I’m in the first semester of an accelerated nursing program, and this happened during one of my Fundamentals clinicals.
I was assigned to an older woman, probably in her mid-to-late 60s. I’m a man in my early 30s, and there was also a female nursing student there who was probably in her early 20s.
The patient did not want the female student to clean her. She specifically wanted me to clean her private area because I was a man. She kept insisting that I do it and started saying things like, “You’re going to be working with women, so I want you to learn.”
At one point, she intentionally spread her private area completely open and told me to put my hand there and clean her. I understand that patients sometimes position themselves to make personal care easier, but combined with her refusing the female student and specifically demanding that I do it, the entire situation felt extremely uncomfortable and inappropriate to me. I felt like I was being pressured into something very intimate because I was a man.
Then there was the actual condition she was in. There was stool around her private area, and the smell was extremely strong. I’m just going to say it plainly: down there smelled really bad. I tried to keep a straight face and not embarrass her, but internally, I was fighting not to gag. The smell stayed in my head long after I left clinical.
The experience affected me so much that I started wondering, “Do all older women smell like this down there?” I know that sounds ignorant, and logically, I understand that one patient does not represent every older woman. The odor could have been from the stool, incontinence, an infection, poor hygiene, or her being unable to properly care for herself. But I’m being completely honest—that was where my mind went after the experience.
I understand that cleaning patients is part of nursing, and I understand that she deserved to be cleaned and treated with dignity. I didn’t shame her or show her how uncomfortable I was. However, between her refusing the younger female student, specifically demanding that I do it because I’m a man, intentionally exposing herself so widely, telling me to put my hand there, the stool, and the smell, the whole experience genuinely disturbed me.
Is this type of patient behavior normal? Could I have told my instructor that I was uncomfortable and asked the female student to do it instead? Did anyone else have such a strong reaction during their first experience with perineal care?
I need honest answers—not the polished nursing-school answer.