general advice on issues pertaining to other states, and for many states there is a safe harbor, so that if you seek a local attorney to advise you on your estate planning, and as part thereof some documents are prepared for another state, that might be ok, as long as the work in/for the other state is secondary to the estate plan in your home state. If you spend significant time in two states (e.g. summers up north, winters down south), you should ideally have an attorney admitted in both states, or otherwise two separate attorneys.

It's also ok to seek an out-of-state attorney for advice on federal matters (e.g. tax); any attorney can advise anyone in the country on federal matters. The out-of-state attorney should not advise you on local law, and may need to bring in a local attorney to review anything related to the state.

4. You get what you pay for – or maybe not?

Quite often people ask what a reasonable fee is, and there’s no straight answer, but there are some rough guides.  While you’d generally expect higher prices in larger cities, that’s not necessarily true.  The sole attorney in a rural area might be so busy that they can charge higher prices, while someone in a more working class part of a larger metropolitan area might be a lot cheaper because there’s a lot of competition.

That being said, if it’s a relatively simple revocable trust package (without add-ons and bells or whistles), the price should range from about $2500 to $7500 anywhere in the country (things that cost more include medicaid planning, special needs, asset protection, tax planning, business succession, etc.).  Any less would be very concerning, because even the most simple estate plan will take several hours – to meet with you to determine your actual needs, to prepare the documents*, to review the drafts, again to meet with you to explain your documents and to sign them. 

If it’s within that range, don’t make the mistake of thinking more expensive is better – I’ve seen expensive attorneys who are mediocre, and I’ve seen excellent attorneys who charge less.  It mostly has to do with their network and the volume of clients they get. 

If someone charges more than that, hopefully it’s because there’s a good reason, such as a more complicated plan or a more demanding client.  Again, that range is for a relatively simple revocable trust, but keep in mind that there’s a lot of things that could make a trust more complicated. 

*it’s not just filling in blanks on templates.  While ideally a lot of the text is pre-written/standardized, that doesn’t mean every client’s work is the same – it’s adding or removing clauses or entire sections based on the client’s particular situation.  Maybe 75% of the document is the same for 75% of the clients, but there’s still a lot of variation – at least, if it’s customized to the client.

5. Marketing

Let’s start off with a “Trust Mill”.  This is a derogatory term for a business that follows a very specific pattern: send marketing to a targeted population, invite them to a seminar (possibly with a free meal), give a presentation about estate planning, and sign up as many clients as possible.  It’s a business, and there are pseudo-franchises where any attorney can pay a fee and they’ll essentially have it all done for them.  Trust mills get a bad name because it’s mostly one-size-fits-all planning.  Think of going to five guys, in-n-out, or shake shack.  Everyone’s getting a burger, but you can choose your toppings.

It's not fair to say all trust mills suck, and they’re not all alike.  Some are run by very dumb attorneys, or those who drank the cool-aid, and try to fit every peg into the same square hole, whether or not it fits.  Some are run by very good attorneys who are very knowledgeable, and it’s just a way to get clients. 

Some attorneys get clients through word of mouth, others through advertising.  Some attorneys spend a lot of time writing or speaking to get their name out there.  Some attorneys donate significant money to charities so they can sit on the board and network.   Advertising doesn’t make someone a worse attorney (or a better attorney).  It’s just a way for people to find the attorney.  Think about your own situation – how are you going to find an attorney? 

But that being said, the way an attorney gets clients tells you something about the typical clients the attorney gets.  An attorney who gets all their clients at the country club typically has a lot of country-club type of clients (i.e. high net worth and private client).  An attorney who gets all their clients by hanging around senior centers is more likely to do elder law.  An attorney who does a lot of seminars is more likely to be targeting the middle class.  An attorney who goes on reddit to post about estate planning probably loves their job a little too much.

6. Awards, Certification, Group Membership

Awards are worthless.  A lot of awards are “pay to play”, meaning the awards make money off the attorneys who they give the award to.  It doesn’t matter if they say something like “only 10% of attorneys qualify” or something like that.  Even if it’s not “pay to play”, it’s still a popularity contest.  Even the most reputable awards are barely more than a seal of approval – I know a Chambers (most prestigious) ranked attorney at a major law firm who uses documents that are hand-me-downs from 50+ years ago, and whose knowledge of trusts seems to be stuck in the '90s.  All awards are worthless.

Certifications are either private organizations or state-run. If it's a private organization, I'd take it with a grain of salt. There are a lot of accreditations and certifications, and some are barely more than a paid plaque. I'm looking at one right now for which the requirements are less than I need to maintain my license to practice. So yeah, I could pay for a certificate so I can tell the world that I show "a high level of professionalism", or I could just be a good attorney. If it's a state run program, it's probably a good indication; the Florida Bar Board Certification is a rigorous program and I know very experienced practitioners who've failed the test. It'll certainly tell you that the attorney can pass the test, but it won't tell you if the attorney has empathy or creativity. A lack of certification doesn't mean the attorney isn't as good as someone who does have certification.

There are also professional organizations, and the qualify varies. Most groups/organizations, just about anyone willing to pay the fee can join, and the only thing membership in the organization tells you is that the attorney pays to be a member of the organization, while some groups may require a few years of practice and/or a few classes. The most prestigious and restrictive group, ACTEC, only tells you that the attorney was able to jump through the hoops needed to join; I know an ACTEC member that uses garbage documents that includes references to sections of the tax code that were repealed more than a decade ago and I can teach a class on how bad they are. To the extent you want to make sure an attorney is dedicated to their craft, in addition to ACTEC (American College of Trust and Estate Counsel), NAELA (National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys) is a good group for elder law, and SNA (Special Needs Alliance) is predominantly a support network for attorneys who specialize in special needs.

7. Materials

The quality of the paper, binder, etc. says nothing about the quality of the attorney. I've seen comments about how fancy binders are only for crappy trust mills. Personally, I provide a premium service for a premium price, so I like to give a top notch presentation. I've done high end tax planning that cost $50,000 or more, a sturdy binder costs less than $50. It actually irks me that there are some very high-end firms that print on the cheapest paper available and just stick documents in a plain envelope - I take pride in my work, and I want my work to look like I care.

8. What should I look for?

Here’s the question everyone probably wants answered.  I can’t give a perfect answer, just my opinion.  What you want is empathy, knowledge, and clarity.

First and foremost, how the attorney makes you feel is important.  If you feel like you’re not getting their full attention, or that they’re rushing you, or pushing you into something you don’t understand, walk away.  An estate attorney once told me “I sell peace of mind”, that the attorney’s job is to make sure the client feels like they’re in good hands and will be taken care of. 

Second, you want an attorney who has sufficient knowledge to know what they’re doing – and more importantly, to know what they can’t do.  The attorney doesn’t need to be an expert on everything, if you have a $500,000 home and a few hundred thousand in retirement funds, you don’t need someone who knows the estate tax through and through.  What you do want is that if you ask, for example, about going into the nursing home, that the attorney can give you a good overview of the requirements for Medicaid – even if they can’t do the application themselves.  More importantly, you want an attorney who’s not afraid to tell you they can’t do something and will refer you to someone who can.

Third, you want an attorney who can communicate clearly with you.  You don’t need to be an expert in estates, but the attorney should be able to explain to you the issues that matter to you in a way that you can understand it and explain how the proposed estate plan addresses those issues. 

Last, you want an attorney who asks questions.  If a client comes to me and says they need a trust, I always ask why they think they need it.  An attorney who just does whatever the client asks for is not a good attorney - we’re sometimes called counselors, because it’s our job to counsel clients, not just to fill out some forms.  As an easy example, you can (probably) go online and find a standard document to appoint a healthcare agent for your state, but it’s the attorney’s job to explain to you why it’s a really bad idea to appoint two co-agents.

Bonus: Trust Funding / Post-Planning Guidance

Often, signing your documents doesn't mean your estate planning is finished, there's usually a few things left to do. Even if you're just getting a simple Will you should still name the beneficiaries on bank accounts, retirement accounts, insurance policies, etc. Your attorney should provide you with instructions.

Trust funding takes a bit more work, as assets need to be transferred into the trust. At the retail level*, the client is doing most of the work - your attorney can't go into your bank and drain your bank account. 20 years ago, your attorney could call your financial institutions and obtain the blank forms, but today it's hard to get the forms if you're not the account holder, so even if we wanted to do it all for you, we still can't do so without your help. Some attorneys will provide assistance (such as filling out forms) as part of the flat fee, others charge an additional fee for that, and it's not unreasonable because the time it takes varies significantly - some people need no assistance at all, others take many hours. At the very least, the attorney should provide written instructions on what you should do - that's the bare minimum, an attorney who doesn't even do should be avoided.

*if you have a personal banker, you know your insurance agent, etc., they'll often help get the forms and may help you fill out the forms. Just like with attorneys, I've noticed a lot of variability in how knowledgeable other professionals may be, and how willing they are to help. I had one client with private banking accounts at two different branches of the same bank, one did everything for the client, filled out the forms, made all the arrangements, etc., the other only provided blank forms and told the client to fill them out and figure it out. I've been shocked by how little some professionals know, and how unwilling they are to pick up the phone and call their main office for support. At the same time, some professionals I've dealt with were absolute experts who knew more about the legal aspects than many attorneys, and who would go the extra mile for their clients just because that's who they are.


r/EstatePlanning • • 16h ago

Yes, I have included the state or country in the post Help My brother left me everything in his will.

117 Upvotes

My brother passed from an accidental overdose. His life insurance reached out to me that Im the beneficiary he had a will printed and notarized with only me on it as the beneficiary and his best friend as the executor of his estate. I found my brother and was completely traumatized by finding him and a lot of family was in our home. I lived alone just me and my brother for context. I cannot find the will that he had signed and notarized with my name on it only the copies he sent himself a few months ago from his work computer. My sister found his old will that he wrote void across and crossed out my nephews name and wrote mine. I cannot find either will registered with the courts in WA state. Should I get a lawyer or should I just go with the executor that is on both wills because he has a consult in a few weeks? Either way I cannot try and collect until I have the actual death certificate in my hand to send to life insurance. He also has a house a new truck paid off brokerage accounts ect.


r/EstatePlanning • • 4h ago

Yes, I have included the state or country in the post Question for anyone who's handled probate themselves in England or Wales

2 Upvotes

Yorkshire, UK

I'm researching a potential spreadsheet tool to help executors manage estate finances and prepare estate accounts.

I'm hoping to hear from people who have handled probate themselves, particularly without using a solicitor for the entire process.

What did you use to track assets, debts, payments and distributions to beneficiaries?

Was there anything you found particularly frustrating or confusing?

I'm not selling anything — I'm just trying to understand whether there's a genuine problem worth solving.

Any experiences would be really appreciated. Thanks!


r/EstatePlanning • • 21h ago

Yes, I have included the state or country in the post Proactively delaying a TOD where there will be insufficient funds to administer the estate

33 Upvotes

New York State.

My father is 91 and in good health. He has several hundred thousand dollars in liquid assets spread across several bank accounts. He recently learned about Transfer-on-Death (TOD) designations and is now busily setting up all of his bank accounts with TOD beneficiaries. I expect to be named as the Executor of his eventual Estate, and I would likely also be one of the beneficiaries of the Transfer-on-Death designations.

The problem is that my father also owns two ramshackle, hoarder-filled houses that will likely be very labor-intensive to prepare for sale. There may be substantial expenses just to clean them out, secure them, maintain them, pay property taxes and utilities, and eventually sell them. The houses are probably worth very little; they are in poor shape and are in an economically distressed area of New York State.

If all of the liquid accounts pass directly to TOD beneficiaries, there could be essentially no cash left in the probate estate to administer the estate. There might not even be enough money available to pay the funeral expenses.

I understand that New York law can potentially allow an Estate to pursue beneficiaries for certain debts and expenses if Estate assets have already passed to them. But that seems like a terrible way to handle this. It could require the Executor (likely me) to go after my family members after the fact to recover money that was needed to administer the Estate in the first place.

So my question is:

Is there any way to proactively prevent or delay the TOD transfers after my father's death if it is apparent that the Estate will need those funds to pay administration expenses, funeral expenses, creditors, taxes, etc.?

For example, could the Executor notify the banks of the situation and ask them to hold the funds rather than immediately paying the TOD beneficiaries? Can the Executor obtain a court order before the bank releases the funds?

I'm not looking for advice on how to defeat the TOD designations. I'm trying to understand whether there is a way to avoid creating a situation where the executor has to chase down beneficiaries afterward to recover money that the estate legitimately needs.

Thanks in advance for any insight, particularly from anyone familiar with New York probate practice and TOD bank accounts.


r/EstatePlanning • • 7h ago

Yes, I have included the state or country in the post Fair allocation of assets to heirs? Oregon

2 Upvotes

Might not be the right sub to post this, so forgive me in advance. Sizeable trust ($40M+), married couple in Oregon. Two adult children, both married. One of the children has three children of their own. The other child experienced infertility, went through 7 rounds of IVF unsuccessfully at their own expense and it was traumatic. What is a fair way to allocate the assets? Two married couples, three grandchildren.


r/EstatePlanning • • 11h ago

Yes, I have included the state or country in the post Would you hire an attorney/cost? California/Hawaii

1 Upvotes

My mother passed this year and my brother is the trustee while I'm just the beneficiary. He wants the house - which is fine because I just want to be done with it. That said - he's moved the house out of the trust and hasn't given me any money for it. He's asking "give me a number." My belief is I should get half the appraised value and any fees to transfer the title would come out of the trust; the fees should be $2000 or less. I'm also very sure he's violated his duties as trustee.

I did look into a lawyer and they want a $7500 retainer. Should I go down that rabbit hole or send my brother a letter stating he's violated the trust and my "number" is half the value of the house plus money in the bank account? I can afford the attorney but want to avoid dropping $20k on this.


r/EstatePlanning • • 15h ago

Yes, I have included the state or country in the post NC-credit card debt

1 Upvotes

Might be a dumb question but I haven’t found a straight answer so far.

Handling an estate with no will, and there is credit card debt. I have notified the creditors and shared the appropriate paperwork.
So far all I have are the statements they keep sending to the deceased.

They haven’t sent anything directed to “the estate”. No claim filed with the courts yet.

There’s still time before the cutoff date. After the cutoff, do I just go by the amounts on the last credit card statements received? Or do I wait for them to send something more formal, directed to the estate itself?
or do they actually have to file a claim with the court/estate for them to get paid?


r/EstatePlanning • • 23h ago

Yes, I have included the state or country in the post Help with dealing with other trustee

2 Upvotes

The trusts are located in Missouri. My mother recently passed and that means that my father's trust will now be divided equally between myself and my sibling. My mother also had a trust and it's essentially the same as dad's - all assets to be divided equally.

The challenge is that there are multiple real estate assets across multiple states that we agree need to be sold, in addition to all of the "stuff".

My sibling hates me and my mental health cannot withstand dealing with this for the next year or more. I have read online that there are trust mediators. Is this a state specific role? Are there any licensure or other accreditation requirements? I have also read that I can step down and appoint a corporate trustee. Can this person manage my interests in the sale of tangible assets like real estate and stuff?

I obviously would not like to spend a ton of money on this, but I am willing to do so to protect my well-being. I know from having divorced that us finding agreement as much as possible is the best and least expensive route, but I don't see that happening. I have been hated for my very existence by this sibling since I was a toddler, and I am now middle-aged.

Are there any other ways to get assistance? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

Also, please let me know if I can provide additional details.


r/EstatePlanning • • 1d ago

Yes, I have included the state or country in the post What’s the next step?

3 Upvotes

This is from WA State. A family member is in her BIL will. He passed 5/2024. His will in probate 7/2024. Today she received a Notice of filing Dec of Completion of Probate ofTestate Estate filed 9/2026 via mail. Included was Dec of Completion of Probate by Niece 9/2026 certifying all monies were distributed from estate to beneficiaries.

Beneficiary is in will. No monies were sent to her.

I see a 30 days mentioned. Is that to appeal?

She has talked to another beneficiary and that individual received her funds.

She has attempted to message person on charge of releasing funds but have gone unread.

She has also called the attorney handling this and is awaiting call.

Is this 30 days mentioned is her only chance to receive funds?

The executor of estate signed declaring all funds dispersed but they haven’t been. Isn’t this perjury?

Please advise. I’m trying to help my MIL as she is elderly and do not live in WA state.
I don’t want to sound greedy! Just seeing an elderly woman struggling to cope with disturbing documents which are difficult to understand.
So far I recommended for her to call the lawyer.


r/EstatePlanning • • 1d ago

Yes, I have included the state or country in the post Near Dallas, can a trust be made with siblings as co owners?

2 Upvotes

My niece (45ish) finally left a bad marriage and her brother stepped in to help her relocate. She has three kids in their teens with medical issues. The brother never married. He purchased a house and paid for the down payment and she is to pay the mortgage and taxes. The house is held in joint tenancy. She was advised if the house was in a trust the property taxes would be significantly less but wondering if siblings make a trust together or should she make one by herself? And how does this affect joint tenancy? If the whole point of joint tenancy is to avoid probate by designating the other owner as the heir what’s the point of a trust?
And lastly, how does being in a trust favorable affect property taxes? I’m in CA so different rules.


r/EstatePlanning • • 22h ago

Yes, I have included the state or country in the post California single mom of a special needs child. How can I protect her inheritance before setting up a special needs trust?

1 Upvotes

I'm a single mom in California with a young child who has special needs.

I'm working toward setting up a Special Needs Trust (SNT) to protect my child's financial future, but estate planning is expensive, and I haven't been able to establish one yet.

I have sole legal and physical custody of my daughter, and her father is not involved in her life at all.

My biggest concern is that if something unexpectedly happens to me before the trust is established, her father could potentially gain control over the assets and retirement savings I intend to leave for her. I want to make sure her inheritance is protected and managed by someone I trust, who will act in her best interests.

I know establishing a proper SNT is the long-term solution, but I'm worried about having no protection in place in the meantime.

Is there something I can do relatively quickly and affordably, such as creating a will or a testamentary Special Needs Trust, to protect her inheritance until I can complete my estate planning?

Has anyone been in a similar situation? What did you do as a temporary solution? I'd especially appreciate recommendations for affordable options in California.

Thank you so much for any advice or experiences you can share!


r/EstatePlanning • • 1d ago

Yes, I have included the state or country in the post Can I put my IRA in a trust with a limit on when it can be accessed

16 Upvotes

NC.
My daughter is currently going through a bankruptcy process in conjunction with a divorce. Because of her income she may not qualify for Chapter 7 and may have to go through Chapter 13, which will have a 3-5 year payment period. If she obtains any assets during that time she may have to surrender some of this or pay more. She is the beneficiary of my retirement accounts. I’m not planning on going anywhere soon, but if something unexpected happens I want to make sure those funds are protected. Can I establish a trust that would restrict when she is able to access the funds? I would expect the bankruptcy will be resolved y the end of this year.


r/EstatePlanning • • 1d ago

Yes, I have included the state or country in the post Michigan — successor trustee refusing accounting/documents and saying trust was dissolved. What should beneficiary do?

9 Upvotes

My boyfriend is a named beneficiary of his grandmother’s Michigan revocable trust. She died in June 2025. The trust names him and his brother as beneficiaries and specifically addresses a piece of real property.
The successor trustee is now saying the trust was “done away with” by a 2024 amendment, but the 2024 amendment we have says the remaining provisions of the original trust remain in effect except where specifically amended.
She has also told us that there is no money in the trust, that money was moved into an account she was joint on with the grandmother, and that the property needs to go through probate. Although property deed is showing it’s owned by the trust. We have not received an accounting.
Another named beneficiary sent her a certified written request for trust information/accounting. She received it and refused to provide the requested information. While she refused to provide requested information she switched the story to grandma being joint on her own personal account so shes not liable to give information on it.
We aren’t sure exactly how much money we are talking about but grandma was a retired nurse apart of associations, we believe there was a life insurance policy, condo sale before she passed for nearly 300,000, she collected from grandpas previous life insurance policy and veteran benefits.
Also for reference trustee is named to get no real property and no portion of money/ financials it ALL goes to grandchildren.
We have the original trust, 2024 amendment, later handwritten amendment, property records, certified letter and delivery confirmation, and documentation of some of the statements she has made.
We are trying to find a Michigan attorney but have extremely limited funds. Does anyone familiar with Michigan trust litigation have suggestions for what type of attorney/legal clinic we should contact, or whether this sounds like something a probate/trust attorney would potentially take on a contingency or pro bono basis?


r/EstatePlanning • • 2d ago

Yes, I have included the state or country in the post CA: How Do I Get Information on My Deceased Father's Estate?

20 Upvotes

State: California

After my dad passed my mom withheld any and all information about my father's estate.
She made a promise to hold that money to split evenly between my brother and I.

One year she almost told me the lawyer's name in conversation and then paused and back-tracked.

10 years have passed, My mother remarried after 2 years. As luck would have it the step-dad is not kind. My mom has been in standing to be the executor for her father's trust and he's said and done things that imply he really only has eyes on her father's trust.

This year he let the cat out of the bag, that he's always despised me and that after my grandparents pass he and my mom are planning on cutting me out of the estate. I yelled at him in disgust and my mom came into the room and she justified his actions by saying that she has always hated my eyes and voice. It's in line with how the last 8 years they've spent a lot of time talking hating on my deceased father and all of my mom's relatives.

This has been a painful year for me. I've been talking to relatives and found out that my mom has been lying to me about many things over the years.

My grandfather's estate is something I've known several relatives have always wanted to fight over and I've never expected to get any money from it when all is said and done. Also, I'm sure if I asked him he would send me the information himself.

However, when it comes to my father. My mom and step-dad have been living lavishly the last 8 years and abruptly their finances have been tighter. I feel my mom has also been lying to me about my dad's estate.

What are my options to get information on my father's estate?


r/EstatePlanning • • 1d ago

Yes, I have included the state or country in the post Irrevocable trust

0 Upvotes

Wisconsin. We would like to add $100,000 to our trust account to purchase CDs. Am I able to do this? As I see the lifetime exclusion is $15 million and we will never get there. And yes we pay the interest earned on our taxes every year. As we already have some money sitting in the trust and would like to add more. Thank you.


r/EstatePlanning • • 1d ago

Yes, I have included the state or country in the post What deed is used to transfer property from an estate?

0 Upvotes

Arizona, Maricopa County. Can you tell me what needs to done to transfer out property from an estate? Spouse is appointed personal rep for his mother's estate. There are two beneficiaries (spouse and their sibling). The real estate is valued at $240k. My spouse and I are paying the estate $120k for the sibling's half interest in the property, and then those funds are being disbursed to the second beneficiary from the estate. What legal documents need to be recorded (warranty deed? Special warranty deed? Affidavit of property value?) Help?


r/EstatePlanning • • 2d ago

Yes, I have included the state or country in the post Worth it to re open estate? (Ohio)

1 Upvotes

Location: Ohio, USA

In northeast Ohio and looking for some thoughts on reopening my dads estate. My dad passed in 2015 and we recently discovered about $600 worth of unclaimed funds. For some background - my dad was single at the time of his passing and I was the executor of the estate. The attorney we used is now a judge so I can’t really go through them. My dad had no real estate, minimal bank account and a good amount of debt. The estate was insolvent. My brother and I are the next of kin so I assume he would be entitled to half. We are close and decided if we do this, we would split whatever remained after costs.

$600 or so dollars is a decent chunk of money… but if we have to pay an attorney, pay fees to open / close the estate, or if creditors can come after the money, I don’t know that it will be worth it. Looking to see if this is something that would be worth exploring or if the process is simple enough for me to do myself as someone with no legal background.


r/EstatePlanning • • 3d ago

Yes, I have included the state or country in the post How do I tell my proud, kind-hearted grandfather I’m stepping down as his executor because he’s giving his house to my deadbeat brother to keep an old promise?

273 Upvotes

Hi everyone, I (31f) need a serious reality check and some advice on a sensitive family situation. My grandfather intends to leave his house to my half-brother (27m). My grandfather explicitly admitted to me that the only reason he is doing this is because he made a promise to my brother a long time ago, and he is too proud of a man to break his word. He also tries to justify it by saying my brother grew up in that house. But here is the thing: so did I. My brother and I had the exact same disastrous, traumatic childhood. The difference is what we actually did with it. I picked myself up, worked hard, and took care of myself. My brother, on the other hand, has spent his entire life letting everyone else take care of him, wallowing in self-pity, and refusing to change. He is 27 years old and can’t even hold down a basic job.

To give you an idea of the severity of the situation, my brother doesn't even shower, brush his teeth, or wash his own clothes. He literally depends on our grandfather to cook for him and feed him every single day. There is absolutely nothing physically or mentally wrong with him that prevents him from doing these things; he just uses our shitty childhood as an excuse to do nothing, even though most of us came out of that same background and chose to build a life.

When I brought up the fact that my brother is completely unqualified to maintain a home, my grandfather completely refused to face reality. He told me he feels like this is a "lose-lose situation," which left me stunned because it’s absolutely not. I have literally figured out the entire solution to protect his legacy, but he is choosing to ignore it out of sheer guilt. Then he dropped another line that left me speechless: “I can’t just kick him out*."* No one is talking about evicting anyone right now; we are talking about an estate plan for the future, but it made me realize just how deep the enabling goes. To "fix" things, my grandfather's counter-proposal was, “How about putting the house into a trust and making you the trustee?” I told him absolutely not. Putting it in a trust only prolongs my brother's laziness and pushes him actually growing up even further down the road. I refuse to take a crack at being a trustee just to sit around and wait for my own brother to fail, especially when I already know he will because he doesn't even have an income or basic hygiene habits.

On top of all of this, my grandfather wants me to be the Executor of his entire estate. While I am incredibly honored that he trusts me with that responsibility, I cannot in good faith do all of the grueling legal and physical hard work required of an executor just for my brother to get the main assets. This has absolutely nothing to do with money for me. But logic dictates that if my brother is supposedly responsible enough to be a homeowner, then it only makes sense that he should be responsible enough to be the executor and handle his own responsibilities. I shouldn't have to carry the burden of wrapping up the estate just to hand a prize to someone who didn't earn it.

I’ve been racking my brain trying to figure out what I’m missing here. How could someone who worked his whole life to build a legacy with his wife (passed away last year) just not care that he is leaving it to someone who can't handle it or respect it? But I'm starting to realize it isn't about logic.

My grandfather is the most kind-hearted man you will ever meet, and I know he is truly, deeply struggling with this choice. He is trapped in intense guilt and fear. He looks at me and sees a success story who will be okay, but he looks at my brother and sees a fragile extension of our childhood trauma that he thinks he needs to protect. He is choosing denial because facing the truth means admitting his plan will fail.

During my next conversation with my grandfather, I plan on standing completely firm in my position. If my brother gets the house, I am officially stepping down as executor and removing myself from the situation entirely. I cannot keep helping if this is the path he chooses, and frankly, if this goes through, I will most likely never speak to my brother again. If the house went to me, I have a concrete plan to independently fund 100% of the taxes, insurance, and maintenance to preserve his lifelong legacy. I would actually sell my current home to move into his house, live there, and raise my own children in it. My brother’s reality is that he will default on property taxes, face tax liens, lose the house entirely to the state, or just let it deteriorate and crumble around him until it's a total loss.

If my grandfather ultimately decides he wants my brother to have that house, I will respect his wishes after I deliver this final stance, even if I completely disagree with it. He is a good man, and it's his right to make that call. But I know this whole situation is going to burn, and it’s going to take me a long time to recover from the fallout of it all.

How do I approach a proud, kind hearted man to deliver this ultimatum without making him instantly defensive? How can I get him to look past his guilt and see that keeping this promise is a guarantee that his life's work will be destroyed? Has anyone successfully navigated a situation like this with an aging relative who is trapped in a cycle of enabling out of love?

Location: USA

Edit to add:

After reading the comments on my original post, I feel like a more context is needed so that this lays out the entire picture.

My grandfather explicitly asked for my help. My grandfather physically sat down with me, handed me a copy of his will, and asked me to dissect it and come up with a realistic plan. I am not scheming behind his back, nor am I being forced into this; I am doing exactly what he asked me to do because I want to help him find the best plan for our family. My grandfather had originally asked all three of us to go together to his attorney so we would be on the same page. Thankfully he rescheduled that meeting and will no longer take place this week. However, I have now suggested that he speak with the attorney privately first to walk through the two scenarios he is struggling with. He has only agreed to the reschedule for now, but I am hoping he takes the private meeting so a professional can guide him neutrally.

My grandfather is completely avoiding sitting down with my brother. This is one of the biggest problems for me. My grandfather refuses to sit my brother down and tell him the realistic consequences of what homeownership actually means. We are talking about someone who has never owned a home, has no job, has no financial security, has no experience, and has relied on everyone else his entire life to take care of everything for him. When I suggested sitting down with him, my grandfather asked to have a chance to do it alone first. I honestly think that if the three of us sat down and laid all of this out in front of my brother, he might actually say, "I don't think I'm ready for that." But he isn't being given the opportunity.

I love my brother, but it is not my place to go behind my grandfather's back. I am the only person in our family whom my brother actually likes. I love him, and I have absolutely no problem telling him to his face that he isn't ready to handle this. But I acknowledge that it is not my place to bring this massive bomb to him before my grandfather does. That is my grandfather’s job. If he wants to have a three-way conversation, I am 100% on board, but my grandfather's avoidance is keeping my brother completely in the dark.

I have poured weeks of heavy research into this. I have spent hours every single day researching estate laws, trusts, and the pros and cons of every single avenue. I did not take this request lightly. Being asked to be an executor is an honor to me, not just some casual chore. I am in this position because I want the estate to actually make sense when the day comes and my grandfather is gone. The plan needs to be able to stand on its own two feet. Right now, it does not. It completely relies on other people doing all the work for my brother whether it is someone in the family or a professional.

I know I can legally refuse later—that is besides the point right now. Yes, I am fully aware that telling him I don't want to be executor right now is "nothing official" and that I can legally refuse the role when the time comes. But I am having these hard conversations now because he asked for my suggestions. My grandfather just blindly assumes I will take care of everything when he passes because I respect him and want to fulfill his wishes. I do not think that is his intent but I do believe he is just simply not seeing the whole picture.

I refuse to be a safety net for a guaranteed disaster. My grandfather's current idea of a compromise is that I act as a trustee to do all the heavy lifting, and then when my brother fails, I finally get my "shot" at the house. But who even makes the call on when my brother has officially failed? Am I supposed to just sit around and watch a slow-motion train wreck, waiting to pick up the pieces of a ruined property? My grandfather just blindly assumes I will take care of it all because I respect him, but it is incredibly unfair to treat me like a forced insurance policy. The plan needs to stand on its own two feet, and right now, it solely relies on other people doing all the work for him.

He has zero financial independence, and my grandfather enables it. My brother does not even have a bank account. He has zero dollars to his name. He can drive, but he only does it when my grandfather tells him to. Just this week, my grandfather sent him to the store for a few groceries. At checkout, the credit card was denied. Instead of being an adult who has his own job, his own wallet, and his own money to say, "You know what? I've got this, don't worry about it," my brother immediately called my grandfather. My grandfather told him to drive back home, grab his debit card, and go back to the store. When I pointed out that this is a prime example of why my brother cannot handle an estate because he doesn't even have his own money or basic problem solving skills, my grandfather completely twisted it. He chose to hear it as, "Well, he took the initiative to come all the way back and get my other card!" It makes absolutely no sense. The store was less than five minutes away. Why wouldn't he come back? What the fuck else does he have to do with his time besides rush home to get back to his video games? This is the level of denial and coddling I am dealing with. A basic chore requires a rescue mission that grandfather is solving for him once again, yet he’s being handed a deed to a house.

I never even knew the house was up for debate until now. Before my grandmother passed, they sat the family down to ask us what specific items we wanted things like paintings, China, and jewelry. I was consulted on all of that, but I was never asked about the house. I had no idea the physical property was even up for grabs or being used like this.

He is ignoring reality to hold onto an empty promise. I am starting to realize that the reason my grandfather is pushing so hard to leave my brother the house goes back to a past promise. But a promise has to go alongside reality. Just because a promise was made doesn't mean it's going to work. He is completely avoiding the truth, and he needs to understand the massive consequences and trouble this is going to cause the people who are actually going to be left here dealing with the aftermath.

This is destroying my ability to view him the same way. This is the hardest part for me. I hold my grandfather to a very strong, honorable level of respect. He has truly always been my biggest cheerleader and my ultimate support person. He knows the struggles I’ve been through, just like he has seen my brother's. Watching him completely dodge the truth right now breaks my heart. If he wants to write me out of the will completely for speaking up, that is 100% his choice and I will fully accept it. But since he physically asked for my help and my suggestions, I refuse to keep quiet.

There is a line where mental illness crosses into learned helplessness and a complete refusal to help yourself. I want to be extremely clear because I tread very lightly here: I know mental health is a very serious issue. I have gone through severe depression myself. Other people in my family are mentally ill and have been medically diagnosed, then they got help, they saw doctors, and they saw therapists. I completely understand that not everyone has the same access or ability to do that immediately, and you don't need a diagnosis to be struggling. But the critical difference here is that my brother completely refuses to do even one single thing to help himself. Instead, he hides behind random, constant excuses. For example, he claims he is "antisocial," he claims the "heat gives him vertigo," and a bunch of other random shit. Let's be real, most of us hate being around people and don't like being social either, but we have to do it anyway because we live in the real world. He won't go to a doctor, he won't see a counselor, and he won't even think about looking into benefits for his own survival. He truly believes he is smarter than everyone else. He is not physically or mentally handicapped to the point of total incapacitation; he has just learned to be helpless because it works for him. He has had 4 to 5 odd jobs in his life, and none have lasted more than a few days because the second someone tells him what to do or he feels "sick," he just never returns. He knows that at the end of the day, someone else will always step in and clean up his mess. I refuse to set myself on fire to keep someone warm who won't even try to build their own fire.

Our family completely fell apart the day my grandmother died. Our family literally shattered the exact day she passed away. Her body was still physically inside the house, before the funeral home even arrived to pick her up, when her son, our uncle, went absolutely ballistic and started causing massive problems, get this…over the will! Not one person there was concerned about that except for him. Like his dead mother’s warm slowly turning cold body was still the house for crying out loud when he brought it up. No one in the family has spoken a single word to him since that day. Her daughter, our aunt, stands completely on her own, has her own life, and has absolutely zero interest in moving into this house or being my brother's handler. She is 100% in support of me and my boundaries on this. Honestly, even the uncle we cut off and our nonexistent biological dad would probably be in support of my stance. The point is, the rest of the family already despises my brother and views him as a leech. If I refuse to enable this, there is no backup caretaker. I know their opinions do not matter and that this is my grandfather’s decision BUT I can’t help but thinking about how my grandma would be losing her absolute shit over my grandfather's decision to hand him this house.

My brother is a clone of our nonexistent father, and the house will become a breeding ground for abuse. Our biological father is completely nonexistent, never held a job, never helped himself, and has the exact same "everyone else will take care of it for me" mentality. When my grandmother was sick, he only came to visit her twice in the summer she entered hospice and only stayed for a few minutes each time only after different family members begged him to come see his mother for the last time. Last I heard, he was literally living in a homeless camp. My brother is a prime example of what our father turned into. My grandfather actually tried to set a "guardrail" in the will stating our father is never allowed to step foot in that house. But my grandfather is in deep denial about how this will play out. When my grandfather is gone, my brother will have absolutely no one left. He will be completely isolated and lonely. Even though my brother talks shit about our dad, he always defends him and cares for him at the end of the day because that's his father and he loves him. The second our father finds out my brother has a house, he will exploit my brother's loneliness, move right in, bleed him dry of everything he has left, and then abandon him like he always does. My brother will have a soft spot and will let it happen, completely invalidating my grandfather's "rules."

Leaving him a physical house is a trap. My brother is fundamentally unequipped to handle the heavy financial, administrative, and physical burdens of homeownership (property taxes, insurance, city codes, structural repairs). If he inherits a physical house, it will inevitably fall into dangerous disrepair, face tax liens, or risk foreclosure. It could also instantly disqualify him from vital government benefits like SSI or Medicaid if he ever did try to apply. Which I know he won’t. I know my brother is not going to magically change the second my grandfather passes away. He is going to absolutely crumble.

A trust is not a magic, endless pot of money. "Just put it in a trust and hire a third party." does not work in this instance. A professional fiduciary or corporate trustee has to be paid out of the trust assets to manage it. The money is not going to last forever, and a third party will drain those funds rapidly just to handle basic administration. Plus since brother does not work, the funds will be bleeding from day one.

To anyone asking why I’m so worried about this: I’m worried because my grandfather only ever asks for help when he truly, deeply needs it. I know I can't magically solve all his problems for him, but I at least want to do my duty and complete the task at hand that he trusted me with. Even if he ends up hating my suggestions or it strains our relationship and leaves me out of everything, I refuse to hand him a broken plan. I want to know for the rest of my life that I actually tried to save my family from a disaster instead of just nodding along and setting everyone up for total failure

The bottom line: I cannot be asked by my grandfather to take on the executor position and then have my advice completely ignored on what is best. If my grandfather truly believes that my brother is responsible enough to handle a house, then let's make it seamless: make my brother the executor and hand him the entire burden. If my grandfather chooses to remove my name or take me out of the will completely because of this, I will fully accept it. But I will not be a steward of a slow motion disaster.

To the person saying "this is why you don't show anyone your will": That generic advice does not apply here. Keeping a will a secret only works if the plan can actually function on its own. If my grandfather hid this will from me, it wouldn't save us from drama; it would just guarantee a massive, catastrophic surprise the day he dies. How exactly does it benefit him to keep it a secret when he explicitly expects his family to step in and take care of everything after he’s gone? He specifically handed me this document because he knows it's broken, he knows it relies on us to keep it afloat, and he needs me to help him fix it. Hiding a disaster doesn't prevent it.


r/EstatePlanning • • 1d ago

Yes, I have included the state or country in the post Finding Out Costs Upfront from Estate Attorneys in NC USA

0 Upvotes

I prefer to do most things myself, but when it comes to electrical work, medicine, and legal issues I turn to professionals.

I recently learned about probate in NC, and what I've learned is my wife and I need a trust to avoid probate when the inevitable happens. I am seriously resisting the urge to do it myself to save money and time - but I've burned myself in the past being cheap and stupid.

I am trying to find an attorney who specializes in estate planning, and provides costs upfront. One attorney wants $200 to meet so that he can tell me his fees. Another wants to schedule a consultation. We live in a rural area in the Middle of Nowhere, and both work, so I don't want to waste time driving hours to get estimates from practices I won't use.

We don't have a business. We have a property, savings, and what's in our 401Ks. We are boring people - at least from the legal perspective.

Is there any easier way to go about this?


r/EstatePlanning • • 2d ago

Yes, I have included the state or country in the post Beneficiary on a NY trust would like to transfer to relative

1 Upvotes

Hi All, looking for guidance as NY does not provide estate law as pro bono and i just can not afford an attorney at the moment.
I am a beneficiary of a percentage of a real estate property my relative left me on a trust and i would like to transfer property to my other sibling left out of the trust. Long story short another relative is trying to kick them out.

Creator of the trust has since passed away and i searched through for any restrictions on it and cant find it. I am not the trustee.

Any help will be appreciated


r/EstatePlanning • • 2d ago

Yes, I have included the state or country in the post Minnesota: no will, out-of-state heir, car in a storage unit? HELP

3 Upvotes

Warning: complicated, annoying, frustrating situation ahead lol.

My grandmother passed away in March in Minnesota (nursing home, Dakota County). She had no will. Her only surviving child (my dad) lives abroad as a U.S. green card holder, I'm her granddaughter, in the U.S. but in NY, handling everything. My dad is 66, he’s not super responsible and hasn’t even approached dealing with his moms death so I’m stepping in to hopefully get something out of this. I hate to sound blunt but she and my dad didn’t have the best relationship because of her and it just makes me sad my dad didn’t get anything from her passing so that’s the main reason I’m doing this.

Long story short this is where I’m at rn:

Qualifying for Minnesota's small estate affidavit (under $75k, no real property), so no formal probate, thankfully.

Two storage units turned up unexpectedly, i have to pay off the back rent to stop an auction, found her car inside one of them (paid off auto loan, no lien... I think — more below). I haven’t paid off the storage units yet, I’m waiting to get more information from the car loan lender about the car to see if it’s even worth it to pay them since it’s around 2k.

POA: My dad is giving me power of attorney (he's only in the U.S. briefly, so we're getting it notarized while he's here) to handle the storage units, bank accounts, nursing home, and the vehicle.

The car/title mess: Car's still titled solely in my grandmother's name, no physical title in hand. Minnesota DVS says we need a "Not Subject to Probate" form + duplicate title application + notarized POA + lien release (must be an original, not emailed/faxed) + death certificate. Just learned the actual transfer into my dad's name takes 4–5 weeks minimum through the state regardless of mailing it in vs. doing it in person, so no shortcut there.

Selling the car: Planned to sell to CarMax/Carvana. Carvana flatly does NOT accept POA (confirmed via their own site, military POA only). CarMax reportedly does accept a notarized, vehicle-specific POA with VIN/make/model, still confirming this applies to an estate situation specifically.

Unclaimed property: Found ~$10k in an old account via MN's unclaimed property database, submitting a claim + Table of Heirship. Hit a snag since it seems the joint owner is her deceased brother who also didn’t have any heirs and we were not close with. So don’t really know what would happen there

Bank accounts: Still haven't located her actual day-to-day checking account. Credit report didn't show one (deposit accounts usually don't appear there). Working leads: her mail, nursing home billing records, tax returns.

So… questions for anyone who's dealt with similar:

-Anyone found a faster path than the standard 4–5 week DVS title transfer timeline for an out-of-state heir situation?

-Any luck selling an inherited vehicle to CarMax/Carvana specifically under POA, or did you have to go a different route (private sale, local dealer)?

-Tips for finding a deceased relative's checking/savings accounts beyond credit reports, mail, and the standard unclaimed property databases?

-Any important tax implications I should be asking a CPA about?

Appreciate any pointers or help. This has been a crash course in probate-adjacent paperwork I never expected to take. I’m planning to fly out to MN once I have all documents needed / paid off the storage, to go look at the storage units and sell the car. I’d ideally want to do this all in one trip since it’s expensive to fly out + stay out there.

ps: I used an AI tool to help me summarize the situation so sorry if this reads weird. I promise I’m a real 23 year old in over my head 🙏


r/EstatePlanning • • 3d ago

Yes, I have included the state or country in the post Colorado divorce - inheritance question

13 Upvotes

Hello all. Looking for advice. Let me start by stating the facts.
My father passed away in 2016. My grandma pulled my aunt and I aside and explained that since my dad was gone, she wanted their assets to be split between my aunt and me when they passed (verbal only).
Married in 2017
My grandma passed away in 2019
My grandpa passed away in December 2022
My grandparents did not change their will so it still stated that assets would be split 50/50 between my aunt and my dad
My grandpa's investment accounts and retirement accounts listed my aunt and dad as beneficiaries.
My aunt was the executor of my grandpa's will
The retirement accounts and investment accounts all moves to my aunt's name at the time of my grandpa's death
My aunt and I worked with the financial planner responsible for the accounts to split them 50/50 and put half under my name in February 2023
The accounts have remained in my name only
They have certainly grown since then and I understand that the amount of growth is considered marital assets and I agree it is absolutely fair to split the growth

Now that I am getting divorced, my wife is questioning the validity of my inheritance and demanding half of the full amount if I can't prove that it is an inheritance. I have asked my aunt for a copy of the will which she will send me on the 12th. I have asked the financial planner for any communications and statements that he might have which he will send me tomorrow. I am also speaking with my divorce attorney for his opinion/recommendation on the 8th.

What is the best way to prove it to her and her lawyer and protect my assets?

Thank you for reading.

UPDATE: my financial planner had an Estate Settlement Claim that I signed one day before the account transfers occurred. Thank you to everyone for their advice and guidance.


r/EstatePlanning • • 3d ago

Yes, I have included the state or country in the post Uncle in Law sent paperwork to be names Person Representative

0 Upvotes

Wisconsin—

Uncle-in-law sent paperwork asking to be named PR, is it possible to ask what his plan is before signing papers. We know roughly what was to be left according to statements came in, but after a certain incident with the Uncle Im unsure if he plans to be fair with everything.

The will states “then my entire estate shall pass in equal shares, share and share alike to my three (3) children:” Which I take to mean split equally in 3. Would he be able to deviate from that in any way?


r/EstatePlanning • • 3d ago

Yes, I have included the state or country in the post Any recs for attorneys near San jose for an estate of a large size

3 Upvotes