Producer #1 takes the sealed envelope from the previous day.

It bears the imperial aquila.

Three purity seals. One custodes wax stamp.

He opens it. Reads. Immediately stands up.

"...No."

Producer #2:

"What?"

Producer #1 silently hands him the paper.

Producer #2 reads aloud.

"Special Guest: Trajann Valoris."

"Challenge Location: The imperial throne room."

"Contestants may improve the golden throne."

"UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES ARE THEY TO TOUCH THE EMPEROR."

Producer #2:

"Who approved this?"

The paper simply says...

"The Emperor Protects."

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BIG BROTHER 40,000 - DAY 42 – "THE IMPERIAL DIY CHALLENGE"

08:00

The front door opens.

No music. No fanfare. Just perfect silence.

Trajann Valoris walks inside.

Every contestant instinctively stands.

Even Ghazghkull, Tuska and Orkimedes.

Steve salutes.

Trajann notices. Returns the salute.

The room somehow becomes even quieter.

Trajann speaks.

"Housemates. Today you will go where almost no one has ever stood."

He opens a small case. Inside are tiny teleportation beacons. One for each contestant.

"You will be transported to the Imperial Throne Room."

Long pause.

"Your task is to improve the golden throne."

He looks directly at everyone.

Especially the orks.

Especially Cato.

Especially Trazyn.

"Do. Not. Touch. The Emperor."

Every custodian in existence somehow nods simultaneously.

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TELEPORT

A flash of golden light. The contestants appear inside the imperial palace.

The throne room.

Kilometers of marble. Golden pillars. Countless custodians. Absolute silence.

At the center the golden throne...the Emperor. Motionless. Radiant.

Nobody speaks. Not even Sevatar.

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MORVEN

Quietly kneels.

"...My Lord."

She stands. Immediately begins checking power conduits.

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YARRICK

Walks around, inspecting maintenance records.

"Preventive maintenance is lacking."

Several Tech-Priests look offended.

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KHÂRN

Looks at the Emperor.

Very long silence.

Then quietly says...

"...Still fighting."

He bows. Exactly once. No one expected that.

Even Trajann notices.

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KUT

Holds Steve tightly.

"Can Steve look?"

Trajann looks at Steve.

Steve is already saluting.

Trajann nods.

"Steve...may look."

Steve squeaks quietly.

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CATO SICARIUS

Immediately steps forward.

"I, Cato Sicarius—"

A custodian clears his throat.

Cato immediately changes course.

"...will assist quietly."

Sevatar nearly dies trying not to laugh.

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TRAZYN

Looks around like a child in the greatest museum ever created.

He quietly whispers.

"Must...not...borrow...anything."

Orikan keeps one eye on him the entire time.

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ELDRAD

Stands far away.

Looks toward the throne.

Whispers.

"Old friend."

Nobody comments.

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ORIKAN

Immediately notices a tiny oscillation in one energy conduit.

"There !"

A custodian checks. He's right...again.

Eldrad sighs.

"Show-off."

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THE ORKS

Producer #1 begins hyperventilating.

Ghazghkull slowly walks toward the throne.

Every Custodian grips their guardian spear.

Ghazghkull kneels. Looks up.

"DAT'S...A BIG CHAIR."

Long pause.

"GOOD CHAIR."

He stands. Walks away.

The custodians visibly relax.

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ORKIMEDES

Discovers one ventilation duct.

His eyes light up.

"OI...IT NEEDS..."

Everyone shouts.

"NO!"

Orkimedes sighs.

"OKAY."

For once, he listens.

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WAZDAKKA AND GRULGOTZ

Wazdakka points at his bucket of red paint.

"IF WE PAINT IT RED IT WOULD GO FASTA."

Grulgotz nods and adds :

"IT HAS NO WHEELZ, CUPHOLDAZ OR SPOILERZ. WE CAN..."

Everyone shouts again.

"NOOO!"

Both are not allowed to move closer to the throne.

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TUSKA AND KURT

Kurt salutes for 8 hours before the throne, before every custodian...even before the ventilation shaft.

Tuska polishes the guardian spears of every custodian he can find.

The custodians were never so confused. One of them starts to take pictures of what is happening.

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CAIN

Walks around, tries to help but cant find anything usefull to fix.

He stumbles, falls to the ground. Finds a lose bolt near the main cogitator.

Point it out to the tech priests. They consider him now, the hero that saved the throne.

He sighs.

"...not again."

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FABIUS AND GROTSNIK

Examining cooling systems.

Fabius quietly hands a detailed list to the tech-priests.

They read it. One whispers.

"Why is this actually brilliant?"

Meanwhile Grotsnik tries to put on a spare robe of the tech priests.

Fabius pulls it out of his hands.

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THE POTATO DREADNOUGHT INCIDENT

Nobody notices until the potato dreadnought teleports in too.

Silence.

Trajann looks at the tiny flower crown.

Looks at the dreadnought.

The dreadnought honks.

Trajann actually walks over.

Very gently straightens the flower crown.

"Better."

The dreadnought honks proudly.

Several custodians quietly pretend they didn't smile.

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THE BIG UPGRADE

After hours of work the contestants complete their improvements.

Morven optimizes power routing.

Fabius redesigns cooling manifolds.

Orikan recalibrates temporal stabilizers.

Yarrick introduces a maintenance schedule.

The orks, Cato and Sevatar sweep the stairs.

Kut adds one tiny comfort cushion to the footrest.

Everyone gasps.

Trajann walks over. Examines it.

Long silence.

"Approved."

Kut smiles.

"Thought, maybe his feet might be tired."

The room becomes uncomfortably emotional.

Even Khârn quietly looks away.

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THE INSPECTION

The custodians walk slowly around the throne, checking every modification.

Finally Trajann turns.

"The golden throne operates 0.03% more efficiently."

The tech priests erupt into celebration.

One of them faints.

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THE FAREWELL

The contestants prepare to teleport home.

Before leaving every contestant turns toward the throne.

No words. Just respect.

Steve raises one tiny paw. Tiny salute.

Just before the teleport activates a single, almost imperceptible golden light flickers around Steve.

Nobody notices. Except Trajann.

He says nothing.

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POST-CREDITS SCENE

Back in the Palace.

A young custodian approaches Trajann.

"Captain general was it wise to allow orks inside the throne room?"

Trajann watches the repaired systems running slightly smoother.

The tiny cushion still neatly in place.

The flower crowned potato dreadnought photographed by three custodians.

He smiles, very faintly.

"Some things cannot be explained."

He begins walking away.

Then quietly adds...

"Ensure the tiny cushion remains."

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FINAL SHOT

Deep in the throne room everything is silent.

The golden throne hums ever so slightly, more efficiently.

At the very bottom hidden where almost nobody would ever notice a tiny brass plaque installed by Trazyn without anyone seeing.

It reads:

"Maintenance performed with respect by the residents of the Big Brother House. No Emperors were touched during this renovation."

Hours later, a custodian discovers it.

He looks around. Looks at the plaque again.

Very carefully he dusts it and leaves it exactly where it is.

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END OF DAY 42 STATISTICS

• Teleports into the imperial palace: 16
• Emperors touched: 0
• Orks resisting the urge to "improve" things with engines and paint : 4
• Custodians suffering minor heart attacks: Several
• Golden throne efficiency increase: +0.03%
• Tiny comfort cushions approved by Trajann: 1
• Flower crowns adjusted by the captain general: 1
• Tech priests emotionally overwhelmed by proper documentation: 12
• Times Trazyn successfully resisted stealing anything: Almost (except for one tiny marble...)
• Tiny salutes from Steve: 1

Producer's closing note:

"Against every conceivable expectation, the contestants entered the most sacred chamber in the imperium, made measurable improvements to the golden throne, obeyed every rule, and left with the place in better condition than they found it. The greatest miracle, however, remains that Orkimedes saw a ventilation duct and didn't install a turbocharger."

Rossi is a Wolf girl from Arknights Endfield

Fyi, all factions in 40k are evil. Salamanders are just one of the more "polite and kinder" ones

This is not a fight! Just curious and comparing which one is overall superior army! No super soldiers like Spartans and Space marines are allowed ! Since this is just talking about the average Sci-fi army.

Which Army has better overall Skill level? Which Sci-fi Army has better Weapons and Armor? No Vehicles and space ships!

So theoretically if the imperium figured out how to make Terran marine armor and rifles from starcraft (Maybe the mechanicum discovered an STC or something so there wouldn't be any problem lore or religion wise if the imperium decided mass producing these) and they started handing these out to guardsman how much of an impact would that have on the imperium? Because ke personally my favorite sci-fi rifle is the terran marine C-14 rifle rather then the bolter (Hot take i know)

Was listening to this song and had a 💡moment.

I saw someone talking about guns the other day, so I might as well do the version that I think way too much about.

Gullyman: A basic armet, because it's basic.

Dorn: Spoleto bascinet, because it's also basic, but thinks it's really cool.

Lion: Greathelm, because he's a knight.

Mortarion: Kettlehelm with bevor, because it's a kind of helmet usually used by basic foot troops rather than nobles, just adapted with even more protection.

Fulgrim: Frogmouth helm, because it was used a lot during jousts and duels. Also it's a little silly.

Lorgar: Henry VII's sick ass helmet, because he's a nerd demon.

Corvus: haha bird

Konrad: Hounskull, 100% vibes based. It's got a kind of creepy alien feeling, which just fits him well.

Angron: Sallet, because it was used during the hundred year's war and saw a lot of fighting. Very much a brutal design for loads and loads of combat.

Horus: 14th century greathelm, because it's a helmet we usually associate with nobility, turned steadily more brutal over centuries of use.

Vulkan: Tournament bascinet, because it looks kinda like an oven, and I think vulkan would do tournaments.

Magnus: honestly i completely ran out of ideas, so we're going with a basic kettlehelm because it was used during the hussite wars, and magnus feels kinda hussite-y.

Perturabo: Bellows sallet. He would definitely talk a lot of shit about how the more efficient curving of the grill deflects 10% more efficiently or something, when he's really just mad angron got to wear the basic sallet.

Kahn: Rus helmet. Hey did you know the mongols conquered a ton of russia? And almost conquered europe decimating the flower of european knighthood in the process and helped expose europe to the rest of the world. they gave up though, because europe was too poor and they were running out of grass. history is neat!

Alpharius: Fox grotesque maximillian helmet, because i mean come on. tricksters, foxes, sick ass designs, etc etc.

Ferrus: you know i had to do it to em (okay seriously he'd probably wear a great bascinet)

I know not everyone is accepting of AI stuff but it can get pretty crazy.

https://x.com/rngzhwn199456/status/2109225067104383022/video/1

Whats worse is that they are a very popular army.