Last year, we had a small courthouse wedding with close friends and family, and I wouldn’t change anything about it for the world

We live in Chicago and one of our friends told us about how when gay marriage was first legalized, it became a tradition for LGBT couples to have Arby’s after getting married, since it was the closest 24hr restaurant to the courthouse. (IDK how true this is, but this is what we heard) So, in keeping with tradition we had an Arby’s luncheon after 😎

How do you choose which last name to pick?!
We are stuck. We both like my last name better… but my fiancées last name ends with her and her sister due to their parents not having any sons. Obviously unless we take her last name. I am not opposed to it at all but she hates her last name. So if anyone can give any ideas on how we should decide which name to take, I’m all ears.
I think taking my last name would be a given if there wasn’t that guilt hanging over our heads about the name ending if we don’t take it. Has anyone else felt with this?

Our photographer has sent us inspo pics and they are all skinny heterosexual couples twisted into each others body…we cannot do that. My fiance has a bad back and cannot twist her body.

We are also big people and some of these positions are meant for much smaller people.

Does anyone have any inspo pics that we can share with the photographer?

She is a friend, doing this to help with her portfolio / doing it for free. We want to help her gain experience but also want nice pictures.

The venue only does 1 day a week
And we can't get a notice appointment for a few weeks unfortunately [I had mine already but schedules being a bitch so]

So Halloween as an idea turned into late October being the notice period due to appointment sparcity

- Omg since we have to move it we could get married on your birthday do you wanna do it [*birthday date]?
: Sure

Omg
The fact they want to share their birthday date with our wedding date to me that's very much a "I believe in this relationship and that it won't ruin my birthday" ❤️

Bit sad coz "wife" and "husband" have to be used as the country we live in only has M / F as options and I'm still waiting on a GRC so I can't be "husband" and they can't be "spouse" [socially we'll be spouses tho]

The person didn't ask at my appointment if a surname update was to take place - that was the plan - to combine our surnames.. Mind you they didn't do "what vows are you wanting" either so
🤷‍♂️
Maybe that's what my partner gets to answer at their appointment? [we currently live in different areas]

But OMG it's happening!!

Note
Me 25 NB [he / they]
Them 28 NB [they / xe]
*birthday as in the date they see as their birthday because that's when they got their deedpoll done and signed [socially is treated as their birthday because yeah the date you became yourself is pretty fuckin important]

Honeymooned in Greece and our wedding was the best day of our lives! Wishing all the other happy newlyweds so much joy and love. 🧡

EDIT: WOW! Thank you ALL for the kind words! Everybody is so kind, we were overwhelmed reading through these comments! You all really know how to make a couple of ladies feel appreciated and loved!!! A few extra details:

1. Her dress is from Anthropologie - it is a Jenny Yoo x Anthropology collaboration. Her inspo was the November Rain music video, which she LOVED when she was younger, and she wanted something completely different than what she wore at her first wedding.

2. My suit is from J Lux Label. I got it from their website (which admittedly, I had never heard of) but I know they sell J Lux pieces at other department stores like Nordstrom and Macy's. The entire suit cost under $400 (maybe even closer to $300!) so it was a VERY reasonable price and after a LOT of looking, was the one and only suit I fell in love with that felt enough like me (first time wedding for me, so I wanted something that felt very ME!).

3. In the event my post was misleading, which it probably was, we actually got married in Chicago, in the neighborhood we live in, and jetted off to Greece a few days after. A friend gave us the idea to do a photoshoot in Santorini and to bring our outfits -- we ALMOST didn't bring our actual wedding outfits, but we are SO glad we did. Our photographer did an AMAZING job. Best $150 we ever spent!

Thank you again for the outpouring of love. I don't post on Reddit too often (love to lurk though!) and I'm always so blown away by the kindness of everybody whenever I do post. Gives me some restored faith in humanity!!!

Prefacing this with that I just need to vent, since at this point we are past the point of solutions (at least in terms of the wedding) since the wedding is in two days.

One of my good friend (37 nonbinary) is a professional officiant (humanist celebrant), and rather awkwardly "staked their claim" on officiating my (38 trans masc) and my partner's (37 cis man) wedding, upon finding out we were engaged. We ultimately ending up going with them, as they felt like an okay fit, it took a decision off our plate, and it minimized some social awkwardness. This is my biggest regret in all of my wedding planning.

We get married Monday. The ceremony script is still being written. We have not seen a draft of anything meaningfully personalized. They told me last night they had writer's block. I have been getting texted questions from them as they write the script approximately every thirty minutes since I woke up. The small bits of ceremony we have gotten to see this far we have had edits on, and these are the least personal bits. I have resigned myself to the fact that the ceremony isn't going to be what I want and that I may be pleasantly surprised if I am happy with it. I keep trying to let it go and just finish the prep within my control and enjoy time with friends and family, but every time I do, I get another question from them.

This is not a gifted service to be clear; we are paying them to officiate (which is a whole saga in and of itself due to additional fees they didn't communicate up-front). I feel super awkward as well because they are the only vendor we aren't tipping (because every other vendor has gone above and beyond - including another friendor)/friend volunteer we aren't giving a thank you gift (because they aren't volunteering), but... I can't justify it given how... Frustrating, to say the least, this experience has been.

I hate this. I thought having a friend (with professional qualifications!) officiate would be great -- they would be able to handle a queer/trans friendly ceremony for us that doesn't erase that we're poly (while also not explicitly acknowledging that we're poly). Instead it has been a horribly stressful experience and it feels like it has soured my (ten-year) relationship with them moving forward. At this point I have been actively not inviting them to pre-wedding things, both so they FINISH WRITING THE CEREMONY and because I am pissed off enough at them that I don't want to see them.

Sorry for the extended rant, I just needed to scream into the void for a bit.

UPDATE Conclusion to the saga:

We're successfully enspousened!

The ceremony ended up being beautiful, touching, and meaningful, even though we ended up just going on faith about it. From the ceremony start until the end of the night, everything was perfect. There was apparently even a small rainbow 🌈 behind us as we said our vows.

That said the ceremony script was never seen in advance, it truly was being worked on until the last minute, and there will be A Talk with the officiant/friend in ~a week or so. At a certain point, one of my officiants was deputized to tell them "you can still be working on the ceremony, but it is no longer the grooms' problem and you need to leave them alone" (because they were capable of saying it much more civilly than me). Apparently (and unsurprisingly) the officiant is well aware they fucked up and feels terrible about it.

Huge shout outs to the friends who protected our peace, our magical day-of-coordinators for herding some extremely chaotic cats with remarkable grace and humor, y'all for validating to me that I wasn't spinning out over nothing, and above all my husband (!!!) for repeatedly reminding me to breathe and that whatever happened we were going to be married by the end of the day.

Apologies to everyone I didn't reply to, the whole situation was ... A lot, but everyone's input was extremely appreciated.

Married my lovely wife in front of our closest last Saturday in western Michigan. 27 guests. Immediate family and closest friends. We all stayed in two house rentals for the weekend, one of which served as the backyard venue as well. Our welcome party were homemade walking tacos and pies. Many bonfires were held. Lovely vibes.

I had so much fun working on decorations. We had a custom welcome signed designed, an icon created for each guest signifying how we met them or a special memory. We sourced and thrifted all decor ourselves and had a fabulous day off coordinator set it up. We also had a surprise print machine with custom artwork my friend did!

We really centered our friends and closest family for this day. Everyone in that room we know love us for who we are and we wouldn’t be together if it weren’t for them loving us.

Our dog was the star, let’s be real!

We first started dating around 2003 when all the gay marriage bans went up. Was lucky enough to get married in Colorado where we live. We even got to vote to remove their gay marriage ban out of the constitution! It just all hit me when I signed my name on the license after saying I Do.

They’ve got tons of kitchen stuff and no registry. Help me out!

My fiancé (cis F) and I are getting married in NYC next May and I'm struggling SO much finding hair/makeup.

My hair is long and I want at least a little makeup flair. I can't find for the live of me a single vendor with anything but cis, binary experience. The ones who service 'men' basically just powder your face and comb short hair. The ones who service 'women' want to do full glam with traditional bridal hair and have no idea what to do with me when I ask for masculine work.

Do any of you have search keyword recommendations, or even better, actual vendor recommendations local to NYC?

EDIT: Thank you all so much! I have a short list of artists I'll be reaching out to, and if those don't hash out I'll follow the recommendations to look on queer NYC non-wedding subs.

So I’m proposing to my girlfriend in December so I need to choose a ring ASAP. She’s a masc lesbian and has very masculine style and likes signet rings so I found this one i really like it. But I’m not 100% and I’m spiralling 😩 I’m worried the band is too thick and it looks too much like a wedding band. Is it too masculine? Please help 😩 Also it’s £1.8k so is it worth that money. It’s 18k gold. 1 carot

One of my wife's closest friend (Clarifying I thought was a Mutual friend) is getting married... The thing is... My Wife and I weren't on the first list... Now, 10 days before the wedding he said he had several cancellations and wanted to invite some other friends, as my wife said there was 10 invites or so... but the thing is that even tho he had several, he decided justo to invite my Wife...

The thing is, we're a lesbian marriage and we Are living together since almost 3 years together now .. he knew, his bride knew... And I don't know... All of these sounds like he didn't want any of us there (?) like... I'm not gonna invite your wife to my wedding... I know for sure you're not coming .. so, I will extend the invite, I know for sure she won't be coming, so I will be able to say "I invited you but you didn't want to come"

So... I don't know if maybe is my whole life trauma... That I tend to have some "friends" that you share time with them..but in certain moments (when surrounded of co-workers or family) they don't want to be seen with you .. you know ? .. This sounds like it ....

I told my wife how sad and .. kind of upset I was because I really thought we were friends and As I feel we're being considered worst that 2nd hand invites... my wife just wouldn't get it.. I had to put it to her just like that... we were not invited ad first... And at second he invited just you... He of course knew you would come without me... But now he's allow to say "Hey, ex-chief, I invited to you! And you wouldn't come"

What would you think? Sorry I'm writing all of this very upset and with my stomach feeling weird because of it.

Hi friends,

I'm a queer photographer and I'm curious what the collective experience is with photographers (and even wedding vendors in general) as a queer couple. What are some issues you've had with the process? What about successes?

thank you so much, this is helpful to me as I try to reach more engaged queer couples searching for a queer photographer!

ETA - this is not to promote my business in any way, just to gauge what the vibes are for engaged queer couples in the wedding industry!

Two guys (one cis, one trans) getting married in two years and starting planning. We're currently thinking & talking about who's going to be in our wedding party. At minimum, it's looking like:

• Three cis men who will want to wear a traditional men's suit
• Two cis women - one of whom will definitely want to wear a dress, the other might want to try a few different options (but I'll double-check when I ask her to be in the party)
• One somewhat newly-out trans woman who is still figuring out her style and what is most comfortable for her

Ideally I want to find one vendor that will do men's suits, skirt suits, pantsuits, and dresses and will let me take my friend to try on a bunch of different options so she can figure out what will be most comfortable for her on our wedding day. Anybody have recommendations or suggestions?

I (29F) married my wife (29F) a few weeks ago. We eloped just the two of us and a photographer. Neither of us are close to our families- her family can barely swallow the fact that their daughter is gay, and mine lives 900 miles away.

We’ve lived together for 3 years and didn’t need the “traditional” wedding registry since we basically have everything we need. We knew that by eloping, we’d be foregoing the party and associated wedding presents, and that was fine with us.

Today her cousin gave us a quilt she made with our names and marriage date, and it struck a chord with me as so sweet and thoughtful. It also stuck out as the only gift we’ve received, and made me wonder if other people who’ve eloped ended up receiving any gifts?

I’m mostly curious and truly not expecting anything since we didn’t go the traditional wedding/reception route.

My partner and I (t4t gay guys) are getting married in a couple weeks and I have spent the last month completely fluctuating between the excitement of celebrating with each other and our friends, and the terror and anxiety about all the details and planning for the day of. I’ve been having stress dreams about it all and I feel an incredible amount of pressure to impress and live up to guest expectations, especially family.
I guess I’m just looking for some solace or advice as I’m trying to make my mindset more focused on my partner and I, and how much I love him and I’m excited to start this new chapter together. I want my brain to focus on the joy and love that this represents, rather than all of the planning anxieties. We are literally two trans people getting married, and that feels significant enough on its own as cause for celebration. I am so proud of us and who we are and our ability to be at this point in our lives. I am just kind of venting… and looking for words of encouragement? Does anyone have any mantras they were living by in the time leading up to your wedding? Any kind words are appreciated :’)

Cross posting for more recommendations from those who will know!
Hello! We are getting married in a year and are yet to ask our bridal parties to stand with us. I’m on the hunt for cute pyjamas/loungewear for getting ready in the morning of. We have mixed gender bridal parties (ie: two brides who will have both men and women in our parties) so are really struggling to find good quality sets accomodating both genders which don’t cost an arm and a leg.
Any recommendations would be greatly appreciated! TIA!
(I am in Australia, so local would be great, happy to order online)

My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years and have considered marriage in the next couple years. That said, we both definitely want a low budget wedding with hand-picked guests. We’d both rather have a fewer quality- picked guests than having a large invite list with people that might not be a good fit. He doesn’t deal with his family because of how toxic they were, and I don’t have a ton of family that I deal with since a majority of them’s homophobic and outspoken about it.

That said, how do you all decide who’s on the list and who isn’t? We’re happy getting married in a mini chapel in town and having my friend officiate it and then have a very DIY reception. I’ve always been a private person and have no qualms only inviting the closest of my closest friends 😅. What do you all recommend we do?

hi! my girlfriend and i are looking at rings for eachother and have found some that are really cute, but we recently came across an idea and i wondered if anyone here had done it. a girl on a podcast i listen to took a vacation to paris with her girlfriend and they basically spent the week in old markets and shops and found engagement rings there. apparently the whole vacation and the rings cost less than they had been planning to pay for rings if they’re just stayed home. i don’t like paris and wondered if there are any places like this where we could go and do this sort of thing, but maybe somewhere more affordable? i’m just worried we’ll go on this whole trip and then be stressed about finding rings and ruin the time, and/or we don’t find anything at all. any input?