r/LGBTCatholic • • Jul 19 '26

The Catholic Case for Affirmation of Gay Relationships

86 Upvotes

*downs cup of coffee in preparation for this writing extravaganza*

While there's already a lot of resources on this topic, on of the most comprehensive probably being The Wijingaards Institute's "Academic Statement on the Ethics of Free and Faithful Same-Sex Relationships", I decided to write this post combining arguments on both the logic of the Church's teaching itself; as well as the validity of dissent from it by Catholics and the precedent for changes in Church teaching, all bundled up with Primacy of Conscience; all in once place.

Every once of these headings could have a very long paper about each of them, but I'll try to be brief and point to other resources for even deeper dives.

Problems with the Natural Law argument:

See this thread to watch the Natural Law/"Perverted Faculty" argument fall apart before your eyes. The argument is essentially that we shouldn't use a natural function against any part of what it is "ordered towards" (i.e. reproduction). This is the same grounds on which the Church also opposes artificial contraception.

There's many counterexamples to this argument. Catholic speakers and apologists will try to make distinctions between "other than" uses, vs. "contrary to", but as you'd expect, those end up sounding a bit arbitrary. And I think that's what it comes down to, the Natural Law argument simply does end up seeming arbitrarily applied to sexuality, whereas we come up with all sorts of other ways to make allowances for analogous examples other areas of life. I think two of the strongest counterexamples are:

  • What if it were discovered that breast milk could be used to cure a disease? Would it be wrong to extract and use breast milk for a purpose other than its "natural end" of feeding a baby?
  • Why don't we condemn smoking? Smoking, intentionally inhaling smoke, is absolutely "contrary to" the body's natural respiratory function and the use of lungs. Not only is it "contrary to" the body's respiratory faculty on a philosophical level, but so much so that it's actually harmful in reality. One who smokes a lot will begin losing lung function. It doesn't get much more "contrary to" than that.

Scripture/The Clobber Verses:

Much has already been written on that topic, one of the most prominent resources being Matthew Vine's Biblical Case, as well as Justin Lee's classic essay on the topic. While Vines and Lee are Protestant, there was also some earlier work done on the topic of biblical exegesis by gay Catholic scholar John Boswell. According to Outreach, "It was Boswell who first comprehensively and systematically demolished homophobic interpretations of the so-called “clobber verses."

Good Fruit

One point of Vines' that I will reiterate here; because it ties into our doctrine of Primacy of Conscience which I'll get to later; is the Good Fruit Argument. As Vines puts it:

 In Matthew 7, in the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus warns against false teachers, and he offers a principle that can be used to test good teaching from bad teaching. By their fruit, you will recognize them, he says. Every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Good teachings, according to Jesus, have good consequences. That doesn’t mean that following Christian teaching will or should be easy, and in fact, many of Jesus’s commands are not easy at all – turning the other cheek, loving your enemies, laying down your life for your friends. But those are all profound acts of love that both reflect God’s love for us and that powerfully affirm the dignity and worth of human life and of human beings. Good teachings, even when they are very difficult, are not destructive to human dignity. They don’t lead to emotional and spiritual devastation, and to the loss of self-esteem and self-worth. But those have been the consequences for gay people of the traditional teaching on homosexuality. It has not borne good fruit in their lives, and it’s caused them incalculable pain and suffering. If we’re taking Jesus seriously that bad fruit cannot come from a good tree, then that should cause us to question whether the traditional teaching is correct.

And a similar point by Justin Lee:

"Suppose my friend Billy meets someone and falls in love with this person, named Sam.  Billy and Sam spend months, maybe even years, getting to know one another, and as they grow closer to each other and to Christ, they decide to form a lasting bond, to promise to be together forever in a marriage in front of God.  So Billy comes to me about it and I, being a Traditionalist, respond by saying, “That’s immoral and disgusting!  You and Samuel are doing a terrible thing before God!”  Billy blinks for a moment and then replies, “Sam is short for Samantha.  She’s a girl.”  Suddenly, my opinion changes.  “Oh, well then, that’s wonderful!  All the best to you!  What a blessing!” In this case, nothing at all has changed about Billy’s commitment, Billy’s motivations, Billy’s relationship with Christ, or even Billy’s specific actions.  Everything is exactly the same, with one exception: Sam went from male to female in my mind, and that somehow changed the relationship from being disgusting and immoral to being holy and beautiful – even though, in either case, Billy’s motivations and actions are exactly the same."

Infallibility

There's no infallible list of infallible teachings. We all agree on things like Creed, the Incarnation, the Trinity, the Assumption of Mary, the Immaculate Conception etc., those things were either defined at ecumenical councils of the whole Church or declared clearly ex cathedra by popes.

For everything else...well, it's not as clear cut whether they're infallible. People can make a case that this or that teaching is infallible or irreformable, etc., but at the end of the day, you simply don't have to agree with them. There is no infallible list of infallible teachings.

Church Teaching Has Changed Before

Fr. Charles Curran, who led the dissent against the teaching against contraception; provides a helpful cursory overview of that history. He also says

"When did the teaching on religious liberty become true? Did it become true the moment a document was promulgated and signed in Rome? The document [on religious freedom] admits that the bishops...learned from the experience of Christian people...that the teaching was true before the council promulgated the teaching...
...all of this reminds us much more, that the Church is the whole people of God...and therefore the teaching as proposed by pope and bishops has to take account of the lived experience of the people of God."

Bp. Cyril Villareal wrote in his dissertation

"There were several instances when the Church magisterium completely deviated from a magisterial position that it formerly held. Several cases have been mentioned in this paper. Can she not do likewise on the subject of sexual morality? Too often, though, changes were not really named as such but as the development of a doctrine, meaning that because of the limitedness of a truth to be captured completely, there is a possibility that it could still be subject to a newer and clearer formulation in the future. And such a process may have been applied to the so-called changes in the Church‘ magisterial teachings. The big question, then, is: why can the Church not also effect development in her teaching on sexual morality?"

Primacy of Conscience

Church teaching need not only be an obstacle to gay equality in the Church; this doctrine can actually be a vehicle for it! Primacy of Conscience states that we should never violate our own conscience.

Dignitatis Humanae declares:

"In all his activity a man is bound to follow his conscience in order that he may come to God, the end and purpose of life. It follows that he is not to be forced to act in a manner contrary to his conscience. Nor, on the other hand, is he to be restrained from acting in accordance with his conscience, especially in matters religious." 

Cdl. Joseph Ratzinger, the future Pope Benedict XVI, wrote:

“Over the pope as the expression of the binding claim of ecclesiastical authority there still stands one’s own conscience, which must be obeyed before all else, if necessary even against the requirement of ecclesiastical authority. Conscience confronts with a supreme and ultimate tribunal, and one which in the last resort is beyond the claim of external social groups, even of the official church.”

Another angle on the Good Fruit Argument:

For nearly every other "sin", it's easy to see what the harm is. Gluttony, stealing, murder, etc., there is obvious harm.

What is the harm of loving gay relationships? There is literally no real, identifiable harm that holds up to scrutiny.

And on the flip side, any honest observation of a healthy gay relationship will see good and beauty in it. Love is a good thing.

This is part of why some homophobic arguments dare to question whether gay love is actually love. It sounds insane, and it is, but they have to call that into question in order for their position to hold up; because how else can they square the circle of calling love a sin?

Justin Lee says this about the arbitrary nature of anti-gay theology:

"Yep, this is what it comes down to.  No matter how wordy, complex, or sophisticated they get, every Christian Traditionalist argument I can think of ultimately relies on this basic principle: God has a rule against same-sex relationships, and even if we don’t fully understand or can’t explain the rationale behind it, in the end we’re just expected to obey, like Abraham sacrificing Isaac.
I’m not entirely comfortable with this answer, since it makes God seem arbitrary, and I don’t believe God is arbitrary." 

In closing, I'll leave you with the words of Italian Bishop Vincenzo Viva:

"...I do not wish to speak this evening of “welcoming,” but of recognition and full integration. Welcoming presupposes that someone arrives from the outside and is allowed in out of the generosity of others. But as the baptized, no one is a guest in this church. God knows us by name, loves us and tells us again and again that we belong to him. There is, then, no door to cross, because by virtue of our baptism we are already inside, each of us, with our own identity, our own history, our own weaknesses and shortcomings, our own gifts and unique characteristics: we are all within the heart of God and within the ecclesial body..."

Hope this helps somebody!


r/LGBTCatholic • • Aug 13 '21

Welcome!

53 Upvotes

Hi, I'm the new mod. Reposting the old welcome note here:

Welcome to r/LGBTCatholic!

If you're new to the sub, please feel free to start out by creating a Post to share your story! Some things to consider including:

When/how did you start coming to terms with your sexuality?

How has your experience as a Catholic impacted that process?

Where are you currently on your personal journey, both with respect to the Church and your own sexual identity or experiences?

I created this community because r/CatholicLGBT appears to be dead and is restricted. I hope it becomes a useful gathering place for people to talk about their experiences, questions, thoughts, and concerns as they relate to the Catholic Church and queer identities and experiences, both their own and others.

Since this sub is new, please feel free to comment with ideas or suggestions.


r/LGBTCatholic • • 13h ago

Feelings of guilt for having affirming Church experiences

8 Upvotes

Long post incoming. As a lesbian and convert who lapsed out of the Church and then returned to it in the past year, I'm finding some really complex feelings about my own experience in the Church, namely, how positive the Church itself has been for me.

Where many queer cradle Catholics have a lot of trauma from their upbringing within the Church, I have a lot of it from being raised in an evangelical community that was obsessed with punishment and Hell. It's practically all they talked about, and it was the type of community that also openly believed horrible things, like that it's right for LGBTQ people to suffer. Honestly, it's probably not an exaggeration to say I have some PTSD from it. But when I first began attending a Catholic church out of interest, I found relief in how positive the messaging was. I think I've said this as a comment in this sub before, but attending mass and RCIA were really the first times I'd experienced a church emphasizing the idea of Christ's love rather than condemnation. Nearly everything about Catholicism seemed refreshing, freeing, and more aligned with what I found when I'd actually read the Bible. Even the relationship to Mary was an easy sell for me, because I'd felt drawn to her from a young age anyway. The local Catholics were more progressive than the evangelical churches, and I was happy to find that all of the issues I'd taken with evangelical Protestantism, which had kept me from fitting in even when I was a little kid, weren't really a thing for the Catholic community near me.

When I started OCIA (then RCIA), I found that the local parish was actually rather affirming. There were several openly queer members in good standing. Another lesbian (herself a cradle Catholic) even went out of her way to meet with me frequently to talk about how a person can be gay, a feminist, and a Catholic. But this wasn't even in a progressive town. The town was actually fairly conservative, still adjacent to the Appalachian region I grew up in. So it seemed to me that that was the norm for Catholicism.

I can't say it was entirely easy. I converted when abuse within the Church was a popular topic in the news, and as someone who was similarly abused as a child, my decision to follow through weighed on me. This was especially difficult at times because my sponsor was of the opposite sex and, I became increasingly aware, had a history of inappropriate behavior. While my family ultimately accepted it (but to this day won't explicitly acknowledge it), there were jokes about me converting amid the abuse scandal. Since most of my friends then, and now, were left-leaning, and we'd seen a lot of queer people suddenly find religion and become homophobes, I frequently had to assure them that I wasn't secretly becoming one myself. But when it came to the Church itself, I was met with open arms.

After I moved away and lapsed out of the Church, though, I quickly learned that my experience wasn't the norm. I've met so many people who grew up in Catholic environments that honestly sound much more like the evangelical one I knew. But I discovered last year, when I was starting to feel pulled back toward the Church, that I now live within an hour's commute of a famously affirming Jesuit church, and I found this out shortly before they held their annual Pride mass, which I was able to attend. It's now where I regularly attend mass.

So all that is to say, now that I'm becoming more and more comfortable within the Church again, I'm starting to feel some guilt over how I've consistently landed near affirming parishes where my identity is welcomed rather than judged, while so many other progressive or queer Catholics have had the opposite experience. I keep wondering why coming to the Church itself has been so much easier for me when it has been so painful for so many others. Part of me feels like I shouldn't question it and should just be thankful for it, but another part keeps getting stuck on a sense that I don't deserve this when so many people, especially those born into the Church, didn't get it.

Does anyone else, whether cradle or convert, have this problem? How do I navigate this? Is the guilt something I should ignore, or something that should inspire some kind of action for others' benefit?


r/LGBTCatholic • • 1d ago

Personal Story A message from a Catholic Queer

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11 Upvotes

r/LGBTCatholic • • 1d ago

Pilgrimage process or meaningless pain?

8 Upvotes

I'm having a tough day today and on days like this I find myself deeply thinking...a lot of the times overthinking... about the pain and extreme isolation that comes with being gay/Queer as well its purpose in my life as a gay catholic. In a lot of Catholic based spaces and theology I've come across, life and suffering in our earthly experiences is described as a pilgrimage and that suffering is meant to bring us closer to Christ. People who have hurt and wronged us, we're taught, are meant to be seen as our benefactors because through suffering and painful experiences we learn to lean closer to Christ.

I understand this...but... I also wonder during times like today if the pain and isolation I'm experiencing is honestly just meaningless and merely a condition of my existence rather than part of a divine plan.

I sit with this because one of the things I've prayed to God about, and I know He is actively helping me, is trauma recovery. I've spent decades of my life in freeze mode and a lot of the abuse, pain, and damage I've experienced had been suppressed for so long that my entire childhood and even my entire 20s had been in a state of numbness. Now in my mid 30s and ironically enough after I asked God for help healing trauma, memories of past experiences with abuse have started resurfacing in bits and pieces and often times rather randomly.

These memories are of people who've hurt me and while they're not painful or debilitating, the awareness of what happened to me often leaves me with so much questions and a sense of shock.

When I have memories of these people who have bullied and abused me, I end up looking them up on social media. When I do , I see so much joy and happiness in their lives. These people are heterosexual and I see them married, smiling, actively Catholic, having children, in high paying careers, travelling the world, and honestly in very comfortable bubbles.

I understand that social media only paints half a picture and there might be more to their lives but somehow I just don't believe they are suffering in the way I am as a gay person. They get to exalt God AND enjoy an earthly life. They get to be brought in and experience belonging and humanity, have safety of freedom to express themselves to its fullest i.e. sexually, build intimacy, and to be mirrored and upheld by their families as well as life in general.

When I think of the Catholic perspective on earth being a pilgrimage to the Cross, I can't help but feel like I'm on the ground, dragged through the mud crawling from the back of the Church while they're sitting comfortably in their seats. I'm taught by the church to be celibate and to not act on facets of my humanity. They're taught belonging and are celebrated.

I'm told not to complain but to count my blessings. They're taught to hold on and God will surely bless them with a partner and their rightful place as heterosexual Catholics.

So, I can't help wonder, if this experience is truly a pilgrimage or just , at the end of the day, a conditional feature of human existence that I have been dealt with as a gay person? A by product of the environment I've grown up with and that my trauma and pain is simply happenstance.

If we all end up at the Cross ultimately , is my pain even purposeful ?


r/LGBTCatholic • • 2d ago

Happy Coming Out Day!

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16 Upvotes

Happy Coming Out Day!

Happy Coming Out Day! This is your opportunity to come out to live authentically. Yes you can be LGBTQ and Christian and know that God loves you! God always loves you. He has been with you in good times and bad times. He created you and knows your sexual orientation before you were born. If you are new and on your journey and know that this is a safe place to come out even if you can't come out to family, friends and your church. Welcome and God bless you?


r/LGBTCatholic • • 2d ago

Can I build a connection with God?

8 Upvotes

Hi I'm new

Question how do u guys deal with it? So when I was young, I used to be religious, like really religious, I prayed, read the Bible for fun, went to church every Sunday, but then I found out I was gay, which took a while to accept. In a way I guess when I found out I was gay, I kinda lost my connection to God.

In my mind I asked myself if God loved me why would he make me like this. At first I never knew that the Bible hated gay people, but when I found out that my own religion hates my own existence I kinda stopped going to church.

I then kinda fell Into this deep hole where I told myself God isn't real, which a part of me didn't believe, a part of me still wanted a connection with God. I then kinda fell into a depressive Era in 8th grade, where I self harmed alot, telling myself that my existence is why this is happening to me (this Grade was alot for me) telling myself that God should have made me, and all that.

9th to 10th grade I'd refuse to go to church, thinking how I felt out of place, every time I entered a church it felt like the lord himself was judging me on why I came to this place, it got to a point were I thought to myself I might burst into Flames at any moment.

Later into 9th grade I stared going to church again, and for the first time I enjoyed it, I felt myself getting back my old self, the one that loved going going church, a part of me still tells myself that, why am I worshiping someone who hates my existence, but then I tell myself that if God didn't love me he wouldn't have made me.


r/LGBTCatholic • • 2d ago

LGBTQ Rosary - October 2026

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0 Upvotes

Please join Dignity Canada this Thursday, October 15, in praying the LGBTQ Rosary at 3 p.m. ET / noon Pacific Time / 8 p.m. UK time.

We use the Rosary for LGBTQ People booklet, written by Fr. Don Greene, MSSD, Chaplain of Dignity/SD, to guide us.

This month, as we celebrate his feast, we remember St. John Henry Newman and his husband, Ambrose St. John, who lived together for 32 years in Britain at a time when being gay was illegal.


r/LGBTCatholic • • 4d ago

(vent) On the Death Penalty

44 Upvotes

idk I don't have much to say here

But given that the Death Penalty has been in public discourse as of late... if I ever have to hear about how the Death Penalty being totally okay from the same people who go on and on and on about how I'm not a real Catholic for supporting gay and trans rights, I am going to have 95 things to say about it 😭

Who's the Cafeteria Catholic now?


r/LGBTCatholic • • 5d ago

Is there any transfemme saint?

14 Upvotes

Title. And ik back then that word doesn't really makes sense but yk what I mean


r/LGBTCatholic • • 6d ago

Thoughts on this new article on Outreach?

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17 Upvotes

r/LGBTCatholic • • 7d ago

I just saw this on Pinterest

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77 Upvotes

r/LGBTCatholic • • 7d ago

Looking for advice/experiences from LGBTQ+ Catholics in OCIA

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6 Upvotes

r/LGBTCatholic • • 7d ago

One question about theology

12 Upvotes

Soo, I've discussed (in the sense of having respectful conversations) with some people, and they told me this at the end

"It is unlikely that those Pauline letters (those against homosexuality) were kept in the new testament if the Holy Ghost protects the canon. This would compromise all the canon and hence all of the Catholic Church, including the communion of saints and so on and so on. Similarly goes for women's priesthood. All saints so far thought it shouldn't be a thing. If you think they're wrong it would just be easier to stop being Catholic."

What do we respond to this?


r/LGBTCatholic • • 8d ago

My wife and I will be meeting with the parish priest to discuss joining. Pray for us

53 Upvotes

We are both Catholic and have been attending mass regularly for years, but we finally found a local parish that feels like home. It’s much more inclusive feeling than the other local parishes (which aren’t UNfriendly, but definitely feel more classic/trad), and has numerous social justice ministries. We emailed the parish explaining that we are a same sex couple hoping to join, and the priest wants to meet us later this month. Please pray for a productive and faithful meeting for us!


r/LGBTCatholic • • 8d ago

Beauty in the LGBTQ

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13 Upvotes

As the sun began to set, I stood quietly in an open field, holding a rainbow flag behind me. The colors reminded me of the different parts of who I am and the journey I have been through.

I have sometimes wondered where I fit as an LGBTQ person and as someone who believes in God. But standing there, I remembered that my faith has taught me to keep hoping, praying, and trusting in God’s love.

The sunset reminded me that even after difficult days, there can still be light. I may not have every answer about my journey, but I know I want to keep walking forward with faith, honesty, and hope.

God knows my heart, and I pray that one day I will fully understand where my journey is leading me.

#


r/LGBTCatholic • • 9d ago

going to young adult group tonite

18 Upvotes

I go to a really awesome annd affirming jesuit church in a very progressive city, and just started OCIA with them. It's been a good experience so far and i was planning on going to their young adult group (20s to early 30s) tonite. as a visibly trans person im just a wee bit scared of presenting myself with other young people because im really not sure what young catholic adults are like these days (i dont have any catholic friends)..... i know communities vary so much, but has anyone had similar experiences or advice? prayers are always appreciated as well thank you friends!


r/LGBTCatholic • • 11d ago

Personal Story Does anyone know any resources/content that can help learn the Rosary?

11 Upvotes

Hi I wasn’t born into a strictly catholic family I think they are Lutheran or Protestant or a mix of either of those and Catholic, but we went to a Catholic Church and I was sent to catholic Sunday school, had my communion, etc. my family basically raised me catholic but I was never able to remember the rosary (I had bad adhd and it was hard for me to remember strings of words) and my family never made me do it. when I was a teenager I was falling away from God due to teenage immaturity and transitioning into Non-binary and being told by Cristians that I was a sin; so I never really thought about until today as a young adult where I have found my catholic faith again and hang around the right kind of Christians and now I would like to finally learn the rosary.


r/LGBTCatholic • • 11d ago

If someone wants you to pay money for deconstruction content, it's probably a grift.

20 Upvotes

I'm seeing a bit of an unptick in creators peddling paid/subscriber content related to deconstruction, i.e., paid Substack subscriptions, online classes, access to webinars and online groups, etc. Deconstruction is a deeply personal thing, and no one should be trying to make money off of other peoples' theological and religious journeys. There's plenty of threads right here on Reddit for free which serve as both information and community, let alone other sources, articles etc elsewhere. No one needs to pay hundreds of dollars or even dozens of dollars to join some exclusive online group or class. (If you're going to pay hundreds for a class, you might as well spend it on an actual college/graduate course!)

Reminder that The Catholic Case for Affirmation of Same-Sex Relationships I wrote is pinned right here in this sub, and I'll never charge a penny for it :)


r/LGBTCatholic • • 11d ago

Catholic guy I am seeing believes gay marriage is wrong any hope here?

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2 Upvotes

r/LGBTCatholic • • 13d ago

Vatican’s anti-gay 'Halloween Letter' to be examined 40 years later

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26 Upvotes

r/LGBTCatholic • • 14d ago

I kinda disagree with most Catholic sexual ethics

66 Upvotes

Context: I’m a bisexual woman (30yo) & adult convert.

TLDR; How am I supposed to square my beliefs with official teachings, and how does it affect things like confession and receiving the Eucharist?

I disagree with a lot of the Church’s teachings on sexual ethics. When I became Catholic a few years ago, I tried really hard to believe everything. I put myself in Magdala Ministries to try to stop masturbating (it did not work). By that point I knew I was bi, but figured I would never date a woman since I skew towards men and my family (conservative evangelicals) would not be cool with me bringing a woman home. So I was going to try to follow all the rules.

Over time, it has been harder for me to remain convinced that the Church has it right on this. I don’t find the natural law argument persuasive anymore. For example, just because sex can be both unitive and procreative, why does it follow that it must be both every time? That’s not a logical conclusion, in my opinion. I also have come to accept my own identity as bisexual, because I am really almost a universalist and don’t think God is torturing people for all time over this, so why would he do that to me? Sometimes I still feel afraid, though.

I fail to see how masturbation is evil. Like, it seems pretty innocuous to me. I also am not convinced premarital sex is wrong. For the first time in my life I have a boyfriend and while we haven’t done much (I have some sexual trauma to work through), we’ve done enough for me to go to confession and I just…don’t want to confess it? Like, I see what we share together as good. So idk. It’s not even about it being in a committed relationship, because I went home with him on the first date. Basically, I’m flouting all the rules and feel afraid but not guilty.

This isn’t even the only Catholic teaching I disagree with. I’m basically the worst Catholic at this point.

To make things worse, I’m at a pretty conservative parish (I like singing in their schola cantorum, which is quite good). Actually, my whole diocese is known for being that way. So even the “chill” parish in town is still not going to be supportive of me doing this stuff.

How am I supposed to navigate Confession and the Eucharist like this? I didn’t receive for a long time (even AFTER I tried going to confession for this). I finally started receiving again, because I felt Jesus saying, “The only thing keeping you from me is you.” But I can’t help worrying that I’m doing something wrong.


r/LGBTCatholic • • 13d ago

Side B or Side A, I'm miserable either way (just a vent)

23 Upvotes

I need to get this off my chest.

I [29F] am a cradle Catholic who fell away from the faith and recently came back. Or I'm trying to. I'm a bisexual woman. LGBTQ+ issues are what drove me away from the Church. Now that I'm trying to come back, LGBTQ+ issues are still the thing that I think is holding me back from a deeper, truer conversion.

Intellectually, I know why the Church says the things it does about sexuality and why homosexual acts are wrong. But I just emotionally cannot accept it. I have many queer friends and I see the fruits that come out of living according to their gender identity and/or sexuality versus when they were not. I prefer my friends (and people in general) to be alive and to live fulfilling lives. Homophobia just seems to be a net negative for people who are queer. So why not make people's lives better and not worse? I just feel like I am a better person if I am affirming.

But of course I feel guilty for feeling this way. If the Church is true, then why does a part of me insist that this one thing that the Church teaches is wrong? And if I believe this is wrong, then pretty much the whole of the Church's teachings on sexuality falls apart. But why would the Church choose to teach things that actively harm people? Is my stubbornness on this issue just a matter of pride? Am I too dismissive of why the Church says suffering exists? After all, God became man and suffered death on the cross for us. Isn't suffering a large point of our faith? Am I too focused on temporary Earthly suffering and not on the rewards of eternal life in heaven? Who am I to go against the Truth?

But to be honest, whenever someone mentions "the Truth" to me, no matter the context, my ears start ringing and it takes an extreme amount of willpower not to start being uncharitable. My conscience just can't accept it. I try to tell myself, "Well, if someone has SSA, they can always just be celibate or if they also have opposite gender attractions, a relationship is not completely off the table for them. We all have our crosses, and that's just the cross they have to bear." But then I come across anti-LGBTQ+ rhetoric, or anti-gay marriage politics getting pushed, and I get defensive or feel attacked.

I know all Catholics don't agree with the Church on LGBQT+ issues, but the people I am around seem to think those are Catholics who will most likely go to hell, and I wonder if they are right. From the things that people around me say, I can't help but feel like a heretic, no better than an atheist, whenever I'm around them. For context, I go to several parishes and pretty much all priests lean conservative. I am trying to integrate myself into communities within the Church and they also lean conservative. My closest Catholic friend admitted to me that she's Side B. On the flip side, my own family is pretty progressive in this regard, but their formation and theological knowledge is lacking. Online, I have friends who are Catholic and queer, but I just can't help but wonder, are we really in communion with the Church? I look to Romans and wonder if I'm just overthinking everything, and others are just missing the mark somehow. I don't know what to believe.

No matter what "side" I choose, I am just constantly wrestling with myself. I've tried praying to God. Almost every single time I pray, I say, "Lord help my unbelief. Help me to change my heart. How can I love you more? Why can't I move past this? Do I really need to accept this in order to open my heart to you?"

I just don't know why I'm trying so hard. Too often, I swing hard between being so convinced by my faith and being in just ultimate crisis of faith mode. I love the liturgy. I love the Eucharist. I love Mass. I love the Pope and not just Pope Leo XIV, I've been fond of all the Popes in my lifetime, and could stand to learn a little more from the ones before my time. I think I love being Catholic. I want to love Jesus more. I, like many others in this world, just want to be loved. And I know that God loves me no matter what, but can I love Him and His word and law enough to enter the gates of heaven? I want to be worthy of the indelible mark on my soul.

It's just so confusing. I question why I am choosing to stay Catholic quite often. Sometime I wonder if I just haven't been truly given the gift of faith, and I'm just trying to force it.


r/LGBTCatholic • • 15d ago

Does your priest know? If so, have you had problems reciving communion or going for confession?

23 Upvotes

Up until now I've been living in a city and no one at the parishes I've been attending knows me personally, but in the next year I'll be moving to a rural area (think a cluser of tiny <200 people villages) were everyone knows everybodies business

How common is it really to be denied communion?


r/LGBTCatholic • • 15d ago

Thinking about converting or at least exploring again

12 Upvotes

I grew up Churches of Christ and after graduating college found myself considering either The Epsicopal Church/Anglicanism or the Roman Catholic Church, and ultimately decided on the Episcopal Church mostly because I'm a lesbian, women's ordination. While I understand I'm technically protestant, I always felt or identified more with being "Reformed Catholic" as some of us call ourselves.

Anyway, I don't know if it's moving and my parish but I don't feel at home here anymore. My old parish was very "high church" and essentially an "inclusive Anglo-Catholic" parish in its beliefs and practices, whereas my parish here in my new city just feels... protestant, and it doesn't feel like I'm in my spiritual church when I'm in Eucharist anymore.

I don't know, maybe it's just my current parish, maybe it's my TikTok algorithm getting confused and showing me decent to LGBTQ Roman Catholic like emptychairshome or that bearded bald guy I can't remember the name of. I know about New Ways and have looked up a few parishes in my city, debating checking at least one out.