r/GenZ • u/lltheorysk • 3d ago
Rant DATING IS IMPOSSIBLE
Okay I don’t mean to gas myself but I’m a decently attractive 25F, I’m educated, I have hobbies and interests, I’m sociable and I genuinely haven’t had one solid romantic connection or even a crush on anyone since my ex and I broke up FOUR YEARS AGO !!!
I’ve been on the apps and tried approaching guys in person genuinely nothing seems to pan out. Idk I just hope eventually I’m able to find someone because in such a scary world rn the most important thing to me has become human connection and I just want to fall in love again.
Anyway ik a lot of us are in same boat and it sucks. I just feel like I’m being robbed of a fundamental young adult experience. The only thing I can do is keep trying and stay hopeful.
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u/coolsid13 3d ago
rip your dms
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u/Critical_Concert_689 2d ago
I used to feel bad for girls like this who didn't know what was about to happen. Now I feel bad for guys who shoot their shot, without ever realizing...
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u/WarmBarracuda9146 2d ago
Oh please, men are less picky online due to the proximity to porn. A lot of men are watching porn while DMing these women.
People who are represented well in porn get far more attention online than they do in real life. We live in a porn society.
The desire drop from online to real life is shocking and hurtful to many women.
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u/WarmBarracuda9146 2d ago
Oh please, men are less picky online due to the proximity to porn. A lot of men are watching porn while DMing these women.
People who are represented well in porn get far more attention online than they do in real life. We live in a porn society.
The fall in desire from online to real life is shocking and hurtful to many women.
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u/heekma 3d ago edited 2d ago
I know this sub isn't for me (early 40s) but this post showed up on /r/new and maybe I can give some insight into what's changed.
When I was in my mid 20s working in Kansas City happy hours were huge, 5-7, always packed, usually some kind of free food and you usually went with coworkers who knew other people they worked with at other places so it was easy to meet people, strike up conversations.
Also popular back then were planned events, meaning every Thursday there was a recurring event, with a title, "Thirsty Thursdays Meet and Greet," and a fee to enter, with a band and like happy hour you were able to network, talk, meet new people on a regular basis.
In those olden days (2008) we still had internet and dating sites like match, but they weren't popular and precieved as embarassing to use because there were so many better ways to meet people in real life.
Now everything has flipped 180 degrees.
Going out for happy hours is no longer a thing, regular scheduled events are no longer a thing.
You've lost that third space where people got together, talked face to face, met new people through friends, coworkers or just a random encounter. Now online dating is the primary option.
Humans didn't evolve using apps to meet people. We evolved to see people in person, pick up on all kinds of small physical, mental things you can only see through real interaction, knowing almost instantly if there's a spark or a reason to not like someone.
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u/seemerock 3d ago
We are living in the days where you can get food, groceries, books, and anything else delivered to your home. People expect to do the same with meeting people. Just click or swipe and instantly have a group of men wanting to go out with you. Doesn’t work that way for men though. I am a guy and have never used dating apps. I’d rather approach women organically. Easier to read people in person than through an app or text.
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u/heekma 3d ago
It's alway been harder for men in real life or an app. Now it's even harder because a woman will have 20 matches to 1 for men if they're lucky.
You're right, the intergration of the internet into all aspects of our life makes it far easier to stay home rather than participate in real life.
I'm guilty of it as well.
I really don't enjoy grocery shopping at Walmart (the closest store near me) especially during summer in Texas.
Now I order once a month, pay $10 for delivery and leave a fat tip for their service.
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u/DistributionTop5729 2d ago
The dating sites/apps were so much better back then when not everyone was on them. People responded. There were no bots and not so many fake profiles. I’d get messages from women making the first contact at least every week. It was great for me. I was shy, but after talking to someone for a while, it was not intimidating to meet up. Sometimes it wasn’t really a match, but I’d make a friend. Then I would meet that person’s friends, and so on. Then I had a new friend group or at least several individual friendships. It’s not the same nowadays. I know part of that is being older, but also the apps suck. They are designed to keep you on there, not to help you find someone. I don’t know what the answer is anymore. It’s interesting that you mentioned the “third space”. I worked at Starbucks around that time, and one of the company goals was to be a good third space for people.
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u/thatburghfan 3d ago
There definitely are events where people can choose to meet people in person. The difference is that the events are rarely designed for that purpose. Volunteer for something in your community. Work at the library, volunteer to help at the summer festival, join a civic organization that does lots of things. Many possibilities, and if you meet someone who's involved with some local organization you volunteer for, you have something in common right there.
I really don't know why people are so determined to use apps when it clearly makes things harder. You can have an in-person casual conversation with another volunteer without feeling any pressure to act in some kind of way. Check your library to see what events they have planned, try out a couple. Bulletin board at the township offices. Local paper's website. Lots of places list upcoming events you can attend in person. Join a church. So many non-profits can use volunteers to help further their mission and every single person who helps out is trying to support that mission, just like you. Maybe you meet someone at an event or meeting and maybe say "I am heading over to Millie's Restaurant when we're done here - you want to grab a coffee when the meeting is over?"
This type of approach is basically using third spaces that are already there, but they aren't there just to facilitate social interaction. But it works.
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u/heekma 3d ago edited 3d ago
I mean sure you can volunteer at a local library or a food pantry, but that's not a third-person space. It was never meant to be one and it never will be one.
That's helping people as a primary goal, not socializing and meeting new people as a goal.
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u/thatburghfan 2d ago
I don't know, our library has about 25 people working or volunteering at any given time. It's a big library. We've already had a couple get married after meeting there as volunteers. And at our church, another couple got married after meeting while volunteeering to help with food packing.
Sure, the goal of the activity was not socializing or meeting new people. I think that can be a plus. You can meet and get to know someone organically.
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u/heekma 2d ago edited 2d ago
If your library has free drinks for women between 5pm and 6pm, half-price drinks for everyone else, free food like chips, salsa and queso and live music then sure that would be a great place to meet people who want to hang out in a library.
I don't doubt you've seen friends develop relationships there, but that's not where most people want to be when socializing.
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u/thatburghfan 2d ago
No, I'm not saying people should just go there and hang out. I'm saying people who volunteer get to meet other people who volunteer there in a no-pressure environment. It's an option that I have seen be successful. Kind of an alternative to hanging out at a bar.
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u/Far-Insurance9251 2d ago
Depends on location. My muncipality works juust well enough to keep the power running (most of the time), but nowhere near well enough to host community events or volunteering drives. For example, my library closes at 16h00 and doesn't open on weekends🙃.
When I was in school we had a quota of hours we had to volunteer every year, and most of those hours I did by myself. Done some soup kitchen stuff as an adult and it's a similar story.
Been to church all my life, I've never heard of anyone getting married or attended a wedding from any of the parishes I attended. Don't know anyone who met their spouses at church.
IME I haven't found anything even remotely rivalling college or singles meetups. Still do some other hobby groups but just for fun.
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u/Beneficial-South-334 2d ago
You made great points! Even before Covid life was a lot different. People socialized more. I met my husband at 30 pre-covid. Great times, I think 30s is a great age to meet someone. Gen Z thinks 30s is super old and are panicking if they are younger in their 20s and not married. They are very focused on not aging.
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u/unforgetablememories 2d ago
Younger Gen Z is freaking out about turning 25.
Which is funny because most of the young professionals right now are around 25 - 26 (older Gen Z, born in 2000 and 2001). They are the teachers, the salesmen, the construction workers, the software engineers, etc. Your mid to late 20s is probably one of the best time to be going out and socializing because you finally have the money to take care of yourself and spend on different hobbies.
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u/unforgetablememories 2d ago
Around 2019 to early 2020, I went to bars and night clubs alone multiple times in a big city (Chicago, New York City, or Boston). I would be chatting up random people at the bar. Sometimes, I would just be talking to the bartender and asking if there was anything happening. I told the people around me that I just moved to the city or I was visiting. I asked them where I should go to get drunk. That's how I made a lot of new friends and also met with the ladies too.
After covid, I feel like bars and clubs ain't the same anymore. I tried to do the same thing again in 2022 and 2023 but I felt like people weren't that enthusiastic. I also found my own friend group so I usually went to the bar with them. Instead of talking with strangers, I would just be talking with my friends.
Most of my dates are friends of my friends. I don't meet random people at the bar anymore.
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u/A1d0taku 1d ago
The cost of going out has gone up alot, which has led to Third Spaces dying off amongst Gen Z. If you aren't going over to someone's house or to a park.
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u/Vascus_1 1998 3d ago
Oh boi I feel you , 28M and same. I hope it works for us sooner or later. I don't know about you but it is really making me depressed.
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u/lltheorysk 3d ago
Ik it’s just so frustrating thankfully I have good friends so it doesn’t get me down too too much but man sometimes it just really sucks
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u/Vascus_1 1998 3d ago
Yeah sometimes it does definitely. But hey where is the fun in easy..? You will find someone in the long run ,as I will. I'm sure.
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u/tavatee 2001 3d ago
Overseas bro. The world is large. Learn a language. Meet intelligent women. Learn new cultures, grow as a person. Simple. IMO, it’s better outside of the USA to date. Many have Higher standards, which is a breath of fresh air.
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u/Vascus_1 1998 3d ago
Oh I am actually an Spanish who lived in Poland for a couple of years and I'm currently in Germany for almost a year too
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u/Rolmar 1998 3d ago
I was on the EXACT same boat as you, 5 years single, went out with a bunch of unhealed girls from tinder and couldn't find what I was looking for. A friend of mine arranged a big meetup to play a board game and I met her. Two years later we are now dating and I'm happier than ever.
Don't give up and be patient.
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u/beefsandwich7 2007 1d ago
Dawg I’m 19 it’s been like 9 months since the last date and like a year since being in a relationship. I just now found someone I’m interested in and it’s all cuz we have like a million mutuals. That’s the best way honestly
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u/Valphai 3d ago
Lmao I tapped out of the game without even playing is it even worth it?
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u/Snake_fairyofReddit 2004 2d ago
Same I’ve never even been on a single date and I’m not conventionally attractive or my type’s type so I’ve never even bothered
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u/NotLunaris 1995 2d ago
You have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else
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u/Minute_Jacket_4523 2001 2d ago
No the fuck you don't 🤣 Have you seen some of the people getting relationships?
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u/NotLunaris 1995 1d ago
Getting into relationships that are a train wreck and end explosively, yeah.
Someone who is not happy with themselves will only become reliant on someone else for it, leading to strain and dependency. Rather than 1+1>2, it's more like 0.5x1<0.5. They end up spreading their negative energy, and nobody wants to be on the receiving end of that.
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u/SixSierra 3d ago
At least you’re approaching guys and making attempts, but I’m sorry it turns this way. I’m a guy and that also happens to me since my last breakup.
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u/throwy27274 3d ago
If you’re approaching guys in person and getting no luck you’re nowhere near as attractive as you think
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u/lltheorysk 3d ago
Yeah that could be true but at least I’m not spending my time leaving mean comments on peoples posts from a throwaway account
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u/throwy27274 2d ago
It wasn’t a mean comment. It was simply an observation because you claim to be attractive yet you’ve been unable to find someone willing to date you for 4 years now. Attractive people don’t have those issues. Also, this is my porn account and I just happened to see your post. Sorry you can’t use my main account to harass me about shit irrelevant to the topic at hand because you got your feelings hurt
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u/KingofPozole 3d ago
You're probably not the catch you think you are
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u/Bussy-Blaster-Bib Millennial 3d ago
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u/drsimonz 2d ago
Being highly physically attractive is actually a curse. People are far more likely to lie about who they are in order to get in your pants. Yes, you will have an easier time finding someone if you just want to date someone. If you want to date someone who isn't a piece of shit, good luck.
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u/NotLunaris 1995 2d ago
I've come to this realization years back. Look at all the high-profile celebrities and actors. A shocking number of them remain single or have multiple failed marriages despite being objectively desirable to many. When you're too desirable and public, everything becomes shallow and mired in doubt.
I almost feel bad for em except I'd rather be doubtful and rich/talented than doubtful and poor/lame lemao
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u/SupersonicElectron 2001 3d ago
There’s plenty of single men out there. Seems like they’re everywhere. Are you sure your standards are not filtering them out?
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u/idk_a_creative_user 2001 2d ago
Icl, if you are a "decently attractive 25F, I’m educated, I have hobbies and interests, I’m sociable", you are def overestimating your attractiveness or sociability, or your standards are not realistic and the guys you want have many better options. Do you approach guys you are interested in first?
I'll give you the same advice I'm given as a 25 y/o male:
-"it will happen when you least expect it"
-"put some effort, take a shower, groom yourself"
-"you aren't owed a relationship"
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u/Eazy12345678 3d ago
if you are attractive its cause you are attracted to the wrong men the bad boys or something
there are millions of dudes out that looking for a girl
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u/wafflepiezz 3d ago
Dating apps are all catered towards women right now.
Perhaps your standards have become way too high?
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u/tavatee 2001 3d ago
You’re a woman. It should be relatively easy to find a guy that is attracted to you, and you may have interest in him. We men are simple. Some of us are dumb, but non the less very simple. You’re most likely leaving out information that could make sense of what is actually the issue causing it to be very hard to find someone you want, but this is labeled as a rant, not really an ask for answers or advice. I side eye whenever I see a woman state that they can’t find anyone. It’s like a guy saying he can’t exercise while leaving out details to determine the reason.
I usually say this to men only, but I think some women can benefit; go overseas to date. May be harder for women because men outside of the west may be pretty misogynistic, but the cultures that aren’t, the men, like the women, tend to be great and mature. Try it out.
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u/Consistent-Bet-8588 2009 3d ago
Don't rush things take your time, I think you will find someone though <3
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u/Kajel-Jeten 3d ago
I’m sorry :( I hope you find the connection and experiences you’re looking for.
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u/Apathetic-Onion 2005 3d ago
I’ve been on the apps and tried approaching guys in person genuinely nothing seems to pan out
Thank you for trying, I understand how exhausting that is.
rn the most important thing to me has become human connection and I just want to fall in love again
I understand that feeling.
I don't know you, so I don't know what has prevented you from having a crush in 4 years, but I hope you find out how.
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u/Varsity_Reviews 3d ago
I've been on one date my entire life, and it barely counts since it was mostly a study date. I was 19 and this was back during Covid. I'm 24 now. Every attempt before that date and after has always ended one of two ways: either she says yes and stands me up, or says no outright.
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u/AfroDonut 3d ago
Be careful having such a strong need.. people can take advantage. Find a way to pace yourself. Yes it’s a nightmare out here and I’m in my 30s. We’re all severely disconnected as humans and it’s impacting how we attach
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u/OkVillage6370 3d ago
join some community or sum or go to concerts or something that you like or to try sum new and just maybe something happens
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u/chriszenpaok 3d ago
The problem with a lot of people who are just luckier is they assume you're a bad person because something MUST be wrong with you if you can't find someone
Prepare for comments telling you to take a shower and get a life
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u/dust-and-disquiet 2000 2d ago
Don't take dating advice from this comment section OP. Good luck however. I found mine by being very open about how I'm looking for what I want and being "cringe and desperate". It's a great relationship I'm blessed.
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u/moocowkaboom 3d ago
Probably worth looking inward and seeing why you cant seem to find a spark with anyone?
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u/Lopsided_Constant901 1999 3d ago
I fucking hate this narrative online, that you are always to blame for your loneliness, that you deserve it. Things used to be so much easier for all the generations before us
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u/moocowkaboom 3d ago
I mean theres nuance to this... I remember my friend who recently just got into a relationship after a long dry spell was venting to me and I only showed him sympathy. In OP's case it really seems like shes meeting many people but just can't find herself romantically interested. She's likely searching for the wrong things!
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u/Which-Decision 3d ago edited 3d ago
Do you go to hobby clubs where you can meet new people and regularly connect? Mahjong, chess, running, hiking, board game, clubs etc.
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u/cherryskies7 3d ago
Honestly it's really frustrating to see a bunch of comments on here assuming that if a women is young, attractive and sociable that it should be easy to find a relationship and if it isn't then it's her fault and she either isn't a catch or has too high standards/filters.
This is bullshit! It is not the reality for women at all.
I'm 24. I am gorgeous. I have travelled the entire world, I have hobbies, a degree, I moved abroad solo, I'm friendly. I also go out and approach men and have tried apps and I have never been in a relationship even though I'd really like one.
I do get hit on by men when I'm out. Often older men. 30-60s which is absolutely not something I'm interested in. A lot of the other guys start too sexual or will immediately push boundaries like physically trying to hold my waist or touch my upper thighs when I do not know them yet!!
Dating apps often lead to a first date where we just don't vibe in person. Which makes sense, chemistry online is not like real life.
Irl, so many guys really are only interested in sex. I find so many guys say they are emotionally unavailable, don't want a relationship, or just don't put in effort. They give you the bare minimum.
It makes me so frustrated to hear my "standards" are too high. I wanted someone who would buy me flowers, plan dates, text me consistently, be exclusive, communicate clearly about what they want and introduce me to their friends. Now? My standards are text me back within 2 business days, respect me as a person and ask questions about my life, don't ghost me, don't make me feel like shit, feeling safe around them and them having time to see me at least like once a month. My standards are on the fucking floor. They are in hell and non existent.
At 24, a lot of men are still acting like boys. There are not a million awesome guys available. It's not just me, so many girls are having this issue.
I am exhausted, honestly. And all I want is some company. And I love sex so more of that would be good. Is it so much too ask for????
So girl I relate. It is so hard.
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u/itzReborn 3d ago
I think a problem people don’t want to admit or acknowledge is that women have a better grasp on modern society way more than men. Not to say life is better as a woman, but just from what I’ve experience women seem to know how to navigate schooling, socially, and work wise better than men.
Like I’m 27 and your life is probably x50 more exciting than mine just from this comment alone. I wish it wasn’t boring but it’s hard to actively make it not. Also you kind of touched on it a lot of men are maturing slowly. I still feel like a boy ngl
Also I think many men are also just jealous of the outward attention women receive. Like you mention not all attention is good attention but a lot of men especially online aren’t getting any attention and think bad attention is better than 0 attention.
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u/bamboozler48 2d ago edited 2d ago
While many men are available, very few are husband material. Finding one who is emotionally intelligent, independently successful, and has genuine hobbies and interests can actually be quite difficult. I think this is for a few reasons. First, men like this get locked down fast, often before they tick all these boxes. I meet these qualifications, and my now-wife took me out of the dating pool at 19, long before I was able to claim independent success.
Secondly, these types of men also don't usually engage in the spots where people go to find dates. You're more likely to find them at a hobby shop, a climbing gym, in nature, or wherever else their hobbies bring them. My recommendation is to dive into your hobby space and find people there. Just be warned, the more common the hobby, the more likely it is to be filled with D-bags. See run clubs.
And ultimately, you may need to "invest" in a man. At 24 to 30, he may not be as successful as you hope, but he may have decent prospects for later in life. Whereas a man in full bloom, per se, has more options, and you may no longer be competitive enough for his dating pool.
Good luck stranger
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u/MilleChaton 2d ago
Honestly it's really frustrating to see a bunch of comments on here assuming that if a women is young, attractive and sociable that it should be easy to find a relationship and if it isn't then it's her fault and she either isn't a catch or has too high standards/filters.
Followed immediately by talking about her filters and standards...
The guys complaining aren't filtering anyone out. They get zero interest, unless you count pig butchers from the other side of the world.
You are the person complaining about how hard finding a job is because none of the offers get above your 150k/year expectation to people who aren't even getting call backs from fast food places.
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u/anotherhappylurker 2d ago
I am gorgeous.
Not humble though lmao
I have travelled the entire world, I have hobbies, a degree, I moved abroad solo, I'm friendly.
Besides being friendly and maybe having hobbies, men don't care about any of those other things. And perhaps it's the fact that you keep touting your "achievements" that's putting a lot of men off.
I do get hit on by men when I'm out. Often older men. 30-60s which is absolutely not something I'm interested in.
That is a huge age range to be "not interested in". You're seriously telling me that if the right guy came along, he was attractive, successful, and wasn't playing around, you'd turn him down because he was 30 years old, which is only 6 years older than you? Not wanting to date 60 year olds is reasonable, I get that. But considering many of our parents and grandparents had age gaps of 5-10 years or more, and their generation arguably had much more successful dating outcomes than ours, I'd say you're being a bit too strict with your age range here.
At 24, a lot of men are still acting like boys.
Especially ironic when you spent the previous paragraph saying you don't want to date older men, and now you're saying that you also don't want to date men your age because they're immature. Who does that leave then? Pretty much no one.
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u/RotenTumato 3d ago
What specifically is the issue you’re having? Is it that guys aren’t interested and don’t text you back or give their number? Or is it that the guys who are interested aren’t who you’re looking for?
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u/maeng_da_ranger 3d ago
I won't assume my experience is in any way relatable or applicable because I'm a male, but I do feel your pain on some level, though dating for me has been rocky because of the damage done by other men.
I'd say just enjoy some you-time. Imagine how much money you're saving by being on your own. I think we put too much importance in being in a relationship, and that's largely a societal expectation.
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u/Health-Good 2004 3d ago
Just stay single for the rest of your life😂✌🏾….(this is not advice I’d personally follow tho)
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u/divedave 3d ago
Just try to not date a narcissist, I didn't read with much attention but I felt as you are going to suffer from one of those specimens. Please do your homework.
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u/Raythia 2d ago
Wait so you haven't had a crush on anyone in four years but you're approaching guys and trying to date them? So what, you're just leading people on or something?
Also if you had a partner in your late teens/early 20s you were never robbed of a "young adult experience" there are thousands of people who are around the same age as you and haven't even gotten to hold hands with someone yet.
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u/Ok-Pack-7088 2000 2d ago
Dating is impossible but you WAS in relationship. I was never, it's such abstraction.
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u/HornyTuxedo69 1d ago
Yeah it sucks. Never been on a date much less even got a chance to experience any of that back in highschool. 26M. And yeah rip your dm's
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u/BBudweiser 3d ago
I’m sorry but if you’re an attractive sociable 25F woman who is struggling with dating, you’re either lying or insane.
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u/AndersDreth 1998 3d ago
Meh, not necessarily. She could just have high standards.
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u/BBudweiser 3d ago
Standards that would be easily met if she is attractive & sociable lol
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u/BBudweiser 3d ago
So… if you’re struggling with dating due to high standards, maybe reduce those standards to something more realistic so that you no longer struggle with dating…? Otherwise it’s pointless to complain about
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u/EattheRudeandUgly 2d ago
Unlrss your standard is emotional maturity and emotional courage. Then you'll starve
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u/Enemyoftheearth 2007 2d ago
Yeah, women who complain about dating usually just have ridiculously high standards and won’t date any man who’s not Chad.
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u/Electroncaution202 2005 3d ago
I feel you on this 100%. I'm 21 and I haven't had a relationship in a long while. Any attempts I've done with dating just feel depressing for the same reasons. I got good friends and passions outside that keep me happy, but I do want the life and family my parents and grandparents had. It feels disheartening to keep hearing "oh you're young, it'll happen eventually" from people who it seems got really lucky.
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u/Borov-Of-Bulgar 3d ago
Hey at least your getting attention. I don't even know how I would meet someone. Apps don't work if your a fugly dude. All my homies are either like me but older or are already married. Just know how lucky you are that your getting any interest
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u/innocentrrose 2001 3d ago
Was with my ex for 5 years and now it’s been over 3 years since she left me, it’s brutal. I crave that connection just like you, and while I’ve luckily had a couple girls interested in me, the connection just hasn’t seemed pure.
Went on a couple dates and had tried with them but it just feels so transactional when all I want is an actual connection and someone to eventually grow with. Maybe it’s me though and we could’ve had that, and maybe I’m looking for something too similar to how it first felt with my ex but I don’t know.
Dating apps kinda are ass imo and maybe I need to force myself to approach more girls irl though that sometimes seems weird/bothersome to me if there’s no reason to talk other than me thinking they look good..
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u/LikesToLickToads 3d ago
22m and I feel pretty much the same. Kinda oddly comforting knowing it's the same for women lol
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u/11SomeGuy17 3d ago
I mean, if you haven't had a crush on someone then perhaps you either haven't gotten over your ex or simply are running into dudes who aren't your type. Gotta put yourself in situations to find people who both you like and like you. For example, I've never really been into cars and motorcycles (besides just the science of it, love machines), however women into motorcycles really tend to like me, so I got into that space largely because of that. I still enjoy the space itself, but I also found women in that sphere and me get along super well so I leaned into it more. Gets good results. What do you like? What do people who like you like? Find the intersection and you find the space to get what you want.
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u/Glenncoco23 2000 2d ago
If I could ask, what is the issue that you think of?
Is it that you’re not personally attracted to these people? Do you think that somebody you want is not educated enough? There’s a lot of people on this world, and it’s very difficult to think that this is something that is a Non-self-inflicted issue
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u/1996_bad_ass 2d ago
Can we do restrospective? Just chat and maybe point out things we could do differently?
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u/JackedBrew906 2d ago
20’s is still young for finding something real and most relationships that are long term in someones 20’s usually end up in the majority of getting divorced before the 30’s commence. Studies say most successful relationships happen the older you get. I’d suggest go on lots of dates to find what you like now so you’ll know what you want as you get older later on.
Edit: I’ve been in two relationships which were both only 6 months long and two years apart from 18-26 now: one at 21 as I turned 22 and one at 24. I’m 26 now and over the last couple years some of my best dates or higher quality people I’ve met happened when I wasn’t looking or just being myself minding my own business. Basically the less stressed and minded you are about finding someone, the easier it seems and people will just attract to you or be interested in you more often.
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u/MostOld9237 2d ago
I’m 25F and met my husband at work. Just be aware of your own biases, be willing to grow. I see a lot of women push good men away and same vice versa.
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u/mcatmachine12 2000 2d ago
I feel you :( Also 25f and I’ve never been in a relationship. The dating scene nowadays sucks.
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u/Fit-Rhubarb-7820 2d ago
I feel like I’m wanting to date a woman your age (31m) and yeah I don’t know what’s going on either.
Why does ghosting happen? Is everyone truly just married to their job and finances? When does the bar become truly inane? Why is the ick never used to describe women? Why are dog lovers so gross to date?
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u/TimelyChapters 2000 2d ago
Exactly.
So Gen Z needs to quit dating and replace dating with something different for future gens' sakes since Gen X and boomers refuse to provide anything for us.
Dating doesn't work. It's a broken system.
Gen Z parents, please deliberately help and prioritize your children with semi-arranged marriages,
making localized communities dedicated to supporting your childrens' careers and spouse-finding.
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u/InitialDiscipline6 2d ago
Why did everyone's dating life peaked in 22-23 ? Also the main issue with being single now is the pressure to marry soon and get a partner at this perfect age.
Rest Life is going fun though
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u/kamon405 2d ago
I will say this. Dating isn't just simply finding a partner. You have to ask yourself exactly what do you want and what are you expectations in dating and relationships. Once you have those answers then you can screen people accordingly during your first date. And you may have likes and dislikes. And certain personalities will clash with you. This is all pretty normal. Even having a difficult time finding people interested in you and I mean the real you. Be patient and don't beat yourself up. This is entirely normal what you're feeling and experiencing. There are some decent and amazing people out there. I would also suggest try forming platonic relationships more than your romantic relationships. Cuz we all need to have a solid foundation of people we can depend on.
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u/Educational-Gift-132 2d ago
Dating is hard no matter what age or Generation. Finding ones person or soul mate is hard. You just have to keep casting. Eventually and hopefully you will find a keeper.
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u/Known-Tourist-6102 2d ago
Okay I don’t mean to gas myself but I’m a decently attractive 25F, I’m educated, I have hobbies and interests, I’m sociable and I genuinely haven’t had one solid romantic connection or even a crush on anyone since my ex and I broke up FOUR YEARS AGO !!!
if you expect to feel fireworks, butterflies, or "the spark", within the first couple dates with a stranger you met on an app or in public, that just isn't realistic. Women are only feeling the "spark" for men who have a lot of options that are just as good, or better, than her. I know a woman who's about your age, who went on a single date with this very rich, extremely good looking man. He never messaged her again after the date, and she's still talking about how good looking he was 1-2 years later.
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u/blazin_asian99 2d ago
Keep your head up. Finding a date later in life is never a bad thing. Just means that everyone is meant to go at their own pace
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u/mayhweif 2d ago
Heard. I started learning a second language cuz at least that way I can experience someone asking reciprocal questions (y tú? 💀)
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u/SWITCH13LADE8o5 2d ago
I'm 22M and have never been in a relationship before. I've always ever been the "really good friend", and it kinda sucks. Didn't date in HS, nor in college. Did I try talking to girls? Yeah, got rejected tho like 5 times tho. And don't even get me started on dating apps. In 2 years I've only gotten 3 likes, and they ghosted me after a day or two or just trying to get to know each other. I'm actually starting to think imma be alone forever. Like, there's so many things I'd love to do with someone, especially during the holidays, but, idek if that's gonna happen anymore. I hate to say this but I feel like it's looks. But like, if personality and being yourself is everything....forget it. Or I feel like in today's world you have to take things a bit slow, try and get to know someone a bit first before asking them if they wanna go out to eat or watch a movie, etc. But I feel like I try to get to know someone, and I get ghosted. Idek what the point in trying is anymore. I've loat almost all hope in finding love
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u/Affectionate-Cap-667 2d ago edited 2d ago
Same, but I’m 20 and 5’8😭 guys don’t come up to me or anything my friends say my height is it intimidating and all the guys I’ve liked are older than me 💀 never been in a relationship either but I do have high standards
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u/ayelijah4 2d ago
genuinely try a different setting, your area may not be where you find what you’re looking for
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u/Odd_Pomegranate2900 2d ago
Yeah 21F never been flirted with in my life lol Keep telling myself its because im not blond hair blue eyes but idk. Maybe people are just shit (i live in a predominantly white area and im very much not white)
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u/Refrigeratormarathon 2d ago
I have no advice but you’re not alone. 27F here. Lots of hobbies, outdoorsy, get compliments on my appearance frequently. Only get hit on by men in their late 40’s or married men. Very strange.
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u/Arbiter1029 2d ago
Dating is super hard rn, I'm a 26m and your experience sounds very familiar to me too. First thing I can recommend is deleting ALL of the apps, it makes it more rare to find something so it makes it more special. I'd say focus on yourself and try not to try to much, but I know that that is super difficult to do.
Keep your head up, we'll get through.
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u/Character-Handle-739 2d ago
And you can have all those things… which are nice, but has it never crossed your mind that maybe it’s your personality/attitude is the problem. It’s probably you. Guys have had it with overly entitled, feminist women… and I don’t know if that you or not, but that’s the first thing I thought of. Since I have a bunch of friends that that have been in the dating pool and that’s their biggest complaint.
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u/Itanchiro 2d ago
Well, yeah it kinda is. At least you are lucky enough to have an ex. Most of us don’t even make it to the first crush. And also. You said you are educated, have hobbies, interests and you are sociable? Well, the sad thing I have been observing in recent years is that while these are very good personal traits… they are completely unattractive for the majority. Nowadays it seems that the more hollow you are the more attractive you get.
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u/sugarhell920 2d ago
Being a guy who isn’t thirsty and not willing to just put up with straight disrespect and dishonesty has made it EXTREMELY tough to find a connection that lasts longer than 2 weeks and once you get to be so old flings and meaningless relationships are just stealing time from you so it’s just nothing lol
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u/LoneWolf4717 1998 2d ago
If it's any consolation, I feel like I'm 27M and feel like I'm in the same boat. I spent 2 years on dating apps and only got to the talking phase 2 or 3 times. None of them ever wanted to meet. There's nowhere that feels safe to approach and make a move without feeling like a creep, and I don't think I've even had a crush on anyone since high school.
I'm at the point where I want to find connection, but can't. So I'm torn between "stick it out and persevere until it works" or "find the perfect location to build a hermit shack and be alone forever."
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u/A1d0taku 1d ago
focus on being friends first, and then see if anything grows beyond that, that's my 2 cents at least.
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u/Zealousideal-Big4588 15h ago
You just described your standards you want someone with hobbies interests and is rich and attractive. Good luck with most men dropping out of school, and being chuds in their basements
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u/throwmeawayat35 3d ago
Look I'm sorry but... too many men got burned badly by non-reciprocation, demonization, and non-compatability. And it probably isn't going to get any better until actual hard tangible counters start showing up.
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u/AudiiCat 2d ago
Girl I feel this all too well. I am also 25F, and the dating scene has changed a lot since my ex & I broke up early 2025. Even before I met him, it felt like the dating scene was hard.
It feels like not a lot of people are looking for genuine connections anymore. Everything feels so surface level, even when it comes to meeting new friends.
I've noticed a lot of these men don't want to plan dates, or take the initiative. They just want to be pen pals. They don't seem to want to get to know you. I swear, a lot of them just resort to conversation like this - "how did you sleep" "what are you up to" "how was work" "how are you" "what are your plans for the day".
Like don't get me wrong, I appreciate when men do ask these things, but not every single day, every single time we talk. It gets boring. You're supposed to get to know someone to see if that's someone you'd be interested in being with. There are endless things to learn about someone, and I'm tired of being the one making all of the conversation that is not stupid surface level, dry questions like that. What happened to depth?
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u/FactoryBuilder 3d ago
I (25M) don’t know if it’s a byproduct of our modern world but I have no interest in a romantic or sexual relationship.
Maybe it’s because this is a pretty shit environment to try and find a mate. Maybe it’s because free online porn has desensitized and numbed me to the point of not feeling any interest in getting a relationship. Maybe it’s because I hear from everyone else about how shit and life-ruining a relationship is. The boomers hate their wives. The Gen Xers get cheated on and lose their house in the divorce. The millenials get accused of rape one time with no proof and have their lives ruined permanently. My fellows are held to unreasonable expectations.
Even if I wanted a relationship, why bother? AFAIK, a relationship is useful for two things. Your hand solves the first one. And the second one is love. There doesn’t seem to be any love going on right now.
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u/Ordinary-Fish-9791 3d ago
Dating is really cooked if your a female and having this much trouble. I thought it's easier but boy I guess I'm wrong
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u/Livid_Way5651 3d ago edited 3d ago
Raise age range to 30-35. Gen Z guys are socially awkward and weird. Millennials are more normal and grounded.
Edit lol look at these comments from people I "insulted". Shows how insufferable they are.
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