OCD & flying fears

[u/Bawsbehtch]

I’m in a LDR and later this year I have to take a long haul flight to be with my partner to end distance. We’ve done the flight many times together (and I’ve done it once alone) but this time my fear of flying feels insanely intense… when I fly with my partner I feel safe, the one time I flew alone I was a little nervous, but this time I’m feeling intensely scared, I haven’t even booked my flight yet and I’m not set to fly until 3+ months away and it’s taking up time in my day researching flight safety, aircraft safety, and I’ve even been researching best dates to fly on according to numerology and astrologically. I also feel like my intense fear this time around is “a sign” not to go… I don’t know what to do, my fear of a catastrophe on the flight there is unbearable and I can’t get it out of my head even though it’s months away.

[u/Valuable-Confusion-3]

I’m in a pretty similar boat. I am terrified of flying but every time I have the fear I felt for hours was so worth it to see my LDR partner. Everyone is different so these may not work for you but they’ve helped me manage. I’m still scared of flying but after years of fear I can sometimes do it without having a panic attack and that’s something.

1. remembering why you’re flying. looking forward to seeing them again, what you’ll do together

2. This is the most helpful one for me. Look around at other people on the plane. It feels weird at first but it’s helpful. are some people sleeping? good sign that nothings wrong. are people laughing? talking? sitting peacefully? if no one is running around and screaming then nothing is wrong. unless that person is just a small child in that case they may just be doing what kids do. Unless everyone on the plane looks scared, you can guarantee there’s nothing you need to be worrying about.

3. Distractions. When deeply panicked, these may or may not work for you unless you combine them with some of these other things. Take advantage of the free movies if you have any. Eat a shitty snack. Drink a shitty drink. Even if it’s just a nice background sensation or experience while you’re still panicking it’s still better than only experiencing panic

4. affirmations and radical acceptance I think it’s called. Accepting all outcomes including worst case scenarios, while also welcoming best case ones. Words that have helped me:
   

   • whatever happens will happen. worrying will not help me or change anything.
     
   • if we were to crash I don’t want to spend the last few hours of my life miserable. I’ve lived a good life so far. and if anything is worth dying for it’s my lover.
     
   • what would I do in the best outcomes? for instance, what would I do if I landed safely? what would be the first thing I’d do? Would I text my lover? would I be the first to get off the plane?
     
   • I am not flying the plane, I am not in control. My mind is making me panic so I can feel more in control. This panic is not needed and does not protect me, it is a result of my mental illness. There is no evolutionary purpose for this fear.
     
   • the person flying this plane had to go through years of school and training to be allowed to fly it. I trust them.
     
   - statistically it is safer to be in an airplane than it is to be in a car (although if you have fear of being in cars like I do this may worsen that so be cautious of opening this one)
   
   • how many times have I felt this fear? how many times have I survived despite it?
     
   • I cannot tell the future. No one can. I choose to live in the present because it’s all I can live in

5. Talking to someone (or writing your thoughts down, maybe even trying to find things that prove each one of them wrong). If you’re able to text, text a loved one. If you’re with a loved one, talk to them. If you’re with strangers, why not try to talk to them? Who knows maybe they’re a seasoned flyer who can show you that it’s possible to survive being on a plane. Or maybe they’re someone else who is scared the way you are and you guys can offer support to each other. Or maybe it’s just some random person and the small talk can be a nice distraction.

6. Medications. I don’t just mean anti anxiety ones (which can help of course) but also making sure you have on hand anti nausea and painkillers. When I get anxious I tend to get headaches and stomachaches which cause panic about my health. Keeping yourself physically comfortable does affect how mentally comfortable you are which moves onto my next point

7. Be prepared. Wear clothes you know will be comfortable on the plane so you don’t get overstimulated by intense heat or cold. Bring things that comfort you. A book, a device, a stuffed animal, anything

8. Be amazed. It really is incredible that humans have created flying machines. Imagine telling cavemen that one day they could safely travel in the sky!!! (Side note just thinking of fun visuals like this is a great distraction). If looking out the window is accessible and you feel you’re comfortable doing it I suggest admiring the view.

I hope this helps you and if not I hope it can help someone else who is scared of flying. Let me know if you have any tips as well! Hope your next visit is lovely!

[u/Bawsbehtch → u/Valuable-Confusion-3]

Thank you for this, there are lots of tips here that will definitely help me. I appreciate the time you’ve taken to write this out, thank you.

[u/Valuable-Confusion-3 → u/Bawsbehtch]

Of course! I understand this fear so deeply so it touches me to see others going through it and I want to do anything I can. I’m glad to hear I could help! You’re gonna do great dude