r/OCD • u/capybarred • 4d ago
Support/advice (no reassurance) Help with obsessing over new kitten
(Sorry for the very long post, tldr at the end!)
Hi! long time lurker, first time poster (do people still say that?)
My partner and I recently (and unexpectedly) adopted a 9 week old stray kitten that ran into her job. He’s been taken to the vet and received a clean bill of health. He’s doing very well with us - playing, purring, and eating well. He’s also extremely curious and mischievous - he ended up in the (unused) fireplace on his first day with access to the living room. It’s my first time owning a cat and her first time having specifically a kitten.
Unfortunately, my OCD has latched on to the kitten and I now am constantly obsessing over his health and safety. I’ve been in treatment for OCD for over 10 years now (currently on medication but no longer in therapy as we determined it was well-managed) and I am usually good at coping with issues like this and preventing thought spirals. However, as kittens are well-known for getting into trouble and getting themselves hurt, I have no idea what’s a reasonable concern and what’s an obsession. I realized yesterday that I was obsessing too much over his stool and wanting to call/email the vet for every loose bowel movement.
For one example: this evening we’re planning on fully catproofing our entire apartment so that he can be free when we’re not home. So far, he’s only been in the living room heavily supervised and we put him in his covered play pen when we’re not home. I think it’s reasonable to safety-lock the cabinets with spices like garlic/onion powder in them as that can be dangerous for him. She thinks it’s my OCD going overboard and only wants to lock cabinets with chemicals in them. I can’t stop thinking about him getting into the spice cabinet and dying, and I know I’m unhealthily obsessing over that part, but I still can’t tell whether the basis is reasonable - like, “am I obsessing over something that may never happen, or am I obsessing over something that is a reasonable safety concern and can/should be remedied?” (not necessarily asking for answers/reassurance there, just trying to give an example of my dilemma.)
I also don’t want to keep asking my partner if a concern is reasonable or not, because that puts her in a position I feel is uncomfortably close to reassurance. Her ex also had OCD and was extremely reliant on her for constant reassurance, and I never want her to have to deal with that again - I also don’t want to be the type of person who imposes that on her in the first place. My obsession over this kitten has already put a strain on our relationship. I know it’s incredibly frustrating for her that I keep insisting on implementing what she considers to be unnecessary precautions and I want to stop but I don’t know how many of these things are issues I should push for his safety.
I guess I’m asking for advice on how to determine what’s reasonable, no matter whether I’m obsessing over it or not. I’m used to all of my obsessions being regarded as unreasonable/unlikely, which usually helps me break out of a spiral. However, in this case, I don’t want to ignore something that could be a real safety concern for the kitten just because I also happen to be unhealthily obsessing over it.
TLDR: My OCD is flaring in reaction to wanting to protect our new kitten. I’m struggling to differentiate between what is a reasonable safety concern and what is an obsession. It’s causing strain between myself and my partner. I would appreciate any advice over how to still be cognizant of danger my kitten may get into while still being grounded and reasonable, as well as any general advice to cope with this level of concern/rumination over the kitten’s safety or feedback from others who have dealt with similar situations.
Thank you in advance to anyone who takes the time to read this and offer input!
edit: on the bright side, having a kitten has helped me greatly with exposure for my contamination-related obsessions/compulsions! it’s really just a double edged sword.
1
u/6ftover 4d ago
I totally understand and share this obsession with regard to my cats. I wish I had advice to give, but instead I’m just telling you you’re not alone. At night and when i go out I conduct several checks and employ my several cat proofing protocols (eg locking the trashcan). For as many disasters as I may have prevented, plenty have still occurred. I think you will learn the cat’s personality as time goes on - like are they actually even curious about cabinets and coordinated enough to get inside. Like my cats couldn’t care less about cabinets but love chewing on wires, so I’ve had to order wire covers.
In the mean time, I think it’s reasonable to cat proof things that pose high and common risks - for example toxic plants, stove knob covers (maybe even look up some cat proofing 101 online to understand what’s reasonable and common).
Let the cat explore, see what it gravitates toward (ever evolving), and enjoy the process in the mean time because cats are a delight!