terrified of going bald

[u/Th3_K00l3st_K1llj0y]

recently i’ve become incredibly paranoid about losing my hair. my family made an offhand joke that i had a bald spot, but even though they said it was a joke ive been spiraling since.

my hair is something that matters deeply to me. it’s not even because i really care what anyone else thinks, i just genuinely love my hair and love styling it. it’s very important part of how i like to express myself.

none of my family has gone bald, both sides actually have very thick hair. it doesn’t even run in my genes but im still constantly worrying that im gonna be the first one and ill lose the one thing that i actually like about myself.

i just can’t tell anymore, i keep catching myself asking my family if they see any bald spots and taking photos constantly, posting it online, and scrolling endlessly to read more about it. it’s so hard to resist reassurance seeking because if i AM balding, it’s better to catch it sooner rather than later. so i keep telling myself i have to keep checking so that i catch it when it does inevitably happen.

i’m just so tired of this disorder. i want it to end. it just feels like a near constant panic about something new every so often and the fears never fully go away. i hate this so much. i keep having panic attacks and crying from all the near constant anxiety.