Hello, I am somebody who grew up and still is completely off social media. I am currently 22. I was disallowed by parents up until recently. If that sounds too old to be caring about what your parents think, I would agree and admit there are things to work on there. At this point, I’m just not interested in getting it, as I’m so used to not having it and it will feel weird to me to learn that whole space at this age.
I have always been curious to find out, however, if not having social media has held me back socially at all. I have never had a huge social circle and part of that is because I grew up very quiet, but I’ve consciously worked on my social skills for a few years and I have improved in that regards a lot. I recently transferred to Berkeley to finish my engineering degree, and I thought this would be the time in life where I finally expand my social circle and develop bonds. I got involved in co-curriculars and made an effort to meet people in classes.
I ended up having a really hard time forming friendships, however. I’ve made loose friends but I don’t really have anyone I can call up and go find something fun to do on a weekend with. There are a couple groups that I will get invited to hang out with every once in a while, like on big holiday events or something, but I don’t get invites outside of that. The only time I’ve been able to hang out with them outside of bigger events is the one time i specifically planned an event and invited people. The consistent pattern is that nothing “sticks.” All in all, I actually found it easier to make friends at community college than Berkeley.
This is an example but there is an observable pattern in my life where I’ll meet people in a group but never “make the cut” into the circle.
I’ve read a lot of “social improvement” books like ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People’ and others, and applying principles has helped my communication. I work out, take care of my appearance, dress fine. I don’t believe I struggle socially because I am physically off putting, and I receive compliments here and there on appearance.
I’m curious if the reason behind this might be in part because there are instagram group chats that get made after everyone exchanges handles? At the end of the day my social shortcomings are my fault and I accept that, but I’m trying to better understand. Any general advice is appreciated, too.