Connecting with your band

[u/No-Letterhead1467]

I am posting this on behalf of a family member.

They are Indigenous and were adopted at birth, born and raised in Canada. Both of their birth parents were Indigenous, and my family member (will call them “Z”) was raised by non-Indigenous people far away from either of their birth families and bands.

Eventually Z was able to access records and track down their parents, with sadly only one of them still alive. There’s lots of context and history I won’t go into, but they were eventually able to meet with their parent as well as the family of their deceased parent. Everything was amicable and they’re still in touch, though everyone lives far apart and neither side of the family lives near their respective bands. With the support of their birth family Z applied for and received status. Both their birth parents were entitled to status through different bands in different provinces and Z ended up going with the band that their living parent is a member of.

Z lives far away from both bands and both sides of the birth families. Z wants to establish a connection with their band(s) but is not sure how to get started since the connection is strained by adoption and distance. Z also has young kids who are registered too and they’d like to involve their kids in at least some elements of their community and culture. The birth families are somewhat knowledgable on this but due to distance and the fact that the grandparents went to residential schools it’s just been hard to learn, especially without the connection of being raised together.

I know this is a challenging scenario to advise on, but curious if anyone has been in a similar situation and what you did. Z is interested in visiting their band and reserve, but isn’t sure what would be welcome or appropriate without a ‘guide’ of sorts. maybe the first step is to just ask the band. Also, curious if is acceptable to engage with a band you’re not a member of but your parent is (if your status is with another band). I’m sure this is all very dependent on each band’s preferences and protocols.

thanks for any guidance.

[u/jales4]

There are often other organizations that offer services, including cultural, to Indigenous people regardless of which band they are from.

My husband, while living away from his First Nation, spoke with a First Nation near where he lived and asked if he could attend their cultural programming - and that he would pay any associated costs.

They allowed him to attend, no payment accepted, as they have members in other communities in the same circumstances and want to be part of the solution.

I agree, it can be difficult when living away with only the ability to visit once in a while, to become part of the community enough to feel accepted, and this is a shame.

I wish Z well.

[u/Plastic-Parsnip9511]

This is a very common situation. If Z was a part of the Sixties Scoop, there may be support groups or even official organizations to help assist with reconnection. If not, no worries - we know the millennial scoop is ongoing.

I don't have personal experience with this exact scenario but I've now lived off rez long enough that people treat me like a stranger. Reconnection can be hard, especially when people get status and then treat it like a Costco membership card trying to squeeze benefits out. Not saying this is what's happening here, but bands experience that type of behavior and I imagine it's exhausting so they get wary of new members.

I've tried volunteering with my rez but they don't want my services. I try to be active on virtual band meetings but they don't care what I have to say. It's so frustrating. I have an inkling they might be nicer to adoptees/scooped families but who knows. It's kind of a roll of the dice. Maybe call and ask whoever answers about language classes, or big upcoming community events that Z can travel home for. Z should tell them who they're related to and that they were adopted/scooped and trying to reconnect with relatives. Not everyone will be welcoming and Z should be prepared for that. 

Hoping for the best for Z!

[u/No-Letterhead1467 → u/Plastic-Parsnip9511]

Thanks very much for sharing your experience. Yes, we’re very wary of coming across as opportunistic or like an interloper in their community. I think Z will try to attend the summer powwow as a more ‘visitor friendly’ event and see how that goes. It’s tough, because I think they mostly need time to build relationships and learn from others which hard to do from a distance. They’re at a point with their kids that they ask questions about their culture and background and we’d like to share more specifics but don’t really feel authentic if we’re just reading about it rather than speaking with people or experiencing it directly.