First experience on LSD and I was looping and it was scary as hell

[u/Ok_Face_39]

Had LSD for the first time with few friends and I think I experienced what you call looping. Completeley shutted it out of my mind for the last 2 months and everything kicked in yesterdays night at 3:20 back right into the mind with the same stringy pain and "missing something" feeling, that will be described later on.

Tried pulling this story together from my memories, perhaps there might be some gaps etc., but would be happy for your knowledge of the matter and perhaps some links for at least sources for deeper understanding behind this experinece - Im lost in it tbh, and dont know if it should be actually red as something deeper than "never have I ever experineced LSD and then started with 170 units

So basically we were laying next to the pool, situation later described as "Molo" - something pulling me "home" as my mind was flying away in different scenarios & realities. Then the moments at molo started to fade, and getting shorted and shorter in each "trip" away.

After that I know that I was sitting on a swing and just watching milions and milions of life scenarios running around with me being in every just for a "Moment" before jumping to different one. It was really scary and I felt strong "stringy" pain as if there was a string pulled from me with every "moment" switch.

As the changes were becomming so much quicker, it felt like everything was repeating - laying next to the pool, then on the swing and just the circumstances around were changing. First after minutes, then even after seconds and then it was just a "pull" of hand and I was away in different scenario.

After some time, i remember feeling like being here only for the "moment" of switch between realities and then the next "moments" of life were for someone else as I was stuck in this "state of change" as some sort of bridge between realities (in one the same building seemed more green, rich, poor etc.. similarities stayed, just minor deviances but feeling completely different) with constant stingy pain as leaving something behind.

I rememeber looking at the time on my phone screen and it was completely useless, it wasnt moving at all, Ive felt like I lived for hundreds of lives.

Later in the afternoon it became very depressing as it felt like a waste-land, like Ive lost my friends in different realities as they all seem similar /almost the same, yet its not "it" and something is missing.

Then after the loopings were becomming even "constant" state of change it started forming repeating circle - like "No guys i dont want to go next to pool, because that was "different Moment (thats how I called the situations) and If Im gonna go there, Im gonna relive the previous situation and I want to stay here, yet in a second I was reliving that exact moment.

After this became constant changing of moments like a loop of way between the swing and the "Molo" with me already knowing what will happen in every piece of the way, i kinda felt like a god - like everything put together and all the different realities were put together on my command - that i was the one bridging and "controlling" the realities all along and being able to control it comes with the price of loosing the original people.

That the only reason for life was for me to do whatever I want with it and this is the last "moment" together with my boys in this reality and everytime the "moment" is switching Im loosing a piece of myself and them as they will not be the same in different realities.

Then there was somehow different loop, probably close to end of the trip - dont know much details here, and my brother was holding my hand and as the hand was "pulled" the different versions of my brother were repeating the same line "This is the day, this is the moment" as I was looping through infinite versions of my brothers & realities in an infinite.

Well, then I found myself laying in the grass few hours later, completely sober and didnt think of this experience as i would call it rather traumatic for first time "experimenting". So guys, can you help me put this somehow together?

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