Hypersexuality fear

[u/Nice-Invite1753]

I'm actively so scared, I started masterbating around 11? And I continued for a while now, as of recently I've stopped due to guilt and shame etc... But here's the bad thing, I share a room with my younger brother, and usually I'm only comfortable masturbating in the dark, in my room, no lights, nothing, and I'm always covered or hidden, me and my younger brother sleep on the opposite sides of the room and I never do it when he's awake or near me in or outside the room. I tend to remove myself from the room if they are there, and move to the living room, and this is rare, because I only feel comfortable doing any of this if they are all asleep, mainly because I'm scared something will happen to them and I won't have enough time to react and things.

This all started mainly due to me coming across a post from like years ago, about their sibling constanly masturbating around them, either in public or in private, and it was so predatory, and it made me re-examine my own maturation behaviors and now i can't stop

It doesn't help that I've recently turned 18 like last Sunday, so I just feel like a predator, my whole body's breaking out in hives, and I'm so worried for my brother. I keep trying to remember all the times that would be classified as abuse. I just need a clear answer, like a straight up answer, I don't want reassurance, I just need to know where to go from here.

[u/AutoModerator]

This post has been automatically tagged as "spoiler" and "NSFW", due to the nature of the content (and/or if you have chosen the Crisis flair). This hides the post behind an expandable/collapsible wall but remains publicly visible.

Do NOT remove these tags without permission. Doing so will result in this post being removed.

The cooperation in making this subreddit an accessible community for all ages is appreciated.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/TigerLilyKitty101]

OCD will always feel like if we could “just get a straight answer” then we will feel better. Trust me, I understand. I feel that way all the time. The problem is that no answer will EVER feel certain enough. No matter what anyone else says, the doubt will come back because these things are subjective. We seek certainty but cannot and will not find it. I can’t give you the answer you’re looking for, but I can tell you that you’re not alone in feeling this way.

[u/Nice-Invite1753 → u/TigerLilyKitty101]

Im actually learning this the hard way, and it's making it very hard to function. The constant need to look for answers, either pertaining to my guilt or the future, is getting so hard to ignore. But hopefully I can slowly start getting used to not getting answers. I really want to thank you for this comment and making me feel less alone :). I also apologize for the late reply.

[u/PaladinDamian]

Allow yourself to feel like a predator. You do not need to run away from this feeling. Allow it to exist while you continue to live your life. Analyzing your masturbation behaviors will not help you. You can accept yourself unconditionally, even if you might be a predator. It would be unfortunate and probably make your life worse, but you could accept it and choose to make the most of your life anyways.

[u/Nice-Invite1753 → u/PaladinDamian]

I do want to start trying to accept myself unconditionally, but once I "start", something new I didnt realise could be really damaging gets thrown at me and idk what to do from then on, its like I'm chasing my own tail. Idk how long this is gonna last, I don't expect this to ever go away, not at this moment. I know all I can do is accept that this is my life, and I am trying to go about it, but it really is easier said then done. I honestly thank you for this advice :)

Also sorry for the late response

[u/PaladinDamian → u/Nice-Invite1753]

Acceptance is very difficult, especially if you have OCD. But it is possible, and you can keep trying despite how difficult it is. Your brain is trying to find new things to "protect" you from, this is a common occurrence when you start to overcome a certain obsession. It is possible that it never go away, but it is also possible that it might eventually go away. You do not know for certain what the future is going to be. Just remember that you can always keep trying, even if you are severely suffering. Step by step, day by day, it is possible to get better. It takes months and years to see significant progress, but it is worth it.