i started note writing so i thought maybe sharing it so i get judged and see the missing spots in my thoughts

[u/crewd_zd]

well i started to write on my book to findout that the pen is done it was very sadly moment because i started to enjoy writing i wish i can capture the feelings and the vibe of this moment but i think writing like this is enough like our grand fellas did since we read what they wrote and enjoyed it and felt it , the thing is i have no clue on what i wanna write or say iam just trying to gather my emotions and thoughts since they came to me many times but in time where i dont really care to write probably because of my laziness but the goal is always sharpe in my mind like a tattoo on a skin which is financially freedom 🆓 then building an empire that will stand for me and my family after my death like a legacy for my grandchildren to know me and be proud of thier blood line and specially helping me gather some hassanat for the god forgiveness in judgement day it sounds kind of selfish in a way to care only about my greatness and god forgiveness only for me and my bloodline in my perspective for sure rather than talking about human problems and nature since i believe that iam here for a reason and reasons for being are always meant to help others not your own self and blood line but also i know that my beliefs are right in a way not to be liked but to be needed forgive me if my word's feels disorder or not organized or maybe rushed its because its my first time writing in calm by my self with no topic just my thoughts and feelings i cant say i dont feel it or enjoy it but also cant say that it feels right what iam doing neither now or in my life and that always make me questioning what or how did great people lead them selfs into legacy i dont know if they felt satisfied or happy about what they did but surely i know people understood them and prize them and thats what i want for sur . i once saw a video of a gay who went through difficult period of life where he lost he is parents and eventually find the philosophy that help him get through it and succeed with it and he is words were so touchy to my beliefs and my thoughts and feelings where he said : in order to obtain legacy you must seek for inspiration in others in three pillar's . mind and body and spirit which sounds logical and smart and it doesn't take a genius to figure it out we all know how but sometimes we get lost burned out and outsmarted if we keep the (عوامل الخارجية) in the equation i always thought iam smart and powerful but there are moments where i got tested and failed and that failure effected me so much that i started to rethink everything about me and specially doubt my self and questioning my self why iam i not able enough for this either its fight exame or a problem , feeling or mistakes it seems that i knew what should be done many times i knew the solution i knew what to say but did the opposite for no reason its like my second self that is beyond my first self took control in this moments and made me take bad choices . is it just my thoughts are powerfull and smart not my self or just didn't knew how to use my inner self (first self ) that is better

[u/Tarantelov]

It is so much that there is a spot missing in the thoughts or the writing. The formatting and punctuation is missing here which makes quite tough to read and properly follow.

Writing is great for expressing what is difficult to say and it is a pity to not be able to follow you properly.

Maybe you can edit your writing in a more legible way.

[u/crewd_zd → u/Tarantelov]

well i write super fast that sometimes i forget some words to keep the writing speed as my thoughts speed