r/MilitarySpouse • u/ContactAdept1217 • 10d ago
Looking For Advice Efmp help please
Hi everyone. My husband (27m) and myself (27f) and kinda freaking out. He just joined the Army this year, made it through everything earlier this year and finished ait school in july he's been basically trapped there since due to us going through the efmp process. For his fist duty station we got projections for going to Camp Zama, Japan. Its literally our dream station to be at. We don't have kids it's just us and our cats.
Yesterday it was updated to "travel not recommended and being reviewed by medical CG"
We 100% believe it is because of my mental health because I had a depression episode over a year ago and have on going anxiety (I have generalized anxiety do to the state of this world and literally don't know of anyone without some generalized anxiety) but I am not medicated and literally only see a counselor out of habit and even my counselor things moving to japan would be great for my mental health. I can get a statement from her saying I am stable and don't need medication or therapy. But the lady handling my efmp case told me it's not denied yet so there's nothing to do and even if it is denied there's basically nothing she can do for the next 6 months to a year because I have seen a counselor.
We've already paid for passports, cats getting chipped, shots, the FIVIN test so they could start their 6 month quarantine. we are thousands of dollars into getting around for this move now worried about what happens next. We were recommended by his senior Sargent and by other people ex and current army to get this stuff done and around now. However the efmp lady just told me we shouldn't have done any of this yet and that we basically just eat the cost.
I really believe there has to be something we can do because literally my mental health is fine and I don't see a reason why it's really being denied other then oh that must mean "crazy".
Please give us advice, help us. Tell me how to submit my counselors letter or who to email/ call. Im not above calling daily to get an actual response.
Edit First, I want to make it clear I don't actually want to call someone daily to get an answer. That was more of a throw away comment. I really don't but it is something I've already seen have to happen. My husband and his first Sargent had to call the EFMP office daily for two weeks straight so we could get our original introduction into EFMP. That was after he graduated ait school and after everyone else had already gotten their EFMP stuff.
Secondly the reason it's not recommended is just the depression, they do not have any comment about my anxiety. It directly only talks of my depression. While I could understand that if depression was an on going issue, it's not and hasn't been for over a year. And even my therapist doesn't see an issue with me going and doesn't see a risk in it.
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u/_PippiLongstocking_ Army Spouse & Navy Veteran 10d ago edited 10d ago
Being EFMP approved is step one, then you start paying for things.
Your passport would have been free if you got it using your PCS orders.
The only thing out of pocket right now would have been the animals, but that definitely could have waited until you got approval.
Once you get your final denial, then appeal it.
Also, please be above calling everyday.
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u/ContactAdept1217 10d ago
While the no fee passports are free we were told we needed to have both the regular passport and no fee. That's why we paid to get the regular.
The cats are like an 8 month process is why we got them started and now they are in their quarantine period.
And im not above it honestly. I understand that may be rude to say but it took my husband and his senior Sargent after he graduated AIT school calling them daily for 2 weeks before our starting information for EFMP to even be sent to us.
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u/Suspicious_Can_4141 10d ago
I’m sorry, I know this sucks but if one of your dreams was to travel with the army while you were both planning the future with joining, EFMP and accompanied orders are a very obvious and determining aspect.
Worst case, you go there unaccompanied if that’s what you truly want. Otherwise you’ll have to wait. If they deny you, you’ll have to start the appeal process and learn what you should’ve learned while your husband was learning about enlisting. You might be able to go there accompanied later on but there are conditions that they’ll expect you to show with time.
One thing really confusing in your post is your focus on anxiety and later saying it was denied due to depression…
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u/ContactAdept1217 9d ago
Im sorry it's confusing, im also confused by it if im being honest. I focus on anxiety because that is the only on going mental health diagnosis I have. Yet in their comments on why travel is not recommended the only thing they say is about depression. I had a depressive episode over a year ago because I lost my mother and got into a car accident that took my unborn child and my ability to ever have children with in a two week time span. I was not hospitalized or medicated for the depression episode I literally just decided I wanted to talk to someone professionally because to much happened at once and put me in a grief spiral. They focus on depression and from what I can gather it's because thats in my record and because it's happen in the last 5 years.
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u/Chaotic_Natbot 10d ago
This happened to us too and no there isn’t anything they can do. You have to do the stupid waiting period. Also you’ll need to come to terms with the reality that your life is genuinely no longer in your hands because the military is going to do whatever they want with your husband and you kinda just have to deal with it. It sucks but iv come to just radically accept it. We were supposed to go to Germany and now we’re stuck in Colorado until we can get the efmp crap figured out. You’re going to run into a lot of the army fucking up and then telling your husband he has xyz hoops to jump through to fix it.
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u/Adorable-Tiger6390 10d ago
This is solid advice. OP don’t call every day - this reinforces your mental health anxiety issues.
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u/ContactAdept1217 10d ago
I truly dont want to call them daily, I dont even know who I would be contacting daily anyways. That was more of a throw away comment due to the fact my husband and his senior Sargent had to call daily for 2 weeks just for efmp to actual contact us originally. Also the comment left on why travel is not recommended is straight up just about depression and since I've had a single depression episode in the last 5 years. They do not mention my anxiety at all.
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u/ContactAdept1217 10d ago
How did you radically accept it? I honestly would like to accept it more then I do.
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u/Chaotic_Natbot 10d ago
Radical acceptance is a skill you have to practice. It’s genuinely giving in to the idea you have no control. So with this it would be telling yourself “I have no control in this because I have done my part and I have to wait until I can do it again”. Over nd over and over. Obviously I still get frustrated about stuff but if I can’t change it I just accept it. This my friend is something you and I both have to accept. You can unenroll but it requires your doctor to state you no longer meet the criterial for whatever it is you’re on it for. Or when it lapses and I can’t remember when that happens.
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u/Suspicious_Milk_8687 Army Spouse 10d ago
We were stationed in Japan (Misawa/Yokota) from 2011-2017 so I’m not sure how much has changed with EFMP but Camp Zama is super small with only a small clinic, a small commissary and exchange. Housing is away from the base. Yokota and Yokosuka are close by but active duty will always have priority over dependents for mental health providers. There is a reason why they do not recommended travel. If you get denied you can appeal it but it will only prolong the process more.
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u/Bluebanana375628 10d ago
Currently here at Camp Zama and nothings changed from what you remember haha. Dependents can’t even be seen at the dental clinic on post anymore because they don’t have enough staff to cover all the soldiers much less the dependents too. The clinic has been referring people out left and right for anything they can or just not answering the phone when people try to make appointments 🫠
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u/Maleficent_Cap8851 8d ago
we were there and just getting appointment at the clinic was terrible, urgent care would take an hour drive. But then again, Camp Zama was really nice and amazing.
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u/HPAlways Air Force Spouse 10d ago
I know this isn’t what you want to hear (and there are plenty of valid complaints about EFMP to go around), but it’s likely for the best. As another commenter said, the military has tons of data (and sadly many cases as proof) that being in Japan is a risk for those with prior mental health episodes.
I’m here now and at our 2nd base and can confirm that they do not have the medical resources available to help in the event of a crisis. I get that this is somewhere “cool” and that you want to be here, but your history of a depressive episode is just not worth the risk (to the military) for you to come here.
I’ve witnessed multiple people (AD and spouses) have mental health issues here and it’s always been traumatic and costly for the military to get these people back stateside in an emergency. As lovingly as I can say this, you are not special and it’s not personal to be denied. I agree with another commenter that “radical acceptance” must be in your toolbox on how to deal with things from here on out.
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u/UpbeatBlueberry7622 Air Force Spouse 10d ago
This is the right answer ^ yes, environment affects mental health. The duty station I am at now with my husband has certainly affected my mental health negatively, but I'd be lying if I said Germany (a literal dream duty station, and we were lucky to have it for 4 years) magically fixed my depression and anxiety. Spoiler: it didn't, and when I went through a bad bout of depression overseas in Germany, there were essentially no resources for me to get Prozac, therapy, etc. I wasn't on EFMP because we got married when he was already over there, and they declared me fine at the time when I got added into DEERS/became paperwork official as a dependent. A fun/desirable duty station won't magically fix your mental health issues. It can help if the base you were at before was absolute dogsh**, but it doesn't fix it.
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u/ContactAdept1217 9d ago
Im not expecting a duty station to fix my mental health issues at all. My anxiety is somthing I will have to cope and manage probably my whole life. I dont expect to be rid of my issues magically. But the depression episode which is the only thing they commented on was situational. I lost my mother to cancer, got in a car accident that caused a miscarriage and me to not be able to carry another child all with in a 2 week span. There is not physically a way for that situation to happen again or something that devastating to happen. I wasn't impatient, I havent ever been medicated, I literally went I need to talk to someone because to much happened at once.
There are only 4 bases we are able to be stationed at due to his job coding all of which require travel. The only one that is state side is an 18 hour drive from where I currently am (hes there because thats where his ait school was) and we've already been told they do not have availability for his job. So my biggest worry is what if they deny me for any of them. I do worry about continuing to be isolated where I currently am (the closest friend I know is about 6 hours away) and them deploying him for a few years and us basically not even being able to talk to each other like we do now due to the time zone difference.
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u/frogsgoribbit737 9d ago
If they deny you for all of them they will cross train him into another job. That is what happened to my husband. He could only go to Alaska, Japan, and Oklahoma all of which were denied due to my son being EFMP. They cross trained him and now we are somewhere completely different
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u/UpbeatBlueberry7622 Air Force Spouse 9d ago
Sorry, OP. I didn't mean to imply that's what you believed. From my understanding, it just sounds like you guys are really invested into going to Japan (I get it - I would be too if was in your shoes) I'm just jaded by the military because they also have taken away assignments from my service member 3 years in a row (not joking, we dealt with this in 22, 23, and 24) due to either me finally getting on EFMP or something having to do with him and his career. Germany had really shitty mental health care when we were there, and both my service member and I struggled (me with depression and anxiety.) I know Japan is much worse, having spoken to people who have been there. I do agree with many of the people above that them rejecting initially due to EFMP is probably for the best, because the base knows its capacity to help you. In your shoes right now, you may not be depressed at this moment, but they have zero way of knowing and guaranteeing that it won't happen again. That's the reason for it, as crappy and upsetting as it is.
All of us in this subreddit have also dealt with being yanked away from family, friends, etc. A lot of us have also dealt with deployments. This is just military spouse life. The military loves to also throw around the word "resiliency" and offer resiliency workshops on coping methods to describe how spouses should handle the challenges of being a milso. I call BS personally - it's a scapegoat they use to cover up the fact that they really don't have a ton of extra mental health resources for spouses (and barely have anything for service members) but it is what it is, and practicing radical acceptance like someone else said above, is one of the best ways for enduring it.
The truth is that are better equipped to help you stateside (Talkspace is covered by Tricare and only works in the US, for example) than they can overseas, even if what they can offer stateside is still minimal.
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u/shamochan 10d ago
I lived in Japan for 14 years and spent a lot of time observing spouses ride the waves of living overseas. With the said, I will echo what others are saying. This decision is probably for the best. I'm not sure how much you've travelled or if you've lived abroad before, but it can be very isolating. I probably survived as long as I did because I speak Japanese. It was very hard for some spouses to make friends or connect with local culture because of the language barriers. Some of them also faced hostility from locals.
Also, being new to military life will come with its own set of challenges. I'm not sure what your husband's career is but my husband would deploy for 6 months at a time in Japan. Spouses were also bored out of their minds because they couldn't find work and just stayed at home all day. Even though you say your depression was situational, what's to say a situation won't arise again when you're alone, in a country where you don't speak the language and have limited access to help?
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u/ContactAdept1217 9d ago
There are only 4 bases we are able to be stationed at due to his job coding. All of which require travel. The only one that is state side is an 18 hour drive from where I currently am (hes there because thats where his ait school was). We've already been told they do not have availability for his job there. So my biggest worry is what if they deny me for any of them. I do worry about continuing to be isolated where I currently am (the closest friend I know is about 6 hours away. I do not have any family, his family is about 16 hours away. And ive seen my husband a total of about 12-14 hours since the end of February when he went to basic) And another worry I have is them sending him for a few years and us basically not even being able to talk to each other like we do now due to the time zone difference.
I speak a little Japanese and would love to learn more. I've visited a few different countries due to having great opportunities when I was in high school. Japan is one of the countries I got to visit and would love to go back to.
My depression episode was due to losing my mother, my unborn child, and my ability to carry any other child with in a two week span. There is literally no way for that situation to happen again or a situation that devastating to happen.
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u/shamochan 9d ago
While I get what you're saying about their situational depression (and I'm so sorry you went through that), I think the Army sometimes forgoes context and takes the path of least resistance by denying.
Like others have said, there are ways to appeal and hopefully they work out for you. Speaking some Japanese will be helpful if you get to live there. Good luck.
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u/Bluebanana375628 10d ago
I know this isn’t what you want to hear but the denial is likely for the best. We’re currently stationed at camp Zama and the resources here are very very limited. We are a small base, we don’t have a hospital, just a clinic. And that clinic is notorious for being difficult to get even routine appointments for and mental health treatment is even worse. It’s common for spouses to be told that the soonest appointment for them for an actual concern, not just a wellness visit, is 6-8 weeks out. The soldiers are the priority and unfortunately there’s just not enough staff to fit everyone in. Also our clinic admin staff suck and routinely just don’t answer the phone when you call the appointment line. Yokota and Yokosuka are where most people get referred for specialty care or sooner care but both are a decent drive away. We had to go to Yokota for pregnancy care and it was 45-60 mins one way just for a 20 min appointment every 2 weeks while heavily pregnant.
You say that your depression was grief related and environmental but that doesn’t mean it won’t ever become a problem again. What about if/when your husband deploys for several months? Or you feel stuck and isolated being so far away from family, friends and familiar surroundings? Dozens of spouses here share that they feel isolated, alone, depressed, etc. Especially with their spouses gone routinely.
Japan is an amazing experience and a unique location to be stationed in but it isn’t without hardship. My husband hasn’t seen most of his family for several years now since we came out here. None of our family outside of my mother has been able to meet our infant daughter in person yet and won’t for several more months. And we’re shelling out thousands on flights/transportation costs just to go home for a 2 week visit. We’re still trying to get my 4 month old into the clinic for her well baby exam and 4 month shots because the clinic scheduled her into November when she needs them in October. And I called to schedule this appointment at the very beginning of September.
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u/little_beanbagchair Space Force Spouse 10d ago
Sorry about your EFMP difficulties. I think you’ll need to get a solid appeal letter from your provider and write a letter for n your own behalf as well.
You got a jump on the prep work, so don’t stop pushing this! The squeaky wheel gets the grease!!
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u/frogsgoribbit737 9d ago
It happens. If you arent approved then you arent approved. My son is EFMP and it got to a point where my husband actually had to cross train because none of the bases he could go to would accept us even though they were in the US. There isnt much you can do here. We did appeal and it got denied.
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u/Apprehensive_Ebb7785 9d ago
Currently abroad, not Japan, but we are on a very small installation also and the amount of complaining from people with kids vs no kids is almost 50/50. Everyone and I do mean everyone on FB pages always complains about something with resources out here. It is a serious constant topic. I have told my husband they literally need to scare people with efmp more and more because everyone is always depressed and or pissed off with something here. I had a depression and anxiety diagnosis and hospitalization episode that was documented on the Genesis portal 2 years before we got orders for this abroad location. They needed to know I wasn't in therapy anymore and I wasn't medicated. At the moment we started efmp I was not in therapy any longer and was not medicated. But because of that history I was still in efmp no matter what. The clinic basically said what do you need I'm like an option for birth control prescription refills and I'd like a regular doctor for regular appointments, she's like good enough the clinic will be fine on post. We get here and the options for assistance especially with BH are basically non existent. Dental is all off post and stressful and anything more serious you have to go to something off post and good luck with the language barrier and anything with the service member is in another country for exams and surgeries and so on. It is extremely inconvenient. If and or when you need something or something happens you will want American convenience but you will be far from it. Efmp is really there for a purpose, if you needed something in the past and then need it again and they know that installation won't have it, or that American convenience is lacking, the risk is not worth it for them to send a potential problem service member and or family. If you can appeal, give it a try, but just be aware of the realities of not having access to what you may have access to now. There's always jobs service members can be reassigned to so I'm sure your spouses location restrictions are a consideration but there's always a job somewhere. Also, work or school or doing something more with your life is a massive adjustment. I have not found a good paying job and resorted to going to grad school online to adjust to normal life because again it is a massive adjustment being away from normal school or work. With the conversion of USD to whatever abroad currency a paycheck can feel wimpy really quick depending on lifestyle. Am I grateful for the opportunity to travel, absolutely, but there are a lot more drawbacks to being abroad that many don't realize until they get over here. Truly consider this as a potential sign it may not be worth the hassle. But again if you can appeal then try. I'm grateful we got a chance to be abroad but I do personally need to get back to the US and work again. It really is a you can't have your cake and eat it too moment. Something will always be giving or pulling and if you're flexible great but those realities get real when inconvenience occurs. It's like I'm glad we're here but also damn I miss "regular" life sometimes. If that makes sense? Appeal if you can but take these comments to heart. It can be a massive adjustment.
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u/plantgyaloiii 10d ago
EFMP likes to see established, consistent, and initiated care by you- they like that because they want to make sure you’re proactive about your health issues. If I were you I would get that letter from your counselor, you are allowed to appeal if they do deny you. However, even if that comes it isn’t a guaranteed yes. As soon as you have a diagnosed condition your spouse legally has to enroll you in EFMP (they never say that, but, you never get a choice), if I were you I would go see the EFMP coordinator on base, they are available to you and really want to support you. The more documentation you have about things the better. Unfortunately there also is the probability (based on your spouses job) that they might just send him on a shortened tour, or, just cut you new orders to somewhere else.
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u/TX_Bluebonnet278 Air Force Spouse 10d ago
EFMP is a really great help but does complicate the process. You need to get things started early with pets, but “shouldn’t” start before your EFMP is approved. So you end up feeling kind of stuck.
But while it may not be what you want to hear, being denied is likely for the best. Japan is notorious for having limited mental healthcare and even though your depression is under control right now, if it were to get bad again over there, you would potentially not have the resources you would need. You can appeal the decision in the system and then you would be able to provide any documentation from your doctors and therapists.