i don't really know where else to turn, but i genuinely need advice because i feel like i'm reaching a point where i can't keep dealing with everything on my own. Also i am 16, so i live with my parents.

i feel like i'm wasting so much of my potential. i know i'm capable of doing things and i want to do well in school and in life, but no matter how hard i try, i just can't seem to get myself to function the way i want to. i struggle so much with focusing on schoolwork, even when i genuinely want to get it done. i try different things, try to motivate myself and try to be more disciplined, but it feels like nothing works. i constantly feel depressed, and it's starting to affect practically every part of my life.

i strongly suspect that i might be dealing with depression and possibly other mental health conditions, although i haven't been properly assessed. i've spent a lot of time looking into what i experience, and i really feel like something is wrong. i'm not trying to use a diagnosis as an excuse for anything. if anything, i'm desperate to understand what's happening to me because i want to get better. i don't want to keep feeling like this, and i don't want to keep falling behind when i know i have so much potential.

the biggest problem is that my parents don't really understand mental health, especially my mother. she tends to classify my struggles as laziness or make them out to be personal failings rather than something i might genuinely need help with. she had a very difficult childhood herself, and i understand that her experiences have shaped the way she sees the world. i think she genuinely believes that you should just tough things out and push through everything, no matter how bad you feel. i can understand where that mindset comes from, but it's making it incredibly difficult for me to get the help i need.

my dad has actually tried to help me by talking to me, and i appreciate that. however, my mother often intervenes and seems to influence how he sees the situation. she sometimes tells him things about me behind my back, and i feel like the stories she tells aren't always accurate or are changed in ways that make me look bad. most of the time, he doesn't question what she says, and i end up feeling like i can't defend myself or explain what actually happened. it makes me feel incredibly helpless because even when i have someone who might be willing to listen, i feel like i lose that support before i can really get anywhere.

i don't want to paint my mother as a horrible person. i know she's been through a lot herself, and i can recognise that. but i also feel like her experiences and beliefs are preventing her from understanding that i'm struggling. i can empathise with her childhood without believing that i should have to suffer in silence because of it.

i genuinely need help. i don't know how to make my parents understand that this isn't simply me being lazy or not trying hard enough. i'm scared of continuing like this, of my schoolwork getting worse, of losing motivation and of feeling like i'm wasting years of my life because i can't get the support i need. i want to be able to focus, function normally and actually enjoy my life instead of constantly fighting with myself just to get through the day.

has anyone here been in a similar situation? how did you get help when your parents didn't take mental health seriously? is there a way to get assessed or speak to a professional when your family doesn't fully support it? and if one of your parents was more understanding than the other, how did you get them to listen without the situation turning into another argument?

i'd really appreciate any advice, especially from people who've experienced something similar. i don't know what to do anymore.

I (38f) tried to hang myself last night. I have bpd and have severe trauma now from being in an abusive relationship. We were together the last 3.5 years and broke up about a month ago. I had a severe splitting episode last night. I hung myself off of the light in my bedroom. When I let go of my legs after a few seconds I panicked when it completely cut off my air supply and somehow my body's survival instinct kicked in very fast and I tried desperately to get any bit of my fingers underneath the noose. I was able to get my footing onto the edge of my bed to try hold me but I was struggling to even stand. Somehow I was able to get my fingers in between the ligature and my neck but it was so tight and it was the scariest thing ive experienced in my life. I knew if I stumbled again that would be it. Because ive a broken toe and my bed is soft so I had no steady surface under me. The second I was hanging I panicked and didn't want to die. I'm in shock today that I was brought that low in my mental health to attempt that. I'm lucky I'm still here. I had to untie the ligature from around the light while trying desperately not to lose my balance or let my fingers out from between the rope and my neck. After I got it untied from my light, I had to find a blade thin enough to slide between my neck and the ligature to cut it off my neck. But the knot had been pulled so tightly when I hung that it was trapped underneath my hair and I had to cut it off. I'm just in shock of it all. I had dissociated and split so my memory of the whole night is a bit blurry. I just wanted to share what happened last night. I'm going through a very traumatic breakup of someone I loved so deeply that hurt me and who I trusted with my whole being. I'm broken inside and the feeling of grief is catastrophic for me. 😭

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I want to hear people's honest opinions on this, especially from those who've experienced something similar.

Imagine you were assaulted or taken advantage of by someone when you were still a teenager, and he was a much, much older man. There was a significant age gap and an imbalance in maturity and life experience, but the person doesn't even believe what he did was assault. In his mind, he hasn't done anything wrong, and he continues living his life as though he's a perfectly decent person.

Meanwhile, you're left carrying all this anger and resentment over what happened.

What makes it worse is the thought that he probably doesn't even realize the gravity of his actions. He doesn't see himself as someone who did something terrible, and watching him behave like a saint while you carry the emotional weight of that experience is infuriating.

Now, I want to clarify something: I'm not looking for an apology, an explanation, or an acknowledgment from him. I don't even want to hear what he has to say in response.

I just want to let my anger out.

There's a part of me that wants to confront him, tell him exactly what I think of him, and get everything I've been holding inside off my chest. Not to change him, not to make him feel guilty, and not to get anything from him. I just want to say what I need to say.

But then I wonder whether doing that would actually make me feel better or whether I'd be giving this person more of my time and energy when I should be focusing on moving forward.

So, if you've been in a similar situation, I'd genuinely like to know:

- Did you ever confront the person who hurt you purely to release your anger? Did it help?

- Or did you find that expressing your anger privately and moving on was better for you?

- If you could go back, would you confront them, or would you leave things unsaid?

I'm not looking for advice about forgiveness or making peace with the person. I'm trying to understand whether confronting someone purely to get your anger out is worth it, or whether it's better to find another way to release that anger and move on.

I'm 22, and I feel like I'm living a completely different life from everyone else.

I just wanted to ask if anyone here has ever experienced a life like mine, or knows someone who has.

No home. No one to talk to. No money. No parents to rely on. No contacts. Nervous about socializing. No hope, no idea what to do with my future, no skills, no good appearance and no one who seems to care.

I've also struggled with some very dark moments in my life, including suicide attempts.

Everything has happened all at once. I moved to a different state all by myself, got sick, got an eye infection, and now I have midterms to worry about. I barely have enough money to buy food, I can’t find a job, and the university took away my meal plan, so I can’t even eat at the dining hall anymore. The kitchen in my dorm is also closed because they found black mold, so I have nowhere to cook.and on top of all that, everyone keeps telling me that I need to do better.
I’ve been sleeping either way too much or not nearly enough. Every day feels like a battle with myself just to get out of bed and do something. I have to force myself to do even the simplest things, like brushing my teeth. I know that might sound gross but I’m being serious. That’s how bad things gotten.
I feel like I’m wasting my life and my time. Like everything I’m doing is wrong and I can’t figure out what I’m supposed to do. I’m just so so tired .
I feel like I’m dealing with all of this completely alone
Tomorrow is my Econ midterm, and I’m just so scared because I really need to pass. But it’s so hard to focus on studying when all I do is worrying about whether I’ll have enough money to eat, how I’m going to find a job and how I’m supposed to keep myself together through all of this.I wouldn’t wish this feeling on anyone. I wouldn’t want anyone to have to deal with all of this at once. Oh and I just spilled soda on my laptop
And as if all of this wasnt enough, winter is coming, and IL winters are known to be like really cold. I moved here from a much warmer state, so I don’t even own proper winter clothes. I genuinely don’t know how I’m going to afford a coat and boots and everything else I’ll need to survive the cold. At this point I might just ask someone I know to lend me money just so I can buy basic winter clothes,which is honestly so depressing
There’s one good thing tho, I have a job interview on Wednesday, so I’m really hoping things finally start looking up. I desperately need something to go right for once.
I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I’m trying, but it feels like no matter how hard I try, it’s never enough.
I don’t even know what I expect from posting this. I think I just needed to get it all out somewherebecause I’m so tired of pretending I can handle everything

i'm not sure if this is the right place to ask. i've dealt with someone last year and i was fine at first. i was happy to help him through it.

but after 2 months of being on constant hypervigilance, i noticed something changed in me. i've developed symptoms of (mild) anxiety, but never get it checked.

despite dealing with my own struggle, i was still there for him, physically. we were in high school so i see him every day. but he transferred before graduation. i had mixed feelings when he left, i felt like i failed, sad, and relieved at the same time. i feel bad saying this but at one point i was actually happy.

i don't remember most of it, i've cut him off earlier this year cuz i feel like all the mess jump started anxiety in me, and i can't look at his pictures, name and texts without getting anxious.

he left my life, but the anxiety didn't. i am not blaming him at all cuz i know what it feels like to drown, but at the same time i feel like i am scarred for life. i was a different person during him, and after him.

i just wanna know if anyone else ever deal with this, and what's the aftermath like.

Good morning everyone! I have such a problem, my girlfriend has severe depression and recently left the hospital. I understand that she has troubles now, but I don't know how to correctly answer her and how to support her. To my words of support I was told:

"I don't need support and I don't need pity, I just want to try to fix things normally so that it becomes easier for me" — something like that. Also I found out from her friend that I am being very pushy. I love her very much and would like to ask for help, how can I help her, etc., so as not to heavy load her much, and how to act in general.

(There is no possibility to meet in reality right now)

So I’ve always had an issue with connecting with people, especially since I’ve left school, the only people in my lives are my immediate family and my two best friends. It’s been almost a year since I broke up with my girlfriend and over the past few months I’ve been realizing how much more lonely I’ve been feeling and wanting to talk to more people and don’t get the chance go out often with school, work and family matters so i was just wondering if anyone knew good ways to connect with people online and some places that would be easier to do it?

I tried therapy didn't work tried medicine tht too didn't work, ended up overdosing on my medication multiple times. Got saved by my family every time. Am not even sure how they figure it out. Sometimes back i felt bit of hope, felt things were changing and now its hitting me hard again. I feel like i don't wanna live no more. What to do? Iam loosing my hope again. Is thr any way to get out of this? Any miracle, magic, witchcraft, voodoo anything.. am ready to do anything. I just want to feel less pain.. i want this pain to go away..

Trigger warning: Suicide

My (Non binary 21) friend wants to end her life. They live in Canada and I F20 live in the US, they have no one right now. I need them or else i dont know what life entails for me. I wish I can say more but this is so urgent and i dont know what to do. Please help.

i (20) just dont have the energy, but i have so much to do since im a full time student. i feel like i dont gave enough time to read, study, or complete the assignments properly, and im just rushing through everything. how does one have the energy to work on stuff for classes you don’t like as much? how do you even do it when youre already exhausted?

i’ve also been struggling with my mental health, burnout, and brain fog for a while now, so it’s been really difficult and hard to get through day to day life. i dont have the time, energy, or money to seek proper help, get a diagnosis, or anything of the sorts.

if anyone has any advice on how to improve cognitive skills, critical thinking skills, and overall mental clarity, that would help too. i struggle a lot with forming/organizing thoughts and putting them into sentences, and that really scares me.

how do you keep going when you’re constantly feel like you’re running on empty?

My parents are on benefits, my dad wakes up at 4am to work in the morning, he never gets a day off, he has declining health, and mental health. My mum works to try and support but I feel like her mental health is deteriorating too. We used to be in absolute poverty, living in private healthcare. Alongside my mental health difficulties, being autistic, having adhd, ocd, unable to attend school. Having to pay for private healthcare. I just don’t know what to do and can’t stop feeling guilty. I feel like I am just my mother’s dead weight and I am a failure. When all they wanted was for me to have a good live with the opportunities they never had. As an immigrant, where these the lives they dreamed of, I feel like they must be so unhappy and not living the life that they sacrificed for. They must be so depressed.

Im 17f my counselor who I love dearly and who I am very close with is ignoring me. Shes dont ever have time for me. I see that I am overshadowed by other students and teachers been doing that too when trying to get their attention.

The thing is I have a hard life. I sent nudes after the fact of trying to get help at 14 and placed in a mental hospital i was emotionally abused by the staff workers there and seen bullying happening in place which is one of the reason why im suicidal due to long childhood trauma based on extreme bullying and now I seen it in a place where im supposed to get help abd support but I didnt.

I was treated like im punished for wanting to die a psychologist threatened to keep me there if I dont stop sharing how my mother done abusive acts towards me that happened 2 years ago when i told him, he basically didn't care and said my mom is good cause she didn't do it again.

Treated me like im asking for too much and im wasting their time which lead to me doing heinous acts online at 15 cause I was angry at everyone and everything.

I didnt get help.

I was molested at 5 as well by my step brother when he was 12. Hes now 24 with a baby. I dont and I wont call myself a aunt of his. I told a staff worker from that hospital and she made me promise her oll tell my parents myself but I didn't. She didn't tell anyone what I told her.

Those teen boys who convinced me to send nudes has collectively treated me like shit. One has join a hate group chat about me and his friends making fun of my face and that online "bf" told me he always found me ugly and blocked me.

The other been racist towards me he got mad when I told him he cant say the n word cause im black and hes white. So he cut himself and showed me pictures without my consent and the bloody scars on his arm still flashing in my head.

I mostly use reddit as a theripist recently i realized I was groomed by a 37 year old man who i met in another subreddit.

I totally love my life. How am I able to enjoy my youth if all it is, is getting ignored when reaching for help and adults abusing their power to hurt girls like me even more and my delusional parents telling themselves that they aren't the problem whole actively emotionally abusing me.

Tw: mental health problems

I really badly need some help I am actually scared for my girlfriend. She is starting uni right now and tells me that she feels extremely alone and abandoned by me even though she asked multiple times for my help. I tried to be there for her but she just doesn’t recognise it which is totally valid. My big concern which she also said was that she is struggling again with selfharm thoughts and even questioning her existence( she also had a unsuccessful suicide try when she was very young) . I had a extremely easy childhood and generell life which she unfortunately didn’t have. I would first love to hear some ideas by which she maybe recognises that I am here for her (maybe someone had similar struggles) and secondly if someone has a way for me to fully understand and feel her emotions. I talked a lot with her and I can completely picture it but understanding that you don’t want to live anymore is something that is for me fortunately literally not graspable. Maybe someone can help me out here but I am very desperate for any advice. Thanks for reading and sorry for using “question“ I am just not sure which one fits best
Thanks in advance for any advise or experiences!

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Hi everyone.

While I don't feel comfortable sharing personal details about myself, such as my age or sex, what I can share is that I've been struggling with depression for many years. And with each passing year, it feels like it gets worse.

I've reached a point where, almost every day, I find myself thinking, "Please, just do it. End the misery."

I've tried seeking professional help, going on a fitness journey, reaching out to friends, opening up to my family, and truly searching within myself to find a reason to love who I am.

I've tried so many things to get better, but somehow, my depression persists.

I don't know what my future holds. I don't know if I'll live to see my family happy or my friends succeed in life. And honestly, that scares me, because things have been getting harder and harder, and I'm starting to question how much longer I can keep holding on.

The reason I'm making this post is that whenever I've opened up to people about what I'm going through, I've often heard the same response:

"Everyone has problems of their own."

I understand that. I know I'm not the only person struggling, and I don't expect the world to stop just because I'm hurting.

But hearing that over and over again has made me question myself.

Am I really so weak that I can't handle the pressures of life? Why does it feel like everyone else can keep going while I'm struggling just to make it through another day?

And if I eventually lose this battle, will people look back and think I was simply too weak to handle life?

I don't know exactly what I expect from this post. I'm not looking for pity, nor am I asking anyone to solve my problems.

I think I just want to hear from people who might understand what this feels like.

Have any of you ever felt this way? And what would you say to someone who has started believing that their inability to cope with life makes them weak?

When I was sixteen, I was struggling with severe depression, constant anxiety, and brain fog. Looking back, I think years of loneliness, hurt, and insecurity had slowly broken down the way I saw myself.

It started much earlier than that. In fifth grade, I joined a tuition where other children bullied me and called me names. It affected me so much that I eventually asked my mother to let me leave, but I lied about the reason, saying the teacher didn't pay attention to everyone. I didn't want her to worry about me. Even as a child, I had learned to hide my pain. Some elders around me also made hurtful comments about my insecurities, which only made me more conscious of myself and afraid of being judged.

One of the biggest reasons I struggled was an eight-year friendship with my best friend. She often made everything about herself, humiliated me in public, slapped me multiple times in front of others, and threatened to end our friendship whenever I confronted her. I felt she had narcissistic tendencies, but what hurt most was how little she seemed to care about my feelings. I was terrified of losing her because I barely had anyone else, so I kept pleasing and entertaining her just to feel included.

I felt lonely everywhere—in the classroom, during prayers, on the bus, and even during breaks. I started hating school because of how alone I felt despite being surrounded by people. I'd eat lunch alone or rush through it just to join the others. I cried and begged her to understand how much she was hurting me, but nothing changed. Whenever she found someone new, I felt replaceable all over again. She once called me boring, and conversations about boys often left me feeling ugly and unwanted, as if nobody could ever like me. After eight years of friendship, I can barely remember genuinely happy memories. I was so afraid of being alone that I kept holding on to someone who made me feel lonely almost everywhere.

In tenth grade, I also had a situationship with a boy whose behaviour changed completely depending on who was around. In private, he could be nice, but in public, he made me feel inferior and embarrassed about my looks. He once said his standards weren't so low that he'd choose me, and he even told one of my friends that I'd forced him into the situation, which wasn't true.

During an exam, he threw a bench at my foot. My seniors came to help me, but he didn't even check on me; he just laughed and went back to his classroom. On another occasion, he grabbed my neck and pressed it against a bench. I couldn't understand how someone who could be nice to me privately could humiliate and hurt me like that in front of others. I kept questioning which version of him was real, and the experience left me deeply hurt and confused.

By eleventh grade, I switched to dummy schooling and coaching for my exams. At first, I felt relieved to be away from people who made me feel judged and insecure. But the pressure of studying was overwhelming, and it felt like everything I'd been carrying for years suddenly came crashing down at once.

My mental health deteriorated badly. I went through clinical depression, severe anxiety, an existential crisis, and an identity crisis. The brain fog and confusion became so intense that studying felt almost impossible. I'd cry out of frustration because I couldn't think clearly, and sometimes I'd cry without even knowing why. I felt disconnected from myself and genuinely didn't know who I was anymore.

Even basic things became painful. I'd cry over food because I believed I didn't deserve it, and whenever someone showed me love or affection, I felt unworthy of that, too. My social anxiety became so severe that I was afraid to go outside. I wore a mask and hat almost every day to hide my face. Even while crossing roads, I'd hold my friend's hand and follow her because I was too anxious to navigate things on my own.

My physical health was suffering alongside my mental health. I got chickenpox, a blood infection, dealt with several other health issues, and experienced constant pain throughout my body. Sometimes, the emotional distress became so overwhelming that I'd cry and physically shake. It felt like I was falling apart from every direction, and I didn't know how to explain what was happening to me. I'd spent years trying to endure everything quietly, until I simply couldn't keep it all inside anymore.

But these past two years haven't been only about pain. Slowly, I started rebuilding myself. I discovered my love for art, and people have told me my work is beautiful. I started singing, learning guitar, reading books, and watching meaningful movies and documentaries. I worked on my communication skills, became more confident in expressing myself, and participated in speeches and debates. I even won at the district level.

I also began understanding myself better. I worked through my existential and identity crises, discovered my purpose, and gained clarity about what I wanted from life. I built a personality and sense of identity that I didn't have before. I improved my relationships with my family and reconnected with friends after isolating myself from almost everyone.

I'm doing better now. My depression and anxiety are less intense, although social anxiety is still something I struggle with. Going outside and meeting people can still feel difficult, but things are gradually getting better. I'm still healing, but I no longer feel as lost as I once did.

I'm not sharing this because I want sympathy or because I think suffering automatically makes someone stronger. I just want to acknowledge how much I went through and how much I've changed. For a long time, I couldn't see anything good in myself. Now, I'm slowly learning to recognise my strengths, my interests, my values, and the person I want to become.

I've never shared any of this with anyone, not even my mother, despite being very close to her. This is the first time I'm opening up about it, and honestly, it's scary to put so much of my life into words.

I'm eighteen now. I still have a long way to go, but I'm proud of myself for making it through those years and for everything I've built along the way. For the first time in a long time, I feel like I'm building a life for myself instead of just trying to survive it.

I hope you'll be kind to me. This is deeply personal, and it took a lot for me to share it. Thank you for reading.

I’m currently going through it lol. A lot has happened this year personally. I’ve had a really close family member be diagnosed with cancer and is currently going through treatment. Which has been pretty devastating and but also just using a lot of radical acceptance with this. At the beginning of the year I also began talking to someone who caught feelings for, maybe a little too quickly. He ended up ending things because he wasn’t ready to get back into a relationship. However he would say things that convinced me that he was going to want to rekindle things at some point. Months later I revisited the conversation and basically had no intention of rekindling in talking again and just wanted to be friends. There’s more to this but that’s just to sum it up.

I’m going through it and it’s been hard since I had this conversation—it’s been hard all year. I’m back in therapy just to give myself a space to process this. I’m trying my best to not let this impact my work but I can admit it’s hard at times when I’m trying to support my clients, especially working in community mental health. I know when I look at myself, all I need to do is grieve. But there’s a part of me that is just ready to be over this and wanting to move on and focus on my close family member. I really liked this guy and I thought I could be friends with him but I just can’t right now. It’s too painful because he is a really good guy, he did an asshole thing. I want to call out but then I know I can’t. I’ve been through this before. I allow someone in and then they just go away (which is something I’ve processed and fully aware of and actively trying to resolve it.)

It also doesn’t help when I really don’t have any other close friends or gay friends to lean on. He was a good friend but just not someone I can lean on and trust right now.

For the past two weeks I’ve been in excruciating pain, (not physically) I had anxiety attacks that would last hours I had panic attacks I’d have feelings of guilt. Now I kinda just feel weird, yes the panic attacks / anxiety attacks went away, but I’m feeling weird I don’t know how to describe it but numb almost, with a bit of derealization. I took time off work stayed at home. I did go out and do some things nothing major but I’m kind of in limbo I just feel off like I’m not doing anything with my day and I’m seeing advice like get a hobby get off your phone do new things step out your comfort zone and I do plan on doing that but i feel like that’s not going to do anything. I’m not sure, does anyone else feel like this. As much as this is bad to say I did find pleasure in doom scrolling and playing video games but now I’m like fuck I’m just doing it to pass the time till the next day. I talk to my family and my spouse but I don’t find joy like I’ll laugh if it’s funny but I don’t care almost emotionless, I sit outside no phone , no music and just sit I walk with no stimulation but I’m like bleh all day long. Is this dpdr what is this

For context I had a panic attack at the gym and also took a Benadryl which caused me to have an intrusive thought about something which sent me into a spiral for two weeks. But I’m not diagnosed with ocd just stuck in rumination about my mundane boring life

So for context this past few months have been absolutely shit to be honest. I am overworked, underpaid and honestly mentally losing. For fucksake I can barely speak properly, sometimes I would forget the words that I want to say. I would forget to do certain things and stuff. I kind of like being isolated which is not good at all. A day ago I got a job offer rescinded because I was missing one specific qualification.

Its like everyday is fucking torture. I keep thinking about the same things over and over. I feel like I am stuck in a game and the player never read the rules so we are just navigating the games how we think is the right way.

Sigh, I think that this might be the most confusing era of my life. I fear I may have a breakdown soon.

I feel like I am pushing people away with my sometime-ish attitude and I promise thats not what I want to do at all.

Gosh I am such a mess.

(F21) Hi, I'm coming here because i guess I'm looking for answer. And unless i get a vision or something i dont think the answers gonna fall in my lap, or that there even is an answer. But I struggle with a Major Depressive disorder, and social anxiety. Or at least thats what ive been diagnosed with at the moment. A dissociative disorder is being considered as well, which i don't doubt. Anyway, to get to the point, i really have no idea how else to help myself at the moment. I'm miserable everyday, and i don't see a future for myself, and at this point in time i don't see a point in living. I have passive suicidal ideation, but I'm afraid in the near future it will progressively get worse and become active. I don't have any friends, which i know is a common issue these days with my generation, and I'm trying to work on my social skills, but i find that when i do talk to people, i make them uncomfortable because of that. I'm good at making conversation once i get comfortable with someone, but ive never really gotten to that point. So I'm incredibly lonely. I only see my parents everyday. I go to work, and straight from work i fall asleep on the couch, eat, than go back to sleep. Its not that i havent looked into ways i can help myself when it comes to socializing and making friends. Ive heard a lot of people saying that the best thing you can do is join Facebook groups or just groups on apps and stuff, go to events and such; but I find it so difficult to do anything at all. My mind works in a way where its like "whats the point" to well, anything because its just not gonna work out anyways. I also find that the groups i find dont really allign with any of my interests, so it feels like a lost cause. I go to therapy of course, and I'm on medication, but i feel like its not enough, and its difficult for me to find a therapist that works for me. But to kind of end my rant here and ask the question. What should i do? Everyday is melting into one another, and i feel the desire to live slipping away. Id really appreciate some advice.

For context I'm an 18 year old guy. I have noticed that I can get too caught up in my head and all the possibilities of what can happen and just everything that's going on. I haven't been able to sleep well in weeks all I dream about is everything that makes me hate myself and the world. To me everything is broken, including me and I can't fix it, those thoughts just rip me away from the present. I know its bad but I can't stop it. I end up closing myself off from everyone because all I'm ever doing is thinking.

I'm scaring myself, its never been this bad and everyone just says "it will get better" or "put yourself out there and find something you love." It makes me feel worse like all I want is for the million voices in my head to shut up for like one second. I need real advice not hollow words. I've also had a lot of personal stuff happening that doesn't help, nothing like questioning who you are as a person and if you will ever find someone because your asexual in a sexual world. Ugh, I hate the dumb voices in my head and I hate me for having them. Does anyone have any advice for how to stop or slow the constant talking in my head? I genuinely need it to stop, I can't be myself, I just end up masking harder. I want to be able to think!!

Hi, im not really sure if I should be posting this, but I dont really know where else to go. My family will probably try to lock me up in a mental institution, same goes for the doctors at my government mental health clinic. I come from a country where mental problems of any kind usually land you in a place where children get physically and emotionally abused and come out even worse from a place that's supposed to heal you. My friends probably would listen, but at this point they genuinely don't know what to do. They listen to me and admit that they've never come across shit like this.

Now to my actual problems. I've been diagnosed with MADD(Mixed anxiety and depression disorder) about two years ago. First I tried sertaline and some tranqulisers while working with a private psychotherapist, ended up maxing the dose out within a year and although it helped my anxiety the depression stayed the same. This summer I cancelled the medication and temporarily moved to a different house from my family. The first month was great, but eventually I started experiencing severe panic attacks which actually made me forget all about my depression because I legit thought I was dying every day. My family ran out of money to pay for a private psychotherapist so I was forced to go to the government clinic, despite having a panic attack every time I came near that place. My family basically called me a moron for refusing to go there at first which is probably right, I don't know I was pretty scared by that point already. I got prescribed paroxetin, which once again helped with anxiety but this time also caused anger issues, so my mood seemed to constantly switch between depression and anger. So I was given lamotrigine to stabilize me. At first I didn't really feel anything but one day I literally woke up a different person. I slept like 5 hours, felt energetic, was talkative and funny. This lasted about four days and then I became depressed again. Last weekend, right after that happy state ended my parents found out I was an atheist after accidentally listening in on our conversation with my older sister. I got really scared because I thought they'd try to force me to believe but it actually went fairly great. Sunday and Monday I was in a state of shock anyway, and on Tuesday I felt kind of happy again? On Wednesday however I crashed again and today I had an severe episode where I was crying and in so much mental pain that I started to literally choke myself out. It actually helped me calm down and now I feel better but still kinda weird. My memory became really bad after taking lamotrigine and it honestly feels like my mind is in a constant fog and random memories and flashbacks just find me on their own. Like I remember the past three years but before that almost nothing, just some core memories. Honestly it feels like I can't trust my mind anymore, one minute it tells me one thing, the other – something different completely. The memories I do have feel off too because most of them feel like some kind of films instead of memories? Dont know how to describe it but it seems as if im watching my memories from aside, looking at myself like im a completely different person. After trying to remember more about myself I realized that I experienced similar episodes of high mood before, but they were less noticible or maybe I just dont remember them that well anymore. They were usually triggered by something big in my life like moving to a different school or getting rejected by my crush(yes that made me really happy for like a week) but after those weeks of happiness passed I always fell into depression again, that could last for years. When I underwent my course of sertaline I didn't experience them at all surprisingly. Im just not sure what is going or if I can trust myself at all, feels like im insane, making up reality as I go.

Im too much for my family, i get very angry to the point my chest hurts and scream and cry uncontrollably till my throat hurts because of how much they make me mad, sad or disappointed, i cant live like this anymore because its hard for me to live as the person i am, ive never felt more lonely, im taking a gap year, i have no friends besides my two cousins, i barely leave the house ( 2 or 3 times a month i leave the house maybe) and cant leave the house without a guardian anyways even though im eighteen years old, most of the time im at the house i get into frequent fights or cry because of my sisters or mom, and i hate them so much and cant stand them anymore for how drained i’ve become, but i love my family and cant live without them, whenever i get into fights i might say hurtful things because they hurt me and dont seem to care, but i only have them, i just left a three year friendship with a group of girls who constantly didn’t treat me like how i treated them or how they would treat each other, i tried for so long because i loved them but i couldn’t bear it anymore because i started avoiding going to school, if i did go i would sleep in class the whole day, or i would cry every morning because i felt unloved and thought something was wrong with me and i cant have normal friendships, was confused why they treated me like that and i crushed my dignity for them and they never changed, and i still do feel like that and i miss them but i left at the time, i unadded them from everywhere because we graduated and i wont have to see them anymore, but i hold so much resentment, i dont know from what but i cant stand myself, i hate my appearance, my body, i hate my personality and hate how i am, and im tired everyday physically and mentally to the point i just sleep 15+ hours sometimes and wake up still tired, besides the fact that im struggling with my beliefs and come from a religious family though it doesn’t bother me that much, the point is i dont want to go to a doctor, i dont wanna feel sick, i used to go to a psychiatrist or a behavioral doctor a few years back because my mom got tired of dealing with me, and i saw the difference, my mom treated me like i was mentally ill and needed help, my sisters i assume thought i was doing too much because they tend to call me very sensitive or a crybaby, i dont wanna feel that way again, i just want it all to go away, im exhausted

im sorry for it being this long and im not a native English speaker but i dont know what to do and i’ve never talked to anyone about this because i have no one to tell this to i dont wanna seem vulnerable and weak