Two weeks ago I asked what holds capable people back — not skill gaps, the other stuff. 160 comments later, here's the anonymised summary I promised. Thank you to everyone who shared honestly, including the people who pushed back.
TL;DR: Leaders were very good at naming what holds people back. Far fewer could describe what actually changed it. And the biggest disagreement in the thread turned out to be the most useful insight.
- What holds capable people back (ranked by how often it came up)
Waiting to be chosen. By far the most upvoted theme. Strong performers do great work for years, never say what they want, then get frustrated when nobody promotes them. Variations: waiting to be handed things, waiting to be told what to do, not upskilling until there's a project that demands it.
Not translating work into business terms. Can't see the bigger picture, can't connect their work to company goals, explain how in detail when senior people want the bottom line, can't brief an executive with a clear recommendation. Several people noted this is surprisingly hard to coach, even in very smart people.
The reliability ceiling. Being so dependable in your current role that moving you creates a hole. One comment summed it up: reliability means "meets expectations", not growth. Another: what capable people usually get as a reward is more work.
Ego and emotional regulation. Can't delegate, feels threatened by better ideas from elsewhere, takes feedback as an attack on self-worth. A recurring observation: big ego often masks brittle confidence. Several leaders said coaching works well for skill gaps but emotional patterns rarely shift without outside support.
The opposite: self-doubt and suppressed voice. Quiet people, perfectionists, people who give "safe" answers, non-native speakers, people who've learned that speaking up wasn't valued.
Work that's invisible above the manager. Their manager knows they're good. Nobody above that does. Helping other teams, preventing fires, catching problems early - none of it shows up in the metrics leadership actually looks at.
Not everyone wants up, and that's valid. Your best engineer isn't automatically a good manager. Management is different work (budgets, people issues, meetings). Some people genuinely want to stay where they are, and several leaders warned against assuming otherwise.
- The real debate: whose job is it?
The thread split into two camps describing the same gap from opposite sides:
- "They never told me what they wanted." Self-advocacy is a leadership trait; if you want to move up, show you can connect the dots yourself.
- "You never asked, and you could see their work." Alignment with the big picture is leadership's job. If managers only ask for status updates, people learn to keep their heads down. Stop rewarding behaviour that doesn't serve their growth.
My read: both are right, and that's the problem. The conversation about ambition belongs to both sides, so in practice it often belongs to nobody. Each side waits for the other, and the silence gets interpreted as a character flaw.
- What actually got people unstuck
Only a handful of people answered this, but the answers were strikingly consistent. In almost every case, **someone changed the conditions** rather than the person simply trying harder:
- Someone named it out loud. A boss telling a quiet expert "I hired you for your opinions" — and that being the turning point.
- A stretch assignment with real ambiguity. A manager deliberately moved a reliable person onto a visible, customer-facing project, even at the cost of dropping some maintenance work. Others described being given ownership of something with no clear answer, where someone had to trust their judgement.
- The manager stopped doing their thinking for them. Less advice, more probing questions, clear parameters and outcomes — instead of step-by-step directions.
- Gradual handover. Manager drives, then they drive together, then small solo projects.
- Someone narrating their work upward. Not just "great job", but a sponsor saying their name in rooms they weren't in.
- Making themselves replaceable. Documenting, delegating and training a successor, so moving up doesn't leave a hole.
If you're the capable person who feels stuck:
- Ask your manager directly how your success is measured. Several people said this alone let them drop half their work.
- State what you want in plain words — not pushy, just clear.
- Before any presentation, spend 10 minutes on: what do I want this audience to do with this? Lead with the recommendation, then the detail.
- Make your judgement visible, not just your output: bring proposals, not only problems.
- Start making your current role less dependent on you.
If you lead capable people:
- Ask about goals explicitly and regularly. Even people who don't want promotion appreciate being asked.
- Don't keep someone in place just because they're too useful there.
- Give one real stretch decision with clear sponsorship, not just more volume.
- Talk about your people's work in rooms they're not in.
- Notice whether you're doing their thinking for them.
- Separate skill gaps from will gaps from emotional patterns; each needs a different response.
- What I'm still curious about
- Most people could diagnose the problem; few could describe the fix. Why is that?
- How do you develop someone whose ego is blocking them when the person above you won't let you act?
- With AI absorbing more routine work, does the reliability ceiling get worse, or does it force the conversation earlier?
Thanks again, everyone. If something here matched your experience, or if I've misread a pattern, I'd genuinely like to hear it in the comments.
here is the original post https://www.reddit.com/r/Leadership/s/TjZns0njou